We Threw It All Away
by nictaylor97
Summary: We were young and in love. We were stupid. We loved hard. We fought harder. We made mistakes. We made the best mistake of all. And then we threw it all away.
1. Most of the Time

**Hello friends. Yeah. So, new story. This is actually the first story that I've put a lot of planning and thought into. It's kind of my baby right now. I honestly don't remember what I was watching that made me think of this, but I know I was watching something, because that's how I come up with all my story ideas. If I think of it, I'll let you know.**

 **Anyway, I really hope you guys enjoy this one. It's something I've been working on while I'm having a terrible case of writer's block on ACH. It's on hiatus for now, so apologies for that. I will try my hardest to come back to it. But this story was a plot bunny that I had to work on, because it just wouldn't shut up. It's a little angsty and definitely a story about hurt and growing up and finding your way in life. Romance will come later, I promise.**

 **Okay, enough rambling. I'll see you lovelies at the bottom!**

 **Disclaimer: I am not Stephanie Meyer, obvi. I don't own Twilight, the characters, or any other publicly recognizable entities. All I really own is several thousand dollars in student loans. Go college!**

* * *

 **Chapter One**

 **MOST OF THE TIME**

 _I'm clear focused all around_  
 _Most of the time_  
 _I can keep both feet on the ground_  
 _I can follow the path_  
 _I can read the sign_  
 _Stay right with it when the road unwinds_  
 _I can handle whatever_  
 _I stumble upon_  
 _I don't even notice she's gone_  
 _Most of the time._

 _-Bob Dylan_

* * *

It's a Monday morning. I can just feel it. I've been on vacation for the last week, spending the last of the summer home with my favorite person, but I've got to go back to work this morning. The urge to reach over and hit the snooze button on my alarm clock is strong, and I'm just about to reach my arm over to shut off the damned beeping, when my door creaks open and little feet pad across the wood flooring of my bedroom. There will be no snoozing this wake up call, so I steel myself for the morning that's about to officially begin.

My eyes are still closed and I'm trying to keep my last remnants of sleep when a fifty pound body crawls its way on top of me and presses its soft little face into mine.

"Mommy. You need to wake up. I have school today."

I can't help but chuckle at the urgency and seriousness in his little voice. I obviously know he has school today, since my alarm is going off much earlier than need be if I just had to get to work. His school starts about half an hour earlier than I have to be in the office, though, so that means I have to wake up about an hour and a half earlier. Six year old boys are hard to wrangle into eating, brushing their hair and teeth, getting dressed, and into the car in anything less than an hour and a half. Not to mention the stop at our local coffee shop that has become a bad habit. I'm obviously not feeding my six year old a latte, but he enjoys hot chocolate and non-caffeinated drinks. I've created a monster; I know it.

"I'm awake, baby, I promise," I tell him, even though my voice is still thick with sleep. I am awake, though. I have to be with him being the morning person that he is. I blame his father for that trait.

My heart clenches at that the reminder of his father, but I push it away before it can escalate into anything more than an errant, passing thought. I roll over and grab my son in an embrace and pant a kiss on his head. He giggles and the pain in my heart leaves, replaced by a feeling of unending joy. This little boy makes me incredibly happy.

"Go hop in the shower while I make breakfast, okay?" My suggestion that's more of an order gets me a little whine and a huff of indignation, but he gets up and does as I say. When do boys get to the age when they start actually like taking showers again? Because he loved baths until about three, and he's hated bathing ever since. It's a fight to get him into the shower some days. Luckily, he's too excited about school today to do more than huff and complain.

As soon as I hear the shower going, and get myself out of my bed, which is already calling for me to come back and lie in it. I ignore it as best as I can, and stretch instead, trying to wake myself up before heading into the kitchen to make breakfast. I make four slices of frozen waffles and spread butter on them while they're still warm. I set our plates on the table, along with the bottle of syrup. I then set to work slicing up some of the strawberries I just bought at the store a few days ago. I try not to be one of those mothers that only feeds her kid over processed, sugary foods in the mornings, so I figure fresh fruit might help to balance out the Eggos.

My little boy comes into the kitchen, dressed only in his little boxers, just as I'm pouring two glasses of orange juice. I can't help but laugh at his attire, knowing he only does it because he still isn't quite sure to pick out matching clothes, and he doesn't want to get dressed after a shower just for me to put him in a new outfit after breakfast.

I place a kiss on his still damp hair before settling into the seat beside him. I reach out to help him cut his waffles, but he shoos me away, insisting that he's going to figure it our for himself before Halloween. I just smile and let him hack away at his waffles with a butter knife. He eventually gets them into pieces, but it pretty much looks like a waffle massacre on his plate. He's obviously proud of himself, though, and beams at me, two of his teeth missing on the bottom, when he tells me that he did it.

"Good job, baby," I tell him, smiling. "You're only going to get better at it." I pour syrup over his little rippy-bits, since I still don't trust him to not drown the waffles if he pours himself. It's happened before. Never again.

We eat as he tells me all about how excited he is for the new year and getting to see who's in his class. He knows his best friends from the last year, Benjamin and Alyssa, are going to be in his class again, but Seattle is a big city, and we both know that people can come and go. Even though we live in a small suburb just outside of the city, his elementary school is right in the heart of it, just a ten minute drive from my work.

"You know first grade is going to be different from kindergarten, right?" I ask as I'm cleaning up our dishes. He's just finishing up his glass of orange juice as he contemplates my question, his eyes turning pensive for a moment.

 _So much like his father._

"Yeah, I know, Mommy. I'm a big kid, now." He says it so matter-of-factly that I can't help but smile. I'm always laughing and smiling around this kid, and I'm so thankful for him.

"Okay, baby. Go to your room; I'll meet you there in a second."

He scurries off, and almost immediately I hear him rustling around in something. When I enter his room after putting the dishes in the washer, I see him going through the contents of his Spider-Man backpack. Again. This is about the tenth time—that I know about—that he's done this since we got him all his supplies last Thursday. He's very excited about having big kid supplies. I went a little crazy with the pencils and crayons and folders and things, but I couldn't help it. He was so excited about all this stuff and getting back to school, I had to be excited about it, too.

I pick out clothes for him to wear while he rummages through his things. I lay out a pair of jeans, a plaid button-up shirt, a pair of black socks, his new pair of black Vans, and a light sweater, just in case. It's reaching the end of summer, and the temperature is starting to cool off here in Washington. I don't want him to get cold and have no way of warming up. I'm sure he'll be a sweaty mess by the end of recess, but you never know.

"Hon, it's time to get dressed," I tell him. He zips up his backpack and hops over to me. The only help he really needs anymore is pulling up his pants, because his balance isn't the best, and that trait is definitely all me.

 _Sorry, kid._

Once I've gotten his pants buttoned, I let him run off to watch TV while I get ready for work. Boomerang has all the classics on at this time in the morning, and I'm thankful he likes to watch those instead of the God awful shows they try to pass off to kids nowadays.

 _Nowadays. Like I'm fifty or something._

Being a parent definitely ages you well beyond your years.

I quickly brush my teeth and wash my face before changing out of my pajamas, because there are no guarantees that I won't get toothpaste and water everywhere. Looking at the mess my hair has become from sleeping on it, I huff and throw it up in a bun, since there's no way I'm going to be able to tame it into anything presentable if I leave it down. And while I'm not face-to-face with clients for a majority of the day, it's still a professional setting.

I slap on just enough makeup to look like I haven't been living off coffee and cat naps for the last six years, even though I totally have. Concealer and blush usually does a good enough job at hiding my dark circles and pasty complexion, though.

When I exit the bathroom I share with my son, I can hear him laughing at whatever he's watching on TV, and a content smile stretches across my face. Even though it's meant living off coffee and about four hours of sleep a lot of nights, raising and providing for my son is the most rewarding thing I've ever done. Much more so than graduating high school or earning my degree. Nothing compares to being a mom to that little boy.

Slipping into my bedroom, I quickly dress in the outfit I had the foresight to set out the night before. A black pencil skirt, white blouse, and jade green cardigan are the choice of the day, and I'm glad I was able to invest in some appropriate work attire after graduation. My dad definitely helped on that one, but he had insisted it was the least he could do since he hadn't had to pay for a cent of the last four years of my education, thanks to scholarships and grants I had gotten through the school. I was given enough to pay for my tuition and family housing just off-campus. The only reason I even had to get a job was to pay for daycare for my son and food. College had been less stressful than I had been anticipating, thank God.

After I dress, I go back into the little bathroom and call him into it. He stands on his stool in front of the sink, since he's not quite tall enough to reach yet, and assumes the position. I hand him his toothbrush, already equipped with toothpaste, and he obediently starts scrubbing. While he's doing that, I wet his hair with a spray bottle and work gel into it, styling it to the side and trying my damnedest to work with the cowlicks on his head instead of against them. Again, another trait that came straight from his dad.

 _Fuck. Stop thinking about that, Bella._

But I can't really help it. My little boy looks so much like it father, it physically pains me to look at him sometimes. His hair, his eyes, the looks he gives me, his smile, even his damn chin is his father's. Sometimes it seems like the only thing he got from me is his clumsiness and his love to read. I'd say his smarts, but I know for a fact his dad is at medical school right now, on his way to becoming a surgeon. I'll concede to him getting that from the both of us.

I've just finished styling his hair as he finishes brushing his teeth. I leave him be while he spits and rinses, putting away the things that I used on his hair. He hops down from his stool and is about to take of from the room when I stop him.

"Ah, ah, ah," I tsk. I grab his glasses from the counter and thrust them at him. "I know your vision isn't that bad now, but you need to get into the habit of wearing them all the time. It's just going to get worse."

"But _you_ don't wear glasses, Mommy," he huffs, taking the black frames from my hands. He complains about wearing them when I first make him put them on, but I've heard him telling Alice that he likes them because they make him look more like Spider-Man. I think he picked the thick black frames specifically because they look like the ones Andrew Garfield wears in the new film.

"No, I don't, but people you're related to do, so I know it's going to get worse as you get older." I don't elaborate on who exactly he's related to wears glasses, but he knows his grandfather wears them occasionally, so it stops him from asking too many questions. I swear I'll tell him the whole truth one day. Just not today.

He huffs again as he puts them on his face, but I see the satisfied little grin when he looks at himself in the mirror. I hold back my chuckle.

I let him resume his TV watching as I pack his lunch in the kitchen. Peanut butter and jelly, baby carrots, a juice pouch, and a baggie of Teddy Grahams are on the menu today. I also pack him a water bottle that he can have at recess, so he doesn't have to drink out of the "yucky water fountains" at school. I write a little note on a napkin ("Hope you're having a good first day! Love, Mommy.") and stick it in his lunch box before zipping it up. I stuff it in his backpack, along with the emergency information paper he needs to give to his teacher, before closing that up too.

A glance at the clock tells me I have just enough time to make my own lunch before we have to get going. After packing a meat sandwich and similar snacks into my own insulated bag, I set all our stuff on the kitchen table so I remember to grab it on the way out. I head back to my room to grab my shoes and the two manuscripts I've been looking over for the last two weeks. Sitting in the living room, I slip my own heels on and then help my baby into his. I help him slip his feet into them, but he insists on tying the laces himself. This takes up an extra five minutes, where it would've taken me thirty seconds, but I'm glad he wants to try this himself.

He shuts the TV off and grabs his backpack before handing me my messenger back. I smile and thank him as I stuff the manuscripts and my laptop in there, and grab my lunch. We head out the door and I lock it behind us, while he's already at the end of the hall, pressing insistently on the down button of the elevator. I catch up to him just as the doors open, thankfully with an empty carriage, because he just bolts in. I've had the talk about waiting to see if anyone is in there before entering, but he gets excited about riding down four floors. Maybe next year he'll learn some patience.

He buckles himself into his booster seat while I start up the car. We're only leaving a few minutes later than I was planning, so a trip to our favorite coffee shop is still possible.

He darts out of the car before me, but only because I was able to park right in front of the doors, and he didn't have to pass through the parking lot. He knows he isn't supposed to walk away from the car until my hand is firmly wrapped around his and we both check for cars.

He does end up crashing right into a woman who's trying to open the door to get out of the coffee shop, though. She has quick enough reflexes that she steadies the coffee cup in her hand against the impact of my seven year old running into her legs.

"Mase! Watch where you're going, dude. Apologize, please," I call out, catching up to him and grabbing his hand.

He mumbles an apology, looking up at the woman with his puppy dog eyes. She laughs and assures him it's alright, and I recognize that voice.

"Tanya?" I ask, finally getting a look at the woman in front of me. She's a new editor at the publishing company I work for. She's a couple years older than me, but she just moved here from Port Angeles to start this new job. She's only been at the company for three months, but our desks are right next to each other, and she's always been really sweet and holds easy conversation when we have some down time. She's beyond gorgeous with her strawberry blond hair and blue-green eyes. She's got a slender body, but she's got nice curves that I only ever saw after I had Masen. Granted, I was really young, but knowing my genes, I wouldn't have gotten them without becoming pregnant.

"Bella! Hi! Are you back from vacation?" she asks as she realizes it's me.

I scoff. "Vacation was staying in my apartment and hanging out with this one," I joke, tugging on his hand a little bit. He looks up at us and smiles.

"Oh, do you babysit or something?" she asks, sounding genuine and not condescending, which is a tone I've grown used to over the years.

I shake my head. This is always a weird conversation to have with people. "No, he's my son. This is Masen. Masen, this is Tanya. I work with her at the office."

Masen takes his hand from mine and sticks it out for Tanya. She giggles and envelops his hand, giving a slight shake. "Hi. I'm Masen Charles Swan." He widens his smile and his bright green eyes twinkle.

I suppress the urge to roll my eyes. The little flirt.

"Well, it's very nice to meet you, Mr. Swan. I'm Tanya Rae Denali," she responds, completely serious. I'm glad she's taking this in stride. Tanya releases hand and turns her smile on me. "I've gotta get going, but I'll see you at work, Bella."

"See you in a bit, Tanya," I call out as she walks away. She looks over her shoulder and throws me a little wave before getting into her car.

As we're waiting in line to order, Masen starts dancing, switching his weight from one leg to the other. I sigh.

"Why didn't you go before we left?"

He looks up at me, dead serious. "I didn't have to go, then."

I want to laugh, but I also don't want to encourage him. "Go. I'll order your drink." He smiles at me and rushes off to the bathroom in the corner of the small store.

I order our drinks and barely sit down to wait as he comes out of the bathroom. He's wiping his hands on his jeans, so I'm hoping that means he washed his hands. You never know with little boys.

Masen sips his drink as we drive to his school. I find a parking spot and help him out of the car. I hold his hand as we cross the parking lot and enter the front gates. We check for his classroom number before setting off. Luckily, it's only a few rooms down from where his classroom was last year, so we find it easily. His teacher, a tall woman with long dark hair and a pair of square glasses stands at the door, greeting her students and their parents. She looks like she might be Native American with her russet skin and shiny hair.

When we get over to her, she smiles at us and reaches out to shake my hand and then Masen's. "Hi, I'm Ms. Young."

"I'm Bella Swan, and this is Masen." He smiles up at her after taking a sip of his drink, that I told him to finish before we got here, but he's almost done, so maybe I can convince him to throw it away once he walks in the room.

"It's nice to meet you Miss Swan. Did Masen go to school here last year?"

Just as she asks, there's a little yell from behind us, calling out Masen's name. I turn and see Angela Weber holding hands with her son, Ben, her husband trailing behind her, holding their son's backpack. Ben is a junior, and Angela usually calls him Benji, which I think is adorable.

"I'll take that as a yes," their teacher laughs.

Masen and Benji greet each other, laughing and talking about their new backpacks. I go and greet Angela and Ben. We're pretty well acquainted from all the playdates we've set up for our kids over the two years. I like the Cheneys. They're a younger couple, still a few years older than me, but Benji is their first kid. Angela is actually a couple months pregnant with their second.

I feel a tug on my hand and look down at Masen, who's gotten rid of his drink, thank goodness. Now let's just hope he actually got it into a trashcan and didn't just forget it on some table or bench. He's smart, but he gets a little carried away sometimes.

"I'm gonna go in now, Mama."

I squat down and press a kiss to his forehead. "Okay, baby. I should probably get going, too. I'll see you after school, okay? Have a good first day, honey."

"Bye, Mommy," he calls as he runs off with Ben to the playground. "Have a good day at work."

He's such a little man.

I make it to work about ten minutes before my boss walks in. There's not really a certain time that I'm supposed to be here, since I'm paid salary and bonuses based on how many authors I sign, but we all know we should be in the office before the boss walks in. The day will go well for you if you're here before Mrs. Cope. She's a sweet old lady on the outside, but she can get menacing when she needs to. Luckily, I haven't been on the receiving end of any of her tirades yet.

I interned at this publishing house for my junior year of college, and I was offered a paid position as a personal assistant just before my senior year started. I was on record as being a PA to the Senior Project Editor, Irina Malkovich, but I did more work for Shelley Cope than Irina. Which was just as well, because I'm pretty sure Irina doesn't actually like me, for some reason. Just before the end of my senior year, I was promoted to copyeditor. Tanya is also a copyeditor, so we were placed in the same area of the building with two others. The other two are much older than Tanya and I though, so we don't talk much to them, unless we're put on the same project together. Shelley usually puts Tanya and I together, though.

Sliding into my desk chair, I connect my laptop to the charger and boot it up. I also pull out my manuscripts and look through them to make sure I made the corrections that I needed to for this level of editing. It's definitely not going to be the final product, but I need to get the ball rolling on the little changes that need to be made before it goes to print.

Tanya slides into her chair as I'm typing up an email to send to my first author. She's a first time publisher, and she's been very willing to listen to our criticism and advice, which is always nice. She's not much older than I am, so she seems less against getting advice from a twenty-something than my older authors are. I've been placed on projects where I've edited for men and women in their fifties, and they're always so reluctant to bend to any of the changes I want to make, and I'm only fixing their grammar and verbiage, for Christ's sake!

"Hey, are you done with both manuscripts?" she asks, sipping on her coffee. I can see she has both binders on her desk, as well.

"Yeah, I got them done over my vacation. I should be done with these emails in about five minutes. Wanna compare notes when I'm done?" As the senior editor in this instance, I maintain correspondence with the authors as far as my role goes. Shelley, who acts as owner and Acquisitions Editor, is the primary liaison for the overall project, but each department keeps up individual conversations, as well.

"Yeah, sounds good. Just let me know when you're finished." Tanya smiles at me before turning to her own computer. I can tell she's going through her own emails, a slow clicking sound as she scrolls through the ones that aren't urgent or important at all. There's a few times where I can hear her typing out replies, but nothing substantial. Probably just thanks for information from other departments. The publishing house is only on one floor of this building, but it spans nearly six thousand square feet, so we all usually email or call back and forth if we need something.

I finally get done with my emails and turn to Tanya, who glances over at me with a smile. "Ready?" I ask her, and she nods.

For about three hours we work through the manuscripts, comparing changes we've made, and we're both pleased to see that we're mostly on the same page about what grammar needs to be used to keep everything flowing correctly. We're able to work through about the first half of each manuscript, making changes that we come to decisions to along the way. We break for lunch, and both eat at our desks. Tanya has a chicken caesar salad and some crackers, along with a soda, and I pull out the lunch that I packed myself earlier.

"Oh! So, I didn't realize you have a kid," she starts, keeping her hand in front of her mouth so I don't see all her chewed up lettuce.

I turn the picture on my desk towards her. My dad, son, and I are smiling together last Christmas in front of the tree that my dad had in his house. We always go to visit my dad in Forks, my hometown, during the holidays.

"That's my son and my dad," I tell her once I finish my bite.

"How old is Masen?"

"He's six. He'll be seven in March."

"Oh, wow, so you were really young when you had him?" She says it more like she's in awe than being judgmental, and I'm glad for that. I'm so used to disapproving eyes that seeing anything beside that is like a breath of fresh air.

"Yeah. I got pregnant the summer before my junior year of high school. I was only sixteen, but I was seventeen by the time he was born."

There's playfulness in her eyes as she smirks at me. "So you're one of those smartypants kids that started kindergarten at four?"

I can't help but laugh. "Yeah. My parents thought I was ready. They said I was able to read pretty basic words by that summer before, so they figured they'd send me off. It worked out pretty well."

"Well, considering you're a senior copyeditor at…what…twenty-three? Yeah, I'd say it worked out," she chuckles.

"I'll be twenty-four in a couple weeks, but yeah," I agree.

We eat in silence for a couple minutes before she speaks up again.

"So, what about Masen's dad? Is he around? He's not in that picture and he wasn't with you guys this morning." When I pause with my sandwich on the way to my mouth, she quickly backtracks, panic in her eyes. "I mean, you don't have to answer that! I know it can be touchy. And I obviously don't know your life. I don't mean to pry. I'm just curious. Masen is so cute, and you're really pretty, but he doesn't look a whole lot like you or your dad."

I cut her off before she can keep rambling. I can tell she's embarrassed that she asked. "Tanya, it's okay. Yeah, he looks a lot like his dad. We broke up shortly after I found out I was pregnant. He took off to college and doesn't even know about Masen."

"You didn't tell him before he left?" She seems shocked by this.

I shake my head. "I mean, I told him, but it's…complicated." I sigh. Complicated doesn't even cover it. Fucked up is more like it. "I haven't seen him since that summer."

Tanya is silent for a few moments, seeming to mull this over. "It sounds pretty messed up, this whole thing. I know I don't know the details, but I'm amazed by you, Bella, regardless. To get a degree after having a kid at sixteen…. Hell, even to graduate high school after having a kid at sixteen. That's amazing. And to do it by yourself." She smiles at me. "I'm twenty-six, and I can't imagine having a baby by myself."

I can feel myself blushing, something I only really do when I get praise like this. I clear my throat. "Thanks. My dad and best friend helped me out a lot, but it was still hard. It's still hard sometimes, but having a steady job makes it easier."

"Your mom doesn't help out?" Her question is innocent, and, even though it would have bothered me a few years ago, I'm past it all now.

I shake my head and give a breathy laugh. "No. She left when I was thirteen. That's what started this whole mess."

 ** _October 2007_**

 _Charlie and I sit at the rickety kitchen table for breakfast. We're having cereal again, but it's all my dad can really afford right now. We've only been in Forks for a few months, and Dad is working pretty steadily at the lumber yard just outside of town, but it took a lot out to be able to buy this house and the furniture to go in it, not to mention the ongoing repairs. The house was built in the fifties and doesn't really look like it's been worked on at all since then._

 _We had to pick up and move in July. We lived in Phoenix back then. We had lived there for years. Dad is originally from Forks and met my mom on a trip up to Seattle one time their senior year of high school. They ended up having me and getting married, and we moved to Arizona when I was three. Charlie found out Renee was having an affair, though, with some younger guy who's on a minor league baseball team in Tempe. Mom and Dad got a divorce, and she didn't want to be tied down in a new relationship by her kid, so Charlie and I went back to Forks._

 _We live pretty close to where we used to live when I was a baby, according to Charlie, but I don't actually remember. I'll take his word for it._

 _We were able to move before the school year started. My freshman year of high school has been a little lackluster, to say the least, but I met a girl named Alice Brandon. She ran into me on the first day of school, literally, and she's been determined to be my friend ever since. I like her, even though she's a little too peppy for me, especially since I've been in a pretty weird mood constantly since my mom left. I try not to let it get to me, though. Charlie can't even tell how I'm feeling. He's taking this hard enough on his own, so I keep my crying to my time in the shower every night. I haven't told Alice about the reason for the move, but I think she suspects. She's a pretty intuitive little thing._

 _Charlie drops me off at school on his way to work. I kiss him on the cheek before I make my way out and meet Alice by the front gates. She beams as she sees me and loops her arm through my own when I get close enough. She hands me a travel mug of coffee that she made for me before she left her house, and I thank her. She's been doing this every morning since we met, and it's one of my favorite parts of the day. Coffee is a luxury at my house that we can't afford, and, like I said, she's intuitive._

 _Alice and I have homeroom together, and it's usually a thirty minute period where we don't do anything and do homework that we forgot about. Except it's October and homecoming is right around the corner. Alice and I don't go to football games, but the whole school is buzzing about the dance that's in a couple weeks. I'm not going, but I can't escape the signs and decorations around school promoting it._

 _Not five minutes into our homeroom, ASB comes in to talk about voting for homecoming court and the logistics for the dance and game. Surprisingly, the ASB president, Edward Cullen, is here to make the announcements. Edward usually doesn't do any of this work. It's usually our treasurer and officers doing this sort of stuff. But he's here today, and I'm awestruck._

 _I've only ever heard of him before, and Alice has tried to describe him to me, because she swears I've seen him around, I just probably never put the name with the face. But, as soon as I lay eyes on him, only six feet from me, I know I've never seen him before, and Alice's description doesn't do him justice._

 _He's the most beautiful boy I've ever seen. His bronze hair is a chaotic mess on his head, like he (or someone) has been running their hands through it. His eyes are the brightest, most brilliant shade of green, and the shimmer under the fluorescent lights in the ceiling. His lips are a perfect rosy color, and I stare at them for a second as he speaks, though I have no idea what he's actually saying. He stops his speech, and I can hear the buzz of someone else speaking, then he smiles this quirky little crooked grin, one corner of his mouth lifting higher than the other, and I love it. He's tall, too, probably just over six feet, and his shoulders are pulling the fabric of his ASB polo. I can't see much, but I can tell he's got a pretty decent body under there. I know he's a baseball player, as well, so there's no doubt he's fit._

 _My eyes flit back up to his face, and I'm startled to see he's looking at me already, his eyes trained on mine. He's speaking again, no doubt answering whatever question he was just asked, but he's looking straight at me as he says it. I want to look away, because this is definitely embarrassing, but I can't bring myself to do it first. His gaze is pulling me in, and I can feel my bottom lip between my teeth. It's a nervous habit I've had for years, and I'm definitely nervous right now._

 _He apparently finishes what he's saying, but he's still looking at me. He smiles, his grin even more heart stopping when it's aimed right at me. I feel my breath catch, and it takes me a second to coax myself into breathing again._

 _Edward eventually breaks eye contact to say goodbye to the teacher and the class. He walks right past me to get out the door, and he looks down at me as he does. His smile it back, but it's more of a smirk this time, and his eyes roam my face briefly before he gives me a subtle nod and walks out. I can feel myself blushing even once he's gone._

 _"_ _Holy shit, Edward Cullen totally just eye-fucked you," Alice squeals softly, tugging urgently on the sleeve of my hoodie. I'm trying very hard to keep my smile at bay and tamp down the pounding of my heart._

 _"_ _He just looked at me, Alice," I argue. I want to believe that he has a certain interest in me, but I have to be realistic._

 _"_ _Um, no. He definitely looked straight at you and did his sex smirk."_

 _"_ _I'm the new girl, of_ course _he singled me out. And what the hell is a 'sex smirk'?"_

 _"_ _I don't know, I just made it up. But his smirk is so suggestive, it just has to mean he wants to bang whoever he flashes it at."_

 _I roll my eyes. "You're ridiculous. He's a junior, Alice. He definitely isn't going to flash his 'sex smirk'," I add the air quotes around it, "at some girl in a freshman homeroom." There's absolutely no way._

 _By lunch time, I figure out Alice was right about the way he singled me out. Whether it was specifically because I'm the new girl or because he actually has some sort of interest in me, I'm not sure. I don't think I ever will be. But, as soon as I walk out of my Spanish class and head for the quad, where I always meet Alice for our lunch period, I'm stopped by Adonis himself._

 _He sort of jogs up to me from where he was with his friends from the baseball team. He has his backpack slung over one shoulder, gripping it so it doesn't slide off. His free hand runs through his wild hair and he smiles at me, that crooked one that I find so endearing._

 _"_ _Hey, it's Isabella, right?" he asks, making me stop in my tracks and cease my search for Alice._

 _"_ _Uh, yeah," I answer, already feeling my cheeks heating up._ Get it together, goddammit. _"I prefer Bella, though."_

 _His smile widens and he sticks his hand out. "Nice to meet you, Bella. I'm Edward Cullen."_

 _The second my hand makes contact with his, these amazing little shocks of energy lick up my arm and eventually settle in my chest._ What the fuck? _I nearly jerk my hand back out of his from the surprise._

 _Edward apparently felt it too, because his eyebrows have furrowed together in the center as he stares at where our hands were just attached. He shakes it off though, and puts his carefree smile back on his face._

* * *

 **What do you guys think? How do you like the flashback things? (Honestly, it took me entirely too long to figure out the correct year and timing and everything. I swear, I know how to do math.)**

 **Give me some love, please. I love hearing what you guys have to say. This is mostly prewritten up to chapter thirteen, so there's not much I can change, but I love hearing suggestions anyway!**

 **I promise an update next week, since the next chapters are completely written. Since I am so far ahead, my goal is weekly updates until the end. I'm pretty confidant in myself this time!**

 **Until next time, lovelies!**


	2. The Flame

**Hello! Okay, I wasn't going to post again until Monday, but I figured I'd be nice and add another chapter before then. I'll update again on Monday, because the writing process has been going really well. So, I hope you guys enjoy this update. See you at the bottom!**

 **Disclaimer: I am not Stephanie Meyer. I do not own Twilight, the characters, or any other publicly recognizable entities. I do, however, own a mug proclaiming that I am the Queen of Fucking Everything. So, there's that...**

* * *

 **CHAPTER TWO**

 **THE FLAME**

 _Another night slowly closes in_

 _And I feel so lonely_

 _Touching heat freezing on my skin_

 _I pretend you still hold me_

 _I'm going crazy, I'm losing sleep_

 _I'm in too far, I'm in way too deep over you_

 _I can't believe you're gone_

 _You were the first, you'll be the last_

 _-Cheap Trick_

* * *

A few days later, I get a phone call while I'm on my lunch break. I've actually gone to a new Thai place that just opened up a block over with Tanya today. I excuse myself and check the caller ID. I smile when I see the name and picture pop up on the screen.

"Hey, Alice," I greet. Tanya is giving me as much privacy as she can, playing a game on her phone as I talk to my best friend.

"Bella! I have to see my nephew this weekend. I'm having Masen withdrawals."

"Well, I can meet you somewhere after I pick him up from school Friday. He has half days on Fridays."

"Oh, good, I'm not going into the shop Friday." Alice is the owner of her own little clothing boutique just a few blocks from the building where I work. I haven't seen her or her boyfriend Jasper since the beginning of last week, though, which is a bit a long time for us to got without hanging out. "Do you wanna go to lunch or something?"

"Sure. Mase has been trying to talk me into going to Handel's, so maybe we can do that after lunch."

"Ooh, that sounds good. One last hurrah for the summertime. Alright, text me when you find out where the little guy wants to go for lunch."

"Will do, talk to you later."

"Bye, B."

When I hang up, Tanya is smiling, but her face is a little curious.

"Sorry for kinda eavesdropping, but what's Handel's?"

I smile. "It's this ice cream place about ten minutes from here. It's a little shop, but they make all their ice cream in house and it's amazing. Found it with my best friend our first year of college, and we go back all the time. My son is obsessed, of course. He has quite a sweet tooth."

"Wow, I'll have to look into that. I haven't gotten a real chance to check out the area since moving. Between working all the time and spending time with my boyfriend, I don't get out much. But we'll have to try this place sometime."

This is the first I've heard of Tanya having a boyfriend, but I do catch her smiling at her phone every once in a while at work, so I had a feeling she was seeing someone.

"What's your boyfriend like?" I ask. I haven't dated anyone since high school, so I'm weirdly curious about how relationships work when you're an actual adult. I've obviously seen Alice and Jasper together for what feels like forever, but they're at the point where they're comfortable and I'm used to them.

Tanya beams. "He's great. He just started his final year of grad school at UDub. We met about a year ago when I was in town for a few job interviews at this little cafe, and we really hit it off. When I got the job here, we started seeing each other more often, especially over the summer. But, now that he's back in the swing of things at his internship and I'm working, we don't see each other a whole lot. He's always sending me these cute texts and I'll arrive home and have takeout delivered a few minutes later. He's so sweet."

The look in her eye is absolutely dreamy, and I can't help but imagine having someone around that cared about me like that. Someone to want to make me happy and do cute little things for me throughout the week, even if we haven't physically seen each other much. I know any possibility of that ever happening is a long way off, though. No guys my age want to take up a relationship with a girl that has a six year old kid. The only real positive to my situation is that his father's not around to make anything complicated, but it's already complicated enough as it is.

As much as I absolutely hate Masen's father for being the fuckhead he was back when I found out I was pregnant, I love him for the gift he's given me. I haven't seen or spoken to him in nearly eight years, but my heart still twinges at the thought of him. Even passing memories of my time in high school or little quirks that Masen has that remind me of his father is like a knife to my already shattered heart. I only knew the guy for two years, but he's left enough of an imprint to last a lifetime. And even if I could've moved past it at some point, I will always have Masen around to remind me of him. It's a torture that I've learned to live with.

"He sounds really great, Tanya," I say, giving her my own small smile.

"He really is," she swoons, and then laughs at herself. "Maybe you can meet him sometime. We're trying to make more friends in this area."

"Is he not from here, either?" I ask, idly stirring my straw in my Thai tea.

"He's from Washington, and he's been going to UDub for a while now, but he attended Columbia for his undergrad. I know his brother lives in the area, but he does a lot of traveling for work. The people that he's friends with are pretty much only people in his study group," she chuckles.

The mention of Columbia makes my chest hurt. _He_ had left me to go to Columbia. I push that thought away though.

"Well, I'd like to meet him sometime, then. Maybe a few of us could get together at some point, sans child."

"I would really like that, Bella. This best friend you keep mentioning sounds like she lives close. What's she like?"

I beam as I tell her about Alice. How we met my freshman year of high school after I moved to Washington from Florida because my mom had turned out to be a real dumb broad. I tell her about how she had pulled me out of my sad little shell those first couple months I knew her. I feel so much gratitude when I mention how she had stood by me and been my number one supporter, beside my dad, when I found out I was pregnant and went through all the shit that I had. She had helped me with Masen when she could until we graduated, and then even more when we went to UDub together. The creation of her business had started out as a project for her senior thesis, where the students created a proposal for a business venture that was then presented to a board of actual investors, and a few of them had loved it so much, that they had offered her money and assistance on the spot, and she had taken it. Her boutique, Branded, had been a success for the last two years.

Tanya expresses how impressed she is by Alice, and says she wants to meet her sometime. I agree to talk to Alice about it when I meet her for lunch in a couple of days.

~WTIAA~

Friday afternoon, I head out of work earlier than normal to pick up Mase. He bounces in his seat the entire time we drive to the place he picked for lunch, a little hole in the wall pizza place not far from where Handel's is. Alice and Jasper meet us there, and we walk in to the shop just after they have sat down from ordering. Masen bounds over and hugs them both.

Alice and Jasper had met our senior year of college. Jasper is actually a year older than us, and he was an electrical engineer working on the repairs that needed to be made on the space Alice bought to house her business. She had walked into the building one day to see how everything was going, set eyes on Jasper as he was rerouting some electrical lines, and they've been together ever since. He's originally from Texas, but moved to Seattle when a business opportunity came up, and he'd been living out here for just over six months when the two met. His accent is thick and his drawl made Alice absolutely swoon back in the day. I secretly think she still does when no one's looking. She's a romantic at heart, and the Southern gentleman has always been her cup of tea.

Mase is comfortably perched in Jasper's lap by the time I make it to my seat, talking his ear off about his week at school and the things he's done and learned. There also happens to be a new girl at school that I know he gets a little flustered about, but he just blushes when I mention her or ask about her. As cute as it is, there is a strict 'no dating until your sixteen' rule that is in effect in my household. I made a mistake and got mixed up with a boy when I was fourteen, and even though I had gotten my sweet little angel out of it all, I don't want Masen to go through anything of the sort.

"Hey, B," Alice greets, hugging me across the table. "How's work been?"

"Good, but busy. I've got two projects I'm working on right now, but I still have Tanya on my team, so we've been able to knock some things out."

"So you like the new girl alright?" She had been there when I first mentioned that Tanya had been hired to my department and was afraid we might not get along.

"Yeah, she's actually really cool. We have lunch together most days. She knows about Masen and was surprisingly really chill about it. She wants me to meet her boyfriend. Apparently they don't have very many friends in the area. I don't think I'm the best person to be trying to introduce them to people in Seattle, though. I basically only know you and Jasper."

"Yeah, and we're great company," Jasper interjects, flashing me a cheeky grin and a wink. Mase laughs.

"I'd love to meet her, Bella. I always like making new friends, you know that," Alice says, smiling at me

"Okay, I'll let her know we can get together sometime."

The pizza and breadsticks come just as we finish this little conversation. I serve Masen, who climbs off Jasper to come sit with me. He struggles with holding the pizza slice without all the toppings sliding everywhere, but he eventually gets the hang of it.

"So, Mase, any new friends at school? I know you were excited about seeing Benji and Alyssa again." Alice smiles at him as she waits for his answer.

"Yeah, there's a new guy that's pretty cool. His name is Lucas. He's from California. He likes Captain America better than Spider-Man. But that's okay, 'cause Captain America is cool, too."

Ah, the accepting mind of a six year old. It's adorable.

"Hey, Captain America: Civil War comes out on DVD in a couple weeks. We're on for a movie night, right?" Jasper asks Masen. Jasper is just as obsessed with the Marvel Universe as Masen is, and they've been two peas in a pod since they met each other a few months after he and Alice started dating.

"Of course, Uncle Jasper," Mase says, like there's no doubt about it. In his little mind, there isn't, and the rest of us better get it together enough to make it happen. It's typically easy when the most he wants out of life is to go to school, play games, and watch movies with his aunt and uncle.

We finish eating our pizza and pack up the few slices we had left over. Alice insists I take them home with me for something Masen can eat tomorrow for lunch so that I don't have to make anything. I agree and put the food in our car before we all walk the few blocks to Handel's. It's just warm enough that we don't need to wear sweaters, but within the next couple weeks the fall weather will be upon us. I'll probably have to shop for more outerwear for Masen, since he's definitely grown since the last time jackets were necessary.

Mase holds hands with Alice and me as we walk to the ice cream shop. We play that game where Masen counts down from three before Alice and I lift him as his jumps. He giggles like a little crazy person every time we do it, so we don't stop, even though I know our arms are getting sore.

When we get to the ice cream shop, the line is only a few people long, so Jasper and Mase tell us what they want and go sit at an open picnic table nearby while Alice and I stand in line. I can very nearly see Alice's heart flutter any time she watches Jasper and Masen playing together, and I can't help but smirk.

"Have you guys talked about having kids yet?" I ask.

She seems a little startled that I spoke, but she just shakes her head. "No. We haven't even talked about getting married. I mean, it's been two years, B. Should I be worried?"

At that moment, I see Jasper gazing at Alice as he lets Mase play a game on his phone, and there is more love in his eyes than I think I've ever seen on another human being. "I don't think so, Ali. You guys are still young. And he's totally in love with you. Just ask him." I shrug. I may not have the best track record when it comes to relationships, but I can most definitely tell when two people are crazy about each other.

"Ask him to marry me?" she whispers frantically, eying me like I'm crazy.

I laugh. "No, Ali, I meant ask him about his thoughts on marriage and kids. Maybe he just hasn't thought to bring it up. Men can be a little dense sometimes."

"But what if I bring it up and he thinks I'm crazy for even thinking about it. Aren't guys afraid of commitment, usually?"

"Maybe twenty year old guys, but Jasper is twenty-six. And somehow, I don't see Jasper as a guy who has some weird phobia of commitment."

She seems placated by this and doesn't have time to reply as we're called up to place our order. Alice actually lets me pay for my half this time, and we wait as our desserts are being made. As always, I've ordered a Heath bar hurricane, which is like this place's version of a blizzard, and Mase has requested a double scoop of Double Brownie Chocolate and mint and chip in a waffle cone, which he'll never finish, but Jasper will finish for him once he's sick of it. Nine years ago, I was the one begging for someone else to finish my leftover ice cream. I definitely had an issue with my eyes being larger than my stomach.

~WTIAA~

 _ **November 2007**_

" _Are you sure you're okay with getting ice cream in November? I wasn't really thinking about the fact that it would be forty degrees outside when I suggested it. We can always go to get coffee or something. I don't even know why this ice cream place is opened in the late fall."_

 _Edward is rambling, and it has to be the cutest thing I have ever witnessed. I'm used to being the one that sits there and rambles when I'm nervous, but seeing this boy who's two years older than me and much more sure of himself than I am bumble like an idiot is sort of endearing. His cheeks and nose are slightly pink from the bite of the chill outside that we just escaped from, and it makes him kind of look like a little kid. His hair is even more of a mess than usual due to the breeze that's blowing outside. The light shadow of stubble that's growing on his angular jaw ages him, though, distracting from those other boyish qualities._

 _"It's really okay, Edward. I like ice cream anytime. I just bought a few cartons that are currently sitting in my freezer at home. I don't discriminate." I try to go for reassuring and place my hand on his that's resting on the center consul. It's a move that he had done repeatedly throughout dinner, and it had sent a warm flush through my body, as it is now. It's the first time that I've initiated the contact, though, and I know for sure that I'm flushing more than I ever have before._

 _His shining green eyes connect with mine as we sit at the red light, and it knocks the breath out of me, how amazingly handsome he is right at this moment. His pale pink lips pull up into the crooked smile that I've been obsessing over for the last month, and I can feel myself giving him a small smile back. He turns over his hand and links his fingers with mine. The light turns green, and I feel the gentle squeeze he gives me as he presses on the accelerator, his palm staying against mine._

 _When we reach the ice cream parlor in the center of town, I can see the people milling about outside the doors, and they're all people from our school. Some of them I recognize from a few of my classes, but most of them are upperclassmen that Edward knows. I even see some of the baseball team sitting inside, laughing and joking. A few of them have girls sitting beside them, hanging off of them like baby koalas. There's a heavy feeling in my chest at the very good possibility that we'll sit with them and talk to them. It's not that I really have anything against the guys on Edward's team, it's just that I don't really fit in with that group of people._

 _While there's not really cliques or anything at Forks High School, there is a definite divide between the sports players and the rest of us, and I am definitely not athletic. I'm too clumsy for my own good, and I've ended up in the emergency room more times than I'd care to admit due to tripping over my own two feet. Sports and I don't really mix, which leads me to believe that athletes and I won't really mix. I get along well with Edward, but for some reason I get an uneasy feeling when I'm even in the vicinity of athletes, especially the baseball team. Edward's come up to me a few times at school with his teammates close by, and I feel like they're judging me for some reason. It may be just because I'm a lowly freshman and the junior God that is Edward Cullen is speaking to me, but I can never be sure._

 _"Shit," I hear Edward hiss as he takes the key out of the ignition. "I didn't know they were going to be here."_

 _"You don't want to hang out with them?" I ask. I wonder if he doesn't actually want to be seen out with me, or if he just genuinely doesn't want to see them tonight._

 _"Normally, I would, but I'm out with you tonight," he says, like that's all the explanation that's needed. When he looks at me and sees my eyebrow raised at him, I think he figures out that I need a bit more information. He sighs. "I'm out with a really pretty girl on a Friday night. I like the guys just fine, but they're kinda assholes to girls that we bring around, unless they're on the cheer team. I like you, Bella. I don't want my teammates to fuck it up before I have a real chance to get to know you."_

 _My heart stopped when he told me I was pretty and restarted somewhere around the time that he told me he likes me. I mean, I had guessed that he likes me a couple weeks ago when he started going out of his way to catch me before lunch and after school before I headed out to walk home. We started off having talks about pretty basic stuff about our lives, but I tried to leave out the part about my mom leaving us. By the end of the week, he was offering to drive me to and from school, since I was on his way, or so he said. I don't know where he lives, but I was going to take his word for it._

 _"We can go somewhere else, then," I suggest._

 _He reaches back over and grabs my hand, giving it a little squeeze again. The look in his eyes is earnest. "No, it's okay. We'll just sit away from them."_

 _Edward gives me a reassuring smile and squeezes my hand again before hopping out of his car. I learned through our first stop to the restaurant that his mother raised him to be a gentleman, and he opens the car door for me. He takes my hand as I step out and keeps them entwined together as we walk away from his car._

 _"Is this okay?" he asks, that nervousness from earlier coming back._

 _I look up at him and shoot him a smile. "Yeah."_

 _A smile takes over his face. "Good."_

 _When we enter the ice cream shop, the guys from the team immediately see Edward and they start calling his name. I don't know any of them by name, but I do know one of the girls that is sitting with them. Kate is in my Algebra II class and she's a softball player. She's pretty nice from all the times that we've talked, but they've been brief exchanges. She pretty, with honey blond hair and bright blue eyes, and I think she's dating one of the guys on the team._

 _She smiles when she sees me and waves. When Edward walks up to the guys, our hands still clasped together, I finally wave back and smile in return. The baseball boys do some sort of greeting that I'm no too privy to, so I hang back with Kate._

 _"Did you understand that set of problems Wagner assigned for this weekend at all?" she asks. I'm glad she's not asking questions about seeing Edward and me together. I can handle her questions about class, though._

 _"Oh, yeah, I did. Did you need help?" We usually end up working together on problems in class anyway, so I'm comfortable offering my help to her._

 _"Yeah. Can I call you tomorrow to work a few of them out?"_

 _"No problem. Just call whenever. I don't have any plans for tomorrow."_

 _"Great, thanks, Bella."_

 _I feel Edward's hand slip back into my own, and I look up at him._

 _"We can go order now," he tells me. I nod at him and wave back to Kate as we make our way up to the cashier. Edward asks what I want and relays it to the girl behind the counter when she asks us what we want. The little redhead taking our order can't take her eyes off of Edward's face as he speaks, and I try my hardest to contain my giggles at her admiration. She's obviously older than me if she's able to work, but I know how easy it is to get caught up in him. He's way too pretty for a junior in high school, and he looks much older than a sixteen year old. His facial structure looks like it was carved out by Michelangelo and he's already over six feet tall. He's a little much to take in._

 _Edward leads me to a table in the opposite corner of where his team is sitting once we're given our ice cream. He hands me my Heath bar shake and places a stack of napkins between us on the table. I nearly balked when Edward ordered a double scoop of this chocolate brownie ice cream and mint and chip. The overload of chocolate added with the too cool flavor of mint sounds like too much sweet for me, but he seems content with it._

 _"How are you adjusting to the cold weather, Bella?" he asks after we've both had a few bites of our ice cream. I ordered a shake, but it's way too thick to drink through a straw, so I use a spoon instead._

 _I shrug one shoulder. "It's more clothes than I'm used to wearing, but it's okay. I actually prefer it to the heat."_

 _"Really?" he chuckles. "Most people want to get out of here and head south."_

 _"Is that what you want to do?"_

 _He shakes his head as he licks some chocolate from the corner of his mouth. I follow the path of his tongue with my eyes unconsciously. "Nah. I like the weather here. I just wish it would snow more. The elevation is too low."_

 _"I've never seen the snow." As I say this, I realize how sad that actually sounds. Like Edward said, it doesn't snow much in Forks because of the low elevation, and Arizona sure as hell never gets any snow, at least where I lived. I have seen snow from a distance, because some of the mountain peaks around here obviously get snow when it storms, but I have never touched the stuff._

 _Edward's eyes shoot up into his hair. "Really? My family goes up to this place in the mountains to camp sometimes. It snows there pretty frequently in the winter. I'll take you sometime."_

He wants to see me more after this. _I smile at him. "That sounds great."_

 _He smiles back, and his crooked little grin makes my heart melt. "Cool."_

 _We eat and talk back and forth. Edward tells me he plans to go to college at Columbia for their pre-med program, but he has to do well on his SATs first, which he's taking in the beginning of May. I have no idea where to even begin with the college thing, since I'm not even halfway through my first year of high school, but he asks what I think I'd want to major in. I tell him probably literature or journalism, and he starts suggesting places he's heard have good English programs. Apparently UDub's is pretty good and Washington U does well for all its majors. I'm not quite at the point where I'm thinking about possible colleges yet, but I thank him for his input anyway._

 _Eventually, Edward has completely finished his ice cream cone, but I'm still left with about a quarter of my shake left, and there's no possible way that I can finish it. I was already full after dinner, and I pushed myself to eat as much as I have. I don't want to be sick to my stomach later on tonight._

 _"Oh, come on, Bells. I believe in you," he jokingly encourages. Hearing him call me by a name only my father has ever used stirs something in me, a feeling of comfort and intimacy that I associate with the comfort of my father. I'm obviously not equating Edward to Charlie, because that would be weird, but I like the feeling that him calling me Bells is giving me._

 _I shake my head. "I really can't. I'm so full." I push the cup toward the middle of the table._

 _"You can't waste perfectly good ice cream!" he protests, laughing._

 _"You eat it, then, you bottomless pit," I suggest, smiling at him. I giggle as he gives me a faux exasperated sigh and an eye roll, but he reaches for the cup anyway and starts spooning the semi-melted ice cream into his mouth. He hears my laughs and shoots me a playful glare, the spoon halfway to his mouth._

 _"I'm a growing young man. I eat a lot," he defends before putting the spoon in his mouth. His tongue darts out to lick ice cream from his lips again and the butterflies in my stomach start up._ Damn him.

 _"I'm beginning to figure that out," I tease._

 _He shoots me a smile as he places the cup back on the table, and I can tell that it's empty just by the sound it makes as it hits the surface. I can't help but chuckle again at how quickly he ate the rest of it, and he shoots me another mock glare as he gathers my cup and the used napkins to deposit them in the trash. He offers me his hand and we walk back to his truck with them intertwined._

 _Edward's friends from the baseball team left sometime while we were talking and eating, so the only people left in the parking lot are some of the kids I know vaguely from school. They're all smoking or talking and not paying any attention to us._

 _I think Edward's moving to open my door for me, but he instead turns me so my back is pressed into the cool metal of his truck. He's only a few inches from me, towering over me by several inches. I'm not exactly short, but Edward's at least six-one, and anyone would feel short next to him. His right hand is still encompassing my left, but his free hand comes up to my neck. His hands are somehow warm in the cool air of the night, and I can feel the goosebumps popping up along my skin._

 _"I really want to kiss you," he whispers, his breath visible in the chilly air. I can smell him when he's this close to me, and he smells of clean clothes, fire smoke, and something that I'm pretty sure is unique to Edward. "I would rather do it here, since I know your dad is home, and I'm sure he wouldn't take too kindly to seeing some teenage boy kissing his only daughter in his front yard. And I know I'm a couple years older than you, and I'm sure he doesn't really like that either, so…."_

 _He finally trails off, seeming to have run out of word vomit that I find entirely too adorable, especially coming from this boy that looks very much like a man._

 _"Edward?" I whisper, looking up at him. His cheeks are red, but I'm not sure if that's from embarrassment or the cold._

 _"Yeah?"_

 _"Just kiss me, you weirdo."_

 _Edward smiles the split second before his lips are on mine. They're tentative at first, like he's not sure how into this he should get. I don't want him tentative, though, so I open my mouth a bit as I lay my free hand onto his waist and pull him a step closer to me, pressing our bodies together. That seems to light a fire under him, because his grip on my neck tightens as he pulls my face closer and his tongue peeks out to trace my lips lightly. I meet my tongue to his, and I'm overwhelmed by the taste of him. He tastes like chocolate and mint from his ice cream, and there's a faint taste of the caramel of my Heath shake._

 _The kiss is slow, but it's relaxed and perfect with his warm body pressed against me. His lips are so soft and he must use a flavored chapstick, because I can taste cherries under all the ice cream flavors. It's perfect, and I never want it to end, but we have to break away for air eventually. Edward rests his forehead against mine, the tips of our noses barely touching. His eyes are closed, but there's a happy little smile on his lips, and I'm one hundred percent sure my face is a reflection of his._

 _~WTIAA~_

 **September 2016**

"What do you want for dinner tonight, bud?" I ask Masen from the kitchen. I'm scanning through the fridge and pantry as he sits in the living room doing his homework at the coffee table. He has to write a paragraph on his home life before next week, but he likes to get it done first thing so he has the weekend to do whatever he wants. Smart kid.

"Ice cream!" he shouts out, giggling since he knows I'll shoot that one down real quick.

"We cannot have ice cream for dinner," I say, rolling my eyes. I can't keep the satisfied smile off my face, though.

"Why not? I love ice cream!"

I chuckle. "I love ice cream, too, baby, but we can only have ice cream once in a day. I have to give you real food at some point."

"What about mac n' cheese, then?" Next to ice cream, mac n' cheese is his favorite food.

"We can do that. With the hot dog slices?"

"Yes!" he whoops. I shake my head and get the things out that I'll need for dinner.

When I'm slicing up the hot dogs as the water boils from the noodles, Mase comes into the kitchen. He pulls his stool over to be next to me and watches me cut.

"How did you think to put hot dogs into the mac n' cheese, Mama?"

I can't help the wistful smile and the weight in my chest that settles over me. I can't stop it whenever I think of _him._

"A friend of mine taught me a long time ago," I tell him. I hate to be vague, but I always am when it comes to his father. I hate it, but I feel like it's better in the long run. I'll tell him one day, but I can't right now. He's too young. He doesn't need to know everything that happened. It would break his little heart, and mine would break all over again.

"Grandpa didn't know about it?" he asks, astonished that his grandfather wouldn't know all about mac 'n cheese and hot dog slices. Mase believes his grandpa knows all there is to know about anything.

I chuckle. "Hate to break it to you, kid, but Grandpa isn't a very good cook. Grandpa knows fish, and he should stick to that."

"When are we going to see Grandpa again, Mama? I wanna go fishing again."

We had gone back to Forks during my week off to see my dad and Masen had a blast visiting his grandpa. No matter how apprehensive my dad had been when he first found out I was having Mase, he absolutely adores his grandson now. He plays catch with my son, taught him all about sports and how to wrangle a worm onto a fishing hook. He makes it a point to take Masen out fishing any time we visit, and Masen loves the outings just as much as his grandpa does.

"Well, you have Monday off, so maybe I'll give him a call tonight and see if he'll have us this weekend. How does that sound?" It was totally last minute, but it was the longest time we'd have to spend with my dad until the school had another break, which wasn't until October.

"Ooh! Can I call him, Mama?" he begs. Masen has recently memorized both my cell phone number and my dad's home number, so he wants to put his newfound skills to the test.

"Go ahead, baby." I'm busy stirring the macaroni anyway, so I may as well let him.

He scampers off to grab the phone from the living room. He sits at the kitchen table as he dials the numbers carefully and presses the call button. He looks so serious as he sits with the phone pressed to his ear and waits for Charlie to answer. He's probably nervous as to whether or not he had dialed the right number.

His face lights up a second later as I hear the ringing stop.

"Grandpa!" he shouts, probably hurting my old man's ears. I just laugh and leave them to their conversation as I turn the burner off to drain the water.

I am just measuring out the milk when Mase hands me the phone. "Grandpa wants to talk to you, but he said yes." There is a big smile on his face as I thank him.

"Hey, Dad," I greet as I pour the milk into the pot.

"Bells, I wasn't expecting to hear from you so soon. Is everything alright?" Charlie is always worrying unnecessarily.

I roll my eyes. "Everything's fine, Dad. Mase just started talking about you and said he wanted to go fishing again. Monday's Labor Day, so I figured we'd take advantage of the long weekend."

"Okay, just making sure, Bells. I just got some news and I thought maybe you'd heard about it already."

My eyebrows furrow as I stir the cheese in. "What news, Dad?" What could I hear that would make me need to call him to come out to visit. "Is it Mom? Did something happen?" I hadn't heard from my mom in about six months, but I'd still be pretty beat up if something happened to her.

"No, no, your mother's fine, at least as far as I know."

Charlie had gotten over Renee leaving quite a while ago, and he was actually dating a woman from the reservation just outside of Forks. Renee had contacted us my freshman year of college, and I finally got to tell her she had a grandson. She flew right out from Jacksonville to visit for a few weeks. It had been a little tense, but we eventually talked things out and we were okay. She sent things for Christmases and birthdays. She called on Masen's birthday every year, so she was making an effort, at least.

"Okay, so what did you hear?"

"I ran into Esme Cullen a few days ago at the diner. She was grabbing a few pies from Rita."

 _Esme Cullen. That is a name I never thought I'd hear again._

"And?" I know the Cullens still live in town, at least Esme and Carlisle. Carlisle is a doctor, but thankfully he has his own private practice in Port Angeles, so I hadn't had to encounter him after everything fell apart. Esme, that sweet woman, runs a charity out of Seattle but works from home. She had been torn apart when everything happened, but I tried not to let the guilt get to me. Her son was the asshole, not me. I had only done what I thought was right for my family.

"We talked briefly while we waited. She said she was on her way to visit Edward."

"Was she taking the pies with her to New York?" I wonder. Where is this going?

"No, Bells. He's not at Columbia anymore, apparently. Edward moved back to Washington. He's doing med school at UDub. He's in Seattle."

The mixing spoon in my hand drops to the floor, sending little pieces of macaroni and hot dogs flying as it clatters.

* * *

 **I've gotten a review asking if this story is going to make her wanna junk punch Edward. It may, at first. That's all I'm saying.**

 **I hope you guys liked it! Please leave me some love, if you're so inclined. I love hearing from you guys and I try to respond to every single review. You guys are the best.**

 **So, expect the next update on Monday. Things start to get more interesting I promise.**

 **Also, how am I doing on the whole Bella as a mommy thing? Because, I am not a mother, so I'm hoping this comes across as a good mom. Let me know if you have any suggestions or thoughts.**

 **Until next time, lovelies!**


	3. Unanswered Prayers

**Guess who's back with the next chapter, just as promised?**

 **Thank you all for your reviews last chapter. I'm pretty sure I replied to all the ones that I could. There were a few anonymous ones and one where the reply was disabled. I find it funny how all my anonymous reviews were of people complaining already about Tanya. I really don't understand anyone's issue with her. I've made her not a bitch in this story. Oh well.**

 **Also, I'd just like to say that a lot of the pieces will fall into place in this update and the next one, which I may upload earlier than Monday based on how this week goes. But, hopefully these will give everyone who's freaking out about Edward a little peace of mind. Not that this chapter paints him in a good light, but we'll get to that later.**

 **Disclaimer: I am not SM. I do not own Twilight, the characters, or any other publicly recognizable entities. I do, however, own my kicks 'Mischief Managed' shirt that I am currently wearing. That is all.**

* * *

 **CHAPTER THREE**

 **UNANSWERED PRAYERS**

 _She was the one that I'd wanted for all times_

 _And each night I'd spend prayin' that God would make her mine_

 _And if he'd only grant me this wish I wished back then_

 _I'd never ask for anything again_

 _-Garth Brooks_

Once Masen snaps me out of my stupor by asking if I'm okay, I pick up the phone and the spoon, tell my dad we'll be at his house tomorrow morning, and hang up. I clean up all the little pieces of dinner that spattered across the floor and thank God I hadn't been holding a knife or something in my hand. That would have been a disaster.

"Are you okay, Mommy?" Masen asks again, his expression concerned. I hate that I put it there.

 _God, he looks like his father._

"Yeah, baby. I'm okay. Grandpa just gave me some news. It shocked me, is all." _Shocked me, made my heart stop, makes me want to sob like a two year old. Take your pick._

"No one's hurt?" He's too smart for his own good.

"No, honey. Everyone's okay. Don't you worry about it. Now, let's eat."

I serve the mac n' cheese into two plastic bowls and set them on the table. Masen gets our forks while I pour juice for him and a glass of wine for myself. I'm needing it now that my dad dropped that bomb on me. I have a glass at the end of the week anyway, but I may need a few tonight. And an impromptu girls night with Alice once Masen goes to bed. I'll call her after dinner.

I'm just sitting down and putting a bite of noodles into my mouth when Masen shocks me for the second time of the night.

"Mama, do I have a daddy?"

I sputter on the food in my mouth, and try to keep myself from choking. Masen just calmly waits for my response as he keeps eating, blowing on each forkful before shoving them in his mouth. I wipe my face with a napkin as I try to formulate my answer.

He's never asked about his father before. Not once. If he ever noticed that other kids in his class had two parents instead of one, he never said anything. I can't help but ask what brought this on. And I use it as a chance to try to give him some sort of answer that's not complete bullshit. I don't want to lie to my kid.

"Why do you ask, baby?"

His little brows furrow as he looks at his bowl. "We've been talking about families and stuff in school, and we have to write this paragraph about how it's like at home. We talked a little in class, and other people said they have a mommy and a daddy or two mommies or two daddies. When I said I only have a mommy, they all asked where my daddy was."

 _Dammit. Should've known the school would be the one to make me have to answer these questions._

"I told them I don't know. And now I don't even know if I have a daddy."

Oh fuck. There's tears in his eyes. _Quick! Fix it!_

"Well," I sigh, reaching over to grab his little hand in mine. His fingers are long, though, just like his dad's, and he'll be passing me up here in all departments in just a few years. "You do have a daddy, Mase. Everyone has a mommy and a daddy. Even kids with two mommies or two daddies. A mommy and a daddy make a baby, but sometimes other people become the baby's parents." I'm gonna fuck this up.

"Like adoption?"

Oh, thank God. "Yes, honey, like adoption. The kids with two mommies or two daddies most likely got adopted from their real mommy and daddy."

"Why does that happen? Why don't the mommy and daddy keep the baby?"

"Because, sometimes the mommy and the daddy can't take care of the baby, so they want to give it to someone who can." Best to save the part about people not wanting the babies for when he's older

"Oh. So did you adopt me?"

I'm thinking this conversation would be easier if I had.

"No, baby. You grew inside my tummy. I had you at a hospital, and I brought you home with me."

"Oh." He's quiet for a moment. "So I do have a daddy?"

I sigh again. "Yes, hon, you have a daddy. He's not here, though. You guys don't know each other." I can feel a lump forming in my throat, and I try to swallow to get past it. I may need more wine than I initially thought.

"So what happened to him? Is he in heaven?" We had talked about people dying a few weeks ago when my dad's dog died over the summer. Buster had been around since Masen was a baby, so he was pretty sad when he wasn't there anymore. My dad and I explained that death meant you aren't here anymore and your spirit goes to heaven.

"No, bud, he's still alive. He's just not around."

"Why not?"

"Well…" How do you tell a six year old that his father was like those people that gave up babies they didn't want to people that did want them? But instead of giving the baby to someone who wants to love them, he wants to make the problem disappear?

Fuck. I don't think I would have ever been prepared for this conversation.

I sigh. "When Mommy was younger, your dad and I were really close. And then when I found out you were in my tummy, I told your dad. We got into a fight, though, and Daddy didn't want to stay with me. So, now it's just you and me, bud. And Aunt Alice and Uncle Jasper."

"And Grandpa," he adds. Ever the optimist.

I give him a small smile. "Yeah, baby, and Grandpa."

"So…" He thinks. "Is Daddy a bad person?"

 _Yes._ "No, baby. He's not a bad person. We were just young and having a baby isn't easy, even for older people. He wasn't ready to take care of a baby, yet." I know this to be true now, and I no longer think he's the shit stain of the earth, but that doesn't mean I hadn't hated him at the time and for a couple years afterward. I'm still mad at him now, but I understand what he was probably thinking at the time.

Still hate his guts, though.

"But you had me all by yourself. Why couldn't my daddy do that?"

 _I've been wondering the same thing for seven years, kiddo._

Another sigh. "Because, even though I wasn't really ready for you at the time, I loved you too much to give you to some other mommy and daddy."

~WTIAA~

 _ **August 2009**_

" _Fuck. What the fuck am I gonna do, Al?" I'm frantic and on the verge of hyperventilating. I know this. I'm fully aware that I'm about to have a full blown panic attack, but there's nothing I can do to stop it._

 _"Shit, Bella. Sit down; stop pacing. I'm afraid you're gonna pass out or something." She guides me over to my bed and sits beside me on it. She's right. I think there's a good possibility that I'm going to pass out and it would probably be better if I'm on a soft surface when that happens._

 _I'm full on hyperventilating now. Alice tells me to pull my knees to my chest and put my head between them. I listen to her tell me when to breathe in and out, and eventually I'm not panicking externally anymore, but there's a fucking war raging inside my head._

 _How the hell did this happen? We always used a condom. Neither of us wanted_ this _to happen, so we always made sure we were covered before the touching and kissing got too far. There wasn't a time that I can think of that would have led to this. I know that condoms aren't one hundred percent effective, but I always figured that the worst case scenario would never happen to me. Now it has, and I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do._

 _"You need to tell Edward, Bella. And Charlie." Alice's voice is soft but there's an urgency to it. I know I need to tell Edward sooner rather than later. He's leaving for college in just over a week, and we need to figure this out. I'm terrified of telling both of them, but at least Edward won't kill me when he finds out. Charlie, on the other hand, just might. Ok, obviously not, but he's going to be beyond furious, and I don't know if I can handle that right now._

 _"I know, Alice. I'm going to." I really don't want to, but I'm going to._

 _"Do you know where Edward is right now?"_

 _It's a Friday night, one of his last before he leaves, and he was invited to hang out with some of his friends from the baseball team. I urged him to go because I didn't want him to miss out on the opportunity, but now I'm kind of regretting it. I want him here, so I don't have to tear him away from his friends and having fun. Hearing what I have to tell him will ruin his night, for sure, and I don't want to do that._

 _"I do, but I'm going to wait until tomorrow." I've already decided that this is what I'm going to do. He can have his Friday night partying with the guys. I'll just tell him tomorrow and fuck up the rest of his weekend._

Yep, because that's so much better.

 _I hate everything._

 _"Bella…" Her tone is warning, but I've already made up my mind._

 _"He's out with the guys, Alice. I don't want to drag him away just to throw this on him."_

 _She eyes me skeptically, like she expects me to chicken out until the very last minute, but I think she can see how serious I am about this, because she sighs and her frame relaxes._

 _"Okay. Call me if you need me to come with you."_

 _"Can you drive me there?" Alice turned sixteen in March, so she has her license and her mom lets her borrow the car when it's available._

 _"Of course. I'll stay outside while you talk to him, just in case."_

 _The next morning around eleven, when I'm pretty sure Edward will be up if he stayed out late, Alice and I drive the few miles to Edward's house. He lives just outside of town in this pretty fancy house. His parents are pretty well off. His dad's a doctor with his own practice in Port Angeles. His mom runs a charity that's based in Seattle. Everything they own is significantly nicer than what everyone else in town has. I got used to it pretty quickly when Edward and I first started dating._

 _Alice pulls up in their driveway and puts the car in park. She leaves the keys in the ignition as we both just sit there, staring at the garage doors. The radio isn't even on, which never happens, and it just adds to the heavy atmosphere._

 _"Do you know what you're going to say to him?" she finally asks._

 _I snort. "You mean besides, 'Hey, babe, guess what? You knocked me up. Sucks, right?'"_

 _She grimaces. "Yeah, besides that."_

 _I sigh and shake my head. "No, I have no idea. I'll just wing it, I guess."_

 _"Did you bring the test?"_

 _"You mean the Almighty Future-Crushing Pee Stick?" She gives me a deadpan look. "Yeah. It's in a ziplock baggie in my bag."_

 _"You have your phone on you?" I nod. "Text me if you want me to leave. Otherwise, I'll be out here waiting for you."_

 _I can feel the tears forming in my eyes now that I'm all out of sarcastic remarks. "Thanks for this, Ali."_

 _She gives me a sad smile. "Anything for you, B."_

 _I take a deep breath and unbuckle my seatbelt. I grab my bag from the floor in front of my seat and heave myself out of the car. I don't look back at Alice as I walk to the Cullen's front door, because if I did, I know I'd break down in tears. I'm afraid Edward's mom will answer the door, and she doesn't need to see me crying. Not yet, at least. No guarantees she won't see it later, though._

 _I hesitate for just a moment before I rap four times on the door. I can hear someone's footsteps coming toward the door and just a split second's pause between when the put their hand on the knob and when they open the door. As I feared, Esme is standing there in a comfy looking pair of jeans and a tank top, her hair pulled back into a sleek but effortless-looking ponytail. Everything about Esme always looks sleek and effortless, though, and it's one of those things that I just got used to when I started dating Edward._

 _"Bella, honey, you know you don't have to knock," she says with a smile._

 _"Oh, I just wasn't sure if Edward was up yet," I tell her honestly as she pulls me into a warm hug. Tears form in my eyes at the comfort she brings me and the knowledge that it might go away after today. She's become a pseudo-mother to me in the last two years, and it terrifies me that I might lose this._

 _Honestly, I don't see today going well, no matter how many ways I spin it in my head. In no reality of mine would Edward or anyone else be okay with me having a baby. I know that. But the number of outcomes is quite high. Edward can agree to stay here to help me, which I don't want, because it's his dream to go to Columbia and become a doctor. Edward can agree to help me but still go to Columbia, which I can't really see working out in the long run. Edward can tell me he doesn't want me to have to have a baby this young and suggest we give it up for adoption, which would be the most practical thing to do. Or Edward can tell me he doesn't give a shit what I do, because I was dumb enough to get pregnant, and he'll go off to school and never look back. No scenario really leads to a happy ending._

 _"I heard him walking around up there a few minutes ago, so you should be good to head up, dear." She smiles at me and closes the door behind us. "Do you want anything to eat before you head up?"_

 _"No thank you, I ate before I came over." Lie. I threw up before I came over. Twice. Once from morning sickness, because on top of being pregnant, my body also hates me. And once because I was so damn nervous about coming over and telling him. I made the mistake of eating in between appointments with the Porcelain God. Bad idea._

 _"Okay." She squeezes my shoulder before walking toward the living room._

 _I take the opportunity to take in a shuddering breath and assess to make sure that I'm not in imminent danger of throwing up again. I haven't eaten anything since my second session, but there's no telling when the fetus will rebel against me again. I offer it my body as a safe haven and a source of nourishment and this is how it repays me?_

 _Finally, I make my way up the stairs, gripping onto the banister for dear life, because I'm pretty sure it's the only thing keeping me upright at the moment. When I get to the landing, I let out the breath I seemed to have held the entire way up here. It comes out shuddering, like I'm on the verge of tears, which, admittedly, I am. I'm about to tear apart so much that has made my life good over the last two years. Fuck my life._

 _I knock on Edward's door since it's closed. There's a muttered 'come in' and I step through sheepishly. I close the door softly behind me. The smell of pizza hits me as soon as the door is shut, and apparently the fetus is not a fan of olives or mushrooms, because my stomach roils, and I'm dashing for the bathroom connected to Edward's bedroom before I can even really process what I'm doing. I barely get the lid of the toilet open before I'm retching into it, on my knees, both hands gripping the rim of the bowl. I'm glad I put my hair up earlier, because I didn't have time to even be worried about before I was already here._

 _The only thing left in my stomach is some water I drank to at least put something in my stomach. Edward is suddenly beside me, sitting on the edge of the tub. His warm hand is on my back, rubbing soothing circles._

 _"Shit, baby, are you okay?" His voice sounds so concerned and sincere. He stands and moves to the other side of the bathroom as I heave again, nothing coming up besides bile. I hear the faucet turn on and mumble a thanks when he hands me a wet washcloth._

 _"Are you sick, Bells?" There's that damn loving concern again, and I'm crying, both from the awfulness of throwing up and because I'm about to ruin everything. I don't deserve his love and compassion._

 _I shake my head as I reach up to flush the toilet. I lean my head against the closed lid, because even though I don't have a fever, puking makes me flush and the lid is nice and cool._

 _"What's wrong, babe? How can I help?" I finally look at his face. I realize he's shirtless, and it's the most glorious thing I've ever seen, even though I've seen it hundreds of times now. He's wearing his glasses, something he only does when he's lounging around one of our houses, otherwise he has his contacts in. His brows are drawn in and there's a softness in his eyes that is breaking my heart. He's not going to look at me like that in a second when I tell him the real reason I threw up._

 _I can't make myself say the words, though, so I take the coward's way out, and reach into my bag that's beside me on the floor. I can tell Edward is still waiting for me to answer as my hands find the plastic bag. I grip it and don't let myself think about it as I hand it to him. If I let myself think about it, I'll psych myself out of it. I can't let that happen._

 _His concerned look morphs into one of confusion as he glances down at what I gave him. Faster than I can really process, his eyes shoot back up to mine, and there's a fire in them. Not the passionate fire that I'm used to either. This one only contains anger._

 _"What the fuck is this, Bella?" His voice is low and even. It should have been unassuming, but I know what it really means. I've only heard him use it once before, and that was when he found out some of the guys on the team were harassing me. That had not ended nicely. This isn't going to, either._

 _"It's a pregnancy test," I whisper. Tears are already blurring my vision, and it's taking all that I have to not let them spill over. I don't want to cry in front of him._

 _"I know what the fuck it is." His voice is losing that dangerous calm quality and elevating. I know this one, too. It means he's panicking and he's about to freak out. I knew this wasn't going to go well._

 _"Then why the fuck did you ask?" His anger is fueling my own. My emotions have been all over the place enough as it is. My hurt and confusion at this situation is being morphed into anger because of the way he's acting. I can't help it._

 _"How, Bella?" I cringe when he calls me Bella again. He stopped calling me Bella a long time ago. I've been Bells to him for years. "I always used a condom."_

 _I can't help but roll my eyes. Definite coping mechanism: sass. "Don't be fucking stupid, Edward. You know there was still a risk."_

 _"Yeah, but only if you're stupid about it. I know how to use a condom. I've been using them for years."_

 _I narrow my eyes at him. He promised a long time ago that he'd never bring up his past experience again. He was the one to implement the stupid rule. Of course I didn't like hearing about his times with other girls, but I could handle it. Apparently all bets are off now, though. Rules don't apply when he's pissed._

 _"I'm aware, Edward. But there's still only a…what?…ninety seven percent chance at preventing pregnancy._ Someone _has to be that other three percent."_

 _"Then how come none of the rest of them got pregnant, Bella? Why was it only you? You don't want me to go to school that badly that you'd fuck with the condom?" He's voice has raised several volume levels. I'd be surprised if his mother can't hear him._

 _"Wow. Fuck you, Edward."_

 _"Yeah, obviously you did."_

 _I can't be this close to him anymore. I stand and smack his hand away as he tries to grab at my wrist. "Don't fucking touch me." I walk the few steps away to stand in the doorway. I drop my head so I don't have to look at him. I don't know who he is right now. My Edward is sweet and caring and soft. Sure, we've had our hiccups and ups and downs, but he's never acted like this. This isn't my Edward._

 _"I didn't fuck with the condom, Edward. I want you to go to school. You've worked hard for it. And I don't want a baby at seventeen. I wouldn't do that to myself on purpose."_

 _"Then get rid of it."_

 _I can feel the blood drain from my face. I'm pretty sure I break out in a cold sweat. My head snaps up so I can meet his eyes. His are void of all care that was just there a minute ago. There's only hard, angry, glass. Maybe this is the real Edward. Maybe my Edward was just a show. There's no way a guy can flip flop that quickly and easily._

 _"What the fuck did you just say?"_

 _"Get rid of it. How far along are you?"_

 _My teeth are clenched together painfully as I tell him. "Eight or nine weeks, I'm assuming."_

 _"You're still in the first trimester. You can get an abortion." There's no feeling whatsoever when he says it. He sounds like a robot and it's starting to scare me._

 _"What the actual fuck, Edward?" My voice is raised now. I'm practically yelling. There's no way Esme can't hear us._

 _"You just said you don't want a baby at seventeen. I sure as hell don't want a baby. It's a pretty easy solution."_

 _There's no waver in his voice as he says it. He's serious._

 _My tears are pouring down my face now, and I have no urge to wipe them away or to try to get them to stop. I want him to see how fucking angry I am and how he's ripping me apart._

 _"I'm not killing our baby. What the fuck is wrong with you?"_

 _I see it then. The way he's compulsively clenching and unclenching his fists, his sudden bravado, how quickly he's been talking, the glassy look in his eyes. Edward is usually calm and collected, laid back when it's just the two of us. I've only seen him this amped up twice before, and it wasn't good either time._

 _"Are you fucking high?" I'm screaming. I have no restraint anymore. It's too emotionally charged and my sudden realization knocked down all the walls I was keeping up to keep myself together._

 _He doesn't answer, but I know. Now that I know what I'm looking at, there's not a doubt in my mind that he probably did a line right before I came over. He's probably been keeping up his high since last night. He shouldn't have gone out with the team. "When the fuck did you start using again? I thought you stopped, Edward."_

 _He shrugs. "One of the guys had it at the party. He gave me some to hold me over in college."_

 _"Oh my god." I'm sobbing now, but they're angry tears. I want to hit him. "You told me you stopped. You promised."_

 _"I did stop, but shit's hard right now, Bella." He's standing now, and his voice is raised again. I don't like how he is on cocaine. No wonder he's been such an asshole._

 _I can't help the disbelieving laugh that bursts from my chest. "Hard? Edward, we're on summer break. You've been doing nothing besides sitting, playing video games, hanging out with the guys, and spending time with me. What the fuck is so hard right now, Edward? And how the fuck is blow supposed to fix it?" I'm still screaming. I still don't care. I promised him once upon a time that I'd never tell anyone, especially not his parents, but I have half a mind to march downstairs and tell Esme all about her son's habit. That is, if she hasn't already heard about it from all the yelling we're doing._

 _Edward realizes this too, because he steps closer to me and grabs my wrists. His grip is too strong. He has no restraint when he's strung out. "Shut the fuck up, Bella."_

 _I rip my wrists from his grasp, but I can already tell there's marks popping up. "Don't tell me what to do, Edward. She was gonna find out eventually."_

 _"Were you planning to tell her?" He's furious. More so than earlier. He's always been defensive of his drug use. I was okay with it when it was just weed. When I found out about the coke, though, I blew my fucking lid. He swore up and down that he wasn't hooked on it, he just did it occasionally to study for tests and things like that, but I knew better. Any time I brought it up, he got really defensive. I should have told Esme or Carlisle sooner._

 _"No. Of course not. But she would've found out anyway. You're not as good at hiding it as you think you are." My voice has lowered from our screaming, but I'm still seething. This lying son of a fuck. (Can't say son of a bitch. Esme is the sweetest woman I know.)_

 _"Well, she's definitely going to know now. You and your big fucking mouth."_

 _I don't respond. I just walk into his room and go straight to the place that I know is his hiding spot. He's kept his pot here for as long as I've known him. I pull out his copy of The Swiss Family Robinson, a book I know for a fact he's never read. Behind it is a small vial. I had a pretty good feeling this is where he'd hide his coke, too._

 _"What the fuck are you doing, Bella?"_

 _I grab the vial and place the book back. I bypass Edward and walk out his door. He's on my heels, but I'm already calling out Esme's name._

 _"You bitch!"_

 _I hear Esme's gasp as she meets us at the bottom of the stairs. "Edward Anthony Cullen. What the hell is wrong with you?" She's furious. I've never seen her so angry. She thought she raised a perfect gentleman. But Edward's upbringing means nothing when he's like this._

 _"He's high." I place the little jar in her hands. Edward lets out a string of curses behind me. "This is his stash of coke. Eleazar's his supplier. Edward's been doing it since he was fifteen. He hides his drugs behind The Swiss Family Robinson book in his bookshelf."_

 _Esme just stands there, looking between me and the vial in disbelief. "It's not mine. I don't use. You can test Edward if you want. I think he snorted a line about ten minutes ago." Fuck, it feels good to tell her all this. Edward has had this coming. At least I'm ratting him out out of love. He could've got caught with it by the police, and that would have been a shit show. He'll thank me one day._

 _I kiss her on the cheek, and there's a fresh batch of tears in my eyes. "It was great getting to know you, Esme. Thank you for everything." I give her a watery smile. She's still pretty dazed._

 _I don't look back at Edward as I walk toward the front door. I don't look back as I throw it open. I don't look back as I say, "Fuck you, Edward Cullen. Have a great fucking life." I certainly don't look back as I slam the door. And I most certainly don't look back when I hear it open again and Esme call after me. I just don't look back._

WTIAA~

 **September 2016**

Masen and I spend a nice weekend with my dad. He looks at me with concern every once in a while, like he's expecting me to have a breakdown about his news, but I think I'm okay. The only time I ever really get anywhere close to panicking is when I see Esme Cullen from afar when I'm in the grocery store. My dad and Masen are out fishing, so I figured I'd find something to make as sides for the fish they bring home.

I haven't seen Esme since that day I walked out of her house after telling her about Edward's habit. I forgot my purse there, but Alice went back inside to get it for me. I would've gone in and got it when I knew Edward wasn't there, but there was a pretty good chance he was in trouble, which meant his parents basically put the house on lockdown. I can't even imagine how that conversation went when Carlisle got home. Carlisle always preached about the harmful effects drugs had on the body and made both his sons promise never to do any of them. Obviously, Edward hadn't taken that lesson to heart, and I didn't know about his brother. Hell, I didn't even remember his name. I never met him when Edward and I were together. His brother was quite a bit older and playing for the NFL by the time we met. He wasn't ever around.

When I was pregnant, I did everything in my power to keep the bump under wraps. Luckily, I didn't even start showing until it was cold outside, and it was easy to hide behind winter coats. Masen was born in March, and it's still cold outside in Forks during that time, so everyone in town was none the wiser. I wasn't ashamed of being pregnant, I just didn't want to Cullens to know, and word travels fast in a small town. I only had another year of high school after Mase was born, and between my dad's hours at the lumber yard, my hours at school and work, and Alice's offer to babysit whenever, only the three of us ever saw him. I moved to Seattle before anyone ever found out. I still wasn't sure if anyone knew. When I visited, I only stuck around my dad's house and the park.

Seeing Esme in the grocery store forms a knot in my stomach. The memories of all the times she was so kind to me and accepted me into her home are strong and lovely, but they're tainted now by what her younger son did. I miss her love and support, but I can't have it anymore. So, I hide out in the opposite side of the store and don't finish my shopping until I see her checkout and leave.

The following Friday at work, Tanya asks me to go to out to drinks with her and a few other girls from work. I agree because I still need to drink from the past weekend. Like, more drinks than the bottle of wine in my fridge was able to afford me. The weekend was too much. I'm going to take this weekend as an opportunity to wind down.

I call Alice on my lunch break to see if she can watch Masen tonight. I know Jasper is out of town on business and she's by herself in her apartment. She says she'd love to have Masen for a few hours, so I tell her I'll drop him off at seven.

The night rolls around, and I change from my work clothes to something more appropriate for the bar Tanya told me about. I trade my slacks for a pair of skinny jeans, but I keep the blouse because its sheer and button down, and the lace camisole I'm wearing underneath is just sexy enough not to be motherly. I trade my blazer for a leather jacket and my heels for a pair of boots. I touch up my makeup before rounding up pajamas and Masen's Gameboy. I take a cab over to Alice's since I plan on getting just drunk enough to need a ride home.

"Thanks so much, Ali," I tell her as she opens the door. She hugs Mase and takes his bag from my hand.

She waves me off. "You know I love having him. He's so good. Plus, I think you need this night." I told her all about my weekend from hell when I got back from my dad's Monday afternoon. She was just as shocked as I was by Edward's return out of nowhere. She's the only one that knows all the details about the last time I saw him. My dad knows we had a pretty spectacular falling out, but I obviously never gave him an in depth play by play about the atrocity that was our split.

"I'll be back around eleven," I tell her.

"Just crash here when you get back, B. He'll be knocked out anyway. We'll go get breakfast in the morning," she suggests. It sounds amazing.

I smile at her. What type of good karma had I accumulated in a past life to get a friend like Alice? "That sounds great, Al."

She waves me out and I hop back into the same cab that drove me here. The bar is only a fifteen minute drive from Alice's house, so we're there pretty quickly. Much of the business traffic has already died down, so the drive isn't bad. I hand the cab driver cash as he drops me off and thank him. I walk into the bar and immediately spot Tanya, a few other girls from our job who's names escape me, and Rose, a proofreader that I actually like very much. She's been at the house longer than I have, and I helped her on a few projects when I was interning. We get along well and we've developed a sort of friendship over the years. I'm glad I know someone other than Tanya.

When the girls see me, I instantly get catcalls and whistles from them, which causes me to blush.

"Holy shit, I don't think I've ever seen you in anything beside business clothes," Rose says as I take a seat. I chuckle as a waiter comes up and asks what I want. I order a Long Island iced tea.

"Me neither. I mean, you work a pantsuit, but goddamn," Tanya agrees.

"You've got a nice little body, Bella. What do you do to work out?" Rose asked, taking a sip from her margarita.

"Uh…nothing?" Chase around a six year old? "I don't really work out. I mean, I walk occasionally, but nothing other than that." I shrug. I'm not athletic. Never have been, probably never will be. My mom's naturally thin, so I guess I got it from her. The boobs and the butt came from the pregnancy, though. No seventeen year old should have that body that I did after I gave birth to Masen.

"You surely did something after you had Masen, right? I mean, I know it's been several years, but Jesus, you look good. Your ass looks great in everything." Tanya is probably a little buzzed already, because she's much more vocal than I'm used to. I'm used to Rose's lack of verbal filter, though.

"I mean, I was only seventeen. I bounced back fast. My mom was the same way," I tell them. The waiter comes back with my drink and I take a few sips gratefully. Alcohol has never been so necessary in my life. "And the ass is because of the pregnancy."

Rose knows about Masen. I told her the abridged version that I told Tanya a few weeks after we first met my junior year of college. She had seen me out with Mase one day when I wasn't at the office. I was just taking a trip to the grocery store when she ran into us. I answered her questions the next time I was at work.

"Do you even have any stretch marks?" she asks wistfully. I know Rose wants children one day, but she also wants the body she has now to stick around.

"On my ass, hips, and boobs. They used to be pretty gnarly, but they're faint, now." My doctor had said I had very elastic skin, so it was able to accommodate my growing belly when I was pregnant. The areas that I did get stretch marks weren't so forgiving, but I didn't mind them. They were just evidence that I had carried my wonderful little boy for nine months.

"Jesus. I should've had kids young," Rose mutters, and I can't help but chuckle.

"You're only twenty-seven, Rose," I remind her. "And you're engaged. You can start having babies whenever you want."

She agrees and then we start chatting with the whole table. I'm introduced to the other girls at our table, but the by the time I finish my my second drink, they're all gone. I can handle my liquor pretty well, but I cannot, for the life of me, remember their names. I'm going to hate myself the next time I see them and scramble for their names, but it can't be helped at the moment.

About two hours after I've started drinking, Rose gets a text.

"Ooh, Em just pulled up. He said his brother is going to come later, as well, once he gets off work."

I know Em is her boyfriend, but I don't know why his brother is relevant.

"He's getting off soon? Why didn't he text me?" Oh. Em's brother must be Tanya's boyfriend. My tipsy brain is a little slow on the uptake.

"Em said he swung by the hospital for his PT earlier."

"Oh, okay." Rose and Tanya are both a little drunk, too. Everyone at the table is.

Arms are suddenly wrapped around Rose's waist and she's squealing happily. Rose and the man behind her share a sweet kiss before he plunks down in the seat next to her. He slings an arm around her shoulders and smiles.

Emmett is a pretty large guy, but he's a linebacker in the NFL, so that's to be expected. He's cute, too, with dark curly hair, pretty blue eyes, and dimples that probably wet the panties of any girl so fortunate to see them. He's very attractive, but he's very obviously in love with Rose. They've been engaged for about six months now, and I know they're in the midst of planning a wedding for the off-season.

"Bella, I don't think you and the future hubby have ever actually met," Rose says.

I finish the swig of beer I switched to after my third Long Island. "No, we haven't. It's nice to meet you, Emmett." I shake his outstretched hand and return his easy smile.

"You too, Bella. Rose talks about you a lot. Apparently your her favorite copyeditor to work with." His voice is deep, and it matches his build perfectly. It's smooth though, and there's a happy lilt to it. Rose has done well.

"Oh, stop it," I say playfully, batting my hand at Rose. She giggles.

"It's true. I haven't worked with Tan yet, but I'm sure she'll be my second favorite when I do." Rose smirks and Tanya gasps in mock offense.

"So rude," she teases, and I laugh along with Rose and Emmett.

"Hey, you're my baby bro's favorite, if that's any consolation," Em jokes.

Tanya's grin turns mischievous. "Oh, it definitely is." The way she licks her lips leaves no room for guessing about what she's talking about.

Em groans and Rose and I laugh.

"Speaking of, when is he supposed to be here?"

Emmett shrugs. "He said he should be off around eleven. Which is in…" he checks his watch, "twenty minutes."

"Is it nearly eleven already?" I wonder. I completely lost track of time. I check my phone. "Shit, I gotta go."

"Gotta relieve the babysitter?" Rose wonders.

"Yeah, something like that," I mutter.

"Aw, I wanted you to meet my boyfriend." Tanya pouts.

"Another time, I promise. I'll see when my friends are free so we can all hang out," I tell her. I gather my purse and shrug on my jacket. "It was nice to meet you, Emmett."

"You too, Bella."

* * *

 **So...yeah. That happened. Ya'll might be at the peak of your urge to junk punch with this one. I get it, really, I do. Next chapter will have another piece of the puzzle, though, so don't be too harsh.**

 **I have been asked if there will be an HEA for Bella and Edward. I just want to say, even though the odds look pretty shitty right now, I am all about an HEA. I'm a sucker for a good ending. So don't fret too much. It's just gonna be a bit of a journey.**

 **As always, I appreciate any love, comments, concerns, whatever you wanna send my way.**

 **Until next time, lovelies!**


	4. In Your Wildest Dreams

**Oh my goodness, you guys are amazing with all your reviews and messages. You've inspired me to update early :) I've read and responded to all of them that I could, the exceptions being the people on anonymous. A lot of you seem to be concerned with me making Bella the born-again virgin and Edward the carefree horny manwhore. I assure you, that's not the case. Everything that's happened in the last seven years will slowly be revealed. But first, on with the show!**

 **Disclaimer: I am not SM. I do not own Twilight, any of the characters, or any publicly recognizable entities. I do, however, own a physiology lab manual that was way too expensive for how pointless it is. I'm salty.**

* * *

 **CHAPTER FOUR**

 **IN YOUR WILDEST DREAMS**

 _Once upon a time_

 _Once when you were mine_

 _I remember skies_

 _Reflected in your eyes_

 _I wonder where you are_

 _I wonder if you_

 _Think about me_

 _Once upon a time_

 _In your wildest dreams_

 _-Moody Blues_

When I wake up the following Wednesday morning, the house is strangely quiet, and it's the first time in several days that I haven't been woken up by Masen. I figure he might be sleeping in for once, so I let him sleep while I get my morning started. I get the coffee pot set up and on and then I rummage around the fridge and pantry to see what I can scrounge up for breakfast. It's been a while since I've gone shopping, so we're running a little low. I mentally make plans to go shopping this weekend.

When I've sat with my cup of coffee, playing games on my phone, for several minutes and there's still no sign of Masen, I decide to head to his room to wake him up. When I get there, though, I see that he's not going to be out of bed for at least the rest of the day.

His little body is huddled up underneath his blankets, curled up into the fetal position. I can tell he's shivering, even from his doorway, and his normally peaceful face is drawn up in a grimace even when he's sleeping.

I kneel next to his bed and brush back his hair from his sweaty forehead. I press the backs of my fingers to the skin, and I can tell his fever is pretty high. Since it's the summer, there's only a sheet and a light blanket on his bed, so I grab another, heavier blanket from the hall closet and toss it over him to try to stop him from shivering. I go to the bathroom and grab the thermometer. I press it into his ear and grimace as I see the temperature read back to me. Nothing concerning enough to take him to the hospital, or anything, but I know that he's fighting off something pretty nasty. No wonder he's shaking so hard.

There's no way I'm waking him right now, so I call Shelley to let her know my son is sick and I'm going to need the day off. Usually I'd just ask Alice to watch him while I'm at work, but this is so last minute, and there's a very good chance she's at the shop today. I'll just take the day off, and if he's still sick enough not to go to school tomorrow, I'll ask Alice to watch him. It's not like I can't do my job from home, but I like to make it in as often as possible, because it's easier to communicate with my team and the authors when I'm there.

Since I have nowhere to be anymore, I settle into the couch and bring up my recorded episodes of Law & Order: SVU. I'm hooked on this damn show; have been for several years, now. I watched whenever it would play on TBS, but when they added the last few seasons on Netflix, I binge watched them, and now I keep up with the current seasons on NBC. It's an addiction, of sorts. I can't help it.

Halfway through the episode, I can feel myself drifting off. Since there hasn't been a peep from Masen's room, I figure he'll be out for a while. So I pause the episode, pull the afghan off the back of the couch, and fall asleep.

A while later, I wake up on my own. A little body is pressed against mine, though, and I can't help but smile as I see my son lying next to me, his back pressed to my front, and his own blanket wrapped around him. He's awake, but his eyes look a little dazed as he watches the episode of SpongeBob he found on TV. A glance at the clock on the cable box tell me I was out for nearly two hours.

"How are you feeling, baby?" I ask, running my fingers through his hair. It's so soft, like strands of silk, and it's the exact color of his father's. The possibility of him looking so much like Edward when he was born used to terrify me, but I wouldn't have it any other way now.

"I'm cold, Mama. And everything hurts." He sounds miserable and nasally. I know he's probably congested and there's most likely some nasty mucus sitting in his chest. He's still really feverish against me, so I work my way out from behind him and find all the medicine I can give him. I measure out some decongestant and kid's Tylenol for the fever. Luckily, he's not one of those kids that throws a fit when they have to take medicine, so he swallows them down and drinks from the cup of water I bring him and then lays back down.

"That should start working in a little bit, honey. It might make you sleepy," I tell him. I resettle myself on the couch, his head in my lap, and we watch cartoons together.

Halfway through the next episode, he's fast asleep in my lap, no longer shivering, but still sweating a bit. Once his fever breaks, he should feel a little bit better, and maybe he'll be up to eating something for lunch.

I gaze at him as he lays there, much more peaceful than I saw him earlier in the morning. He was so restless and feverish this morning, but now, lying here on my lap, he's so serene and at peace, and God, he looks like Edward. I only saw Edward sleep once while we were together, but I remember thinking how boyish he looked, even though he looked so grownup all the time. His face softened and his lips puckered so adorably, and his eyelashes were so long that they grazed the tops of his cheeks. And I remember the first time I realized how much Masen looked like his father.

~WTIAA~

 _ **March 2010**_

" _Alice, really, you don't have to be here. It's your birthday. Go out to the rez or something." It's her seventeenth birthday. She shouldn't be hanging out at my house with a new mom and her two week old baby. That seemed like the opposite of a good time on a birthday._

 _"Bella, I only go because you go. There's no point if you're not there. I like being with you and Charlie." She pauses and giggles. "And now little Mase."_

 _The look I give her is skeptical. She sighs and plops herself down on the couch next to me. "B, you're my best friend. There's nowhere I'd rather be than hanging out with you on my birthday. And if you're going to be home taking care of your baby, then that's where I'm going to be, too."_

 _My damn hormones have not gone back to normal, so of course I start crying when she says this. What the fuck did I ever do to deserve a friend like Alice?_

 _"Oh, Bella, don't cry. I think the last nine months have had enough tears for a lifetime." She reaches over and grabs the box of tissues on the side table before handing them to me._

 _"Happy tears, I promise," I tell her, giving her a watery smile as I dab at my eyes. I really am tired of crying. It's been a long nine months. "How long until my hormones are back under control?"_

 _I don't really expect her to have an answer, but she spouts one off anyway. "I think once your period is back to normal, everything gets better." When I give her a questioning look, she just shrugs. "I may have asked my mom about stuff like this. Being a nurse has some perks."_

 _"I'm really lucky to have you, Alice. I don't think I could've made it through all of this without you and my dad."_

 _She smiles and wraps her arms around my shoulders. "I'm lucky to be your friend, B. And I'll always be here, no matter what. Little Mase won't need a dad with Aunt Alice around." She beams cheekily at me and I can't help the laugh that bubbles out._

 _The Edward topic is still a little touchy, but it's less painful as of late. The first few months after our breakup were really hard. I was basically swinging between a state of catatonia and uncontrollable anger for two months. After that, school started to pick up, so I wasn't able to slack off. Alice kicked my ass into gear and I was able to get through the day without incident, usually. I pushed Edward out of my head as far as he would go, but sometimes stupid memories of him would crop up, and I'd find myself crying during whatever task I was doing. That happened pretty frequently through my pregnancy. When I was in labor, the lack of Edward's presence really hit me, and I broke down somewhere around three centimeters. I had it back together by the time I reached eight, but his absence still weighed heavily on my chest._

 _When I first saw Masen after he was born, his features were pretty indistinct from the swelling in his little face from birth, and his hair was just a plain light brown texture, so I couldn't really be sure who's hair he had. When he opened his eyes, they were a light grey color, and I had a sinking feeling that they'd be green like Edward's. I cried as I held him, but I was able to brush it off as just the overwhelming emotion from giving birth. In reality, I was crying for my little boy that would never meet his father._

 _In the two weeks since his birth, it's gotten a little bit easier. Mostly, I've been too focused on taking care of Masen and being absolutely exhausted to think of much else. The times when Edward does flit across my mind, I try not to let myself react too much. I have a person to take care of now, I can't let myself get lost in my own emotions._

 _I've been put on independent study for the rest of the semester. There's only two months left, so it won't be too bad. Plus, Alice and I have a majority of our classes together, so she's able to help me with lectures we've had in class, and she brings me work that our teachers assign. I do my work when Masen is napping after I've already gotten a few naps in. My baby is pretty good, as far as I can tell. He doesn't cry a lot and when he does, it's only because he needs to be fed or changed. He wakes up about every two hours throughout the night in order to eat and then be rocked back to sleep. I usually get a solid four hours, since my dad is kind enough to feed and change him when he gets back from work around three in the morning. I sleep through that time, but I'm up with him throughout the rest. When he naps during the day, I try to nap. It's been rough, but I'm figuring it out._

 _Alice helps out when she comes by after school, too. She insists on bottle feeding him when she's over, since she loves staring at his perfect little face, according to her. While she lets me copy her notes, she holds him and feeds him and talks to him while he's awake. Alice will make a really great mom one day. Hopefully, it'll be much further in the future, though._

 _Alice is still hugging me when the monitor starts to crackle and then relay Masen's soft little cries. I sigh and extract myself from her arms, giving one last dab to my eyes. I'm up the stairs quickly and into the small office that my dad and I converted into a nursery for Masen. It isn't a very large room, and my dad had insisted that he wasn't using it, but it's a perfect size right now for the crib, a small dresser, and the rocking chair that used to be in my room. It's the same rocking chair my parents had when I was a baby._

 _Masen's cries have quieted to an urgent gurgling now, and I see that he's trying to sooth himself by sucking on his hand. I pull his hand out of his mouth and replace it with a pacifier. I really don't want him to get into the habit of sucking his thumb. I've seen how that messes up kids' teeth. No thank you. I can always wean him off the pacifier later._

 _"Hey, buddy. Are you hungry?" I coo, cradling him to my chest. I check his diaper real quick, but I can't smell anything and there's no sogginess to his diaper, so I just take him right downstairs._

 _Alice's eyes light up when we emerge, and I can't help but smile at her. She really does love my son._

 _"Can I feed him?" she asks immediately._

 _I give her a sympathetic look and shake my head. "I don't have any milk. I haven't pumped in awhile."_

 _I'm lucky enough to be able to produce enough milk for Mase on my own. I was hesitant about breast feeding when my doctor first talked about it a few weeks before Masen was born. I didn't know if I would even be able to or if I'd have time for it once I went back to school in the fall. She told me, though, that my insurance actually covered a breast pump, and all I had to do was fill out some paperwork and fax it to them, and they'd send me one. So, two weeks later, I got a package with my fancy new breast pump in it, and a week and a half later, Masen was born. Getting him to latch that first time in the hospital was a little difficult, but he was doing fine by the time we were discharged. Now, in between feedings, I pump so that Alice and Charlie are able to make bottles for my baby._

 _"Okay, tomorrow, then," she says without missing a beat. I nod and smile as I settle myself on the couch._

 _Masen is moving his head back and forth, his mouth wide open and his pacifier long forgotten. He's rooting around, and it's the most adorable thing I think I've ever witnessed. I have Alice hold him while I get myself situated. I lost my self-consciousness about Alice seeing my breasts about a day after I brought Mase home, so I just pull down my tank top, grab a pillow and let Masen attach._

 _Even though neither of us minds, Alice tries to give me my privacy, so she heads into the kitchen. She asks if I want a snack, since it has been a few hours since lunch, but dinner is still awhile off. I tell her yes, and she doesn't come back in until after Mase is finished eating, a PB & J and apple slices in her hands. I change Masen real quick before he falls back asleep, and then I eat with Alice._

 _I'm sitting on the floor, my feet flat on the floor with my knees drawn up, and Masen is propped up in my lap. He's awake for now, squirming and making noise and letting his eyes wander. He's able to move his head side to side pretty well, and I know he's trying to lift it on his own, but he's a little young still. According to all those baby books I read, he should be able to lift his head on his own in about another two weeks._

 _I just look at him as we sit there, eating haphazardly. The bruising is completely healed and his skin is pretty and pinks. His hair has begun to fall out and regrow. It's changed from it's original light brown color to a coppery one, and I know it's going to be just like Edward's. Mine was always dark, from the moment I was born, until this very second, so he definitely isn't going to have my hair. His eyes are already beginning to change, too. The grey color is beginning to lighten just a little, and I know it's only a matter of time until they're bright, sparkling green. His facial features are still unclear, because that's just how babies are, but he has long fingers already._

 _He's all Edward, even at just two weeks old, and it's painful to acknowledge. The only real bright side is that I know my kid is going to be the most adorable little thing in the world. Edward's great genes made sure of that._

 _"He looks so much like Edward already," Alice whispers. Apparently she was gazing at him just like I was. "Sorry."_

 _I shake my head. "No, it's okay. I was just thinking the same thing. It's not a bad thing, really." It's probably the only evidence he'll ever have as his father. I didn't even put Edward's name on the birth certificate._

 _"Are you going to try to contact him?" This has been a topic of discussion since the end of August. I still stand by my decision._

 _"No. He didn't want our baby. He doesn't get to change his mind now. Not after what he said. He made it very clear that his future was very important to him, and while I respect that, his comments are unforgivable."_

 _Alice nods. "Okay, Bella. Like I said, I'll support you, no matter what."_

~WTIAA~

 **September 2016**

At the end of the day, I call Alice to ask her if she or Jasper can watch Masen the next day. He's still really tired and he doesn't sound so hot, so I don't want to send him to school. I do have an important meeting with one of my authors, though, otherwise I would just stay home with him another day. She agrees and says she'll be at my apartment by eight the next morning. I thank her and tell her I'll see her in the morning before hanging up.

I make a simple dinner of canned chicken noodle soup. Luckily, Mase isn't throwing up, but he hurts all over and is too tired to sit up for long periods of time. He eats his bowl pretty sluggishly, but I let him sit there for as long as he needs. Once he's declared himself finished, I usher him back into the living room and lay him on the couch.

"Don't fall asleep yet, bud. I'm just gonna take care of the dishes real quick and then we're gonna take a bath, okay?" His eyes are already heavy when he nods, so I rush to rinse out the bowls and the pots that I used.

He's on the verge of sleep when I get back into the living room, so I jostle him gently and tell him to go to the bathroom. I draw a bath for him, something I haven't done in a few years. He stopped taking baths once he started preschool, since he said he was too old for baby baths anymore. He willingly lets me wash him today, though, and I try to be as quick as possible. He's shivering by the time I tell him he can get out, so I leave him to get dressed while I measure out more medicine for him. He's already tucked underneath his blankets by the time I get back, so I give him his medicine and kiss him goodnight. I'm pretty sure he's out before I even close the door.

The next morning, Alice is there just a few minutes after eight. Masen is still asleep, so I'm just sitting and having a cup of coffee and toast while I wait for her.

"How is he?" she asks as she pours her own mug. She joins me at the kitchen table.

"I think he's a little better this morning. He woke up last night coughing a couple times, so he's gonna be pretty tired. I took his temperature when I woke up, though, and he's down to one hundred from one-oh-three, so that's good."

She nods. "Good. Hopefully he'll be excited to see me when he wakes up."

I smile at her. "He was already pretty happy when I let him know last night. I'm sure he would've been bouncing if he had more energy."

She laughs. "I'm excited to spend the day with him, too."

"I'm going to try to leave work early so you don't have to be exposed to the germs longer than necessary. I basically just have my meeting this morning and then a team meeting, so I shouldn't be gone longer than twelve or one."

She waves me off. "Don't rush, B. I can handle a little sickness. Do what you need to do. It's a Thursday; I've got nothing else planned for the day."

I stand up and give her a hug. "Thanks, Al. You're the best."

She beams at me. "Of course I am." She winks and I laugh.

I slip on my shoes and grab my messenger bag. "Alright, I'm heading out. Tell Mase I said bye."

~WTIAA~

"Will do," she calls as I walk through the door.

My meetings go well that day and I'm home just a little after noon. Alice heads home, and Masen and I hang out for the rest of the day. By dinner, his fever is nearly gone and he's got much more energy than the day before. He declares to me at dinner than he's going to school the next day. I just chuckle and tell him that's fine by me.

The next day, we're back to our regular routine: get ready in the morning, make breakfast, go to the coffee shop, drop Masen off at school, and then head into work. Tanya asks how Masen is feeling today. I told her yesterday about his sudden sickness and his two days out of school, so I tell her he's back at school and feeling much better. She smiles and tells me she's glad and then we get into work stuff. There's a new manuscript Shelley wants us to work on and make preemptive edits on before the following weekend. It's an author we've worked with a few times before, and their work is usually pretty flawless when we first get it, so I'm not too worried about it. I'll give it a look tonight anyway, though.

At lunch, Alice calls to ask if we can do anything kid-friendly for my birthday this weekend. The actual day is in the middle of the week, so she wants to celebrate with Mase this weekend and then do something just for the adults the weekend following. It gives me time to find a babysitter or arrange for my dad to have him for the weekend. I agree and tell her we should go out for ice cream and a movie on Sunday with Masen and Jasper. She quickly looks up movie times and says there's some cartoon playing at noon that day, and we can get ice cream at Handel's after. I make a note of it on my calendar on my desk and we say goodbye.

I pick Masen up from the Cheney's house after work that day. Since Mase has half days Fridays and I'm in work until about three, Angela and Ben had been so gracious to offer to pick him up and watch him while I was still working. On days that I just can't make getting out early work, I pick him up and spend a few minutes chatting with Angela while the boys clean up.

Angela makes us tea and asks how Masen's doing. She can tell he feels better, but he must have felt awful to not go to school, she remarks. Masen absolutely loves school, and he basically plays off everything just to make sure he can go everyday. He was in pretty bad shape to have missed two days.

I ask her how her pregnancy is going, and she says that's she's twenty weeks. They found out that they're having a girl at their last appointment, so I congratulate her and give her a hug.

"Do you want anymore children, Bella?" she asks as we watch Mase and Benji play with cars. They're supposed to be cleaning them up, but they're easily distracted.

I shrug and do a weird nodding and shaking my head thing at the same time. If that wasn't the most ambiguous answer I have ever given…

"I don't know. I mean, it would be nice, but I don't see it happening for a while, if ever. I'd love for Mase to have a sibling, but…" I trail off. It's probably not going to happen unfortunately.

"I guess it's hard to find a guy in his early twenties that wants to play dad to a kid that isn't his," she says. Angela isn't that much older than me at twenty-seven, but she's old enough for there to be a significant age gap between us and the people we're around regularly.

I snort sarcastically. "It was impossible to get his own father to play dad." It's cynical and there's definite bitterness in my words, but Angela knows Masen's dad didn't stick around from the very beginning. She pretty much avoids the topic of his father.

"Not every guy is like that, Bella," she says softly. She's right, of course. Benji wasn't planned, but Ben stepped up, helped out, was there for Angela, and they got married six months after he was born. They were only dating for a year before they found out she was pregnant, less than Edward and I had been together, but Ben stuck around, and now they're very obviously in love and incredibly happy.

I'm just not that lucky. I never have been. I probably never will be.

"I know. But I'm happy with just Masen and me. He's got my dad and my friend's boyfriend to look up to." This is true, but I also can't help but wonder what it would be like if Edward was around. Like if he hadn't been a complete wreck when we broke up and he'd stepped into being a father. Would Masen be better off with a perfect version of Edward? No doubt. But was that perfect version of Edward a reality back then? Not a chance. He was too fucked up back then and neither of us were ready. I grew up and did something about it. Edward got high and ran away.

Masen finally announces that they're done cleaning up. I thank Angela for watching him and making tea. I let her know with my smile and hug that I'm not upset about the conversation we had. She smiles and says she'll see me next week.

For dinner, as a celebration that Masen is no longer sick and unwilling to eat even his favorite foods, I take us to his favorite pizza place. We've just sat down after ordering when a familiar voice calls my name.

"Bella?"

I look over the top of the booth we're situated in and see Rose. She's smiling and with Emmett, and it looks like they've just walked in. She drags him over to where we're sitting, but he smiles good-naturedly about it.

"Hey, Rose. How are you?" I ask as I stand to hug her.

"I'm great. I haven't seen you since we had drinks." She greets Masen and he smiles widely at her, pouring on the charm. _Down, boy._

"Yeah, life's been a little busy. You guys are welcome to join us if you want."

"That actually sounds really great," she says. "Oh, Bella, you already know Em. Masen, this is my fiancé, Emmett. Em, baby, this is Bella's son, Masen."

Emmett smiles at my son, but there's a strange look in his eye for a spilt second before it's gone. I'm not sure if it was really there, or if I had imagined it. He seems to shake it off, though, and offers his giant hand to Masen.

Mase immediately accepts it and his little hand is completely engulfed by Em's massive paw.

"Hey, Masen, how you doin', bud?" Emmett asks, and I can already tell that Em likes kids. I think Rose should definitely get on that baby-making thing with him. They'd have the cutest kids.

"I'm good, how are you?" Ever the little grownup.

Em chuckles. "I'm great, kid." He releases Masen's hand and turns to talk to Rose. "What do you want, babe?"

"Just the regular," she says, sliding into the booth next to me. Looks like Emmett gets to help Masen with his pizza, then.

He nods and walks over to order for them. Rose and I make small talk until Emmett comes back. He asks Mase if he knows how to play hangman, and when Masen says yes, he flips the paper placemat over to the blank side and uses a crayon to start a game. Yep, definitely gonna be a good dad.

"When is your guys's wedding?" I ask. Rose had been talking about guests and decorations, but I had no idea when they were actually tying the knot.

"After football season ends. We haven't set an official date yet. We're working on that," Rose says.

"Why does football season have to be over to get married?" Masen wonders, obviously very confused.

Emmett chuckles. "Because I play football for a living."

Masen glances up at him, seems to think for a moment, and then shrugs. "That's cool. I wanna be a policeman when I grow up."

Rose and Em laugh. I give them sheepish looks. "Sorry, we don't really watch sports at our house. He only ever sees sports when we go to my dad's." Emmett is pretty well-known in the NFL world, so it's probably a little strange that a six year old little boy doesn't know who he is.

"That's okay. HGTV is usually playing in ours," Em shrugs, going back to his game of hangman.

"Don't let Em fool you. He watches those home improvement shows far more than I do," Rose says, smirking at her fiancé. Em gives her a mock offended look, but grins at her.

"I'm getting wedding ideas, babe," he says, giving her a wink.

"Do you know where you're getting married yet?" I ask. A waiter comes by with both our orders right then, so they wait to answer until we all are served.

"We're getting married in a little town called Forks about three hours from here. That's where Em grew up. His parents' estate is beautiful for an outdoor wedding," Rose gushes, but I can't help but stare open-mouthed at Emmett. I'm sure it's a very attractive sight.

"You grew up in Forks?" I ask.

Emmett nods. "Yeah, you know of it?"

Masen tunes into the conversation at this point. "That's where Grandpa lives."

"I grew up there," I say.

"Wow, small world," Em says. "What year did you graduate?"

"Twenty-eleven."

"Oh, yeah, no wonder I don't know you. I graduated in oh-six. I went to college right after and was drafted to the NFL before I even graduated."

I giggle as Rose rolls her eyes. "Yeah, yeah. We get it, hotshot."

~WTIAA~

Saturday passes in a lazy way, with Masen and I sleeping in, making pancakes around eleven, and then watching cartoons well into the afternoon. Eventually, we become a little more productive and he sits down to do some homework and I pull out the new manuscript and my trusty red pen to set to work.

Like I imagined, the manuscript is nearly perfect as it is, so I'm more reading and becoming enthralled with the story than actually working. I think I've made about ten suggestions in the last fifty pages, so that should be quite telling of how amazing this author is. I have a pretty good feeling that Tanya will have similar struggles making changes with this story. This man is just too good.

Sunday, as promised, Alice and Jasper meet us to see a movie. Masen giggles through the whole thing, and it gets a few chuckles out of the adults, too, so I'd say it was a success. It will definitely be a movie Mase begs me to buy when it comes out on DVD in a few months.

Alice and Jasper picked us up from the apartment before the movie, so we make the twenty minute drive from the theater to Handel's together, as well. Masen chatters on and on about all his favorite parts of the movie while Jasper listens, seemingly enthralled with every word my son speaks. He's driving, but he continually glances at him in the rearview mirror to let him know that's he's listening and paying attention. He's going to make a great dad some day, too. Probably sooner rather than later if Alice has anything to say about it.

Alice and I talk about our plans for the following weekend during the ride.

"Do you know where you want to go?" she asks. She's turned around pretty much completely in her seat so that she can actually look at me as we talk.

"Well, it's probably just gonna be a few people, so maybe just a bar or something? Maybe dinner beforehand?" I'm really not into big productions, especially on my birthday. Alice knows this. She may not like it, but she knows it.

She sighs, as I suspected. "You really need more friends, B."

"Hey, I was gonna invite Rose and Tanya and their significant others, if they're not busy. That counts, right?"

"You haven't even met Tanya's boyfriend. You don't even know his name, so no, that does not count," she says. "Plus, I know Em is going to be in St. Louis for a game. If you even pretended to watch sports, you'd know that too. So that doesn't count either."

"Alice, since when have you watched sports?" This is news to me. Alice, in all the years that I've known her, has never even pressed select on a sports channel. She may have accidentally watched a split second of a game one time when she left the channel on a cable station the last time she had the TV on. I watched sports more than that woman has. I grew up with Charlie. There is always some sort of game being watched in that house.

"Jazz likes football, so I watch games with him," she shrugs.

I call bullshit. "That's a load of sh—doo-doo," I say, catching myself before I curse with Masen in the car. I try my best, but I do sometimes slip around him. He calls me out on it every time. The tongue lashing I get from him is definitely not worth the second's worth of satisfaction I get for saying the word.

"Okay, so I play on my phone while he watches," she admits. "But I do catch enough to know when who is playing who."

"Whom," I correct. It's instinct at this point. It annoys that crap out of Alice.

"Whatever. I still know basic stuff."

"My TV is constantly on recordings or cartoons. Sports don't even come up during commercials."

"Fine, whatever. Emmett's out. So you've got two other people, Bella."

"Well, I would invite Angela, but she's pregnant. I mean, I guess I could invite her to dinner."

Alice smiles. "There ya go, one more person. Maybe you do have friends, B."

I flip her off when Masen's not looking.

~WTIAA~

After what seems to most annoying car ride ever, we finally get to Handel's. I help Masen with his seatbelt before he hops out, grabbing onto Jasper's hand as we cross the street. Like usual, Jasper and Mase go to sit down at a free table while Alice and I order.

There's only a few people here, since the weather is definitely getting cooler. This place is usually packed on a Saturday afternoon, but there's only two other tables with people at them and there's only one other group of people in front of us. There's usually at least ten people working inside the shop, but I can only count three right now. Business definitely dies down when it gets cold, but there are people like us that are still crazy enough to brave the elements for some good ice cream. I feel like we practically keep this place open.

Alice and I finally order, and Alice insists on paying for it all, since this is part of my birthday celebration, according to her. I can just imagine her paying for our entire night out next weekend as well, and I try to stop myself from cringing. I mean, Alice's business does really well, and Jasper definitely does more than enough to get by, so they can afford it, but I still feel bad. I make enough to support myself and my son and still have a little extra for fun stuff, but I know that Alice still feels like she has to help. I'm grateful for it, obviously, but I still feel like I shouldn't let her, for some reason. I'm prideful, I guess.

We wait for a few minutes for our orders, and then carry them back to the table when they're given to us. Mase is sitting beside Jasper, playing on his phone as Jasper helps him with whatever game they're playing. From the sounds of Jasper's instructions, it's some sort of matching game that involves math. At least they're not playing some horrendous shooting game. I know some kids are fond of those already. I shudder to think of the day Masen asks me to buy him Call of Duty or some other war game. I'm not against them in general, I just want to keep my little boy innocent for as long as possible. Although, he makes everything into a gun already. I think that's just a boy thing, though. Like it's innate or something.

We sit and eat our ice cream as Mase tells us about his time at school. He's really loving being a first grader and learning new things. He informed me a few days ago that he wants to start learning to play an instrument, like the piano. Funny how much a kid can be like their dad even when he's not around to influence him. Sometimes, I'm pretty sure I just birthed a carbon copy of Edward.

I'm just wiping some ice cream off of Masen's face with a wet napkin when I hear my name called. I recognize the voice immediately.

"Bella! Hey," Tanya says, coming up beside me. I stand and greet her with a hug.

"Hey, Tan, good to see you. Finally came to try to the ice cream place I told you about?" I ask.

"Yes! My boyfriend and I finally had a day off together, so we decided to go out," she says. She glances around me and spots Masen. He waves at her with his wicked little grin and I roll my eyes. Tanya giggles and waves back at him.

"Oh, Tanya. These are my friends, Alice and Jasper. They're the ones I was telling you about," I tell her.

"It's really nice to finally meet you," Tanya says, reaching to shake both their hands. Alice, of course, waves her off and pulls her into a light hug. Tanya reciprocates happily.

"Bella, I really want you to meet my boyfriend. He was just taking a call in the car. He should be here in a sec."

"Yeah, I'd love to," I tell her.

Just as I say that, I hear the sound of footsteps jogging up to where we're all standing on the sidewalk. Mase tugs on my hand at the same moment, so I look down at him just as I see a man wrap his arm around Tanya's waist.

"Just a second, baby," I tell him, just as I hear Alice say my name in a weird tone. I look away from Masen and up to Tanya and her ever elusive boyfriend. I feel my heart sink as I look at him.

Simultaneously, Tanya says, "Bella, I'd like you to meet—" I unintentionally cut her off. I'm just in too much shock to be cordial. I feel like my heart is going to burst right out of my chest.

"Edward?"

* * *

 **Boom. Cliffie. Sorry about it haha. The next chapter will be posted on Monday, though, so hopefully y'all can live with that. Shit's about to go down, I can promise you that. The story is really going to start picking up from here and we'll get to see what else happened back in the day that led them to where they are now.**

 **Also, I forgot to mention this at the beginning, Handel's is a real ice cream place. It's located in Upland, CA, close to where I live, and it's just as amazing as I make it out to be in the story. Seriously, best ice cream ever, so if you're ever in the area and are hankering for some ice cream, 10/10 would recommend. I've got all my college friends hooked on it.**

 **So, leave me some love. I honestly love reading what you guys have to say. Hearing all your theories about what is going on is amazing and I love hearing all your guesses. I've only had a few people come really close, though. I still love reading them anyway!**

 **Until next time, lovelies!**


	5. We Threw It All Away

**Alright y'all. This is it. This will complete the "what happened to make Edward not know about Masen" story. There's two flashbacks in this chapter. There will be more in the future, but they slow down a little bit after this.**

 **I know you're all anxious to get reading, so I won't keep you long.**

 **Disclaimer: I am not SM. I do not own Twilight, the characters, or any publicly recognizable entities. I do own a Human Sexuality textbook that I actually use and enjoy. $40 well spent.**

* * *

 **CHAPTER FIVE**

 **WE THREW IT ALL AWAY**

 _And the whole world changed_

 _Not a clue what to do_

 _So I just kept on loving you_

 _On the day_

 _That we threw it all away_

 _-Jason Michael Carroll_

 _ **August 2009**_

 _A few days after my horrible confrontation with Edward, I wake up in the middle of the night to terrible stomach cramps. When I stumble into the bathroom, I can immediately see blood staining the crotch of my pajama shorts. The blood feels like it drains from my entire body._

No, no, no. This can't be happening.

 _I don't know what else to do. I haven't told Charlie about the baby yet. He's going to have to find out now, in the most awful way. I have no other way to get to the hospital. It's the middle of the night, and there's no way Alice will answer her phone. She's dead to the world when she sleeps._

 _"Dad!" I yell, my voice obviously displaying my panic. When he doesn't respond and I don't hear sound coming from his room, I yell again. I can hear myself getting hysterical. I'm panting now. I can hear my heart pounding in my ears._

 _I'm beginning to worry that he's still at work, but I hear his door open and his feet padding in the hallway. His bleary, tired-eyed figure appears in the door._

 _"Bells, are you okay?" he asks, obviously still half asleep. I whimper, barely holding myself together, and he seems to notice the blood that's now slowly dripping down my leg. His eyebrows furrow. "Bells, why are— Are you—?" He can't finish the sentence. He thinks I'm being overdramatic about my period._

Sorry, old man. This is so much worse.

 _I can feel the tears pouring down my face. "Daddy," I whimper. I think he realizes then that this is serious. I haven't called him Daddy in years. "I'm pregnant. But, now I'm bleeding, and I'm so sorry. I was gonna tell you soon, but everything with Edward…and I just really need to get to a hospital."_

 _His usually perfectly composed face is pulled together in pain and worry. "Shit, Bells. It's okay, sweetheart." I'm sobbing now, and he pulls me into his chest. He's warm from sleep and he smells like pine and sandalwood. It's comforting, but my panic is swelling and there's not much that can help right now._

I'm losing my baby.

 _"Put some sweats and shoes on. I'll get your medical card and meet you in the car."_

 _I want to thank him profusely for helping me right now and brushing aside the fact that I just told him I'm pregnant in order to get me to the hospital. I know there will be a discussion later, but right now, I'm just worried about my baby._

 _I quickly change out of my ruined shorts and underwear and put a new pair on, as well as my sweats. I stick a pad in my underwear, just to prevent anymore blood from getting anywhere. I throw on my sneakers and rush down the stairs as quickly as I can. I'm still crying, so my vision is blurry, but I can see my dad's truck lights on through the front window. I close the front door behind me and climb into the truck._

 _My sobs have progressed and I'm now hyperventilating. I can feel it happening, but I can't stop myself from doing it. I know it's bad, but I can't make myself do anything about it._

 _I can hear Charlie muttering to himself beside me, but I can't hear what about over the sounds of my panic. I'm sure he's cursing Edward for getting me pregnant and me for even having sex in the first place. The crease in his brow and his white-knuckled grip on the steering wheel shows his worry, and I know he's driving as fast as the old truck will go to get me to the hospital faster._

 _I feel like shit for not telling him sooner, but after the scene at Edward's house, I locked myself in my room for days, only opening my door when Alice came over. She held me as I cried, and when Charlie asked her, she just told him that Edward and I got into a fight and broke up. She never told him what it was about, because she knew I wanted to tell Charlie myself. He deserved to hear it from me. Well, now he had, and I was having a miscarriage._

Could this be anymore fucked up?

 _We finally pull up to the hospital, and Charlie pulls right into the emergency bay, disregarding the sign that says this area is for emergency vehicles only. I am still sobbing so hard that I barely get my seatbelt undone by the time he's opening up my door. I slide the belt off and I am suddenly in my father's arms. I bury my face in his shoulder as we walk through the emergency room._

 _I hear him talking to someone, and I'm suddenly placed on a bed. I'm being wheeled out of the reception area and through a set of doors by what appears to be a nurse. I have Charlie's hand clutched in mine, and my chest is heaving with the breaths that I'm taking. At least I'm not hyperventilating now._

 _I get placed in a room and needles poke into my arm while other things get stuck to me. The nurse helps me out of my pants and pulls a blanket over me. Charlie tells me that he's going to go move the car and he'll be right back. I think he's just trying to give the nurse and me privacy as she helps me into a gown._

 _The nurse assures me that they're going to get me checked out as soon as possible and that I'm hooked up to an IV to keep me hydrated and administer medicine if they need to later on. I nod numbly as she asks me questions, like what my name is, my weight and height and how far along I think I am. I tell her I'm guessing eight or nine weeks, but I'm not sure since I haven't seen a doctor yet. She just assures me that it's fine. Charlie comes in as she finishes asking her questions._

 _She hands him a clipboard to fill out the rest of my information on. She tells us she's calling the doctor over immediately to come check on me and my baby before she leaves._

 _It's just Charlie and me now, and my sobbing has subsided to just a constant stream of tears. I can hear my heartbeat through one of the monitors, and it's faster than normal, but I expected as much. I've been panicking for at least the last half an hour._

 _"Daddy," I whisper, but I know he hears me. I don't look at him, though, for fear of seeing the disappointment in his eyes. I can't handle that yet._

 _"Yes, Bells?" His voice is weary, but I can't tell anything else from it alone. I'll have to look at his face eventually._

 _"What time is it?"_

 _He pauses for a moment, probably checking his watch or phone. "It's just after five."_

 _"Can you call Alice and tell her I'm here?" My dad has Alice's number, just in case. I guess this is the case._

 _"Sure, Bells."_

 _It's quiet for a few long moments, and I work on getting my breathing under control. When I can't take the silence anymore, I speak._

 _"I'm sorry," I whimper. "I'm so sorry, Daddy." My tears come faster and Charlie is suddenly at my side, his hand holding mine._

 _"Shh," he hushes. His thumb strokes over the back of my hand. "It's gonna be okay, Bells. We'll talk about all the hard stuff later. Let's just get you through this right now."_

 _I have never loved my father more than I do in that moment._

 _~WTIAA~_

 **September 2016**

" _Edward?"_

"Bella?"

"Shit," I hear Alice hiss behind me.

"Aunt Alice, you said a bad word," Masen giggles. It would be funny if I wasn't ready to break down into a panic attack right now.

Alice says something to appease him, but I can't hear anyone anymore. The blood is rushing violently in my ears and my hands are cold and clammy suddenly.

Time seems to freeze as I lay eyes on the one person I was determined to never see again, let alone be speaking to. My first traitorous thought is, _God, he's so handsome,_ but I brush it away. Well, I try. All that really happens is I take in his features. His hair is still a mess with a mind of its own, even at…what is he now? Twenty-six? His facial features have become more angular with age; his cheekbones and jaw are more defined and it definitely makes him look older. His lips are still pouty and his nose is still just a hair crooked. He's taller, though, that much is sure. His shoulders are wider, too. I can see where the t-shirt he's wearing pulls across his shoulders and the muscle in his chest. Fuck, he looks too good.

Every memory I have with him in it comes rushing forward. The good and the bad times. Our first date, the subsequent dates afterward, the cute little things he'd do for me, our first fight, the first time we slept together, all the times we slept together after that. The times he guilted me into going to all of his last dances with him, but then I ended up having a great time, anyway. His senior prom. His birthdays we celebrated together, the day I told him I was pregnant. That day at the hospital. All of it.

I'm barely holding myself together. I can feel the hysterics wanting to bubble up out of my chest. The only thing holding me together is Masen's hand in mine, reminding me that I have someone who relies on me, now. Someone who needs me to stay put together long enough to take care of before I completely fall apart. Someone who never needs to see his mom completely lose it.

"You two know each other?" I eventually hear Tanya ask. She must be confused as to all that just happened here.

"Uhh," is my smart response. I'm still barely keeping the sobs and tears at bay.

"Bella and I went to high school together," Edward answers her. His voice sounds tense. It's deeper than I remember it being. It has been nearly eight years, though.

When I glance up to look at his face, his eyes are trained on Masen, and I can see the hand that's not wrapped around Tanya is clenched into a fist at his side.

Fuck. Edward is Tanya's _amazing_ boyfriend. What a clusterfuck this is going to turn into.

"Wow, small world," she comments. The ease in it seems forced. Tanya is a smart girl. She can obviously clue in on the tension and weirdness that is surrounding this meeting. "How come you never said anything, Bella?"

Oh. I actually have to come up with an intelligent response. "You never said his name." This is true. She always just referred to him as her boyfriend. I think she may have called him Eddie once, but I would never have connected that to my Edward. He absolutely hated anyone calling him Eddie. At least when I knew him.

"But you met Emmett. You didn't know they were brothers?" She actually seems genuinely confused by this. I'm starting to feel bad for her. She probably can tell that something happened between Edward and me, and that I purposely hid this from her.

I shake my head. "I knew Edward had a brother. I never met him, though. He was already at college when Edward and I…hung out."

"You definitely saw pictures of him," Edward says. His eyes are on me, and the look in them is not friendly. It actually kind of reminds me of the way he looked at me when I told him I was pregnant. I wonder if he's still using.

I clench my jaw but just shrug. I try to relax before Tanya can get more worried than she already is. "It was eight years ago. A lot has happened in that time."

His eyes flicker down to Masen, and I pull him closer into my side out of habit. He glances up at me like, "Mom, what the heck?", but I just wrap my arms around his shoulder. This is not the situation I wanted us to be in when, and if, Mase ever came into contact with his father.

"Obviously," he says.

"Oh, babe. I didn't get a chance to introduce you to Masen. He's Bella's son," Tanya says. Her voice has lost some of its normal luster, but I know she's trying to keep things light, and I'm grateful for that.

A slightly strained smile flits across Edward's face. "Hey, bud. I'm Edward."

I think Masen can feel the negative atmosphere, because he just gives Edward a short little wave, still tucked into my side. He's usually all about handshakes and introductions, but I'm pretty sure he knows something is up between his mom and this man.

"Bella," I finally hear Alice say. "We should probably get going."

I tear my eyes away from Tanya and Edward and look at my best friend. She's very obviously avoiding looking at Edward. Her eyes are imploring as she looks at me. She wants out of here just as much as I do.

I nod, and Jasper is suddenly up. "Come on, little man. Let's get you in the car." He takes Masen's hand and is able to pry him away from my body.

He looks up at Jasper and nods. "Okay, Uncle Jasper."

"I'll be right there, baby," I call to him as he looks back at me. I try to give him what I hope is a reassuring smile, but I'm pretty sure it falls flat. My ability to keep up an unaffected front is waning. I'm going to crash soon.

"Alice?" Edward suddenly asks. Alice is up and throwing our cups away. She freezes and turns to face him.

"Edward," she says curtly, giving a sharp nod. If there's one thing Alice does even better than running her own business, it's holding a grudge. She had to pick up the pieces when Edward left. She cared for Masen when I needed a break. She's been there for the eight years that he hasn't. She's pissed. She has been for all this time.

She comes over and grabs my arm and gently tugs me away from Tanya and Edward. Tanya looks a little dumbfounded at what's happening, but Edward is upset. I can still tell from his body language. The clenching fist and the deep furrow in his eyebrows are still his tells. Again, I wonder if he's still using. The first time I found out about the coke, he told me he used it to stay awake so he could be more productive. If he's a medical intern right now, he'd probably need it more than ever. I wonder if Tanya knows.

"I'll see you at work tomorrow, Bella," Tanya says. I'm not so sure about that.

"Yeah, see ya." I don't even offer Edward any pleasantries.

I barely hold myself together on the way home. Jasper and Alice keep shooting me concerned looks in the rearview mirror and over their shoulder. Luckily, Masen has fallen asleep, so I don't have to answer the questions he's bound to have right this second. I need a few minutes to myself to get composed. Or maybe a few hours.

By the time we pull up to my apartment, there's tears building in my eyes, and I think both my friends can sense the impending break down.

"We're going up with you, B. Jasper will keep an eye on Mase and we can talk if you need to," Alice says. Her voice is soft, like she's talking to a skittish animal. In a way, I guess she is.

I barely manage a nod as I unbuckle my seatbelt. I know Jasper will get Masen, so I just walk with Alice straight up to my apartment and open the door. My shoes and sweater are off in the doorway and I'm already curled up in my bed by the time I hear Jasper come through the front door.

Alice lays next to me as the first of my tears fall. I'm sobbing within a few seconds.

I feel her arms wrap around me as my body shakes. She hushes me gently and one of her hands brushes back the hair from my face. She hums to me and lets me get out all the sobs and whimpers that I need to. The last time we were in this position was seven years ago, when she finally got to the hospital.

~WTIAA~

 _ **August 2009**_

 _Alice and Charlie are sitting with me in my hospital room. The doctor was in about a half an hour ago to do a sonogram and draw some blood in order to run some more tests. He told us that the sonogram looked fine, that the placenta was still attached to my uterine wall and he could still pick up a heartbeat. He said he would like to keep me for a few hours, though, just to keep an eye on things. Due to my bleeding and cramping, he thinks it is possible that I have what's called a subchorionic hemorrhage, which is bleeding between the placenta and uterus. He said he saw what looked like fluid, but it's hard to tell. But there's still a possibility that the bleeding was a sign of imminent miscarriage. We just have to wait and see._

 _I cried myself out earlier, so now I just stare at the TV blankly as it plays some reruns of a show I know nothing about. I'd rather watch the news than whatever this is, but I have no idea where the remote is._

 _Charlie clears his throat and makes to stand from his chair. He looks a little stiff, but he has been sitting there for the last hour. "I'm going to go get food and coffee. You girls want anything?"_

 _"Coffee," Alice and I say at the same time._

 _He nods to Alice but then looks at me. "You can't have caffeine, Bells."_

 _I purse my lips. Dammit. "Juice, then?"_

 _He gives me a soft smile. "I can get you juice." He walks over and takes ahold of my hand. He presses a soft kiss to my forehead, and I can feel the hairs of his mustache tickle against my skin. "Everything is going to work out, Bells. You'll see."_

 _I thought I was cried out, but evidently not. Tears spring to my eyes, and I sniffle pathetically as I nod. I hope he's right. No matter how terrified I am to have this baby on my own, I would be completely crushed if I lost it. I've already grown so attached to the life inside me in just the few days that I've known of its existence._

 _Alice comes over and sits in the chair right next to the bed I'm in. She takes hold of my hand and gently squeezes it. She hums to me, and it helps to battle away the panic I feel rising in my chest again. I'm so scared of losing this baby. That on top of the emotional mess that I've been since I last saw Edward is bubbling up and pushing me to another breakdown. I wonder if I'll ever stop crying throughout this pregnancy. Whatever of it I have left._

 _Just as I'm getting my tears to stop, there's a bit of a commotion outside of my room. I've left the door open, so I can see out into the hall, but the blinds on the window are closed, so I can't see the nurse's station that's right outside my room. There's raised voices, the sound of nurses responding, and then a higher, feminine, more soothing voice that speaks above them all. I recognize that voice, and I tense up at the implications._

Esme. _That must mean Edward and Carlisle are here, too. That means Edward's parents know. Jesus Christ. Just when I was getting myself calmed down._

 _I can feel Alice's hand squeeze mine tightly. When I look over, there's a slight urgency in her eyes._

 _"Bella, I'm sorry. I texted him after Charlie called me. I thought he should know that you're in the hospital. I think that was probably a stupid idea." Her tone is pleading, like she thinks that I'm going to be upset with her. But my emotions are stretched so thin already, I have no room to be upset about this. At least, not yet. Edward being here right now is the least of my worries. I won't be facing him alone. Alice is here, my dad will be back soon, his parents are here, and there's medical staff that will tell him to get out if I want him to leave._

 _"It's okay, Alice. I understand," I tell her. My voice is weak. I'm exhausted from being up so long with very little sleep. I hadn't been sleeping well, anyway. This morning's panic has just added to my exhaustion. My adrenaline has been on such a back and forth recently that I'm pretty much drained._

 _"Bella, honey," a nurse says, knocking on the door frame. She's kind. She's been here since I was admitted. She kind of reminds me of Alice's mom. I wonder if they're friends. "You have a visitor." The look in her eyes is hesitant. She probably can tell that there's strife between him and I and wants to protect me from it._

 _I nod at her, though, and her shoulders seem to sag in relief. "Let him in. I'll be fine."_

 _She nods. "Okay. I haven't told him anything about what's going on. I'm not allowed to. It's your right to tell him as little or as much as you want, honey."_

 _I know of my patient rights, but I'm glad that she's offering me support on this. "Thanks."_

 _She gives me a soft, sad smile and then steps out of the doorway. Her petite figure is replaced by Edward's tall, lanky one, and my chest aches. I think I hold my breath for a little too long, because a machine beside me starts beeping. Alice glances up at it and squeezes my hand again._

 _"Breathe, B. You're making the machines freak out." Alice knows a little bit about the different numbers on the screens. Her mom is a nurse and she volunteers here sometimes._

 _Edward's eyebrows are pulled inward, and his face is set into a hard mask. I can't really tell if he's mad, upset, worried, or what? I've seen this expression go any of those ways, so I have no idea what to expect. There's dark bags under his eyes, and his hair looks more crazy than normal, like he's been pulling at it obsessively, which he does when he's stressed out. His arms are crossed over his chest and his shoulders are stiff and squared, but other than that, he looks like himself. I'm hoping that his mother finding out about his drug use means that he hasn't gotten a hit since the last time I saw him. He doesn't look strung out, so I'm optimistic about that._

 _"What do you want?" I finally ask. It comes out defeated and tired, which is exactly how I feel. I want to be cold and brash with him, but I just don't have the energy for it right now._

 _I think he can sense how tired I am, because his shoulders soften and his arms drop. His eyebrows and face are still pinched, but I still can't tell what emotion it's trying to display. "Bells—"_

 _"Don't," I cut him off, with more gall than I thought I had left. "Don't call me that._

 _His eyes close and he inhales deeply through his nose before opening them back up. "Bella. Are you okay?"_

 _"Are you really asking me that right now?" Seriously? After the last few days, he wants to know if I'm okay? I thought he was smart._

 _I can see Esme and Carlisle in the doorway behind him, and I don't make eye contact for fear of breaking apart again. I can't do that right now. I need to have this conversation with their son._

 _"You're right; stupid question. Alice told me you were in the hospital. She didn't say why, though."_

 _Alice squeezes my hand. I'm still not mad at her. She was right to tell Edward. He deserves to know, I guess. Not that he really cares, anyway._

 _"I woke up bleeding and cramping. Charlie drove me here. They're running some tests." I keep my answers as short and clipped as possible. The nurse is right. I'm in control here, not him._

 _I hear Esme gasp. I finally make eye contact with her, and see Carlisle's arm wrapped around her shoulder. There are tears in her eyes, and it makes my own start to swell up again. Goddammit. I knew I shouldn't have looked at them._

 _"Oh, Bella, honey," she whispers. Her hands shoot to her mouth to muffle her sobs. She's figured it out. Let's see if her son can. Not that I know for sure that I've had a miscarriage, but there's a very high possibility. I won't know until the test results come back._

 _"You…lost it?" Edward asks. Huh, maybe he is smart. He sounds a little choked up. He swallows and clears his throat. Is he really getting emotional about this?_

 _I narrow my eyes at him. He doesn't get to be upset about this now. "Are you kidding me? What does it even matter to you?" I'm mustering up whatever energy I have left to raise my voice at him._

 _"Bella, of course it ma—"_

 _"No, you don't get to play that! A few days ago you basically ordered me to get an abortion. Well, looks like you got your wish, asshole." I'm too angry to cry at this point, but Esme is producing enough tears for the both of us._

 _I can see his jaw clench. "I was high. You know how I get. I didn't mean that shit."_

 _I can't help the sarcastic laugh that pops out. "That's a load of shit, Edward, and you know it. You mean every fucking word you say when you're high. It's just shit you wouldn't have the balls to say when you're sober."_

 _"Bella, come on." He's begging at this point, but for what? For me to understand? For me to run back to him after all the shit he said? He doesn't get a get out of jail free card just because he was high that day. The shit he said was real and he meant it, and it fucking hurt to hear. The guy that I've loved for two years threw me aside because he didn't want the baby we created. He doesn't get to beg now. He doesn't deserve my mercy._

 _"Just go, Edward. I don't want to see you anymore. Have fun at Columbia."_

 _I don't know if he leaves then. I don't remember much of anything after that. I curl onto my side, away from the door, and close my eyes. One second, I'm fine, and the next I'm sobbing so hard that I can't keep myself still. Each sob rattles my body and pulls at the IV in my arm. I don't care at this point, though. Any pain beside the hole that's gaping in my chest is welcome._

 _I must fall asleep at some point, because I wake up a while later, still sobbing, with Alice in my bed with me. Her arm is tucked under my neck and her free hand is brushing the hair off my face. She's humming softly, and her eyes are closed too. I can see dried tear tracks, and I'm so sorry that I've made her cry too. She doesn't deserve that. Alice deserves to be happy always._

 _Charlie is back in the room. He's asleep on the recliner in the corner. The sun is bright in the sky, so it must be about mid morning. Just as I'm wondering if the results have come back in yet, there's a knock on the door._

 _My doctor comes in a slight smile on his face. I'm sure he can sense the emotion in the room, but his smile makes me hopeful. Doctors don't smile if it's bad news right?_

 _"Bella, I have good news," he whispers. He opens up the chart that's in his hand. My heart is already lighter at the thought of something good. "Your tests came back, and everything is normal for your gestation. You're nine weeks and two days along, according to the scans. Upon further inspection, a few others and myself agreed that you do just have some slight hemorrhaging around the placenta. The placenta is still attached, though, so the baby is fine. We just want to keep you in for the rest of the day to make sure everything heals up. The hemorrhaging usually resolves itself within a few hours. If it doesn't, we have some options for fixing it. But, it's small, so I don't believe we'll get to that point._

 _"A tech will be in here to take another sonogram shortly, and we'll keep taking images every few hours to track the progress. okay? If we see shrinkage throughout the rest of the day, you can go home tonight."_

 _His words and gentle smile have lifted a heavy weight off my chest. I smile for the first time in what feels like forever. "Thank you so much, doctor."_

 _He pats my arm warmly. "I'll be back in here in a few hours for my rounds, and we'll see how everything's going, okay?"_

 _"Okay," I agree._

 _He shuts the door quietly behind him, and I feel calm for the first time all day._

 _~WTIAA~_

 **September 2016**

Alice stays with me all day. I cry myself dry at about dinner time, so Jasper runs out to grab food and brings it back to my apartment. We eat a quiet dinner around the table, and I can tell that Masen is deep in his own head. He's incredibly perceptive for a six year old, and I'm sure the weird atmosphere from earlier today is getting to him.

To try to get his mind off it, we all talk to him about how he liked the movie and all his favorite parts. He brightens up a little bit as talks about all the animals and how funny he found some scenes. We all chuckle along with him as he giggles. He's just too adorable not to.

When I'm cleaning up the dishes, Masen drags his stool over and stands beside me. He watches silently for a few moments, but he finally speaks up. I've tried to prepare myself for his questions, so let's hope I did so well enough.

"Who was that man at ice cream, Mommy?"

Simple enough question. _Just don't tell him that's his father._ Even I'm not dumb enough to do that.

"He was an old friend that I went to school with, back before you were born." There, that's sufficient.

"If he's a friend, why were you guys mad at each other?" So he had picked up on that. Fuck.

I sigh. "We got into a fight before he went away to another school. We haven't seen each other since then. It just made things weird today."

"Do friends do that a lot?" His expression is quizzical, his brows furrowed and his face slightly pinched. He looks just like his father does when he's confused. There's no way that Tanya couldn't see the similarities between them. She probably hates me.

I'm confused by his question, though. "Why do you ask, baby?"

"Because you and your friend got into a fight, and the other day you said that you and my daddy got into a fight. Do big people do that a lot?"

 _Do_ big people do that a lot? It seems like we do, more often than not.

"Things just get hard sometimes, bud. Sometimes people argue and then make up, because they want to be friends still, like Aunt Alice and me. But, sometimes, people argue because they're really, really mad at each other, and it's hard to fix that. So, they fight and then don't see each other anymore. It doesn't always happen like that, though. I'm sure you've had arguments with Benji or Alyssa before, or even that new boy, Lucas."

He nods. "Yeah. Lucas likes Captain America more than Spider-Man, so we argue sometimes. But we laugh afterward. We still play together."

I smile. "See. Sometimes the friends are worth the arguments."

"But, sometimes they aren't?"

I nod. "Right. It just happens, baby. It'll happen a lot in your life. You just have to decide who's worth it."

~WTIAA~

On Monday, I'm not ready to face Tanya at work all day, so I take the day off and finish up the corrections that I need to do on the manuscript after I drop Masen off at school. He hasn't asked any more questions about Edward, thankfully, but I can tell he's thinking about it sometimes, like when he's quiet throughout a majority of the morning, and doesn't really say much until I'm ushering him out the door.

"Are you not going to work today, Mommy?" he asks as we walk down the hall to the elevator. I'm just in a pair of jeans and a sweater. I'm very obviously not dressed for work.

"No, baby. I'm not going into the office so I can get some reading done for my boss." He knows that I fix people's mistakes in their writing, so he doesn't question me working out of the office for a day. I do it every once in a while when I've got other stuff happening in the week and the manuscript needs my attention before the end of it. This isn't really the case but that's what I'm telling him.

He's quiet even as we make our regular trip to the coffee shop. He sips on his drink in silence until I drop him off. He unbuckles his seatbelt and leans forward to kiss me on the cheek. "See you after school, Mama."

"Have a good day, baby."

I wait to pull the car away until I see him cross through the gates.

I do spend some of my day making the corrections I need to on the manuscript. Like before, there isn't much to change, so I'm through the story before lunchtime. I make myself a sandwich and then sit down to go through my emails. I have a few from some authors thanking me for the changes and guidance through finding a good voice for their narrative. I also have an email from one of the current projects I'm working on, saying they'd like to meet again at some point in the week to go over their updated draft of the manuscript. I email them back with mine and Tanya's availability. I don't have to wait long for a response saying they'll be in on Wednesday at ten in the morning.

Once I've answered emails, I sit back and finish the last couple recording of SVU. After this, I'll be completely caught up, so I hope I can catch it when the new episode airs on Wednesday.

I pick Mase up from school and he's a bit more chatty than he was before. He tells me about his homework for the week and how he's excited about reading this new book in class. Ms. Young is reading the _Junie B. Jones_ series to them, and he's loving it so far. He's read much more advanced books than that, but they're fun, so I tell him I'll buy him a few of his own to read at home. He's expressed that he wants to read the Harry Potter series, which makes my nerdy little heart jump, but I want to hold off until maybe the third grade for that. He goes through books fast, and I don't want things to get too complicated for him too quickly.

The time to myself on Monday eases my mind and allows me to think, so I'm ready to head into work the next day. I emailed Tanya the day before about the appointment we have with the author on Wednesday, but she didn't respond back. I didn't really expect one, but it's a little unnerving nonetheless. I drop Masen off in the morning and then make my way to the office, coffee in hand. I have a feeling I'm going to need the caffeine to get by.

As soon as I sit at my desk, Tanya is on me in what is probably the most polite way a person can be. Under any other circumstance, I would probably very much dislike whoever Edward was involved with, but Tanya is seriously the sweetest, most unassuming person I have ever met. I like her, dammit, and I'm so sorry that she's kind of been thrown into the middle of this unknowingly.

"Bella, are you okay? I'm not really sure what all happened the other day, but Edward's been acting weird, and I definitely could tell something is up. I don't want to pry, but Edward keeps saying that he doesn't want to tell me something that is mostly your story to tell. And I don't want to push you, but I'm just really confused."

Fuck. Now I feel like shit. Tanya deserves to know, but I'm not really sure how to tell her right now. I didn't get my thoughts together enough for this, especially while we're at work. I don't want things to be weird between us, because I do genuinely like her and I enjoy having her on my team. I don't want to put a strain where there doesn't need to be. She does deserve to know the truth, though. She's dating my son's father, for Christ's sake.

I sigh. "Tan, I really want to tell you. I do. And I will, eventually. But I really need to work things out with Edward first. Some things happened when we were in high school, and I haven't seen him since 2009."

She nods and looks at me with empathy. Or maybe sympathy. Who knows?

* * *

 **Woo. Okay. So that happened. The actual confrontation between Edward and Bella will take place next chapter. I know a lot of you were looking forward to it, but it just didn't belong here. Bella was obviously not going to make a scene at the ice cream shop and in front of Masen.**

 **Some of you are very curious about how it is Bella doesn't recognize Emmett. I'll explain a little in coming chapters, but just remember that Em is much older than Bella, Alice and Edward. He was long gone by the time Bella got to Forks or Alice was even in high school. And football schedules in college usually mean there's not a lot of opportunity to go back home for breaks. But, like I said, more will be explained in coming chapters.**

 **Like always, leave me some love. I love hearing what you guys have to say! I'm sorry that I didn't respond to all the reviews last chapter. I responded to some, was away from my computer for like two days, and lost track of where I left off. I'll try to be better this time!**

 **Until next time, lovelies!**


	6. I'm Carrying

**Hey everyone! So, slightly early update, depending on where you are. I'm barely going to have any time to myself tomorrow, so I figured I'd just throw this out there early.**

 **I know a lot of you were anxious for the Bella/Edward confrontation, so I won't keep you long. Just as a forewarning though: This is not even remotely the end of their talks. Emotions are running high and people tend to get lost in the heat of the moment. Just saying. Don't be too harsh on my characters haha. They're my babies.**

 **Disclaimer: I am not SM. I do not own Twilight or any other stuff that I very obviously don't own, since I'm a broke college student. Literally, all I own is my name. That's it.**

* * *

 **CHAPTER SIX**

 **I'M CARRYING**

 _I'm carrying, something_

 _I'm carrying something for you_

 _Ah, long time no see baby sure has been a while_

 _And if my reappearance lacks a sense of style_

 _I'm carrying, something_

 _I'm carrying something for you_

 _-Paul McCartney_

The rest of my week goes smoothly. Tanya and I are back into the swing of things, and the tension surrounding us on Tuesday fades away throughout the day. Wednesday, we work together seamlessly during our meeting with our author. They brought us back a completely redrafted manuscript. Much of the original storyline was left in, but names, places, and specific actions had been changed. We accept the new version and promise the author to have it back to her by the following week.

Alice calls me on Tuesday to wish me a happy birthday with promises of a great weekend, despite the revelation of Edward being Tanya's boyfriend. We discuss still inviting her to come out with us, and I plan to ask her within the week. I still like Tanya and I've grown used to her company in the last few months. She's pretty much the only person I talk to at work, beside Rose, who I also have to ask about this weekend.

Thursday, Tanya and I go over the changes we made on the manuscript Shelley wants done by the following day. As expected, Tanya has high praises for the author and how well the story is written. The small changes we've individually made we condense down and discuss to make sure that everything works smoothly for the final product we want the author to publish. It's painless and lovely and I adore this author for making this assignment particularly easy.

At lunch that day, I talk to Tanya coming out with Alice, Jasper and I to celebrate my birthday. She agrees and lets me know that Edward is scheduled to be at the hospital all weekend anyway, so I don't have to worry about running into him. I'm thankful that she's taking this weird situation she doesn't know a whole lot about and making it less awkward for all of us. I'm sure she has her suspicions, but she hasn't voiced them to me, yet. I think she's actually taking my word for it that I will tell her eventually.

I run into Rose during one of my runs to the break room to grab myself a cup of coffee. I ask her about this weekend, she enthusiastically tells me she'll be there for dinner and drinks. Apparently, she doesn't do a lot on the weekends when Emmett is away for games, so hanging out is the best thing that's happened to her in weeks. Her words, not mine.

Masen regains his liveliness and chattery nature throughout the week. By Thursday, he's bouncing off the walls, talking my ear off and driving me crazy in the best way possible. He hasn't mentioned Edward again, even though I know the whole situation is still on his mind. I want to tell him so badly about what's really going on to put his little mind at ease, but I have a feeling it's really just going to make things worse for him. How do you explain all of this fucked up mess to a six year old without completely spinning his world on its axis. I'll have to broach the topic carefully when the time comes.

I talk to my dad on Thursday, as well. I ask him if he can watch Masen for the weekend, and he happily agrees. He's got a fishing trip planned with his friend Billy from the reservation, and he knows Masen will love it. We agree to meet in Port Angeles so neither one of us needs to make a full three hours trip somewhere. I'll take Mase straight from Angela's after school to Port Angeles to meet my dad, so I make a mental note to pack his clothes that night.

Friday morning, just after eleven, we get a visitor at work. Tanya and I are both elbow deep in emails from authors, project editors, and Shelley when they walk over to where our two desks are positioned beside each other. Neither of us notices them standing there until there's a throat clearing. Tanya is the first to look up, since I'm in the middle of writing out a response to Shelley that really needs to get sent before I break for lunch.

"Edward. What are you doing here, babe?" I hear her say, and every muscle in my body tenses. My frantic typing only pauses for a second before I resume and pretend like I don't know he's standing just a few feet away from me.

"I need to talk with Bella, and I figured this was the only way I'd catch her." His voice is very obviously hostile and holds implications that I'm not really fond of, so I don't look up at him. I keep right on typing my email. I can feel the escalation in tension coming off of Edward and Tanya, but I'm doing my best to ignore it.

A few moments later, I finish the email and press send. I steel myself for a second before I finally look up at where he's leaning on the edge of Tanya's desk. Fucking hell. He looks good. A hate that he still has this effect on me. But the last time I had sex was several months ago, and it definitely wasn't as good as anything I had with Edward, so I can't help it.

His gaze is harsh and his arms are crossed over his chest. I've schooled my face to be impassive, but the look on his is affecting me. It's very much like the look I saw on his face when I was last in his house, and the panic and anger I felt then is starting to manifest itself now.

"How can I help you, Edward?" I ask. I try to make my voice as indifferent as possible. I have no idea if it's working.

"We need to talk, Bella." His voice is urgent and hard, but there's a pleading note to it that reminds me this is just as, if not more, confusing and difficult for him as it is for me. At least I knew about our son for the last six, almost seven, years. He had no idea.

I sigh. "I know. There's a park across the street we can go to." He nods, so I stand and grab my blazer from the back of my chair, shrugging it on.

"If anyone asks, can you tell them I stepped out for my lunch break, Tan?" I ask as I grab my phone.

"Sure, Bella." She has her brow furrowed and she looks concerned, but I try to reassure her with my eyes that nothing bad is going to happen. At least, I hope not. "I'll see you later, babe," she says, addressing Edward.

He nods and leans over to place a kiss on her cheek. It's chaste and sweet and makes my stomach roil. I remember when I was on the receiving end of his sweet little gestures and soft touches. I'm trying not to let jealousy rear its ugly head. I shouldn't be jealous. This man ruined me. But I somehow still long for him and what we used to have; back before everything went to complete shit. I loved him with all of me, and a part of me will always keep a place for him in my heart, if only because he's the father of my amazing little boy. Sometimes, when I'm not thinking about how much anger I have toward him for what he did and said, I miss him. And it hurts to admit it, even all these years later.

Edward and I walk out of the building side by side. He's definitely grown at least an inch or two since I last saw him, because even when I'm in heels, he's significantly taller than me. We stand as far apart as possible in the elevator, and there's a very uncomfortable silence on the seven story ride down and out onto the sidewalk. I try my hardest not to look at him, but I can feel his eyes on me nearly the entire time. Even as I lead the way across the street to the park, I can feel him watching me from two steps behind me. I'd kill to know what he's thinking.

When I find a free bench, I sit on one side, and Edward takes a seat on the other. It's quiet for a moment as we both think of what to say, before Edward finally speaks. And they're not pleasant words. As if I expected them to be.

"What the fuck, Bella?" They come out angry, and his hands are instantly in his hair, gripping hard. He's upset and frustrated and maybe a little bit nervous. I can still tell that much about the boy I knew that has turned into the man beside me.

"Care to elaborate?" I'm not trying to be snarky. I actually have no idea what questions of his he wants me to answer, or if he just wants me to prattle on to him about what all that's happened since the last time we saw each other.

"I thought you lost the baby. You told me you lost the baby," he says, hands still in his hair. His tone is accusatory. I expected this much.

"I never told you that. You just assumed. There was a very good chance at the time that I could lose the baby. I was hemorrhaging. It could have either resolved itself or the placenta could have detached and I could've had a miscarriage. I didn't know at that point. _No one_ knew at that point. I didn't talk to the doctor until hours after you left."

"So you just let me believe that you lost the baby instead of telling me what was really going on? That's pretty fucked up, Bella." He's angry. I knew he would be. I take a deep breath to try to stop myself from raising my voice at him. We're adults now. This doesn't have to turn into a screaming match like the last time we argued.

"I told you my symptoms and you came to your own conclusion. Was it shitty of me to do? Sure, I admit that. But I was only sixteen, Edward. I panicked. I was already panicking from all the blood and being in the fucking hospital. You didn't want him anyways, Edward. What else was I supposed to fucking do?"

"You should've called me afterward. I would've…" he trails off. He has no way to finish the sentence.

"You would've what, Edward? Stayed with me and helped with the baby? I don't believe that for one second, and I don't think you do, either." I shake my head and sigh. I'm staring at the concrete between my feet, but that's the only way I'm going to get through this conversation without crying. "You weren't ready to be a dad, Edward. You had aspirations that definitely didn't involve a kid. You would've said we'd work it out, but then it would've fallen apart again."

"I still deserved to know, Bella! Me being a shit dad does not take that away."

I nod. "I know. I should've told you, eventually. But I didn't want you to come back. I was so angry at you. What you said was unforgivable."

"I was high, Bella."

I let out a bitter laugh. Some things never change. "You said that then, too. Being high doesn't excuse what you said. It's kinda like drinking: drunk words are sober thoughts. Same concept applies to drugs. If you hadn't been high, you would've still suggested it; you just would've been less mean about it."

"I wasn't ready to be a dad! You weren't ready to be a mom, either. You said it yourself: you were only sixteen and you were scared. God forbid I suggest a solution so neither of us would be forced into something we didn't want!"

He's yelling, and he's attracting attention from the few people that are milling around the park at this time of day. He needs to calm down.

I finally look at him. He's on the edge of the bench seat, elbows on his knees, and his head gripped in his hands. His body is tense, and he's rocking back and forth gently. If I didn't know better, I'd say he's high at this very moment. But his words are thought out and controlled, despite their volume. He's just genuinely upset.

"Edward, please stop yelling." I feel like I'm talking to a wild animal.

"Don't, Bella. Don't try to make it out like I'm being unreasonable."

"That's not what I'm doing," I deny. "I just really don't want all of downtown Seattle knowing my business."

His shoulders rise in a long inhale, and he blows it out slowly before he looks at me. His face is kind of red from his anger and frustration, and I feel the same on the inside. It's a wonder I'm not more outwardly affected right now. I'm somehow holding it together. I'm sure I'll lose it as soon as I get home. But I don't have time for that today; I have to get Masen to my dad's. I can break down when I get home.

Edward hasn't said anything for nearly a minute, so I start responding to his earlier tirade.

"I know we weren't ready, Edward. I know that. But I did it with help from my dad and Alice. And you're right; I didn't want to be a parent, but I had to be, Edward. By the end of my junior year, I had a little boy that was helpless, and I was the only thing he had in this world. I did what I had to do, and I'm so fucking proud of myself for doing it. I love being his mom. It might have been one of the hardest things I will ever have to do in my life, but I wouldn't change it or take it back for the world."

"So then why didn't you give me the chance to make that decision for myself? I was sober when I went to the hospital. I wanted you to let me decide when I'd had time to think about it and talk to my parents. I was so fucking scared when you told me, Bella. My fear turned into anger, and I hate myself for letting it. But you didn't give me that second chance!"

"I'm sorry that I didn't give it to you. But I gave it to you at first, and you didn't want it. The second time around, I was so fucking angry at you, I could've killed you. It wasn't until later that I realized you should've been able to make that decision for yourself. But, no matter how pissed off and hurt I was, I still cared about you, Edward. I wanted you to go to school and become a doctor. If I let you make a decision when you were sober, you would have felt guilty enough to give up college to stay with me and the baby. And you would have been miserable."

I really have given the situation a lot of thought over the last several years. I acted too rashly when Edward walked into that hospital room that day. My emotions were already all over the place from hormones and everything that was happening. Seeing him was like the straw that broke the camel's back. All my frustration and fear and anger was released onto him, and so I did something that I will forever hate myself for. Neither one of us were innocent in any of that, but I can't take anything back or change it. I live a happy life with my son. That's been enough for me so far.

"I would have stayed, Bella. That was part of the talk I had with my parents. After they screamed at me for hours for using cocaine." He snorts at the memory. I'm sure it was quite a sight to see Esme Cullen screaming at her beloved youngest boy. For all the sweetness of her, I could just tell there was rage waiting for the right opportunity to be let out. "We agreed that I'd just go to a JC to get my AA and then transfer to UDub. It would've worked out."

"And you would have resented me for it. I would have felt guilty about it for the rest of my life." This much I know for sure.

"How does that make up for the resentment and guilt that's happening right now?" His tone is pleading more than anything, and our emotions are getting raw. Even my composure is slipping, and I'm not looking forward to the moment it completely breaks.

I shrug. "It doesn't. Not even a little bit. Everything's still fucked. You and I are angry at each other. You hate me for keeping it from you, and I hate you for being the biggest prick I knew. It's just the way it is."

"How are you okay with this? Nothing about this is okay, Bella!"

I give him a sharp look. "I'm not unaffected by this, Edward. I had a fucking panic attack the day I found out you were back in Washington. I've just had time to come to terms with it. And I'm so sorry that I haven't given you a chance to do the same, but I can't change anything. This all fucking sucks; there's no other way about it. But neither one of us is without fault. We're both guilty parties."

"I understand that, Bella. I know I fucked up. I knew it the moment the words were out of my mouth, and it is something that's eaten at me this whole time. These past eight years have obviously been hard on you, but it hasn't been the happiest time of my life, either. And I know that we've both hurt each other. And you're right; this does fucking suck. I hate the way this all happened. And I hate that we've turned each other into these people. Especially that I hurt you so badly. I hate it all."

Edward's words are surprisingly sincere and heartbreaking to hear. Because he's completely right; we've broken each other and hurt each other. We used to be so close and loving and I felt safe when I was with him, no matter the circumstance, and with about five minutes of conversation eight years ago, all that trust and love disintegrated. We're shells of our former selves and that's hard to stomach.

"I want to see him." His demand is sudden, but I've been expecting it. It's where all this anger and resentment has been leading to. He may not have wanted to be a father back then, but now that he knows he has a kid out in the world, I know there's no way he's going to pretend like there isn't. Edward may have not wanted kids back then, but I knew from the moment I met him he'd be a good dad. To his core, he's kind and caring and incredibly reliable. I just seem to bring out the worst in him.

"I don't think that's a good idea right now."

"Bullshit, Bella. He's my son. I have a right to see him."

"You're name's not on the birth certificate, so technically, you're not his dad. At least not to the government." Okay, so that was a low blow. I'm just being petty, at this point. I know Edward is his father, and I have no intention of keeping them apart if Edward really wants this.

"He sure as hell does have my name! Just because it's his first name, it's still one of my last names. I will take you to court if I have to, Bella. A paternity test is pretty simple."

Edward's right on the name thing, of course. Cullen may be his legal last name now, but he was a Masen for the first several years of his life. Edward Sr. died when Edward was only five, and Carlisle adopted Emmett and Edward two years later after his marriage to Esme. I had decided to give my son Edward's old last name as his first. I may have hated the guy back then, but even I knew it was shitty as a seventeen year old to not have any ties between my son and his father.

"I know, Edward! I get it!" I've finally had enough. My patience has worn too thin. He's being too aggressive for me to stay polite. "I'm not saying you can never see him. Just let me talk to him."

"About what? How big of a fuck up his dad is? How he's finally getting around to see him for the first time in his life?"

"He doesn't know about you, Edward! Jesus Christ, not everything is about you. He just barely started asking about his dad a couple weeks ago. And I'm not telling him who you are. Not yet, at least."

"Will you ever?"

"When you stop being an aggressive asshole, I will. He doesn't need to see the man he's supposed to look up to being a prick. You will get to see him, Edward, I promise. I just think we both need to calm down before that happens. You need time to process all this, and I need time to work him into someone new appearing in his life."

"Why? You're not going to tell him anyway."

I'm fucking sick of this. "I will tell him eventually, Edward! Or he'll figure it out on his own. He may not even be seven yet, but he's the smartest little kid I know. And despite getting your poor eyesight, he's not fucking blind, because you'd have to be to not notice how much he looks like you. He's bright, Edward. So, I'm not saying 'never', I'm just saying 'not right now.'"

~WTIAA~

I head back up to the office after Edward takes off. He says he'll talk to me later to work out a time to meet Masen. I tell him to have Tanya give him my phone number, but Mase will be in Forks with my father for the weekend, so their meeting will have to wait. He just nods and asks me to tell Tanya that he's going to spend the evening with his brother, so he won't see her tonight. I think it's pretty shitty that he's making me tell her this instead of just fucking calling or texting her, but I don't say anything. I just tell him we'll talk later and then walk into the lobby of the building.

When I get back to the office, Tanya is giving me a concerned look, and she appears as if she has a million questions running through her head and on the tip of her tongue, but she's being a good friend and holding them back. I know she'll wait for me to tell her what happened, even if I decide it's none of her business and never tell her. But this is her business, because she's in a relationship with Edward, and Edward's life has just been thrown for a loop, which, in turn, means Tanya's life has just been thrown for a loop, if she decides to stick around. It's in that moment that I decide that I'm going to grab this thing by its horns and get ahead of it before it can get ahead of me.

"Tanya, I know you have a lot of questions, and I have some things I want to tell you. Edward asked me to tell you that he's going to spend the evening with his brother, so will you join me for dinner at my apartment tonight?"

She agrees, a relieved look on her face. We set up a time and I ask her what type of takeout she wants. Normally, I'd cook if I have a guest over, but the drive back and forth to drop off Masen with my dad is going to take up too much time. We agree on Chinese, and then we get on with the rest of our work day.

~WTIAA~

After work, I pick up Mase from the Cheney's, his bag already in the cab of my truck. He falls asleep on the drive there, so we stay in the car during the ferry ride. He rouses just a few minutes before I make the turn to pull into the rest stop that Charlie and I meet at when we make the switch. My dad is already there, standing outside his own truck, arms crossed over his chest. His face is passive until he sees my truck pull into the lot, and his mustache twitches into a smile.

I don't know how he knows, because I haven't spoken to him, but as soon as I step out of the cab, his arms are around me and my face is pressed into the soft cotton of his shirt. I can hear Masen opening the door and hopping out of the truck, but I don't pay it much mind. I know he'll stay right here next to his grandfather and me. I just revel in the comfort of my dad's arms around me, warm and strong, and the scent of the Old Spice body washed he's used since I was a little girl. I close my eyes and try to hold back the tears that are pooling in my eyes. I don't want to cry yet. I don't have time for that, and my son is right here, watching me with his curious little eyes.

"Alice called me and told me what happened at ice cream," he murmurs into my hair.

"I talked to him today," I whisper into his chest. I shudder runs through me as I replay the conversation in my head. There's so much anger and unresolved emotions between us. "He wants to see Masen." I pause as I let him absorb that. "His girlfriend is my partner at the publishing house."

Charlie snorts derisively. "Small fucking world, huh?"

"Too small," I agree. I take a deep breath and disentangle myself from my father's embrace. I sniffle to get rid of the last of the tears. My son doesn't need to see mommy crying when they say goodbye for the weekend.

I turn to my little man and give him the best smile I can muster. I crouch down so I'm at his level and brush away some of the hair that's fallen into his eyes. He needs a haircut and I make a mental note to get it cut sometime next week.

"Okay, bud. Have a fun weekend with Grandpa. Be good for him, okay? And please don't convince him to just feed you ice cream for every meal," I beg jokingly. Trust me, he's tried it before. Charlie may or may not have given in. Grandparents just can't deny their grandchildren. It's, like, a rule or something. "I'll see you on Sunday."

Masen smiles and gives me a hug. "I'll be good, Mama." He pulls back and searches my face, an action that seems much too adult for a kid his age. "Are you okay? You look kinda sad." Leave it to my kid to notice that I'm distraught. He's too perceptive for his own good.

I give him a sad smile. "Yeah, I'm okay, baby. I'm just dealing with some grown up stuff right now. Nothing to worry yourself over."

He gives me a look that I can't quite decipher, but it looks like a similar one that I've seen on Edward's face before. I don't know what that one means, either. Finally, he nods and gives me another hug. "Okay, Mama."

I stand up and Masen reaches over to hold hands with his grandpa. My dad gives me a stern look. "We're talking about this on Sunday when you come get him. Meet me at the diner down the street."

I nod and give a last goodbye to my two favorite guys. I know I need to talk to my dad about all this. There's no way around it, since it involves me, his only kid, and his grandson. I wouldn't avoid talking to him, anyway. I value my dad's insight and opinions, and he usually gives pretty good advice. He'll be able to help me out with this whole situation in some way. Hopefully.

~WTIAA~

The ride back to Seattle is occupied by me trying to put together what I was going to say to Tanya at dinner. I need to tell her about Masen being Edward's child, even though I'm pretty sure she had already put that much together on her own. She deserves to hear the whole story, though, before Edward is able to tell him his skewed view of it. He has had nearly eight years of time that he wasn't a part of; he was only there for the falling-out, but he wasn't there for the aftermath. And he has always had a skewed perception of his drug habits, but I was there to see how serious they actually were. Tanya needs to hear all of this, but the panic of having to tell her is beginning to settle in my stomach.

I can't do this all on my own. I need support, because I haven't had a chance to think about and process everything that happened at lunch with Edward. I know if I went into this conversation without any time for myself or any support from someone who will solely be on my side, I'd crack. So, I do the only thing I can think to do.

I call Alice.

She answers on the third ring. "What's up, B?" She's chipper, as always, and her carefree, airy voice calms me a bit.

"Hey, are you and Jasper doing anything tonight?" I ask. I've already made it back onto the highway after riding the ferry, so I'll be home soon.

"Nope, just sitting at home watching TV. Why, what's up?"

"Edward showed up at work today. We talked. I mean, it was actually more of a shouting match in the park by my office, but we spoke."

I can hear her gasp and some shuffling in the background, like she's sitting down or standing up from the couch. "Oh, geez. B, what happened?"

So, with the bit of a drive that I have left, I tell her about what Edward and I said to each other in as much detail as I can remember. It's pretty detailed, because I can't get his angry, upset, heated words out of my head. Then I tell her about how Edward pretty much demanded that he see Masen, and that I told him I'd work something out and prepare my son for meeting this man who was a stranger, but so much more. She adds appropriate sounds and short comments when they're needed. I can feel her own emotion about this situation through the phone. When I tell her about inviting Tanya over to tell her about everything, she agrees that it's a good idea to come clean right away, before Edward can get a chance to sully her opinion of me. I know I'm not completely innocent in all of this, but she has to see that I was just acting in the best interest of my son.

"And I'm terrified of having a fucking breakdown while I'm talking to her, so I'm hoping you can come over while she's here just for like, I don't know, moral support."

"I wouldn't be anywhere else, Bella. When do you want me there?"

I'm passing through downtown Seattle now, so I'm only about fifteen minutes from the little suburb that I live in, but I need to stop and grab the food first.

"Just go ahead and go over to my place. I'm about fifteen minutes out, and I need to grab food, but just let yourself into the place. I'll be there as soon as I can."

She agrees and we quickly hang up, but I keep my phone open in order to call the Chinese place. I place an order of a few different meats and some rice and chow mein, so that it'll be ready by the time I get there. I don't want to prolong my commute by having to wait for my food, but it's already packaged up when I get there. I quickly pay, thank the people working there, and make my way to my apartment.

Alice's car is parked out front, so I quickly swing into my designated parking spot and head up. Alice's is tidying up my kitchen when I get there and setting out stuff to eat with for dinner. I don't think I left my kitchen much of a mess before going to work this morning, but I thank Alice for picking up anyway.

She comes over and gives me a big hug as soon as I put the food on the counter.

"It's all gonna be okay, B. Everything works itself out eventually. It's like, physics or some shit."

I can't help but laugh into her shoulder. "I don't think that's actually how that works, but I appreciate the sentiment."

She pulls away with a smile. "Good. Now, I think wine will be in order tonight."

I can't help but wrinkle my nose. "Wine with Chinese food?"

"White wine goes with anything. And desperate times call for desperate measures."

She's right. I need the alcohol. It's been a really long day, and it's not even over.

Just as that thought crosses my mind, the door buzzes, signaling that someone is at the front door, trying to get up. It can't be anyone but Tanya, so I push the button to buzz her in, and there's a knock at my door about a minute later. I answer it as Alice is pouring three glasses of wine and unpacking all the food.

Tanya is standing in my doorway, wearing much more casual clothes than what she was wearing at work today. Looking at her in her leggings, booties, and long sweater makes me realize I'm still in my slacks, heels, blouse and cardigan from work. I invite her in and tell her she can leave her purse on the coat rack by the front door.

"Thank you so much for coming tonight, Tanya. I know everything has been kinda weird lately, and I want to talk to you about it." We walk into the kitchen, where Alice is smiling softly and pulling out forks from one of the drawers. "You remember my friend Alice. I asked her to be here tonight for some moral support."

Tanya reciprocates Alice's smile and nods. "It's good to see you again, Alice. I just wish it were under better circumstances."

There's a playful gleam in my best friend's eyes. "Tomorrow night, I promise. If you're still coming out with us, of course."

"Absolutely," she agrees quickly. She doesn't know all that's going to be said tonight, but I hope her response will remain true.

"Help yourself to food. I just got in, so I'm going to go change real quick. Al, we can eat in the living room." Alice nods as I leave and head back to my room.

I quickly change into a pair of yoga pants and a AC/DC band tee that used to be my dad's. I forego any footwear, but I do put on a pair of socks. My feet seem to be perpetually cold, and most of the flooring in the house is hardwood. Even in the middle of summer, the floors are too cold for me.

When I reemerge, Alice has already served me, and my plate and glass of wine are sitting on the coffee table. Both Alice and Tanya are on the floor, sitting cross-legged, chatting politely about what Alice does for work. I join them on the floor and promptly take a large gulp of my wine before I even consider taking a bite of the food.

When there's a lull in Alice and Tanya's conversation, I clear my throat and prepare to start telling my story to Tanya. Alice gives me a knowing look, and lays her hand on top of mine, squeezing gently.

"So, Tanya. I know things have been kind of weird lately. I don't have much to say for Edward, but I've been going through something that I was sure got buried a long time ago."

She nods as she takes a sip of her wine. "Yeah, he's been pretty quiet and distant for the last week. Like he's been thinking of somewhere else in his head. He hasn't really told me anything, though, just that seeing you again brought up some old stuff from high school that he's had to deal with on his own."

"I'm just gonna be straight with you, Tanya, because I think you deserve it. You're in a relationship with Edward, and he and I went through something that is going to end up affecting you, too."

She licks her lip in a way that I think is a nervous habit and nods. "Okay. Yeah, lay it on me."

Alice's grip on my hand tightens just a little bit as I take a deep breath. I figure I'll just come out with it and answer her questions as they come, since I'm sure she's got plenty.

"Edward is my son's father, but he didn't know about Masen until Sunday."

Tanya nods like she saw that coming, and I'm sure she did. Tanya's a smart girl, and I'm sure she put that much together already. "Yeah, I kinda figured. I mean, as soon as I saw the two of them standing across from each other, the similarities were undeniable. Masen is a spitting image of him. And Edward had never mentioned having a kid before, so I figured he was a little shocked. He pretty much shut down as soon as you left on Sunday. Bella…what happened?"

Her tone isn't judging or harsh or anything. I know she's just curious because she's been left out of the loop by Edward. I finish off the rest of my glass before I launch into the story of Edward and Bella.

I tell her about moving to Forks, meeting Edward, being asked out by the most popular, sweet guy in school. I tell her how it was all great sunshine and roses in the beginning and how I was pretty sure Edward was my one. I tell her how we spent all our time together and how we stupidly began sleeping together. I know now that I was much too young to be having a sexual relationship at that age, but I thought I was ready back then. I tell her about the first time I found out Edward did drugs, but I only thought he smoked weed. I tell her that I eventually found out he snorted coke regularly and how he swore up and down that it was just to keep his grades up. I tell her how I stupidly believed him. I never saw him high, so I didn't worry about it until he started showing up high to school and so I kicked his ass into gear, or so I thought. I tell her it wasn't really a problem since he promised he stopped, and I naively believed him until I told him I was pregnant. I relay to her the whole apocalyptic end to our relationship and the hospital visit after it. I tell her about raising Masen on my own and the guilt associated with technically lying to Edward. I tell her everything.

"After Mase was born, when my hormones were all over the place still, I berated myself all the time about keeping it all from Edward. I would convince myself that I should have let him speak his piece and make his own decision that day in the hospital. But thirty minutes later I would remember that he had said some pretty awful things when I told him I was pregnant, and I didn't want all that negativity and hatred near my son. Because Edward is mean when he's high on coke, and I didn't want that for Masen. Because I had no guarantee that Edward would stop with the drugs once his son was born. I was afraid the pressure would just push him to do it more."

Tanya has her hair gripped between both her hands, pulling it away from her face. Her eyes are shining with sympathy and sorrow for my story. I'm glad I don't see hatred and disgust in them instead. She could very easily side with her boyfriend, which she has every right to. I know very well that I made mistakes back then, and I carry the guilt of them everyday. Going into this, I was terrified that she'd only see my mistakes and tell me to go fuck myself for doing what I did to Edward.

"Jesus Christ, Bella," she breathes out, dropping her hands into her lap. "I knew about Edward's drug habit, but he definitely never mentioned all that."

I shrug. "Why would he? Telling the woman that you just started dating about the girlfriend you fucked up with as a teenager isn't exactly a way to build a relationship."

"I'm so sorry for everything, Bella. I know I can't speak for Edward, but I just know he feels awful about all of this. He's hinted at some of the ways he fucked up in the past, but I never knew it was this bad. I'm really glad you told me, though."

I give her a small smile. "Me too, Tan. It feels good for someone else beside Alice and my dad to know."

Alice snorts. "Charlie doesn't even know the whole story."

I grimace. "Yeah, best not to tell your overprotective, ax-wielding father that your boyfriend at the time told you to get an abortion and called you a bitch while he was high on coke. Didn't seem like a great idea."

"You're going to have to come clean eventually, B. Especially with Edward around."

Tanya bobs her head in agreement.

I sigh. "I know. I will. I just have to get through all this Edward shit first, though."

* * *

 **Err...so, yeah. That's how that went. I know loads of you are going to leave me angry messages, so I'm bracing myself haha. I get your anger at Edward, like, 100%, but I'm just gonna say this: Bella is not innocent in this, either. She made pretty big mistakes too. For about eight years. We'll get more of Edward's story in the next chapter and later down the line. Like I've told others: Edward isn't the same boy that he was before. He's grown and matured and had years of a guilty conscience.**

 **Leave me some live! I read and appreciate every comment, even if you are shitting on a few of the characters haha. I love hearing what you guys have to say!**

 **Until next time,** **lovelies!**


	7. If You See Her Say Hello

**Hello darlings! I feel like a week is so long in between updates. It seems like forever since I've last published, but alas, it's only been a week.**

 **Anyway! I know you're eager to get into this, so I won't keep you for long. This is kind of a longer chapter, too, comparatively, so I want y'all to get into it :)**

 **Disclaimer: I am not SM. I do not own Twilight. I do own several** **prescriptions worth of antibiotics because I keep getting sinus infections. Isn't spring lovely?**

* * *

 **CHAPTER SEVEN**

 **IF YOU SEE HER SAY HELLO**

 _We had a falling-out like lovers often will_

 _And to think of how she left that night it still brings me a chill_

 _And though our separation it pierced me to the heart_

 _She still lives inside of me we've never been apart._

 _-Bob Dylan_

When I pick up Masen from my dad on Sunday, I meet him at the diner on the same strip of road as the rest stop, like we arranged. We sit down in a booth as Masen chatters about the fish he caught with grandpa and the baseball games they watched and the games they played. He chatters to me until the waitress comes around to take our order. Once the waitress leaves, he quiets down and starts to do the activities on his little paper menu, concentrating hard on the word search he's started.

"So, Bells. Tell me about seeing Edward again." Charlie never beats around the bush, something I've been grateful for pretty much all my life. He doesn't waste time easing his way into a conversation that needs to be had, and I appreciate his blunt but loving tactic.

I sigh, twirling my straw around my glass. I launch into the previous weekend and the subsequent Friday. I tell him the heart stopping moment when I first saw Edward again for the first time in eight years in front of the ice cream shop. Then I tell him about him showing up at my work Friday afternoon and our talk in the park. I tell him about Edward's ire and anger, and I whisper to him the part about Edward wanting to see Masen while my son is preoccupied with his food. Then I tell him about my talk with Tanya that same night.

Charlie lets out a low whistle when I finish. I haven't even touched the burger I ordered. It's just kind of sitting dejectedly on my plate. It looks delicious, but I've lost my appetite from the conversation I just had with my father.

"What are you gonna do, Bells?" Charlie asks, keeping his voice down, as to not draw attention to himself. My son is happily eating his burger and watching a video on my phone. I don't usually let him have it when we're eating, but I figured it would keep his attention while Charlie and I talk. So far, so good.

I place my face in my hands. "I'm gonna have to let him see him," I mumble into my palms. I lift my head and look at my father's apprehensive face. "He texted me Saturday afternoon and asked if we could talk on the phone at some point during the week to try to work something out. I think he calmed down a little bit from Friday."

"I don't want you to bring him to the apartment, Bells," he says gravely. Charlie is big on safety in one's own home and not bringing strangers into the house that I share with my son. I may have been close and intimate with teenager Edward, but grownup Edward may as well be a stranger to me, so I understand his apprehension.

"I'm not going to, Dad. I'm thinking about suggesting a park. It's in public with other people around, and that way Masen will be able to play and they won't be forced into something too soon. I'm thinking about asking Alice to come, too."

Charlie nods. "That's a good idea."

"Yeah, well, I learned from the best," I say, giving him a meaningful smile.

Charlie smiles back, a pink tinge working up his face. He's always been a little embarrassed to receive compliments. Guess I had to get it from somewhere.

~WTIAA~

Monday, during my lunch break with Tanya, I get a call from Edward.

His name flashing across the front screen of my phone is a little startling, considering the last time he called me, I had a flip phone, and now his name is popping up on the glass screen of my fancy iPhone. It's just strange to put into perspective truly how long it's been since Edward and I have spoken to each other.

If Tanya sees her boyfriend's name on the screen before I answer, she doesn't show it, because she just continues to eat her sub sandwich and bop her head along to the music she has playing on her computer.

"Hello?" I answer, wiping the mayo away from my mouth that my own sandwich has caused.

"Bella, it's Edward."

"I'm aware. I saved your number from when you sent me that text."

"Right. Look. I'm free Wednesday and Thursday afternoon, so it's whichever is more convenient for you and Masen. I'm working the night shift those days."

"I'll have to talk to Alice and ask her which one is better for her, but I'll text you and let you know. I was thinking we could meet at this park I like to bring him to in the city. Neutral ground, ya know?"

"Yeah, I get that. I have to get back to work, but just send me a text when you talk to Alice. I'll be there."

"Okay, see you, Edward."

"Bye, Bella."

I hang up and toss my phone back on my desk.

"I'm glad you both sounded civil," Tanya comments, a wry grin pulling her lips.

I shrug. "We've cooled down, I think. There was a lot to get out the first time we spoke. We've had time to think about it, though."

"Yeah, Edward was saying that he feels better now, having had the weekend to go over everything for himself. He's seemed a lot more mellow recently."

"Good. I don't want Masen to get a bad impression from his father."

~WTIAA~

I call Alice as soon as I get home from picking up Masen. I ask her which day would be better for her to meet Edward and I at the park. She has plans to go into the shop on Wednesday, so Thursday after Mase gets out of school works for her. I thank her for coming with me to keep an eye on Masen and acting as a sort of buffer between Edward and me if things start to get tense. She brushes me off with, "That's what sisters are for, B: to help you through the bad stuff and laugh with you through the good stuff."

After talking to her, I text Edward to let him know that we can meet him on Thursday afternoon at 3:30. Masen gets out of school at 3:10, so that will give us plenty of time to get over to the park during the school traffic of that time of day. He sends back a text to let me know he'll be there and looks forward to getting to see Mase again. I think it's nice that he's actually making this effort to get to see his son, but I'm still apprehensive about how this is all going to go. My real hurdle is talking to Masen about this.

At dinner that night, after I've made his favorite meal of pasta with chicken, spinach, broccoli, artichoke hearts, and alfredo sauce (seriously, what normal six year old dubs this as his favorite meal?), I take a deep breath and prepare myself for the conversation I'm about to have with him. I'm plying him a little bit with the meal, hoping he'll take it in stride more if I surround him with things that are comforting. I'm not going to tell him that Edward is his father; I don't plan to do that until I see and am confident that Edward is going to stick around and be a real dad to Masen. Telling my son that I'm about to introduce a new, really important person into his life is nerve wracking just the same. How do you stress the importance of who a person is without explicitly explaining who they are? It's an art that I do not believe I've mastered.

"Masen, honey, I want to talk to you about something," I start, trying to take a bite of my own food in order to stay casual. The fact that I'm taking such strides in front of my son is a testament to how intuitive and perceptive he is, truly. I wouldn't bother with the facade with any other six year old, that's for sure.

"Okay. What about, Mama?" he asks casually, like he can't hear the slight strain in my voice. I hope that he's not just pretending for my sake.

"Well, on Thursday I'm going to introduce you to someone who's very important to the both of us. You met him before, at ice cream the other day with Aunt Alice and Uncle Jasper."

"That really tall guy with your friend from work?"

"Yeah, baby. His name is Edward, remember?"

"Oh, yeah. He has a funny name."

I can't help but chuckle. Edward does kind of have an old-fashioned, not commonly used name, but I think it's funny that Masen noticed.

"Whatever, kid," I say, rolling my eyes. At least this is going easier than I anticipated. "Anyway, we're going to spend some time with him on Thursday. He wants to get to know you a little bit, and he wants you to get to know him."

"He wants us to be friends?" he asks.

I think about it and nod. "Yeah, I guess so. We're going to go to the park, so you don't have to talk to him the whole time, but I don't want you to just ignore him, okay?"

He nods with conviction. "Okay, Mommy."

And just like that, the conversation I psyched myself up for is over. I don't know why I put so much worrying into having conversations with this kid. He makes it almost too easy.

~WTIAA~

The rest of the week leading up to Thursday passes with ease. Tanya and I have a couple meetings with some of our authors on Tuesday, so that takes up a majority of our time. Shelley lets us know that she's pleased with how well and quickly we're working together on manuscripts. She's been getting ready to set Tanya free on her own, but seeing how well we work together, she's decided to leave us as we are for all projects going forward. You won't hear any complaints from either of us, so we just keep going with the flow.

At lunch that day, Tanya asks about how I'm feeling about having Edward and Masen officially meet. For being pretty much obligated to stick by Edward's side through all of this, she's keeping everything surprisingly neutral, which both pleases and surprises me. When I ask her about it, she just shrugs and tells me that she can see how decisions were made on both our parts that have led us to this place. "Shit just happens sometimes, Bella We don't always have to take sides. Sometimes we just offer the support we can to both parties and help them get to where they need to be."

Wednesday passes pretty uneventfully. Not much is going on in the office, so I make some small adjustments to some of the manuscripts I've already completed editing. Tanya, Rose and I go out to lunch that day, since it appears that the whole office is just having a slow day. Instead of the regular thirty minutes, we take a full hour and head over to a Pho place a few blocks over from the building.

As soon as we sit down with our menus, Rose is on me. "Bella, will you please tell me what's going on? Edward and Tan are acting strange and keep telling me it's your shit to tell. So, here I am, asking you to tell me."

"Wow, Rose, way to be tactful," Tanya mutters, shooting our friend a withering look.

"What? My fiancé is being affected by whatever drama is going on. His little brother is acting weird, and we're all on the edge of our seats," Rose explains.

I have no idea why I hadn't put it together before, but it occurs to me again, out of nowhere, that Emmett is Edward's elusive older brother that I never met when we were together. This world just keeps getting smaller and smaller. I have to wonder if Edward never told his brother about us when we were together or after everything happened. Because Emmett definitely didn't give any indication when I met him that my name was familiar at all.

"Still, you could've been less blunt about it."

"It's okay, I appreciate Rose's brashness," I smirk over my menu. "And she's right, they deserve to know." Emmett is Masen's uncle, after all, and Rose, for all intents and purposes, is his aunt. Within a week, Mase has inherited more family than he could have possibly imagined. I wonder what will happen to his little brain when we tell him everything.

"So, what's up, B? Why is everyone acting kind of sketchy?" Rose asks, twirling her straw in her Thai tea.

I take a deep breath. I may as well just come out with it. "Edward is Masen's father."

Okay, maybe I should have been a bit more sensitive about it.

Rose chokes on the drink she just took and wipes up what dribbles out of her mouth.

Despite herself, Tanya is chuckling a little and I join her. Rosalie Hale is forever composed and little shocks her, so seeing her so beside herself is a little funny.

"What the fuck?" she asks a little too loudly once she swallows. The people at the table next to us give her a sour look, obviously displeased about her language in front of their child. "Oh, buzz off, lady."

The woman glares at her for a second longer before turning back to what I'm assuming is her husband.

"Anyway, what the hell, Bella? Are you serious?"

"As a heart attack."

"Why didn't you say anything? How could you not tell Emmett? This means Masen is his nephew." She looks at me with a hint of accusation, like I purposely kept this information from her.

I'm about to answer, but Tanya gets to it before I do.

"Rose, Bella didn't know. She thought Edward was still in New York."

I give her a thankful look for vouching for me before turning back to Rose, who looks middle assuaged.

"That still doesn't explain why you didn't tell Em." She crosses her arms over her chest and gives me her classic bitch brow.

"Rose, I never met Em when Edward and I were together. I think he was mentioned once in passing once upon a time eight years ago. And I never really saw any pictures of him or anything when I was over at the Cullen's. And I didn't know it was Edward who Tan was dating before we ran into each other last week."

"Jesus, Bella," she sighs, relaxing from her protective stance. "How did this all happen?"

Rose knows the basics of why Masen's father was never around. His father and I broke up before he was born and I hadn't seen him since. So, I fill her in on all the nitty gritty details that I told Tanya over the weekend as we eat our orders of pho. When I get to the part about Edward basically ordering me to get an abortion while he was in a drug-induced rampage, she drops her chopsticks.

"I always knew there was something going on there," she says, looking gravely at Tanya. "When Em and I first started dating, he said his brother was having a hard time at school and was being hospitalized for something. The first time I met Edward he looked a little haggard. Em never said specifically, but I was almost certain he was using. I just wasn't sure what."

I continue on and tell her about everything following that little incident, all the way until our agreement to meet at the park the following day for Edward to get to know Masen. We are all done eating by the time I finished my story.

"Christ, Bella, I had no idea," Rose says sympathetically. "I can't imagine raising a kid on my own under those circumstances."

I just shrug. "It's no big deal. No one besides Alice knew the whole story. I'm trying to put all the behind me, though, so Mase can have the best chance possible at having a dad, if that's what Edward wants. I'm not interested in keeping them from each other anymore."

"I think he really wants this, Bella," Tanya assures, reaching over and giving my hand a comforting squeeze. "The Edward I know now is so much different than the Edward you describe from high school. He's done a lot of growing up."

I nod. "I'm beginning to see that. I just want this to work out."

"If Edward ever fucks up, just let me know," Rose says, smirking. "I'll just tell Em and he'll gladly whip Edward into shape."

I can't help the chuckle that burst out. "You don't need to sic Em on his brother, Rose. I'm apprehensive, but I have a good feeling about this." It's true, too. There's been a growing hope inside of me that this will work out eventually. It's going to be a long, tribulation-filled road, but I think we're going to get through it.

"Still," she shrugs. "Now that Em knows he has a nephew, he's going to be all over that kid. He already loved Masen from that day we had dinner together."

"Just let Em know not to say anything about being family to Masen just yet. I want to wait to tell him about all of you after we tell him that Edward is his dad."

Rose's eyes soften and she grips the hand that Tanya is not. "Even if you kick Edward to the curb on the whole father thing, Em and I will still be there, Bella. You know I already love the little guy, and Em is pretty smitten, as well. We would never pass up on being family to you both."

My throat is thick with emotion at her words. It's a little overwhelming to have so much support all of a sudden.

"Thank you, Rose. I hope it doesn't come to that, though."

Tanya squeezes my hand, so I look to her. She smiles softly. "I promise you, Edward wants this, Bella. I don't think there's a chance in hell that he'd let anything mess this up."

"Let us know how tomorrow goes, B. And set aside a time sometime next week for us to get together, again. I think Em is gonna want to see Masen again after finding out he's his nephew."

"I will. Maybe we can talk Friday at work," I affirm. I'm really liking the idea of Masen having more family. Things were comfortable with just my dad, Alice, and Jasper, but I like imagining Mase surrounded by even more people that love him.

"Definitely."

"Oh, hey, I have a question," Tanya suddenly says.

"What's that?" I ask.

"Is Masen's name spelled with an E?"

I nod.

Rose's eyes widen. "You gave him their last name?"

I have no idea why she's getting so emotional, so I just nod. "Yeah. I knew Edward most likely wouldn't be around physically, so I figured I'd connect them somehow. As soon as I found out he was going to be a boy, Masen was in the running."

Rose gives me a watery smile. "Emmett kept the last name Masen when Carlisle offered to adopt them. When Esme finds out, she's going to be so happy."

I groan. "I hadn't even thought about having to tell Edward's parents about him." I can still remember they're heartbroken faces from that day in the hospital when they thought I had a miscarriage. Even if they weren't happy that I was pregnant, the baby inside of me was still half of their son. I'm pretty sure they loved the baby even more than Edward did. I don't even want to think of how pissed they're going to be when they find out Masen is alive and well, if Edward hasn't already told them.

"They're going to be thrilled, Bella, are you kidding me? They've been hounding Em and me for grandchildren for a while now. I'd be surprised if Edward hasn't told them already. They'll probably cry the first time they meet Masen."

I gulp, unsure of Rose's enthusiasm. For all the kindness and love the Cullen family showed me when Edward and I were together, I had broken their hearts all those years ago and then kept the truth from them. Esme and Carlisle are the best people I know, but is there enough forgiveness in their hearts for them to not hate me for what I kept from them? I sure hope so.

~WTIAA~

Thursday after work, I feel my heart racing as I drive to pick up Mase from school. My palms are sweating against the leather of the steering wheel, and my right leg would be bouncing incessantly if I wasn't using it to drive.

Masen's brilliant smile calms my nerves quite a bit, though, as he bounces next to one of the teachers responsible for pick up duty today. She opens the door for him and waves at me as Mase hops in the car. Once he's securely buckled in, she closes the door and waves as I pull away from the curb.

He's a cheerful little ball of energy in my backseat, and I can't help but smile at him in the rearview mirror.

"Good day at school, bud?" I ask, my cheer genuine. Having my amazing little boy with me eases my nerves at seeing his father again instantly. I'd been stressing about our afternoon outing with Edward for the whole work day, so it was nice to finally be free of what was probably a constant supply of adrenaline to my body.

Mase smiles back at me and nods. "Yeah, Mama. I got to be line leader today, and Ms. Young gave me a Spider-Man sticker, see!" He pulls at his sweater and shows me the sticker proudly displayed on his collar.

I smile back as we turn onto the highway that will take me into the city. "That's great, baby. Did you wanna have that movie night with Uncle Jasper, soon? He said he picked up the movie and is waiting on you to watch it with him."

He bobs his little head excitedly, his bronze locks flopping messily. It might be time for a haircut. "Yeah! This weekend?"

"Why don't you ask Aunt Alice when we see her in a little bit. She'll know if Uncle Jasper is free this weekend," I suggest.

"Oh, yeah! We're going to the park to play with Edward and Aunt Alice!"

My stomach clenches at the reminder. "Yeah, baby. We'll be there soon."

Masen chats aimlessly about his day at school and what they learned. Only a few weeks into the school year, and I feel like my baby has grown up so much in the few short weeks. He's suddenly doing math that seems much more complicated at his age than when I went to elementary school. His writing has gotten more detailed and lengthy than the few sentences they had to write in pre-school. The first thing they tackled was the concept of paragraphs, so he's been bringing home assignments where he has to write one or two paragraphs about certain topics, and he loves it. I wonder sometimes if he's going to be a little English lover, like me. The only sort of science they talk about at this age is plants, so it's hard to tell if he'll be scientifically inclined, like Edward.

We pull up to the park, and Mase quickly unbuckles his seatbelt. He waits until I've turned the car off to open the door and hop down, but I can tell he's itching to get the swing set and jungle gym. There are only a handful of kids and their parents or babysitters here, so I spot Alice easily, sitting at a picnic table under the shade of a big oak tree.

I take Masen's hand and he impatiently pulls me along to the playground. He tries to pull away as soon as we're out of the parking lot, but I gently yank him back.

"Hey, hey, hey. Go say hi to your Aunt Alice first," I tell him.

He quickly changes direction as he spots Alice and releases my hand. He barrels toward her, yelling her name, and her face brightens with an impossibly wide smile. She catches him in her outstretched arms, and I realize then just how tiny my best friend is. Masen is just shy of four feet tall, and Alice is only five-foot-one, so there's not that big of a difference between them. The doctor thinks he'll most likely be over six feet tall by the time he's done growing. It's no surprise, given how tall his male relatives are, especially Edward's side.

I make it over to the picnic table and hear the two of them talking about seeing the new Captain America movie this weekend. Alice confirms that Jasper is free Saturday, so we make plans to let the boys have a night. When Masen runs off to play, Alice and I discuss possibly having a girl's night at my place with Tanya and Rose. I tell her about the lunch I had with the two of them yesterday and telling Rose the whole sordid tale that has become my life. Alice says she's glad that Mase and I now have more people in our corner when it comes to this whole situation. I can't help but think that these people are in Edward's corner, too. They all want the best for all of us, and that's more comforting to think than them just wanting things to work out for Masen and me.

About five minutes after we've arrived, I see Edward walking toward us, looking much too good in a pair of dark washed jeans, a grey t-shirt, a black bomber jacket, and black boots. He's gotten more built since the last time I saw him as a still slightly gangly nineteen year old, and his looks make my stomach flutter in a way that I'm not entirely comfortable with. There cannot be anything beside platonic friendship between Edward and I, for Masen and Tanya's sake. Plus, I don't think my heart could take another dose of Edward Cullen.

I wave over to him as he gets closer, and he gives a soft, sort of shy smile when he sees me. His hands are shoved in the front pockets of his jeans and his bottom lip is nestled firmly between his teeth, something he picked up from me when we were dating. Apparently old habits never die. The way he runs his right hand through his wild hair hasn't changed, either.

"Hey, Bella," he nods when he's close enough. "Alice," he acknowledges.

"Hey, Edward," she responds. She pushes herself up to stand. "I'm gonna go keep an eye on Masen." She gives me a look that makes it very clear that she's giving Edward and me a chance to talk before Edward and Masen meet again. I just nod at her and thank her for keeping an eye on my son.

Edward lowers himself to the same bench that I'm sitting on, putting as much space between us as the seat allows. A pang of hurt rushes through me at the thought that he's trying his hardest to maintain his distance, but I remind myself that we're practically strangers at this point. Any intimacy we used to share disappeared the second I kicked him out of my hospital room.

We're quiet for a few long moments before Edward sighs, running his hand through his hair again. He shifts his body so he's facing me, and I look at him from the corner of my eye.

"Look, Bella. I'm sorry for what happened last Friday. When I went there, I had no intention of yelling at you, but the situation just got away from me." His hand gives a rather firm tug to his already messy strands. "I wanted to have a civil, grown up conversation, but my emotions were running too high. I am really sorry for getting so angry.

I finally turn and face him, too. "Edward, don't apologize for having emotions. You have every right to be angry. It's normal. And we did have a grown up conversation. Sometimes grown ups have to yell at each other to get their point across."

The smirk that I always loved lifts his lips, and my stomach flutters again. _Fuck._ "Is that what you tell Masen?" There's mirth in his eyes, which is so much different from the last few times I've seen him. It's a welcome change. I always missed playful, laid back Edward the most.

I give him my own smirk in response. "Yeah, it is, actually. I break it down for him in terms he can understand, but he usually comes back with something much more insightful than I can ever expect. He's smart that way."

"I'm not surprised. Look at who his parents are," he chuckles, motioning between the two of us.

I tip my head in agreement. "True. His looks are all you, though."

Edward lets out a harsh sigh. "No kidding. The first time I saw him, it nearly knocked me on my ass. I thought I was looking at one of the pictures my mom has around the house back in Forks."

I let out a rueful chuckle. "Imagine my surprise when he sprouted this wild head of bronze hair. His eyes were grey when he was born, like most babies, but within a few months they were bright green." I pause as I think over my next words. "I knew, though. As soon as I found out he was going to be a boy, I just knew he was going to come out looking just like you. At first, I thought I was being punished."

He lifts an eyebrow at me. "Why would you think that? What would you be punished for?"

My chuckle has absolutely no humor this time. "For being such a bitch to you at the hospital. Like God was telling me I fucked up by making you leave and never telling you the truth. Like I was destined to have this little boy who looks just like you in order to remind myself everyday what a fucked up thing I did."

"Bella, I don't think that's how this works." His eyes are soft and his brows are pulled slightly together in the center. Is he trying to make me feel better?

I shake my head. "No, I know. I just felt that way for a while. But, I realized it was about the only thing that attached him to you. You're not on his birth certificate, his last name is Swan. It's about the only proof there was that he's your kid." I ponder this, and then add, "Well, except for his first name."

"Why did you name him Masen, anyway?" Edward asks. "I don't even use it anymore. Legally, I'm Edward Anthony Cullen"

"Because I know how much your father means to you. You used to tell me all the time how much you loved Carlisle, but you missed your biological dad. It was my only way of marking him as yours without actually giving him your name. And I like the name; I always did."

Edward sucks in an audible breath. He pauses for a moment, thinks, and then begins to chuckle, to my surprise.

I give him a curious look.

"I thought about changing my name back to Masen when I turned eighteen. Imagine the shit name he'd have if you ever get the point of changing his last name to mine."

I look at him blankly before breaking into a soft laugh of my own. Some of the ease of the old Edward and Bella is seeping back into our new, convoluted relationship, and it's reassuring in a way. Maybe we can really do this.

"He definitely would not thank us," I tell him. I pause for a few moments before telling him something else. "I was going to make his middle name Anthony instead of Charles," I admit.

"What made you change your mind?" He doesn't seem hurt at my decision to forego giving our son his own middle name, just curious.

I shrug. "I contemplated it for about a week after I found out the sex. I knew right away I wanted Charles to be in there somewhere, since my dad deserved more than that honor for the way he helped me. And, despite what happened, I wanted Mase to have some sort of association with you, so Anthony was my immediate choice for the other part. But then I remembered how much you loved Edward Sr., and I was so not naming him Edward, so Masen seemed like a good idea." I pause. "I thought about giving him Carlisle's name, too, but Charles and Carlisle don't really sound good in either order together." I wrinkle my nose at the thought. "I wanted to name him after the two men that had cared the most about me, but Masen fit better, and it was a connection I could give you two without being too obvious. It was a convoluted process, but I got there eventually."

"Bella." The way he says my name is pained, and his eyes look imploringly into mine. His fingers twitch like he wants to move them, but he clasps them together in his lap instead. "You have to know that I loved you."

I nod. "I know." I do. He said those three words to me first, about four months into our relationship, and he said them as often as possible after that. Even when he was high and acting a bit irrationally, I could always see the love in his eyes and his actions toward me. It wasn't until that fateful day that I didn't feel loved by Edward Cullen.

"I know what I did seems to negate the fact that I did, but I hated myself even as I was saying the words." His right hand moves back to his hair while his left pats his pocket, like he's searching for something. "I know it doesn't make up for it, but I was high. I had no control over my emotions when I did that. It made me someone I don't even recognize. As soon as I came down that day, I realized how fucked up I just made everything. I punished myself twice as hard as my parents punished me for finding out I was using and calling you a—" He cuts himself of and swallows. We both know what he's referring to. "Yeah, anyway. When I told them you were pregnant, they were besides themselves. I have never seen my parents so angry, and it was all aimed at me."

I can't help the sympathy I feel for kid Edward who went through all that. I shouldn't considering what I was going through at the same time, but I care for Edward, no matter how hard I try not to. He definitely didn't deserve my sympathy back then, but I can look back on it now and feel bad for him.

"I'm so sorry, Edward," I tell him honestly. "I could see the wrath in Esme's eyes as soon as I told her you were high and gave her that vial."

Edward shakes his head. "You don't have to apologize. I deserved it. I completely tore apart the one thing that meant the most to me. I stopped using for a while. I had such bad withdrawals. I had no idea how bad it was until I started getting violent and anxious. After I thought you lost the baby, though, I fell apart again."

I raise my eyebrows. "I thought I gave Esme your stash. And there's no way they let you out in order to go buy more."

He shakes his head again. "I had Eleazar come to me in the middle of the night. I must have looked pretty bad, because he gave me a lot more than I usually bought. I was high for about a week straight. I just hid away from my parents. When I got to school, I continued to use pretty hard just because I could. By the end of that first semester, I was so bad, I was hardly functioning. My grades were shit and because I was on some sort of academic probation, the school called my parents. They flew out that night and had my ass in a rehab facility over the break."

~WTIAA~

 _ **December 2009**_

 _ **EPOV**_

 _There's a pounding at the door of the dorm room. Peter left about a half an hour later to go meet up with some chick from one of the other buildings, and he must have forgotten his keys. I've just finished arranging a line on the desk, so I quickly sniff it up and wipe my nose as I make my way to the door._

 _I don't bother to check the little peephole, because Peter does this shit on the regular, so I swing the door open as I say, "Forget your keys again, asshole?"_

 _Except I'm not met with my dark haired, baseball playing roommate. Instead, there stands my parents, both looking beyond pissed and a little worried. My dad's arms are crossed over his chest and his eyebrow is quirked up in question. My mom looks like she's about to burst into tears, and her arms are hugged around her stomach, like she's keeping herself together like that._

 _I'm willing the anger in me to simmer down, but I can feel it building and being egged on by the coke I just snorted. If there was ever a shitty time to have just taken a line, this was it._

And in August with your pregnant girlfriend puking her guts out, _my brain reminds me. I shake that away though. I don't need to be reminded of that fucking mess. I get high to forget about all that. Not that it helps, really._

 _"Edward Anthony Cullen," Dad says in his no bullshit voice. My full name has never sounded so harsh before, and I wince. "Put some fucking clothes on." Shit. Dad only drops an F-bomb when he's livid._

 _I don't question it. I just let my parents in my room as I throw open the closet door, looking for something clean to wear. I haven't done laundry in a while, so the pickings are slim, hence why I'm only wearing a pair of basketball shorts._

 _I can hear them snooping through my shit while I pull on a shirt and dig in my drawers for a pair of socks. I find a clean pair, and come across an unworn pair of jeans while I'm at it, so I quickly change. When I turn back around to face them, Mom has my bag in her hand, her eyes holding a fire I've only seen only one other time in my life._

 _"Shit," I breathe._

 _"You are in so much fucking trouble, Edward," she hisses. It's even worse when Mom curses. You better fucking run. And that's all I want to do, but I have nowhere to go. "We didn't send you off to college to become a junkie. What the fuck do you have to say for yourself?"_

 _I can't take it anymore. With my hands in my hair, nearly pulling it from my scalp, I drop into a crouch on the floor and just fucking scream. I can't take it. I've bottled all that shit from Forks up in drugs and alcohol for the last several months. With only about monthly calls from my parents and no sight or word from_ her, _I've been able to push it all into the deepest parts of my mind. But now, with my parents here in my fucking room and confronting me, it all comes boiling up._

 _I don't know when it happens, but I'm suddenly sobbing. I drop down so I'm sitting on my ass with my knees drawn up to my chest, hands still in my hair. I can't see anything through my tears, but I'm sure my parents are shooting each other concerned looks. I'm on the verge of hyperventilation, and the intensity of my sobs are hurting my throat. I can't fucking stop, though. It feels like I never will, now that I'm letting it all free._

 _"Edward, sweetie," I hear my mom say soothingly. The fire is gone from her voice. I feel her close to me, like she's kneeling in front of me. "What is going on?"_

 _"I can't fucking do it anymore." I get out. "Everything is so fucked. I can't stop thinking about her and what happened and how things were left, so I get high to forget. I feel so fucking empty all the time. I fucking love her, and I can't forgive myself for what I said. I fucked up everything in a matter of minutes. Who the fuck does that? I can't live with myself. I fucking hate myself, Ma._

 _"And my baby. God, we were gonna have a fucking baby together. That was my kid! I was going to have a baby with the love of my life, and I fucked that all up. And now we'll never have that baby. What the fuck have a done?"_

 _It all comes out in a rush, and I'm not sure if either of them caught any of it, but I'm suddenly wrapped up in my mom's arms. She's humming softly in my ear like she used to do when I was a kid, and it calms the sobs. I'm still crying like a pussy, but I'm not gasping for breath anymore. My heart is still racing, but that's probably more from the cocaine than the crying session._

 _"Edward, I know this has been really hard on you, sweetheart. It's been really hard on all of us," Mom says. There's a thickness to her voice, and I know she's crying now, too. "I know you love her, and everything ended really badly. But you made a mistake, Edward. You're young, it happens. It was a big mistake that will forever change the both of you, but a mistake nonetheless. What happened to Bella—to both of you—is heartbreaking, but she'll move past it, eventually. We'll all move past it. It's all we can do."_

 _"I broke her fucking heart, Ma. And a few days later she lost our baby. How the hell do you come back from that?"_

 _"With time and support from the people you love. She's got Charlie and Alice. They'll put her back together if they haven't already," my dad interjects. "And I'm pretty sure some sort of apology from you wouldn't hurt. You've been MIA, Edward. That's shitty, son. She needed you and you abandoned her."_

 _Like I have to be reminded of that. The constant state of high and drunkenness that I'm in can't even take away that fact. My life has been a shit show. I owe her so much, but I've hurt her enough and the possibility of making it worse is too high. I can't do that to her. I sent her letters as soon as I got to school. I sent one every week for months with no response. I tried calling her cell phone, but it always goes to voicemail, since I'm pretty sure she's blocked my number. I've called the house phone only to be relegated to the answering machine or turned down by Charlie or Alice. I doubt they even let her know that I've called. I don't blame them._

 _I ignore my dad's pointed words. He doesn't know about all the begging I've tried to do just to get a chance to speak to her. I'll just continue letting him believe I'm a screw up; my drug habits are a testament to that, anyway. "You guys don't see her around?"_

 _Mom's head shakes where it's pressed against mine. "I'm pretty sure she avoids being out. I'm sure she goes to school, but we never see her in town. The one time I saw Charlie, he said she's doing as well as can be expected. But that was months ago." She pulls back and looks straight into my eyes, making sure her words really hit home. "Your father is right. You need to speak to her, Edward. Avoiding her is never going to fix anything. You've both fallen apart. Reach out to her."_

 _Fuck. I really broke her. If I didn't already hate myself enough. And they didn't know that I had already tried to reach out. It had just ended in refusals, not that I deserved her time._

 _I sniffle and wipe at my nose with the back of my hand. "Why are you guys here?"_

 _"You've been put on academic probation, Edward," Dad says. "Parents get contacted when that happens. We figured it was drugs."_

 _"Are they kicking me out?" I ask._

 _Mom sighs. "No. You managed to scrape by with all your finals to somehow pass all your classes."_

 _"Then why are you here? I had a flight scheduled for Monday to fly back to Washington."_

 _"We think it's best that you don't come home for the break, Edward," Dad says. "We think it's best if you spend the break at a rehabilitation facility."_

 _I can't do anything except sigh. I had a feeling this was coming._

 _I just nod. "Okay, yeah."_

* * *

 **Before y'all ask, Edward did not relay every single detail of this memory to Bella. We'll see next chapter just how much he told her about, but I hope this little** **flashback from EPOV answered some questions you had. A lot of you are very concerned about why Edward hadn't tried to contact her, so here's a bit of an answer. It's not the whole thing, but it's a little taste. We'll hear more about this in later chapters, I promise :)**

 **As always, please leave me some love! I read every review and I try my hardest to answer all of them, except for the ones that are unanswerable. But I absolutely love hearing from you guys, even if you just shit on the characters the whole time. I like seeing you so involved haha**

 **Until next time, lovelies!**


	8. Strawberry Wine

**Hello lovelies! Welcome back to another Monday. Today we get to find out what exactly Edward told Bella when he was caught up in a flashback last chapter. I promise, though, it will be a long time until she knows the full truth, so be patient with her.**

 **Anyway, I know you're eager, so on with the story!**

 **Disclaimer: I am not SM. I do not own Twilight or literally anything else you see in this story, beside my words. I do, however, own Sephora gift card that I got for my birthday last week, so yo know damn well I'll be spending that soon.**

* * *

 **CHAPTER EIGHT**

 **STRAWBERRY WINE**

 _I still remember_

 _When thirty was old_

 _My biggest fear was September_

 _When he had to go_

 _A few cards and letters and one long distance call_

 _We drifted away like the leaves in the fall_

 _But year after year I come back to this place_

 _Just to remember the taste_

 _-Deana Carter_

"Jesus Christ," I sigh.

He nods. "Yeah. At Columbia, we get a six week break for winter, so I spent them in rehab. They got me weaned off the coke and into therapy. My shrink suggested that I get something else to do when I started getting urges to get high. So I took up smoking and working out. I know smoking is still bad, but it didn't affect my mental capacity. I still see a therapist now. But I quit smoking about a year ago."

"Is that what you were looking for in your pockets earlier?" I ask, registering his searching motion as he patted his jeans.

"You caught that?" he smirks. I nod. "Yeah, it's still habit for me. I think quitting smoking was harder than quitting cocaine. I fell off the wagon a few times, but I haven't had a cigarette for almost six months now."

"And what about the drugs?" I ask. I'm curious, because I know it's easy for ex-users to get back into old habits when there's stress in their life. I'm sure finding out about Masen wasn't easy for him and keeping his old habits in check.

He sighs. "Honestly, there were a few times those first few years that I'd go on benders that typically ended up with me in the hospital. I'd quit cold turkey for several months, my body would get used to the non-high state, and then I'd flood it with way too much. It's been about four years, since I've used though. But, I'm not gonna lie, finding out about Masen almost pushed me over the edge. There's a guy that comes into the hospital a lot who I know sells. I nearly opened his file to get his phone number, but something stopped me. I worked out for about three hours that day after I got done with my shift."

"What stopped you?"

He looks at me from under his lashes, making that annoying stomach flutter pop up again. Fucking hell.

"I didn't want to disappoint you, again. And I didn't want to disappoint Masen."

My heart swells at his confession. My throat gets that sticky feeling that's a pretty good indication that I'm going to cry, so I try to tamp it down by swallowing and blinking to rid of the tears I can feel forming.

Edward scoots closer to me on the bench, and his hands are enveloping mine, squeezing them lightly. Those little electric currents that use to spark when we were teenagers are there, just as strong as they were eight years ago. I hold in the gasp at the sensation, but Edward's arm twitches, like he feels them, too. When I look, his eyes are glimmering with tears, as well, and he glances between my our hands and my face a few times before settling on my eyes. He sniffles before he speaks.

"Bella, you will never know how sorry I am for everything that happened back then. I've punished myself everyday for the last eight years over what I said and did. I will never forgive myself, and I never expect you to forgive me, either. But I am so sorry for all the trouble and heartache I put you through. And I'm sorry for everything I said last Friday. I would never take you to court. You've obviously done a great job raising him so far, much better than I could've done on my own. And if I could go back and change everything, I would."

"I'm sorry for not trying to help you all those years ago. You always told me you only used every so often, and, even though I had my doubts, I thought you could handle it. I should have pushed harder to get you to stop. All of this could have been avoided," I say, gesturing between he and I and out toward where Alice is watching Masen swing across the monkey bars.

Edward waves me off. "That isn't your fault, Bella. I thought I could handle it, too. I was a teenager; I thought I knew everything." He smiles wryly. "But you're right; all of this could have been avoided. But I don't really want to think about that anymore. I didn't call that guy last week because I didn't want for there to be a reason that you wouldn't let me see Masen. I didn't want to see that look of betrayal on your face, and I never want Mase to know his dad didn't see him and get to know him because he's a fucking junkie.

"I want to be in his life, Bella. I want to be his dad. I haven't been able to stop thinking about him since I saw him in front of that ice cream shop; actually, since you told me you were pregnant, but back then, it was just a 'what if'. Now he's real and here and I'm clean. I don't want him to go a single second more without knowing his dad is there for him, even if he doesn't know that's who I am, yet. And I definitely don't want to go another second without knowing I'm doing my best to be the best for him.

"I screwed up beyond belief last time. I know it's going to take a long time before you trust me with him, and I completely accept that. I didn't do enough as a teenager, and that is something I'll have to live with forever. But I want to be enough now. He's my son, Bella, and I will spend everyday for the rest of my life trying to make up for the wrongs I've caused both of you."

I'm actually crying now. Everything I have ever wanted from Edward has just spilled from his lips, and it's too much for my emotions to handle. There's a long way to go from his words to actually seeing him being a father for our son, but this is a good start. Every building needs a foundation, and I think we've just built a pretty solid one. I'm still apprehensive about letting Edward in completely, but I'm willing to let him try to work his way into our lives. Because, like Edward, I don't want Masen to go one more second not knowing that his father is here and wants him just like I've always wanted him. Edward may have taken a few years to catch up, but there's no doubt in my mind that he's one hundred percent into being there for Masen for as long as I'll allow him. And that has to be enough for now.

I nod. "Okay," I sigh. I sniffle. "I want that, too, Edward."

His face breaks into his beautiful, lopsided smile that never failed to take my breath away when we were younger. Looks like it still has that effect now. And it looks so much like Masen's own smile, I can't keep the tears at bay. Some of Edward's tears escape, too, and I'm suddenly in his arms, being pressed into his warm chest. He smells like laundry detergent, and body soap, and _Edward_ , and I flash back to memories of what we used to be like. Days spent lounging in his room doing homework, evenings out at movies while I cuddled into his side, holding his hand as he drove us to school, laying in tangled sheets naked with him.

I force those particular images from my mind. Edward is no longer mine, and he's dating Tanya, my good friend and coworker. He hasn't been mine for nearly a decade. The only reason we're here right now is to allow Edward and his son to develop a relationship. I can't have sexual thoughts and memories floating around my head about him when we're doing this for Masen.

"Thank you so much, Bella," he murmurs into my hair.

Mase comes running over, then, laughing at Alice chasing him, just a few strides behind him. I break away from Edward quickly and wipe at my tears. Masen notices the watery smile I give him, and his laughter stops. His head tilts to the side quizzically as he looks at me.

"Why are you crying, Mama?" His inquiry is so sweet and sincere, so I hug him to me tightly, his arms wrapping around my waist. I see Alice's eyes reflecting Masen's question, so I smile at her reassuringly, and her face returns to its normally peaceful expression.

"They're happy tears, baby. I'm okay," I assure him. I pull back and smile. His hair has flopped into his face from his run, so I push it back from his forehead. "I think it's time for a haircut, bud."

Masen pouts. He's never liked getting his hair cut, but I've been putting off this one for far too long. It should have been cut about two months ago.

"Do I have to?" he whines.

I raise an eyebrow at him. "Don't whine, Masen. And yes, you do."

"But Thor has long hair." Ah, yes. The classic superhero argument. I get these a lot from him now. Stupid Jasper, showing him all the Marvel movies.

"Oh, so you're an Asgardian prince, now? Is that what you're telling me?"

He seems to ponder it for a moment before nodding his head with conviction. "Yep, exactly. But I'm good, like Thor. Not bad like Loki."

Edward and Alice chuckle and I shoot them glares over Masen's head. They're not helping.

"You're getting your hair cut. Don't you want to look like Peter Parker?" I persuade.

His eyes widen, and I know I've got him. "Of course, Mama!"

I nod my head at him this time. "Alright. It's settled, then. I'll make you an appointment for next week. Now, I want you to meet Edward, again. You remember him from ice cream, right?"

He turns to face Edward and seems to look him over for a few moments. Alice and I wait in silence for Masen's verdict and Edward looks excited and scared at the same time. I'm sure being sized up the your kid that you're just now meeting is a little intimidating, but he's doing pretty well, I think.

Mase finally nods. "You're Mama's friend from school, right? From before I was born?"

That last sentence seems to strike a sour cord with Edward, and I see him wince just slightly as his eyes meet mine. I give him a nod I hope lets him know that everything's okay.

"Yeah, I am. Your mom and I went to high school together."

I can't see Masen's face, but from the look on Edward's, Masen's is a bit quizzical. "Mama said you guys got into a fight a long time ago. Why would you guys fight?"

Fuck. The kid has too good of a memory.

Luckily, Edward seems to take this in stride, and he smiles softly at Mase. "I cared for your Mom very much, but sometimes we just didn't see eye to eye. Sometimes people argue when they have different opinions about something."

"That's what Mama said, too."

Edward's eyes flick to mine, and his smile grows a little bit. "Well, your mom is a very smart lady. She always has been."

An unwanted blush starts to heat my face, and Edward winks at me when he sees it. I want to glare at him and tell him to cut it out, but I'm too relaxed at seeing the Edward I knew in high school finally make an appearance.

"Are you smart too, Edward?" Masen asks.

Edward chuckles a little. "I'd like to think so."

"What do you do? 'Cause Mama is a book editor. She reads people's books and makes marks in them so they can change things."

"Well, I'm technically still in school, but I work at a hospital instead of sitting in a classroom. When I finish school in June, I'll be a doctor."

I can just imagine Masen's eyes widening along with the gasp he lets out. Alice and I both chuckle at his astonishment. "You're still in school? How long does it take to be a doctor? What type of doctor are you gonna be?"

So, maybe he's more interested in the science field than I originally thought. He does like to watch that Doc McStuffins show on Disney. I should know by now how strong Edward's genes are.

"It takes eight years to get my degree to be a doctor. So, I went to regular college, like your mom, and then I went for another four years to do my doctor stuff. I'm almost done with my last year. And I want to be a doctor that works in the ER. Do you know what the ER is?"

Oh, does he ever. He's just as accident prone as I am.

He nods his head enthusiastically. "Yeah, I've been there a couple times for me and for Mama."

Edward smirks as he looks up at me. I roll my eyes. Alice giggles.

"Mama had to get stitches after she made dinner, and I broke my arm last year," Masen happily supplies.

"Still accident prone?" Edward asks, his eyes crinkling with held back laughter.

"Unfortunately, that's not something I grew out of after high school. And that seems to be one of the few things he got from me."

Masen and Edward both laugh at me, and I want to be upset or peeved, but I can't help but smile at how well they're getting along. For another half hour, the two of them talk about a whole bunch of things. Masen explains to Edward his obsession with all things Marvel, but his favorite is Spider-Man. Edward tells him his favorite was always Spider-Man, too, so they bond over that. Masen tells him he picked out his glasses because they looked like Peter Parker's and Edward tells him he has a similar pair. Mase tells him all about school and his friends and spending time with Uncle Jasper and Aunt Alice. Edward tells him about his girlfriend, Tanya, and his brother and his girlfriend. Masen has met all these people before, so he tells Edward he likes all of them and thinks Tanya's really pretty. Edward chuckles and agrees, and my heart squeezes a little at that line of discussion. Edward talks about growing up with his brother, and partway through, I see Masen's face scrunch up in thought.

"Mama?" he says once Edward takes a break.

"Yeah, baby?"

"Will I ever have any brothers or sisters?"

Well, fuck.

Edward looks at me over Masen's head and raises an eyebrow, like he's curious about my answer, too. All I can wonder is why does it matter to him, but I realize if I ever have anymore kids, he'd have to share Mase with whatever other man is in my life, and it may not be a desirable situation for him. But my chances of meeting someone worth marrying and having more kids anytime soon is pretty much nonexistent, so there's no need for the expression on his face.

I sigh. "Well, you remember what I said about mommies and daddies having babies together? That there has to be two people to have a baby?" He nods. "Well, right now there's not anyone that could be a daddy with me, so I can't have another baby. That doesn't mean you won't ever have a brother or sister, but it won't be for a while, sweetie."

Instead of looking disappointed, like I had anticipated, he looks thoughtful, pursing his mouth to the side as he looks at me. "So, if I have a brother or sister, we won't have the same daddies? Because I don't know my daddy."

Edward squeezes his eyes closed and grips his hair in his right hand. I can hear him take a deep breath in and I don't hear an exhale. This line of questioning has to be hard on him, and I want to take away the pain and discomfort he's feeling, but I don't know how. Aside from going back in time and doing everything over, there's nothing I can really do.

"Yeah, baby, they'd have a different daddy. But I don't want you to worry about that. It's not happening anytime soon. I don't want another baby right now. I like it just being me and you." I smile reassuringly, and he smiles back.

Edward still looks like he's pained, so I decide it's a good time to wrap it up.

"What do you say we head back home and stop somewhere for dinner?" I suggest to Alice and Masen.

"Sure, I'll call Jasper," Alice agrees. She looks me in the eye and then nods her head to a distraught-looking Edward, mouthing, 'Fix it.' I nod and she walks away to make her phone call.

"Mase, hon, why don't you go play for a little bit longer, so I can talk to Edward real quick."

He nods and is off without another word.

I scoot closer to Edward on the bench and rest my hand on his forearm, trying to get him to release the death grip he has on his hair. He blows out a long breath, and I briefly wonder if it's the same one he inhaled a minute ago.

"Hey, I'm sorry about that. I didn't think he would go there. He's never asked about having siblings," I say quietly.

His eyes open slowly and he turns to face me again. He's eyes are a little watery, but I don't react. I have a feeling there's going to be a lot of tears for a while, so I just take it in stride.

"I just…fuck. I want to tell him, Bella. He needs to know he does have a dad that's going to be there for him. I don't care about him wanting siblings. I obviously don't expect you to never be in a relationship again. It was just his comment about not knowing his dad that got to me."

He sounds so heartbroken, and knowing I'm part of the reason for his hurting makes my own heart constrict.

I take his hand in mine and squeeze comfortingly, trying to ignore those little tingles everywhere our skin touches. "I know. I want to tell him, too, but just give it a little time. I want you guys to get to know each other before we tell him. And you need to talk to Tanya about all this. I know she's supportive and she's taking it in stride now, but I don't think the fact that her boyfriend is the father of a six year old little boy has actually hit her yet."

He nods. "Yeah, you're right. I just want this to work, Bella. And I'll talk to Tanya tomorrow after she gets home from work. We've been putting off having this discussion."

"Oh, and I don't know if you've spoken to Emmett recently, but I told Rose the truth yesterday. I'm sure she's told Em by now."

"I haven't spoken to them, but I figured they'd know. Rose and you seem kinda close. And I told my parents earlier today everything that's going on. They want to meet him."

The worry that his parents absolutely hate my guts sprouts up again, and nausea settles in my stomach. "Maybe we can hold off on that? I want Mase to get comfortable with having you around before we get your parents involved."

Edward nods. "Yeah, I figured you'd say that. That's what I told my parents, too."

"Hey, everything's going to work out," I say. I'm not sure if I'm assuring him or myself. Probably both. "I know we just kinda got past hashing some shit out, and there's still more to talk about, but I think this is going to be good. It's gonna take a while to find a new normal, and it's probably not going to be easy, but I know it's worth it." I squeeze his hand again, trying to convey my sincerity. "Anything for Masen is worth it."

Edward smiles at me and squeezes back. "Masen's worth everything."

~WTIAA~

After Edward and I agree on meeting up again next week, with just the three of us, we all say goodbye. Mase waves enthusiastically at him through his window as I pull out of the parking lot, and the smile on Edward's face is as wide as I've ever seen it as he waves back.

When we get home from dinner, I call my dad to let him know that everything went well with Edward today.

"So, you're seeing him again next week?" Charlie asks after my initial rundown of how the afternoon went. "Where are you planning on meeting him?"

"I don't know, Dad. These are just tentative plans. He said he'd call when he knew more about his schedule for next week. Somewhere in public is obviously the best option, but he's going to end up at the apartment eventually."

"I just don't want him to end up seeing Masen when it's only convenient for him, Bells. I know and respect the hell out of Esme and Carlisle, but Edward seems to be the odd man out in their family. I'd hate to see you let him into Masen's life just for him to back out when it gets tough."

I twist my lips at Charlie's words. I can't help but think he doesn't know the whole story about what happened with Edward and I back in high school, so his judgement of Edward is a little unfair. I never told my dad about Edward's drug habit, because what teenage girl in their right mind would tell their father their boyfriend is a junkie? Charlie doesn't realize, all these years later, that Edward just isn't some asshole that abandoned me when the going got tough. Sure, he was a dumb, scared kid when it all happened, but his words and fear was only fueled by the drugs he mistakenly got himself into by hanging out with the scum of Forks High.

I sigh. "Dad, I think it's time I tell you exactly what happened when I told Edward I was pregnant. Because I feel you only knowing half-truths is making you a little more judge-y than you'd be otherwise."

"What are you talking about, Bells?"

I swallow. "Do you have some time, Dad?"

"Yeah, Bells. I just got back from the diner. I can talk all night if you need. I'm off tomorrow."

"Alright, well, I didn't tell you some things about what happened."

For the second time in as many days, I tell the whole epic tale of what happened that day in Edward's room. And then I backtrack a little bit to explain where Edward picked up his habit and how I brushed it off because he told me he could handle it. My dad grunts and hums where appropriate. Then I tell him what Edward told me today about nearly being kicked out of Columbia his first semester and his six week stint in a rehab facility.

When I finish, Charlie says, "That all still doesn't excuse what he said, Bells. It's awful that he fell into that, and I understand that it tears your life apart when you get caught up in drugs, so I'm sympathetic, but those thoughts and actions were still his own, even if he was under the influence at the time."

"I know that, Dad. I feel the same way. And Edward understands that the drugs were no excuse. We talked about all this today. But I can tell he really wants to make the effort to be there for Masen. I'm not saying it's going to be pleasant or easy, but I really think we can work this out."

"It's going to take a lot of effort on everyone's parts, Bells. Does Edward have the time to commit to it while still being an intern at the hospital?"

Charlie has a valid point, and I have been wondering about that myself for the last few hours.

"I don't know, Dad. I think, at this point in his life, Edward has a better idea of where his priorities are, so I'm hoping it won't be a problem."

Charlie heaves a deep sigh. "I just don't want either of you to end up hurt."

"I know, Daddy. I'm still upset and there's a lot of hurt in me from everything that's happened, but I want to at least try this for Masen's sake. He deserves two parents, not just his mom and grandfather. I know I have Alice and Jasper now, too, but that doesn't compare with two parents that love him and provide for him."

I know that from firsthand experience. I may have been older when Renee left, but it always left an empty place in my life. That hole in my heart never really filled itself until Masen was born.

"Well, at least he seems like he's stepping up, Bells. I'm glad he didn't find out about your kid and then decide for a second time that he didn't want anything to do with him. I can give him that much."

"Yeah, that's what Alice said. And I'm pretty sure she hates him more than you do," I chuckle.

"You might be right about that," Charlie laughs. Alice and my dad bonded pretty quickly over their mutual hatred of Edward during the duration of my pregnancy. Sure, my dad played his role as the adult and talked to me several times about trying to contact Edward just to be sure that he didn't want any part of the whole thing, but it was always shaded with how much he despised my ex-boyfriend.

"I just want Mase to be happy. And who's to say Edward won't add to his overall happiness? He loves hanging out with you and Jasper. Being with me all day probably leaves him yearning for some male bonding. Edward could be that."

"I know this is all right for Mase, but what about you, Bells? Is this right for you?"

I sigh. "Does it matter? Masen comes first, always."

"That man hurt you in unspeakable ways, Bells. I just want to make sure that this isn't making you uncomfortable or anything. In a year's time, you may be co-parenting with him. Are you going to be okay with that?"

My eyes squeeze shut and I pinch the bridge of my nose. All this talk about Edward and a possible future with him in it for my son is making my head hurt.

"Did he break my heart? Of course. Do I resent him for it? A little bit. But talking with him today, I realized how much of the Edward I liked is still in there. We saw each other at our worst the last time we really spent time together, and I think that's the memory that I've been carrying around with me all these years. Spending time with him now, I realize I can push aside the hurt and anger for Masen and possibly build a friendship with Edward, for our son's sake. He'll always be a part of my life now, because of Mase, so I best damn well get used to it and make the best of this shitty situation."

~WTIAA~

The following day at work, Tanya greets me with her same friendly smile and kind disposition, and I'm momentarily surprised by how normal she's acting. Then I remember that Edward won't be speaking to her until after we get off work, so she doesn't know all that happened yesterday. I know she'll most likely ask at lunch, but I promise myself in the moment that I won't tell her too many details. Edward has a right to give his perspective to his own girlfriend about what's going on in his own head, so I won't get in the way of that.

Until lunch, Tanya and I work together to agree on corrections we've made to a pretty sizable manuscript. We get through about three quarters of the book before both our stomachs are begging for food. Tanya calls Rose and we arrange to meet in the break room for lunch instead of heading out.

I heat up my leftover pasta from dinner last night as I wait for Rose to show up. Just as the timer goes off, Rose bursts in, looking a little frazzled.

"Sorry I'm kinda late. Irina has been running me ragged for no fucking reason all morning."

"We don't have to do this today if you're busy, Rose," I assure her, taking a seat at the little formica table.

"No, I need this break. I need at least forty-five minutes away from the raging bitch just so I can keep my sanity and not end up needing the hefty bail associated with homicide."

"I don't think homicide suspects typically get bail," Tanya supplies, smirking at Rose through her bite of salad. "And if they do, it's like two million dollars."

"Why are you a copyeditor? Why didn't you become a lawyer?" Rose snarks. She angrily throws the fridge in the corner open to retrieve the soup she brought. She tosses it in the microwave as Tanya answers.

She shrugs one shoulder. "Too much schooling. You think I'm patient or motivated enough to go for more than four years?" She snorts. "Nope."

I can't help but chuckle at the eye roll Rose gives Tanya.

"Anyway," she sighs. "How did yesterday go, B?"

"Yeah, I was wondering, too. I haven't seen Edward yet. He worked the night shift," Tanya says.

I nod and chew my food thoroughly, giving me time to think up a satisfactory but vague response. I really don't want anyone beside Alice this deep into my personal life just yet, especially since nothing's concrete and Edward's not here to give is own opinion.

I swallow my food. "It actually went pretty well. Edward and I hashed some things out, and Masen and him got to know each other a little bit. Obviously, there's a lot more to talk about than what we could get through in one afternoon, but I think we're both hopeful." There, to the point, but enough information that neither one of them will hound me for more.

"So, you think this will work out? Co-parenting with Edward?" Rose asks, finally joining us at the table.

I shrug. "I hope so. He seemed pretty delighted to get to talk with Masen yesterday, so I hope that's a good indication of how it will go. It's just…kinda a tricky situation to navigate. It's not just between Edward and I, ya know? There's Alice, who's way emotionally invested in all this, my dad, Edward's parents, you and Em, and obviously Tanya. It's a lot more than just a couple of hours is going to solve."

"For Em and I, we want to make this as easy for you all as possible," Rose says, giving me a meaningful look. "If there's anything you need or anything you need to talk about, we're always here for you. Masen is Em's flesh and blood, and you're his mother. We're family, now, no matter what your personal relationship is with Edward." She glances worriedly at Tanya. "Not that I'm implying anything is going on between Bella and Edward."

Tanya waves her off with a flick of her hand. "No, I totally get it. Bella, you're the mother of Edward's child. You're always going to be around, no matter what. And you're my friend. I know Masen's always going to come first for both of you, but I promise not to be threatened by it. Parent-child relationships are really important."

I look between them both and wonder how I made such kind, understanding, caring friends in this little publishing house. And how we were all entangled outside of this office was a bit of a mindfuck, but I was glad we were all experiencing this together. Alice was more support than I could ever imagine or ask for, but she has a different experience than the three of us.

"Thank you, guys. I just want this all to work out, eventually."

Rose gives me a soft smile. "It will, Bella. You'll see.

~WTIAA~

Saturday, Jasper comes by to drop off Alice and pick up Masen so we can have out respective boy's and girl's nights at our houses. Mase has been talking nonstop about his movie night with Uncle Jasper and getting to meet and talk to Edward since Thursday. I remind him that there's a good chance that we'll see Edward again during the week, and he's excited at the prospect already. That Masen likes Edward so much already is very reassuring, and I can't help but smile at his easy acceptance of Edward's presence. There's still a long way to go before we tell him that Edward is his father, but we're inching closer, and it makes all this just a little bit easier.

Once Jasper and Mase leave, Alice calls for Chinese takeout while I decide on a movie to watch on Netflix. We've agreed on some sort of sappy romance, so I immediately search for Nicholas Sparks movies and pick the newest one that's been released. Just as I'm queuing up the movie, my cell phone rings in the kitchen.

"Bella, it's Edward," Alice calls, apparently off the phone with the restaurant.

"Toss it to me," I tell her, opening my hands. She underhands it across the couch and I slide to answer before it stops ringing.

"Hello?" I answer.

"Hey, Bella. So, I actually have the day off Friday if you want to get together that day and do something."

"Sure, Masen has a half day at school if you want to do something in the afternoon. I can get out of work early."

"Actually, I was thinking something in the evening."

I'm a little surprised by his suggestion. "Oh? What did you have in mind?"

"Well, one of the senior residents at the hospital has a little girl, and he was telling me that one of the parks in town does a movie on the lawn type of thing every Friday. Apparently, they're playing the first Amazing Spider-Man movie next week. I figured we could hit the playground beforehand and then watch the movie."

I'm actually mildly surprised that Edward thought of something so very _Masen._ My kid is going to eat this shit up, and I'm glad that Edward is planning something more than just hanging out in the park again.

"Sure, that sounds great. What time is the movie at?" I ask.

"It starts at 7. It's a little over two hours, is that okay? That won't mess up his bedtime or anything, right?"

The genuine concern I can hear in his voice about Masen's sleep schedule actually warms my heart a little, and I smile despite myself.

"Between Alice, Jasper, and my dad, Masen's pretty much got free reign over the weekends as far as sleep goes. Being up until nine or ten on Friday night isn't going to hurt him."

"Okay, good. I just wanted to be sure. What time do you want to meet?"

"Well, how about we meet for dinner beforehand and then head to the park?"

"Yeah, I can do that. So, around five, maybe?"

"Sounds good. When you think of where you want to eat, send me a text. Oh, and feel free to bring Tanya, too. Mase obviously likes her." I really don't want to leave Tanya out of the loop on all this. Plus, her and Edward probably do something on Friday nights if he has the night off, so I don't want to infringe on that.

"Thanks, but I don't want to share Masen just yet, you know? I want him to myself when we're first getting to know each other. I don't want him to have to share attention with Tanya."

That actually makes sense, I guess. But I also don't want to make Tanya feel like she's purposefully being excluded from time that she could be spending with Edward. Though, Edward is the one that should be concerned with her feelings, so he would know about how she feels about all this better than I do.

"Okay, I get that. The invitation is always open, though, Edward."

"Thanks, Bella. I appreciate that. Listen, I have to get back to work. I'll text you during the week with final details and all that."

"Alright, I'll see you Friday, Edward."

We hang up, and Alice comes into the living room, a pitcher full of mystery liquid and two glasses in her hands. She asks me what Edward wanted as she sets everything down on the coffee table, so I tell her about our plans to see the movie with Masen on Friday. She agrees that it's a good idea and thinks I'm going about this the right way for all of us. Then she informs me that the plan is to get as drunk as possible tonight, since we both have a night away from our boys. I agree and she pours the first glass of the mix she made. Apparently, there's Sprite, pink lemonade, raspberries, vodka and tequila in it, which she promises me will get us drunk pretty quickly. I'm only a few sips into my glass by the time the buzz comes through for the lobby door.

We spend the rest of the night half watching the movie, giggling like school girls once the liquor hits us, and eating the Chinese food off and on. It's nice to have a girl's night like this with just Alice every once in a while. We went out last weekend for my birthday with Tanya and Rose, but sometimes I just like some personal time with Alice and me. It hasn't just been the two of us since junior year of high school. It's nice feeling like we did in the old days, back before I had a kid and before she had her company and Jasper.

Sometimes, spending nights reminiscing about your past is just what you need to feel grounded again.

* * *

 **So, there was chapter eight. I know a lot of you liked the little look inside Edward's head that we got last chapter, and I promise we'll see more from him in the future. I've already written a few chapters from his POV. It'll be several more weeks until y'all see those, though.**

 **As always, please drop by and leave me some reviews. I love hearing from you guys, and I'm always willing to answer questions if you have them. And, if you are in desperate need to get some answers about the future of this story, I will answer those, too. I don't mind giving out spoilers if y'all need them haha. That's on you guys :P**

 **Okay, so I know I don't typically rec on this story, but holy shit, I just finished one of the best stories I've ever read on here. It's paranormal and a mystery/romance, so I know it's not everyone's cup of tea, but goddamn, it was amazing. I finished it in less than a day. That's how amazing it was. If y'all are interested, it's call The Lost by mamasutra. It's so fucking good. It's 92 chapters, but they go by so quick. I couldn't put it down.**

 **Okay, that's all! Until next time, lovelies!**


	9. On a Bus to St Cloud

**Hello dears! Welcome back to another Monday :) This one is just a teenie bit shorter than the previous ones, but I think it has some good content. We get to see a progression of the relationships in this story. I'm really anxious to get these chapters out to you guys, because I just wrote a pretty major part of the story that kind of got away from my original outline, but I think it's working well. I'm just really excited about it, but I know I have to wait to get you guys there too. Ahhh!**

 **Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. It's a little slower than previous ones, but it's a necessary chapter, I feel. Enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer: I am not SM. I do not own Twilight, or really anything else, for that matter. I do own this vintage Coca-Cola crop top, so that's cool, I guess.**

* * *

 **CHAPTER NINE**

 **ON A BUS TO ST. CLOUD**

 _And you chase me like a shadow_

 _And you haunt me like a ghost_

 _And I hate you some, and I love you some_

 _But I miss you most…_

 _-Trisha Yearwood_

After Edward and I hash out the finer details, we spend a nice day together on Friday. He treats Mase and I to dinner at a hot wing place a few blocks from the park and then plays with Masen on the playground when we get there. We arrive about an hour early, so Mase can get plenty of play time in before he sits down to watch Spider-Man. It's nearly October, so all of us have donned heavier jackets. It's only about fifty degrees, but the sun has set and there's a bit of a wind that has a little bite. I put a beanie on Masen to keep his little ears warm, but the cold doesn't seem to bother him as he runs around the jungle gym with Edward, laughing hysterically and seeming as happy as I've ever seen him.

Over the next few weeks, we fall into a sort of routine. After spending some time together, Edward tells me he'll call when he gets word of his schedule at the hospital. He calls a few days later, lets me knows what days he has time or is off, then we plan to do things those days. A lot of the time it's nothing big because they're during the week, and Masen has school and we both have work the next day, but just the few hours a couple days a week seems to be working for us. We usually plan a day at the park, or Edward offers to take us to a kids movie that just comes out, or we all head out for ice cream and a walk. On what seems to be the last partially warm weekend of the year, we take Mase to another movie on the lawn when they play Jurassic World.

Each time they're together, I get the privilege of watching my son and his father getting to know each other better and have little moments that lead me to believe everything's going to be alright. Edward listens to every word Masen says like he's telling him all the secrets of the US government. Even I get a little annoyed at Masen's chatter sometimes, so Edward's patience and enthralled expression tugs at my heartstrings. I'm pretty sure Mase has told him his whole life story, and Edward continues to be completely absorbed, even if it's a story Masen's told a couple times already.

Masen has begun to ask to spend more time with Edward, which puts a big smile on the older man's face. Edward always agrees and promises Masen he'll call me as soon as he knows when he's free. We've been out with Edward so many times now, that I've lost count. Each time I can see the glimmer of love and hope in his eyes when he looks at his son, and I choke up a little at the sight, knowing Edward genuinely cares.

When the two of them talk and joke and play around like I'm not even there, I can't help but imagine what it would've been like if we had been a family from the get-go. I fantasize about sharing the sleepless nights with Edward, both of us exhausted but so happy about the perfect little bundle of love that we created. I fantasize about Edward and I going to UDub together, living in the family housing with one another as we continue to raise our son and work our asses off to finish our degrees. I fantasize about the struggle we undoubtedly face but push through everyday to better ourselves for our innocent little boy and his charming personality. I fantasize about outings like this for the entirety of Masen's life, both of us happily playing and laughing with our amazing little man.

I try to dash those thoughts out as soon as they crop up, but I'm typically unsuccessful. The want for all the images my mind conjures up is too strong, and the guilt and hatred I feel at not being able to have all that eats at me. I love seeing my son so happy and comfortable with his father, but I wish either of us would have figured this out sooner. I hate that I took away a kind, caring father from Mase, but I honestly thought it was the best thing for him at the time. I realize now that he would've been better off with his dad, even if Edward had to work hard to be a good father. But I can't go back and change any of that, so I live with the knowledge that it's better late than never. These two guys might have missed out on nearly seven years with each other, but at least Masen's still young.

The other thing that bothers me when I see Edward and Masen together is the way my heart jumps and my stomach flutters as I watch that beautiful, carefree smile light up Edward's face. When he's playing with his son, all I can see is the Edward that I had and loved in high school. The young man who did great in school but knew how to have fun and live when it permitted. Aside from his addiction, Edward was a model man, someone my father actually approved of me dating, even though he's two years older than me, which is a lot when you're in high school. I see the mannerisms and little things that drew me to him, and all the qualities that made me fall in love with him. And there's the things that caused me to lust after him, like the way he licks his bottom lip, the mischievous sparkle in his eyes, the strain in his muscles as he climbs the monkey bars with our son.

Guilt washes over me every time I think something sexual about Edward. He's not mine to look at and think about anymore. He's in a relationship with a really amazing woman whom I consider a great friend. Not to mention, the burn left in his wake is still there, but, I have to admit, it's been slowly healing in the weeks since he's started spending time with Masen. Seeing Edward so loving and completely captivated with him awakens something inside of me that I never knew existed. Seeing the ease with which they communicate and interact brings forth that feeling every girl gets when they see a big, strong guy hold and coo at a little baby. That feeling that kicks your ovaries into high gear and demands that you have a baby with that man at that instant. I hate myself for feeling it, but there's no way I can stop it.

But there's no way I will ever act on those feelings and urges, because I respect Tanya and her relationship with Edward. I have no intention of somehow impeding on their romance by inserting myself too far into Edward's life. He's free to enter ours, but I will not reciprocate. Tanya deserves more than to be pushed aside by her boyfriend because he's spending too much time with his son and his baby mama. I will never purposefully intrude into their private life.

So, when I notice Tanya start to act strange while we're at work, I know I've somehow stepped over those very distinct lines I laid down. Instead of the happy smiles and good morning greetings I usually get when stepping into the office, she barely glances up at me with a forced grin. Instead of spending a good part of our morning talking adamantly over manuscripts and working out the changes we've made, she just accepts what I think should go and emails Shelley to notify her that we're done. Instead of spending lunch together, either at our desks or in the break room, she always flees the office as soon as it gets around lunch time.

The second week of October rolls around, and I've finally had enough of skirting around each other, so I plan to ask her to stay and eat with me or go out and get lunch together. Unfortunately, she leaves just before noon when I get up to use the restroom before getting lunch. When I get back to our desks, she's gone, her purse and laptop clear from her area. I frown and head to the break room by myself.

Rose is in there when I enter, standing by the microwave as she waits for whatever she has to heat up. We greet each other, and I grab my salad and apple slices from the fridge. Rose joins me at the table and we eat in silence for a few moments before I finally work up the balls to just ask her about what's up with Tanya. They probably talk more than I talk with either of them, given their relation to one another, so I'm hoping she'll have some insight.

"Hey, do you know what's going on with Tanya? Have I upset her in some way?"

Rose sighs and puts down her fork, pushing her plate away. She's brought some sort of microwave dinner that doesn't look appealing, and she doesn't look sorry about it getting cold. "She's just having a hard time with the situation. It's hit her lately what all this actually means."

I start to panic. "Shit. Did I do something? If I stepped over some line without realizing it, I didn't mean to. She has to know that I would never do anything to hurt her or get in the way of her relationship." I'm kind of rambling, but I can't stop the words that are just spilling out.

"Bella, calm down," Rose says, placing a soothing hand on my forearm. "You didn't do anything wrong, as far as I know." She raises an eyebrow at me, like she thinks my rambling is due to some sort of guilt I have.

I shake my head. "No, I haven't. Like I said, I would never hurt Tanya. I just pretty much sit back and watch when Mase and Edward are together. I mean, we talk, obviously, but just about Masen or stuff that we still need to work through from the past. Nothing that anyone should worry about." Shit, I am rambling like I'm guilty. I haven't done anything, though!

Rose sighs. "B, I believe you, but I honestly don't know if Tanya is thinking that something's going on. But, from what she's told me, she's just feeling a little confused and overwhelmed by how quickly everything's changed. It obviously is a bit of a shock to find out your boyfriend has a six year old son at the exact same time that he did. Does anyone really know how to cope with that?"

I nod. "Yeah, I get it. It can't be easy for her." She used to have Edward to herself, but now she's giving up time that they could be spending together so that he can spend time with Masen. "I've told Edward to invite her when we go out, but he says he doesn't want Masen to feel like he's having to share Edward's attention with Tanya."

"And I get Edward's point of view. It's just not an easy situation for anyone involved."

I agree. "Should I just talk to Tanya about this? Try to help her through it a little bit?"

"I think that's a good idea. And maybe mention it to Edward the next time you speak to him. He needs to deal with this, too. She's his girlfriend, after all."

So, with that in mind, I plan to talk to Tanya if she's still like this by next week. I don't want to jump down her throat if it's just something she's taking a few days to work through on her own, but if it continues, it's obviously something she needs help coming to terms with, and I am more than happy to be the one to offer her a hand.

I let the rest of the week go on, getting my work done and speaking minimally to Tanya about our assignments and the projects that we're working on. Edward meets Masen and me for dinner with Alice and Jasper on Thursday evening. I plan to talk to Edward about talking with Tanya once we're done eating, but I put it out of my mind as we eat and have conversation.

Edward and Jasper sit together on one side of the booth, Alice and me on the other, with Masen in a chair at the open end of the table. He's eating up all the attention he's getting from his aunt, uncle, and Edward, delighting in making them laugh with his silly stories. When our pizza arrives, Edward serves him like it's the most natural thing for him to do, and he helps him wipe his mouth when he gets pizza sauce everywhere. Masen giggles when he notices that Edward has some sauce on the corner of his mouth, too.

"Edward, you have to wipe your face, too," he laughs. "You've got pizza sauce on your mouth!"

"Where, right here?" Edward asks, pointing to his top lip. Masen shakes his head. "Here?" He points to his bottom lip. Another head shake. "Here?" He points to the opposite corner of where the sauce is. Mase giggles as he shakes again. "Oh, here?" He points to the correct corner. Masen bursts out in laughter as he nods.

"Thanks, kiddo," Edward says, wiping with a napkin and ruffling Masen's hair with his free hand.

I suddenly realize something. "Shoot! I still haven't gotten your hair cut. Why didn't you remind me, kid?"

Masen smiles widely at me. "I was hoping you'd forget."

We all laugh.

"Sorry, hon, but it's getting a little out of control. You're starting to look like a hooligan."

Masen pouts. "If I need a haircut, then Edward _really_ needs a haircut."

My son is right. One thing that hasn't changed about Edward since high school is his seeming inability to get regular haircuts. That stuff got so long one time, that I forced him into the car one afternoon and drove him to the only barber shop in town. He complained the whole ride, but he admitted that he needed it once the barber made the first past with his clippers.

"Masen's right, Edward. You need a haircut, too. You're looking a little wild, there," I tease, smirking at him.

Just like Masen, Edward's hair is always a crazy mess at any length, given all the times a day he runs his hands through it and its natural propensity to just be out of control. At least Mase has the excuse that he's a little boy that runs around all day like a wild animal. Edward is an adult, though. An adult that works in a hospital no less.

Edward sighs and gives me the stink eye. "Fine, how about I take you to get our hair cut on my next free day, bud?"

I'm surprised by his offer, because it's something very… _paternal_. Edward obviously loves Masen very much, but it's something I think of fathers and sons doing together as a bonding thing. Which, I suppose is Edward's intention, but it still shocks me. Maybe this is something they can do together from now on. Because Lord knows Masen always throws a fit when I suggest it. Maybe the appeal of spending some guy time with Edward will get him to agree more willingly.

"Really?" Mase asks, the excitement already threatening to bubble out. Yep, haircuts are definitely Edward's thing, now.

"Yeah, if it's okay with your mom," he says, looking at me for confirmation.

This will be the first time that Edward will be completely alone with Masen. I'm a bit apprehensive, just because I know Masen's prone to throwing tantrums when there's a threat of him getting his hair cut. But, I trust Edward with our son, and I realize how big it will be for all of us if I say yes to them going out by themselves.

I finally nod. "Sure, yeah. Maybe he won't fight you about it like he does me," I say, throwing Masen a warning look. He gives me a cheeky smile. I chuckle. "Just let me know when you're free."

When we finish dinner, Alice and Jasper leave first, waving their goodbyes. Alice promise to call me during the week so we can spend some time together and maybe have another night where we leave the boys at her house and watch movies and eat takeout at mine. I agree and tell her to call when she gets a chance.

When Edward and I are left alone, Masen playing with the machines to get stickers and little plastic toys, he turns to me and gives me a heart stopping smile.

"Thank you so much for letting me take him, Bella. I know it's nothing big and I'm probably being sentimental about this for no reason, but I really appreciate it. Maybe I can do this for him, now." He seems a little embarrassed that he admitted he's looking forward to their first outing with just the two of them, so I rush to reassure him.

"Edward, it's the first time it'll be just the two of you. It may seem inconsequential to others, but I know it means a lot to you. And, hey, better you than me. He fights me tooth and nail on the hair thing. That he agreed so easily to you is a damn miracle. I have no problem with this being your guys' bonding thing." I smile to show him I mean every word.

He pulls me into an unexpected, but greatly appreciated hug. I only let myself relax against him for a second and take in his usual scent, but I step back as soon as his arms release me.

"Thank you, Bella, really."

I can see the tears swimming in his eyes as he gives me a smile. I bite my lip and hope my eyes display the emotion I can't really put into words at knowing he's doing what he can for Masen right now. This is all I've ever wanted.

~WTIAA~

Monday at work, Tanya is still acting strange and aloof, so I put my foot down and determine that today is going to be the day that we have a little chat. I'm concerned about how she's adjusting to the situation that she's unknowingly found herself in, and I feel like it's my responsibility to try to put her mind at ease.

Since Shelley dropped off a fresh manuscript when I walked in this morning, I know there's nothing that urgently needs Tanya's attention. After I finish reading my emails and starring the ones that require a response, I turn to her.

"Tan, please tell me what's going on. You're freaking me out a little bit with all the avoidance," I say bluntly.

Tanya heaves a sigh and puts her phone down on her desk. She closes her eyes and rubs at her temples before looking at me. "Bella, look, this is nothing personal against you. I'm just working through everything. Edward and I are trying to find a balance between everything. Right now, you're seeing Edward a lot more often than I am. And I get that he's getting to know Masen and figuring things out with you, but it takes a toll on me. This is obviously not what I saw happening at this time in my life, but it is. And I have to find a way to deal with it."

"Tanya, I'm always here to talk if you need it. This is all weird and new for all of us, but especially for you. You didn't really choose this, like Edward and I did. You were just kinda thrust into it."

She gives me a soft, sad smile. "I appreciate it, Bella. But, I think I have to figure it for myself. Edward and I need to figure it out, actually. We just haven't had time to do that, really."

"Should I ask Edward to take a day from visiting Masen for you guys to have some time together?"

"He's actually going to be off around the time I am today, so I've already asked him to come over so we can talk."

I nod. "Okay, good. Still, just let me know if you never need anyone to talk to. I'm all ears."

She gives me a soft smile. "Thanks, Bella."

~WTIAA~

The rest of the week flies by, and on Friday after work, Rose, Alice, and I go out to dinner. Jasper had offered to take Masen for the night to watch movies and have a guy night, so we take advantage of it and have some time for just the girls. We meet at a steakhouse at five and eat and have a few drinks. We agree to head to a bar after dinner, where Emmett is going to meet us after his physical therapy appointment.

"How has Tanya been the rest of this week?" Alice asks after the waiter leaves from taking our orders.

I shrug, opening a sweetener packet to keep my hands busy. "Okay, still quiet, though. She doesn't really talk to me outside of work stuff."

"Just give her time, Bella. This is hard for her," Rose suggests.

"I understand, but I'm just worried. Edward doesn't say anything about it, not that I really expect him to, but he acts like she's not even a factor in all this."

Alice shrugs. "Maybe she isn't."

I give her a curious look. "What do you mean? Of course she is. She's Edward's girlfriend. And she's my friend."

"I mean, I know she's a part of this, but what I'm saying is, maybe she's not a factor for Edward. How long have they even been dating, like, really dating?" Alice asks, looking to Rose.

"About four months or so," she says. "Pretty much since the time Edward moved back."

"So, they're not very serious." The way she says it isn't a question, like the length of the relationship is indicative of the seriousness of it.

"I mean, no, not really. She hasn't met his parents or anything, I know that," Rose supplies. "They hardly see each other, from what I've gathered."

I roll my eyes. "How long they've been together or how much time they spend together doesn't dictate how serious they are. By four months, Edward and I swapped 'I love yous'. It doesn't mean anything."

Alice and Rose both stare at me like I just told them the sky isn't blue, and they obviously don't believe me.

"You literally just illustrated our point, B," Alice argues. She shakes her head at me like she's sorry for me. What the hell?

"That family falls hard and fast. And I see the way Tanya and Edward are together. There's no way they love each other. I don't think Edward really see this going anywhere," Rose explains. "From what Em said, Edward was sure you were it, and then all that shit went down. Now he doesn't get the same feeling with Tanya and he's gotten impassive."

"And I'm sure Tanya can sense that, even if she isn't acknowledging it," Alice adds. "She probably senses it and is worried that he's going to end up leaving her for you and Mase."

I stare at them with my mouth dropped open, catching flies. "What the fuck? You guys are crazy. Edward and I were stupid teenagers who didn't know what we were doing, obviously. I'm sure Edward and Tanya's healthy adult relationship is a lot stronger than you're giving it credit for."

They give me that look, that look that says, "Oh, bless her heart," in the most condescending, passive aggressive, Southern grandmother way possible without actually vocalizing the sentiment.

I shake my head. "I'm serious. There's no way you guys are seeing this correctly. I'm not out to get Edward back and start up a relationship with him, and I'm certain he isn't either. He's just trying to get to know Masen. They've only known each other a few weeks; I'm sure he's still just trying to spend as much time with him as possible. Edward will get into a routine of having time for both Tanya and Masen soon, I'm sure."

Alice and Rose glance at each other with equally exasperated looks before looking back at me.

"Bella, I'm telling you, there's no way he's that into Tanya. I love the girl, but I can see she's more devoted to him that he is to her." Rose shakes her head in pity at the situation, but I still can't see where she's making her assumptions from. I don't think she spends that much time with either of them to be able to judge how much they care about one another.

Alice nods. "It's true, B. I remember what you and Edward were like back in the day. That's nothing like how he and Tanya are now. You know I still don't like Edward very much, but I could see the love in his eyes when you two were together. Every time he looked at you, he'd get this goofy grin on his face. I don't see him do that with Tanya."

I roll my eyes. "Like I said, we were young and stupid. Isn't that what you're first love is like?"

"Em still looks at me like that, and we're going on seven years together," Rose argues.

"Jasper looks at me like that, and I don't consider us young and stupid. I'm marrying that man one day," Alice supplies.

"Then, you guys are the lucky ones," I mumble, taking a sip of my tea. I could really use something with alcohol in it right now. This talk about relationships is giving me a headache.

"You and Edward were lucky too, B," Alice says softly, grasping my hand in hers. She's got her big, wide, blue eyes trained on me with the most sympathetic look I've ever seen. I want to puke. "But like you said, you were young and dumb and ruined something great."

"I thought you hated Edward?" I ask, raising an eyebrow at her.

"I hate Edward now for the shit he did to you when he found out you were pregnant. I loved him before that for loving you and making you the happiest I have ever seen. Even all these years later, I've never seen you as happy as you were when you guys were together."

"That was years ago, Al. Sure, we were happy, but was it real? Would it have lasted into adulthood? Probably not."

The eye roll I get from both of them is almost so aggressive that their eyes roll into the back of their heads. It's some shit out of The Exorcist.

Rose huffs. "Bottom line, Tanya and Edward are not a long-term couple. I can just tell. Even Em has commented on it."

"Well, then that's something for Tanya and Edward to figure out. I'm just saying, I'm not a factor in any of this. Mase might be, but I'm not."

Rose takes a sip of her drink in front of her as she raises an eyebrow at me. "You keep telling yourself that, Bella." Alice nods emphatically next to her. I go to protest, but our waitress comes back around to take our order, so our conversation is cut off.

Their conversation and insistence is the forefront of my mind for the weekend, though. I can't help but think about Tanya and Edward's relationship and how our situation factors into it. I feel bad that Masen and I have suddenly put a strain on their relationship, but Rose is right when she says Edward might not be that committed to Tanya. If you were in a strong, loving, stable relationship, wouldn't you be more willing to talk and work through anything together? My only experience was from nearly a decade ago, but Edward and I weren't perfect. We got into arguments and were sometimes upset with each other, just like any relationship. But we always talked and worked through it, and we ended up together for nearly two years. Obviously there was one argument we never came back from, but I believe if both of us had time to cool down and actually tried again, we would have gotten through that, too.

When I get into work on Monday, Tanya seems to be in a marginally better mood. When I ask her about her weekend, she informs me that her and Edward got to spend some time together and talk through some things that they had been putting off, and they're feeling better. I smile and tell her I'm glad, because I really am happy that she's feeling better. Relationship strain sucks, and I don't wish that feeling of unease on anyone.

On Tuesday, Tanya and I go over a manuscript whose author we have a meeting with the next day. At lunch, we meet Rose in the break room and we have a casual chat about holiday plans. It's in that moment that I realize Halloween is only a little over a week away, and I have not even thought about a costume for Masen, or what we'll be doing for the night. I've always loved the day, and Masen started really enjoying it when he was three, so we've made sure to do something fun on the day. It's on a Monday this year, so we won't be able to stay out too late, but trick-or-treating is always a sure thing. I make a mental note to talk to Mase today after I pick him up from school.

Rose asks what we're planning to do for Thanksgiving. Her and Emmett always head to Forks to spend the day at the Cullen's house. Emmett's schedule is still a little up in the air, so she doesn't know if he'll actually be there, but she will be no matter what.

"I was wondering if you were visiting with them this year?" she asks casually.

Her question makes me tense, though, because it just serves to remind me that I will eventually have to face the Cullens. They're Masen's grandparents.

"Um, I don't know. Edward and I haven't talked about how the holidays are going to go yet." I've suddenly lost my appetite, so I just push around my leftover spaghetti on my plate.

"Well, aren't you going to see him today?" Rose asks.

I glance over to see if Tanya knows this information as I nod. I look for any indication that she's surprised, but the impassive look on her face leaves me wondering if she's aware, or if she's hiding her real emotions well. I don't know how much her and Edward actually communicate.

"Yeah, he's taking Mase to get his haircut after school." Edward finally found a day that it would be practical for him to take Masen like he said he would. He worked until noon today, so he said it gave him plenty of time to shower and nap before picking our son up from the apartment after school. Masen was beyond excited when I reminded him last night at dinner that Edward was picking him up to take him to the barber shop.

"Then why don't you talk to him about it when he drops Mase off?" Rose suggests.

I nod. "Yeah, I probably will. What are you doing for Thanksgiving, Tan? Are you going to the Cullen's, too?" I had spent pretty much every major holiday at the Cullen's for at least part of the day the entire time Edward and I were dating, so I assumed she would be, too. It seemed like the norm for such a welcoming family.

She shrugs. "We haven't talked about it. I haven't seen him since Sunday. I don't think I'll see him again until this weekend."

I want to cringe at the annoyance in her voice, because I put it there. I feel like everything I ask her pertaining to Edward just causes bitter emotions, even though it's not my intention. Rose shares a similar cringe with me when Tanya looks back down at her food.

 _Fix this!_ , my brain screams at me.

I give Tanya a soft smile. "I'm sure the invitation will be extended. The more the merrier, in the Cullen household."

Rose nods. "Yeah, Esme and Carlisle love having people over during the holidays."

Tanya returns my small smile and nods. "Alright, I'll talk to Edward about it when I get the chance."

Crisis averted.

~WTIAA~

I hear Edward and Masen before they walk through the door. Mase is chattering animatedly, and I can hear his sweet little voice the second the elevator doors open down the hall. The smile that comes to my face is involuntary when I hear Edward responding well to Masen's rambling conversation. Since it's nearly five in the evening, I have dinner started already, so I turn down the simmer I have going on the stove to greet them at the door.

When I open the door and stand against the frame, Masen's face breaks out into a huge smile, and his little body starts barreling toward me. His backpack flops against his back with every step until he's crashed into me, his arms wrapped around my waist. I run my hands through his freshly cut hair with satisfaction.

"Hey, bud, it looks really good," I tell him. He beams up at me. His two bottom teeth are nearly all the way grown in, and he's got a couple more that are loose. I'll have to get some cash for under his pillow soon.

"Thanks, I look like Peter Parker!" he says. His hair is cut pretty close to his hair on the sides, with a pretty good length still on top, just enough to run a brush through. And it looks like the barber tried to put some sort of product in it to tame it a little, but his little cowlicks are rebelling, so there's some errant strands sticking up wildly. He looks adorable, though.

"You sure do, Mase. Why don't you got put your stuff down? Oh, and what do you tell your d—" I catch myself," Edward?"

Edward has since caught up, and is standing beside me, still in the hall. He gives me a look I can't quite decipher.

"Thank you so much, Edward," Masen says, wrapping his arms around his father's waist. Edward smiles and rubs his back.

"No problem, kid."

"Okay, go wash up. Dinner's going to be ready soon," I tell him. Masen nods and runs off, leaving Edward and me alone.

"Do you wanna stay for dinner?" I ask him on impulse. He's joined us after a day with Masen a few times, so my offer is pretty commonplace, now. He smiles and nods, so I step out of the doorway so he can come in. I close and lock the door behind us and follow him into the kitchen.

"So, how'd it go? Any kicking or screaming?" I smirk to show him I'm joking before turning back to my work at the stove. I have chicken in the oven, so I'm making a sauce to go over it and the rice I've made.

"Nah, he was really good. I let him watch me get my haircut first, so he was pretty relaxed when the guy finally got to him," he says. He pulls out a chair at the place I have designated as his spot in my head. It's the seat he always takes when he stays for dinner, and he looks pretty good there.

 _Nope, don't go there, Bella._

"Well that's good. I'm glad he didn't give you any trouble. He usually fights me on it the whole time and just pouts while he's actually in the chair. I think the excitement of going with you kinda negated the fact that he hates getting it cut."

We chat aimlessly while I finish dinner. I'm guessing Masen is in his room doing some homework or something, because he hasn't come out since he and Edward got back. Edward talks about the last few days at the hospital, so I listen to his tales and laugh when he tells me about the old woman that grabbed his butt in the ER yesterday. I mean, it is a very nice butt, so I won't fault her, but I don't tell Edward that.

"Oh, hey, I wanted to ask you something," he says.

"What's up?" I ask as I reach to take the chicken out of the oven. I wait for his answer while I take the tray out, but when he still hasn't responded after I've put the sheet on the counter to cool, I turn to look at him in question.

He jumps a little when I face him. His bottom lip is between his teeth and both his hands are fisted on the table.

"You okay?" I ask, kind of concerned. I can't really tell if he's angry or what, but he shakes his head and puts a small smile back on his face.

"Yeah, sorry. Um, I wanted to ask what you and Masen were doing for Halloween."

"Oh, I was actually just thinking about that. I haven't even talked to Mase about costumes yet," I say, rolling my eyes at myself. I go about pulling out plates while I continue. "We usually go trick-or-treating in Alice and Jasper's neighborhood, since they actually live in a house."

"Well, I have the night off, somehow. I was wondering if maybe I could join you guys?" He sounds apprehensive and unsure, something I don't hear out of Edward often, if ever.

I turn to him. "Of course, Edward. I have no problem with that. We typically have dinner at Alice's before we go out."

He smiles. "Okay, just let me know what time when you know."

I return his happy expression. "Yeah, sure."

* * *

 **So, like I said, not a lot happening, but I think it's a nice little time jump. We have to deal with the holidays soon, which present their own problems. And, oh boy, are there problems.**

 **A lot of you are concerned about how Tanya makes out in all of this, so I'm just going to assure everyone that I'm not in the business of ruining her life. I actually like her canonically and in this story, so I have no intention of making her a pawn. I think I deal with her very gracefully when the time comes.**

 **As always, please leave me some love in the reviews! I love hearing what you guys have to say. It inspires me to keep going with the story, and I love that :)**

 **Until next time,** **lovelies!**


	10. Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough

**Hey everyone! It's another Monday, so that means another update! I'm so sorry about not replying to reviews last week. I had a crazy week at school with the work and studying I had to do, so FF kinda got pushed to the wayside for a bit. But, I did read and appreciate every single comment that was left. I will try my best to respond this week! Also, I may or may not have finished a whole book series in the last few days, so I was kinda useless to the world.**

 **Anyway! Hope you like this chapter. Not a lot is happening, it's more of just a lead up to busy times for our characters. I've just finished a pretty heavy chapter, so posting this is like a little break for me. So I hope you guys enjoy it!  
**

 **OH! And, I'm gonna apologize in advance to Fifty Shades of Grey fans. I know there's a lot of you out there. But Bella kinda shits on it in this chapter, just briefly. Don't hate me! It had to be done.**

 **Disclaimer: I am not SM. I do not own Twilight, obviously. I do own an unhealthy obsession with Cassandra Clare's world right now, though, so that counts for something, right?**

* * *

 **CHAPTER TEN**

 **SOMETIMES LOVE JUST AIN'T ENOUGH**

 _And there's a danger in loving somebody too much,_

 _and it's sad when you know it's your heart they can't touch._

 _There's a reason why people don't stay who they are._

 _Baby, sometimes, love just ain't enough._

 _-Patti Smith_

At dinner, we tell Masen that Edward will be joining us on Halloween, and he nearly bounces out of his chair in his excitement. He starts yapping on about how we usually have dinner with Aunt Alice and Uncle Jasper and then going out and getting candy. Edward listens aptly and regales him with stories of Halloweens when he was a kid and having fun with Emmett and his friends. He's just finished with a story about a haunted house his parents put together when he was in middle school, when a mischievous gleam sparks in his eyes.

He smirks as he asks, "Do you remember the Halloween we spent together?"

My eyes widen before they squint into a glare. I do remember, in very explicit detail, Halloween of 2008, and it is not a story I will be regaling to our six year old. At least not the full story. It was the first time I had ever gotten drunk, so I puked my guts out and passed out before waking up in Edward's bed, all before midnight. I then proceeded to take a shower with Edward, which he promised would be innocent, but obviously turned into not actually falling asleep until around three in the morning, because we obviously couldn't keep our hands to ourselves. Before the getting drunk part, though, we had a good time with our friends that I do remember very fondly.

I finally nod. "I definitely remember that night."

"What was the name of that guy Alice was dating?" He starts to chuckle, and I can see the moment he's remembering in my own head, so I start laughing, too.

"Alec," I remember.

"Oh, yeah! He was…something." Edward grimaces and then laughs. "Do you remember how he tried to sneak into the cemetery that night?"

"Oh my God, absolutely. And his pants got caught in the gate, so he just hung there until his sister came by and was able to help him off."

"That night was a mess, from what I recall," he chuckles.

"It totally was. It seems like a dream, it was so crazy."

"What did you guys dress up as?" Mase asks, finally breaking into our reminiscing.

I blush as Edward smirks at me, the same smirk that Alice dubbed his 'sex smirk' back in our freshman year of high school. The rest of my body heats with the memory of other times I have seen that smirk.

"Your mom was a wench and I was a pirate," Edward explains.

It was the first year that I had worn anything close to a risqué costume. I was only sixteen at the time, but my dad was working overtime that night, so I didn't see him from four that evening onward, so I was able to get away with a slightly sexier costume. The skirt was kind of short, but not obscene, and the lace bustier did great things for what little cleavage I had then, but didn't show too much skin. No, the thing that had me blushing was the fact that I had lost a bet with Edward which ensured that I would wear no underwear under the costume, which served to make the night very interesting.

"What's a wench?" Masen asks.

"Um…" I think. "Oh, you know on Pirates of the Caribbean, there's those girls that hang out with the pirates and kind of dress like them?" He nods. "That's a wench. It's just an old-timey word for a girl that wasn't very rich."

"What do you wanna be for Halloween, Mase?" Edward asks, steering the conversation away from the trouble we used to get into as teenagers.

"Spider-Man," he says, like we all should have known. And I guess we should have, given the kid's obsession. Last year he was a police officer, because that was the year he figured out what the show COPS is, thanks to Charlie. The year before that he was a ghost, because for some reason that's what he insisted upon, and the years prior I just dressed him up in cute little t-shirts and things because he was too young to really know about Halloween anyway.

"We'll go shopping for your costume this weekend," I promise.

"Does your mom dress up, too?" Edward asks, smirking over at me before turning to Masen. He knows I love Halloween, so he's probably digging for details on the past years' costumes.

Masen nods enthusiastically. "Yeah, last year I was a police officer, so Mama dressed up as a prisoner. And there's pictures of her when I was littler in different costumes."

For the year he was a ghost, I was a Ghostbuster, and before that, Alice and I dressed up in coordinating costumes, since we usually attended college parties around Halloween. Charlie always kindly offered to come up to Seattle to watch Masen those years so I could have my favorite holiday to be a normal teenager, but I always spent the actual day with my baby.

"These I've got to see," Edward says, turning to look at me.

I shake my head. "Not going to happen. College years are not pictures I show to people." Mostly because Alice always ended up talking me into more and more revealing costumes that I went along with because I was going to end up drunk anyway. The only reason Masen had ever seen them is because he found them in a scrapbook in Alice's house one afternoon. They're on my Facebook profile too, because friends from college had tagged me in them, but I wasn't just giving that information out willingly. I'm pretty sure I had blocked Edward on Facebook years ago for obvious reasons. There was no way in hell he was ever seeing those pictures.

"What are you going to dress up as this time, then?" Edward asks, realizing I'm actually serious about him not seeing the photos.

"I don't know. Maybe Gwen Stacey or something. I'm sure Alice has a blond wig laying around somewhere," I shrugged.

"Mama! You can't be Gwen Stacey! She dies!" Masen's vehemence is kind of adorable, and Edward and I both laugh.

"Okay, no Gwen Stacey. How about Mary Jane, then?" She doesn't die, as far as I'm aware. "Aunt Alice is just as likely to have a red wig."

Masen nods firmly. "That's much better."

~WTIAA~

As promised, I take Masen to the costume shop downtown to get his costume. He has fun running around and playing with silly props, and I actively steer him away from the section that caters to adult costumes. He doesn't need to encounter that any time soon. He'll have plenty of opportunity to see scandalous costumes when he gets older; no need to expose him so early.

When he finds the version of Spider-Man's suit that he likes the most, which comes with the web-shooters and everything, we check out. I texted Alice a few days earlier if she indeed had a long red wig, and she replied in the affirmative. MJ doesn't have any special outfit that she wears or anything, so I'm sure I could find something in my closet that would suit a high school student. Hell, I don't think I've cleaned out my wardrobe much since I was in high school, so it shouldn't be a problem.

I take Masen out to eat at McDonald's after our excursion and let him run around on the play equipment, even though I know it's terribly dirty. I've come to the realization that I can't keep him away from germs, so I just let him run rampant, figuring it's good for his immune system to come into contact with who knows what. That was definitely my dad's philosophy when I was growing up, and I've turned out just fine. Don't fix something if it's not broken, and all that.

Charlie calls while I'm keeping an eye on Mase, and asks about our plans for Thanksgiving. I tell him that we don't have any, besides being with him. He asks if I'd like him to make the trip up to Seattle this year, but I decline, knowing he hates the drive here. Plus, I don't like having holidays in my little apartment. Even though it's usually only Charlie, Masen, Alice, Jasper, and me, my living room doesn't accommodate more than three or four people comfortably, especially when a hyper six year old is amongst the people in attendance.

We make plans for us to go down to Forks on Wednesday, since Masen has the whole week off from school. The extra day at my dad's house gives me time to prep the food for our late lunch on Thursday. We plan to spend the whole weekend at my dad's house, but there's a possible complication this year. Usually I don't have to share Masen's time with anyone, but I have a feeling that Edward is going to want to see him at some point, so I have to figure out the holidays with him pretty soon. There's still nearly a month until Thanksgiving, but I'd rather not leave all this decision-making until the last minute.

When I hang up with Charlie, I can't help but think how all this is going with Edward. I know he's making an effort, and I appreciate the time he spends getting to know Masen, but I can't help but think about what my dad said when I first told him about Edward and Masen meeting. He warned me that Edward may only be spending time with Masen when it was convenient to him. I don't know if that is actually what Edward's doing, since I haven't asked him about it, but I know I need to soon.

Ultimately, I expect Edward to be there for Masen as a father, which includes all the hard things that come along with being an actual parent, not just the easy hang-outs that he's experienced so far. As of right now, I'm the only parent that disciplines and makes sure he has food in his belly, a roof over his head, and an education. I know that at this point, Edward and Masen are just getting to know each other, so he doesn't need to step into his dad shoes just yet, but it causes concern as to if he's ever going to want to be an actual parent. It's fun and easy to be the parent that just plays around with his kid, but that's not what I want for our son. I need Masen to have Edward as an actual father, and I don't know if that's what Edward wants.

My biggest fear is Edward worming his way into Masen's life, making him love him, showing Mase what a father is, and then leaving. I couldn't bear it if Edward ripped that possibility from Masen. It would hurt more watching my son be torn apart by his father's appearance and then disappearance than watching him extricate himself from my life back in 2009. There would be no coming back from the damage he could do to us.

It's very possible that he was just pissed at me for keeping Masen's existence from him for his entire life, and that's why he was so insistent upon seeing him. Edward certainly didn't want Masen when he first found out I was pregnant, so what had changed? Sure, he wasn't using drugs anymore, and we're several years older than those teenagers we were when I got pregnant, but how can I be sure that his mentality regarding the idea of being a father has changed, as well? Bottom line is that I can't, and I don't know if I can trust his word if I ask him about it. My trust in Edward disintegrated years ago, almost simultaneously with his declaration that I should have an abortion. I had leaned on him for so long in high school, and I had trusted him with my life back then, but I wasn't sure I could ever trust him again. He had broken me pretty much beyond repair, and I was at the point that I could barely take him for his word.

I want to trust him, I really do, because I have to believe that he actually wants to know and love Masen, but I'm not sure if that will ever be possible. I'm just going to have to watch and see what he does in the coming months, possibly years, in respect to his care of Masen. Actions speak louder than words, and all that. I'm not sure I'll ever trust Edward as much as I once did, but if I can get at least a fraction of that comfort back, I'll consider it a good thing.

"Okay, baby. It's time to go. I've got some stuff to do for work," I call to Masen. He slides down the tunnel of germs, and runs over to grab his shoes. He's perfected how to slip them on without having to untie them, since tying his shoes frustrates him to no end.

We get back to the apartment, and Masen sits at the kitchen table to do his homework as I sit on the couch, marking up the manuscript Shelley sent to me on Friday. How this thing got accepted to publish is beyond me, because it's some trashy erotica romance novel that is riddled with grammar and spelling mistakes. I find nothing wrong with erotica in general; I actually enjoy it from time to time, but this thing has absolutely no plot and it reads like it was written by a sixth grader who just discovered what porn is and wrote it in the dead of night to keep it from her parents. I've been sitting here for two hours now, and I've only gotten through three chapters of this seemingly endless novel because it physically pains me to read the damn thing. I've developed a headache in the time that I've been reading, and I pray that I can actually get through it before the end of the week deadline.

I also pray that I'm not the only one who finds it impossible and trashy, because I could not live with myself if we actually let this be published. It would be the biggest disgrace to erotic novels since the publication of Fifty Shades of Grey.

~WTIAA~

Halloween is the first time I've seen Edward since the day he took Masen to get his haircut. I know his schedule has been pretty busy, since he's gotten into the habit of sending me a picture of his work shifts since he started seeing Mase regularly, but it just makes that feeling in the pit of my stomach ache more. I've been able to think of little else except for the possible consequences for letting him into our lives in the last week.

Edward doesn't join us for dinner, since he knows full well that Alice is his biggest critic, and she probably doesn't want him her home for more than a few minutes at a time. Alice makes us a pot roast for dinner, dressed up as Lucille Ball in I Love Lucy, which makes the whole domestic scene she's putting on that much funnier. She somehow wrangled Jasper into dressing up as Ricky Ricardo, so his blond locks are hidden underneath a perfectly quaffed brown wig. I slip on my red wig as soon as we get to Alice's house to appease Masen, who was insistent that I stay in costume all night. As soon as I emerge from the bathroom with my red wig on, he beams, and I can't help but smile back.

With a search through my closet the weekend before Halloween, I was able to find some clothes from high school that still fit me. Since I attended Forks High during a time where skinny jeans were not yet popular, I had a pair of boot cut jeans in the bottom of a drawer in my dresser. They still, amazingly, fit, although they were a bit tight in the hips, since I had definitely flared out there with my pregnancy. I certainly hadn't gotten any taller though, so they still dragged a little at the hems, just like they did in 2008. I was also able to find a hideous flower printed top that I threw a white button up shirt over to go along with the decade old image. The old, worn out Converse that I found in the back of my closet completed the look.

Alice laughed when she opened the door when Mase and I arrived.

"Jesus," she said, shaking her head. "I haven't seen that hideous top since sophomore year in high school. Aren't you so glad you shopped with me from then on?"

I agreed, because Alice really was the person that made my wardrobe significantly less hideous. I continue to appreciate her input about what I should buy, because without her, I'd still be wearing these awful jeans. Between working, school, and raising a baby, I never would have been able to keep up with fashion, too. Alice always loved coming home with new purchases for me while we were in college.

After dinner, Masen excitedly urges us to get up so that we can go trick-or-treating.

"Mase, the sun hasn't even gone down yet," I tell him, helping Alice with the dishes. "And we're waiting for Edward to get here before we go out, remember?"

I don't miss Alice's scowl as Masen answers in the affirmative. When he goes into the living room to join Jasper in watching some car show on TV, I turn on Alice.

"Can you be civil today, please?"

She rolls her eyes as she runs the dishes under the faucet. "I can be civil, B. I've done it several times before. I can do it again."

"Then what's with the scowl?"

She sighs and turns the water off. "It's just that this is time that it's usually just the four of us. I don't like him taking up our time with Masen. It's been fine before because they were just ordinary days. But Halloween is Masen's favorite, and I want it to stay like it was before."

I smile and wrap my arms around her shoulder. "I know things are changing, Al, but you'll always be an important part of Masen's life. We'll always get to do things like this. We'll still always spend Thanksgiving together. We just have to learn to share him with Edward because we'll eventually be splitting every holiday, and he'll probably be living between our two places at some point." She nods and sniffles. "Maybe," I add as an afterthought.

"What do you mean, 'maybe?'" she asks. "Is Edward having second thoughts? Because if he is, I'll knock some sense into him."

I sigh. "No, Ali. Well, I don't think so. I haven't really talked to him about it. I'm just worried that he'll walk into Masen's life, become important to him, and then take off. He hated the idea of fatherhood before, why would he change his mind now? What if he's just pissed at me, and that's why he's insisting on spending time with Mase?"

This is the first time that I've expressed these concerns out loud, and she gives me a sympathetic look.

"I don't know how to answer that, B. You know I don't like him very much. But I think it's best if you just talk to Edward about this. He's the only one that's going to be able to answer your questions."

I nod just as there's a knock on the front door. I hear Jasper rustle around in the living room to get it, Masen hot on his heels. When Jasper opens the door, Masen lets out an excited whoop, and grabs Edward's hand to drag him into the room. Jasper and Edward share polite hellos as my son pulls Edward into the kitchen.

"Mom! Edward is here. Can we go, now?" he asks excitedly, bouncing up and down on his toes, his Spider-Man mask gripped in his hand that isn't clutching onto Edward. Edward is smiling down at Masen sweetly, something on his face that makes my stomach flutter a little too pleasantly, before he looks up to me.

"Yeah, Mase, we can go now, but give us a minute. Aunt Alice and I are still cleaning up," I tell him. He deflates a little, but nods and rejoins Jasper in the living room.

"Do you guys need help with anything?" Edward asks, having stuck around after Masen walked out.

"No, we just have to get the dishes rinsed. We'll be done in a few," I tell him, since Alice's back is turned to him at the sink. She's obviously ignoring his presence, and he can tell, so he just nods and backs into the living room.

"You can at least say hello, Al," I tell her as she passes me plates to put in the dishwasher.

"Give me a second to warm up to him," she insists.

"You've had a month to warm up to him."

"Bella, I can't just forgive him for what he did to you. It's gonna take more than seeing him a few times over a month to get me to warm up to him." She pauses and shakes her head. "I don't know how you do it."

"I haven't forgiven him either. I don't know if I'll ever be able to. But I did a lot of fucked up shit, too, so I've had to admit that it's not all his fault, and that helps. But I do it because I have to for Masen's sake."

"I realize what you did was kinda shitty, but it's nowhere near what he did, B."

"Isn't it, though?" I challenge. "He may have passed on it the first time, but I didn't give him a choice the second. And then I lied to him for years. The sooner you admit that we were both in the wrong, the easier it will be for you to accept his presence."

~WTIAA~

Trick-or-treating passes in a blur of chasing Masen around the neighborhood, bumping into other families, shivering when the wind picks up under my measly sweater, and reminding Mase to say thank you after someone gives him candy. Masen tugs Edward by the hand everywhere we go, only releasing when he goes up to a door and rings the doorbell with a set of other kids. Nothing on earth can erase the wide grin on Edward's face all night long. The fact that Masen is so excited by his presence and wants his company makes him look like a little kid on Christmas. I catch myself smiling every once in awhile, reflecting his happiness.

I'm still wary of Edward's presence in our lives; that much hasn't changed in the last few hours. But, I'm not going to look a gift horse in the mouth when him being here is making Masen so happy. As much as I want to protect my boy, I also don't want to rob him of any glee that Edward's being here is giving him.

About an hour and a half after we first started on our trek through the neighborhood, Masen starts to drag his feet and move more sluggishly by Edward's side. Alice, Jasper and I are a few paces behind Edward and Mase, so I don't hear what Edward says when he leans down to mutter something in Masen's ear. Masen nods, though, and next thing I know, Edward is crouching down, and Mase is hopping onto his back. His legs wrap around his father's waist and his arms wrap around his shoulders, his candy bucket jostling along with each step that Edward takes. Edward turns to face the three of us in back, and the sight of Masen's chin resting on his dad's shoulder is something I've never prepared myself for.

I always knew Mase looked just like Edward, but seeing their faces side by side is like looking at carbon copies. The same messy bronze hair, bright jade eyes, pronounced cheek bones, full, pouty lips, and slightly dimpled chins. Seeing them so close together takes my breath away, and I stumble over my own feet for no damn reason. Luckily, no one seems to have caught it, because no one shows any indication before Edward says, "Masen is tired. It's probably best to head back."

Ali and Jas nod. "Yeah, that's probably a good idea. It's getting kind of late, anyway, and Mase has school tomorrow," I say.

Masen is half asleep on Edward by the time we make it back to Alice and Jasper's house. Edward deposits him on the couch and ruffles his hair with a smile on his face. Masen returns the same grin sleepily. I leave Masen in the living room with Alice and Jasper while I walk Edward outside to his car. We're quiet on the walk down the drive, but he turns to me before he opens up his door.

"I really enjoyed tonight, Bella. Thank you for letting me tag along," he says. "I like spending time with him."

I give him a soft smile. "I know, and you don't have to thank me. I've really done nothing that deserves thanks." It's true. He would've had a lot more moments like these if I had just told him about Masen back when I was pregnant. I feel like shit about it everyday, but I can't change the past.

"You gave birth to our amazing son. I think that alone deserves thanks." The sincerity in his words and in his face nearly crush me.

"Edward…" I start, unsure how to finish. His words are so kind, but I'm so undeserving of them.

"No, don't, Bella. I know this whole thing is still fucked up, but he's a great kid, and that's all because of you. No matter how bitter or angry or hurt I am at any point, you've still done an amazing job at raising him so far. Not every seventeen year old girl could have done what you did."

I try to swallow the lump that's in my throat, but it just gives way to tears as soon as I start speaking. "You'll never understand how sorry I am that I kept him from you." I sniffle and wipe away the tears that have fallen with the sleeve of my sweater.

He flashes me a sad smile and reaches out to rub his hand comfortingly against my arm. "Probably as sorry as I am for hurting you all those years ago. We both fucked up, Bella. More than just one of us played a part in this mess."

I nod. "I know. It just fucking sucks."

He snorts a laugh and shakes his head. "Yeah, it really fucking does."

~WTIAA~

After a good Halloween, the weeks leading up to Thanksgiving start to blur together. We've had a weird influx of manuscripts come into the office in the last week alone, so Tanya and I are up to our necks in edits and meetings and correspondence with the authors and other departments. That erotica manuscript that I hated thankfully got nixed when Tanya and I sat down for our assessment of how our editing of it was going the day before it was due back to Shelley. When I first told Tanya I absolutely hated it, she sagged in relief and let out a big sigh.

"Oh, good," she said, giggles bubbling up. "I'm glad you hated it, because I was cringing every paragraph. It took me forever to get through because I hated reading it. Who approved this shit?"

We went to Shelley immediately and let her know our thoughts. She read through about four paragraphs before she stamped a big, red DECLINED across the front. She grumbled about having to chew someone's ass out in some other department, and thanked us for the catch.

Since Halloween, Tanya's disposition has also improved, and she's just as bubbly and fun as she was when I first met her. We've regained our routine of having lunch together everyday, except on the few occasions that Edward's been able to get a break as the same time as our lunch. On those days, he comes in and takes her out to lunch, which very obviously makes her happy, which I think is contributing to her good mood. I'm glad that they seem to be working everything out that was bothering her not so long ago.

Two weeks before Thanksgiving, I chat with Charlie and nail down plans about the holiday. I make a list of dishes that we're going to be having while we're on the phone, so that Alice and I can go shopping when we get a chance. This is also when Charlie informs me that Sue Clearwater and her children will be joining us. Charlie and Sue started dating around August, so they've decided to spend the holiday together, and Seth and Leah, her children, are a few years younger than me, so they'll be around too. I just hum in acceptance and make a mental note to plan for a few extra mouths when grocery shopping.

Masen and I see Edward a couple times a week, but they're usually for shorter intervals, since Edward's putting in longer hours at the hospital with the holiday season fast approaching. A lot of the time, we end up just hanging out at my house for dinner or going out for pizza or something. Edward apologizes about never having us over at his place, but he claims it's an absolute mess between his busy schedule. Long hours at the hospital, his extra time spent with Masen, and only going home to sleep and occasionally eat don't make for a very clean place, which I totally understand. Plus, he lives clear on the other side of the city, closer to the university, so it's just easier for him to come to us.

A few days after I speak on the phone with my dad, when Edward and I are at the park with Masen after school soaking up the last of the warm rays of sun before winter sets in completely, he brings up the topic of the holidays.

"What are you doing for Thanksgiving?" he asks after coming back from swinging side by side with Mase.

"Mase, Alice, Jasper and I are going to Forks to have it at my dad's place," I tell him, sipping on my coffee. "It's what we do every year."

He gives me a warm smile. "I'm sure your dad really likes that. He must be lonely the rest of the time, living in that house by himself."

I bark out a laugh, and he gives me a curious look. "Oh, my dad is so not lonely anymore. Wait until you hear this. Do you remember Sue Clearwater, who lives on the rez?"

"Yeah, her husband died of a heart attack a few years back, according to my mom."

"Yeah, Harry, one of my dad's best friends. So tragic, but apparently Sue's had time to work past all that."

"What do you mean?"

I smirk. "Her and my dad are dating. Have been for a while now, apparently. She and her kids are coming over for Thanksgiving."

"No shit?" he asks in wonder, then chuckles. "Well, good for Charlie. I'm sure he still misses you guys, though."

I nod. "Oh yeah, no doubt. He used to hate the holidays after mom left, but once Masen was born, he's loved them."

"Do you speak to your mom at all, now? When I graduated, I know you still hadn't heard a word from her."

I frown but nod. "Yeah, she started calling a few years ago. I don't hear from her much, but she calls for holidays and birthdays and the like. She always calls on Masen's birthday and sends out a card and a present."

"She hasn't met him?"

I shake my head. "Nope. I don't even know where she's at. Every time she sends something in the mail, the return address is always different. I know she was in New Mexico in March, but who knows where she is now."

"Jesus."

"Yeah."

He sighs. "Well, anyway. I meant to tell you that my parents want to meet Masen."

I groan and put my face in my hands. "I knew this was coming."

"What's wrong? They want to meet their grandchild." The tone of his voice indicates that he's getting irritated, but he's not sure if he should be angry yet.

I rush to reassure him. "No, I get that, Edward. I have no problem with that. They deserve to know him; like you said, they're his grandparents. I'm just worried about how much they're going to hate me when I show up with him. Jesus. I know this isn't about me, but I've seen an angry Esme. I do not want to be on the receiving end of that."

The irritation is completely gone, and Edward is full on laughing at me, now. "Bella, my parents don't hate you. They're upset, yeah, anyone would be, but they don't hate you. My parents loved you like you were they're own child; that love doesn't just disappear."

I glare at him. "I'm glad this is amusing for you. But there's no way they don't hate me. They're grandchild is six, and they've never met him. That is definitely grounds for hatred. Hell, _I_ hate me. I know thinking about how this affects me is totally selfish, because this is for Masen, but holy shit, your mom is scary when she needs to be. And I fully expect that Carlisle is just as bad, if not worse."

Edward reaches over and places a hand on my knee, and I can feel the warmth radiating through my jeans. I try not to squirm in my seat. "Bella, I promise you, they don't hate you. They just want to meet him. My mom suggested getting together the day after Thanksgiving, if you were going to be in town."

I sigh and try to dispel the nerves I've garnered from this conversation. "Yeah, we can do that. Where at?"

"We figured their house would be best. That way no one's out in public where anyone can see anything. The rumor mill in small towns are brutal."

I snort. "Don't I know it. I became a ninja during my pregnancy. At first it wasn't intentional, but soon it was a necessity."

"How did you do that, by the way?"

"What, hide my pregnancy?"

He nods.

I shrug. "I didn't start showing until pretty late, so I was in big sweaters to keep warm anyway, so no one could see anything. Plus, I didn't really go out unless I absolutely had to. It was still pretty cold until March, when he was born, so the sweaters still worked. And I just went on independent study after his birth. When I went back senior year, everyone was none the wiser."

"When I saw my parents at the end of my first semester of college, they had said that they hadn't really seen you out in town. It makes sense now."

I nod. "Yeah, I was just trying to lay low until I went to college. No one knew we had broken up, since the only person I really talked to was Alice, so no one really suspected anything. I didn't really care if anyone else knew I was pregnant, but I couldn't very well have anyone telling your parents. I didn't get to enjoy my pregnancy because I was so busy trying to hide it all the time. Only three people in the world knew. It was a difficult time for me."

"Three?"

"Alice, my dad, and my doctor."

"That's really all who knew? Jesus, Bella, how did you do it?"

I just shrug. "I honestly don't know. I was so depressed the whole time. We were all worried I'd have PPD, since it was so bad during my pregnancy. I was terrified that I wouldn't be able to love him because I'd be so within my head. But, once he was born it was like the clouds cleared and the sun shone. All the heaviness and darkness from the previous months melted away and I could breathe again. Having him seemed to ease my mind. Obviously, I was still pretty fucked up because of what happened, but I could cope. It got better."

His hand moves from my knee and grips onto my hand. I hold back the sigh that I want to release at the feeling of his skin on mine, a feeling I used to cherish. His thumb strokes back and forth across the back of my hand, igniting a little trail of tingly sensation where it passes.

"Fuck, Bella. I am so sorry."

I wave him off with the other hand. "It's okay, that's all passed now. I've gotten over it."

He sighs. "I wish you wouldn't have had to deal with it in the first place."

I smile sadly. "It doesn't always work like that."

He swallows and nods. "I know."

* * *

 **Like I said, a pretty mellow chapter. We got to see Edward and Masen spend some time together, and also a little bit of Bella's hesitation at telling Masen about Edward. I know a lot of you were asking when they'd finally tell him, but Bella isn't ready yet. She needs to see more from Edward, which I think is reasonable.**

 **As always, leave me some love, please! I love hearing from you guys. Your comments usually make me laugh, Some of you are very passionate, and I love it :)**

 **Until next time, lovelies!**


	11. Pictures of You

**Sorry this is being uploaded a little later in the day. I had some stuff to do earlier and then my class, but it's still Monday, so yay for that haha. Anyway, this is our Thanksgiving chapter (well, part 1 of Thanksgiving, kinda) and some of your questions from last chapter will be answered, and next chapter will be pretty juicy as well, in more ways than one ;)**

 **On with the show!**

 **Disclaimer: I am not SM. I do not own Twilight. There is currently -$18 in my bank account at the moment, so that's how that's going.**

* * *

 **CHAPTER ELEVEN**

 **PICTURES OF YOU**

 _Looking so long at these pictures of you_

 _But I never hold on to your heart_

 _Looking so long for the words to be true_

 _But always just breaking apart_

 _My pictures of you_

 _-The Cure_

Masen has the entire week of Thanksgiving off from school, so Alice is kind enough to watch him while I go into work on Monday and Tuesday. I take all of Wednesday off so Alice and I can go shopping here in Seattle, where there's a higher possibility of getting what we need than if we were to do our shopping in Forks. Edward has Wednesday morning off, so he takes Masen, who usually gets bored while we're shopping. They go to breakfast and the park, even though the temperature has definitely dropped. Kids don't seem to mind the weather outside, and Edward is pretty hardy from growing up in Forks, so they have a nice morning.

Alice and Edward come over for lunch after we're done shopping, so I ask what everyone wants. I get an 'I don't know' from Alice and a 'whatever' from Masen, so I roll my eyes and search through my pantry and fridge in search of something to throw together for a meal. I feel Edward's presence behind me as I'm scanning through my pantry.

"Do you have hot dogs?" he asks. He's so close that his breath blows against the exposed skin of my neck, and I can't suppress the shiver that runs through me.

"Uh, yeah, I think so," I tell him. A quick look in the fridge affirms a full pack of hot dogs.

"I can make mac and cheese if you want," he offers.

"You don't have to cook, Edward. You're a guest in my house," I argue.

"Just let me cook, Bella. You've been shopping all morning. Go sit with Alice while I make lunch."

I sigh. "Fine. Pots are in that cabinet by the sink."

When I turn to go sit in the living room with Alice, Edward is right behind me, and he has a grin on his face. I offer a small smile in return and step around him. I plop down onto the couch next to Alice and toe my shoes off as I hear Edward rummaging around in the kitchen.

Alice, Mase and I sit around and watch cartoons for a little bit while Edward's assumedly boiling water for the noodles. When the show breaks for a commercial, Masen gets up and heads into the kitchen with his dad. Like he does when I'm cooking, he pulls his stool over and stands by the stove, watching what Edward's doing.

"You know how to make mac and cheese with hot dogs, too?" he asks in surprise. "This is my favorite. Mama makes it all the time."

I hear Edward's soft chuckle as he looks down at Masen. "I taught your mom how to make this." Edward glances at me over his shoulder with a smirk, and I just roll my eyes, but there's a smile on my lips.

"Really?" Mase asks in wonder.

"Yeah. She came over after school one day, and I made it for her. My mom used to make it for me when I was a kid."

I remember the day that Edward first made me the seemingly weird combination of food. It was mid-December and we had just started dating each other and acknowledging that we were boyfriend and girlfriend. Edward had invited me over after school, since my dad wouldn't be home until late, and he hated that I was home alone for so long, even though Forks is a sleepy town. His mom would be home soon after we were, so Charlie didn't have a problem with it. Edward went to work on making food as I laid out the homework that I needed to get done on the island in the kitchen. I first saw him open boxes of macaroni, but when I saw him pull out a package of hot dogs a few minutes later, I balked. I had questioned what he was doing as he started slicing up the sausages into pieces, and he told me his mom used to make it for him as a kid. I had been skeptical, but as I ate my first bite after he served me, I had to admit that it was a good combination. I had made it little after Edward left, but when Masen was old enough, I went about making it again. It was a hit in my house.

I told Masen at the beginning of the week that we're visiting Edward's mom and dad at their house in Forks the day after Thanksgiving. He was a little confused at first about why we were meeting them, but I had told him that Edward and I were good friends, so that meant that I spent a lot of time around his parents, as well. I told him I missed them, which was true, but I obviously left out the part about being terrified at seeing them again. After I explained why we were visiting, he had just nodded and asked if Edward was going to be there, too. I confirmed that he was, and Masen happily agreed to meeting Carlisle and Esme.

"That's cool," Masen responds. "She told me that an old friend showed her it. She never said it was you."

"It must have just slipped her mind, bud," Edward brushes off.

We both know it never slipped my mind. It was just always too painful to talk about.

~WTIAA~

When Jasper gets off at two that afternoon, we immediately head out to Forks. We take one car to save on gas, and Charlie lets us use his car if need be. We only make one pit stop between the ferry and Forks to get out and use the restroom, but it's a straight shot other than that. We get to my dad's house just after five that evening, and he already has a few pizzas ordered, since neither Alice nor I want to cook anymore than we already are. As soon as we finish eating, Alice and I set about making the dishes that can be prepared beforehand.

While Jasper, Charlie, and Masen hang out in the living room watching sports, Alice and I throw together the appropriate dishes. We wash vegetables and I set out the turkey to defrost so I can prepare it in the morning. Alice throws together a green bean casserole and puts it in the fridge. It can be thrown in the oven tomorrow afternoon to cook before everyone comes over. I put together a broccoli casserole that can meet the same fate, and just seal it and throw it in the refrigerator. Stuffing has to be made tomorrow with the turkey, so we leave that alone, but Alice and I cut up carrots, cauliflower and celery to serve with dip for snacks and put them in tupperware containers. Midway through our preparations, Jasper comes in and washes the dishes we've dirtied, putting what he can in the dishwasher.

My last endeavor for the night is a pumpkin roll that I started making a few year ago, and it takes up a majority of the rest of the evening. It takes pretty long to put together, so I only make three of them. Sue told my dad she would bring other desserts tomorrow, and Jasper is making the mashed potatoes and gravy tomorrow once the turkey is done cooking. It's nearly ten by the time we finish up, and I'm exhausted from the long drive and the time spent cooking. My dad and Jasper are sitting on the couch watching some car repair show, and Masen is asleep between them. Jasper offers to carry him up to my room and lays him in the queen sized bed.

Jasper and Alice are taking up the other room this weekend, so Masen and I share the bed in my old room. I carefully strip Mase out of his shoes, socks and jeans and pull a pair of sweats on him before tucking him into the blankets. I contemplate taking a shower before bed, but I'm too damn tired, so I just change into some pajamas and crawl in next to him. I don't know how quickly I fall asleep, but I feel pretty good when I wake up at eight the next morning.

I can hear someone in the kitchen downstairs, and the smell of coffee is strong, so I assume it's my dad, who has had at least three cups of coffee a day for as long as I can remember. The shower is running, so I go about choosing my outfit for the day before going down to the kitchen. I leave Mase asleep in my bed for the time being.

"Morning, Bells," my dad greets. He's sitting at the table with a fresh-faced Jasper, so I assume it's Alice who's in the shower.

"Morning, Dad, Jas," I say. I reach into the cupboard above the sink for a coffee mug and pour myself a serving before joining them at the table. There's a box of donuts sat in the middle of it, so I take a custard filled one and eat it leisurely with my coffee.

"What time is Sue and her kids coming over, Dad?" I ask Charlie.

He swallows the sip of coffee in his mouth before answering. "Said they'd be here around three."

"Perfect. That gives me enough time to cook the turkey and for Jasper to make the potatoes and gravy."

Once I finish my breakfast, I set up the turkey in a pan and throw it into the oven to cook. The juices from the turkey will go into making the gravy and stuffing, so I leave it to do it's thing. By the time I'm done setting it to cook, Alice has joined us in the kitchen. She's dressed, but her hair is still damp and her face is free of makeup.

"Anyone else need a shower right now?" I ask.

Jasper and Charlie shake their heads. "Nope, all yours, Bells."

"Can you keep an ear out for Mase? He should be waking up soon."

All three of them nod, and I head up to my room. Masen is still curled up, sound asleep, so I grab my clothes and a couple towels before heading into the bathroom. My shower is just long enough to wash my hair and body and shave the necessary areas. Once I'm out, I brush my teeth and my hair while I wait for the steam to clear out a little before I get dressed.

I pull on my favorite pair of skinny jeans, a navy blue, off the shoulder, half sleeve body suit, a long, grey, cable-knit cardigan, and a pair of light tan boots. It was casual and warm, but suitable for a Thanksgiving gathering with guests. I blow dry my hair into submission so it falls in natural waves around my shoulders, and I throw on some mascara, eyeliner, and a light application of blush just to make me look more alive.

When I enter my room to throw my dirty clothes in a bag, Masen is no longer cuddled up in the bed, and I can hear his laughter downstairs. I quickly put my stuff away and join my family in the kitchen, where Masen is eating a sprinkle donut with a glass of milk.

"Good morning, Mama," he greets with a toothy grin, chocolate frosting around the edges of his mouth.

I chuckle and ruffle his hair as I pass by. "Good morning, hon. How'd you sleep?"

"Good," he answers, shoving another bite into his mouth.

"Once you're done with breakfast, head up and take a shower, please."

He groans but nods. "Okay.

The rest of the morning passes in getting ready for the day and finishing the cooking of the dishes that we prepared the night before. I pull the perfectly cooked turkey out of the oven just after two, and Jasper sets to work on mashing the potatoes and making the gravy. I use what he doesn't of the turkey drippings to add to the stuffing and throw that into the oven to cook. I pull it out of the oven just as someone knocks on the front door.

Charlie is up in his room, and Alice is keeping Masen company in the backyard, so I wipe my hands off and go to open the door. I smile as I come face to face with Sue Clearwater, who looks just as pretty and as welcoming as I remember her. I haven't seen her since I was probably sixteen years old, so the fact that she looks like she's hardly aged is amazing and I'm a tad bit envious. Her hair is still long, dark and shiny, and her eyes are barely crinkled at the corners. She's dressed in a sweater and jeans that make her look younger than she already does, and the smile on her face is brilliant.

"Oh, Bella! Goodness, look at you. You're all grown up. I haven't seen you since you were a teenager!" she greets, leaning in to wrap one arm around my shoulders in a hug.

"Hi, Sue, it's good to see you. Come on in," I tell her, scooting out of the doorway. Her and her two children walk into the entranceway. I take the pies Seth has in his hands to let him take his jacket off.

"Oh, this is Seth and Leah. I think Leah is just younger than you to have missed being in school with you," she introduces.

Leah look a lot like her mother, but I can see the traits she got from Harry, as well. She has her hair cropped pretty short, which accents her soft jawline. Her eyes are a bright brown, but the expression on her face says she'd rather be anywhere but here. From what Sue's said, she's got to be nineteen or twenty, so the attitude is a little disconcerting for someone her age, but I brush it aside.

I reach my hand out and smile. "Hey, I'm Bella."

Thankfully, she takes it without much fuss and lips the corner of her lip in a half smile. "Hey, nice to meet you." Maybe she just has Resting Bitch Face. I suffer from the same, I'm told.

Seth reaches out and takes the pies back from me, a large grin on his face. He's a few years younger than his sister, probably seventeen, I'd say. He's still got that boyish softness to his face, but he's nearly a foot taller than me, and his shoulders are broad. He's a little gangly still, but he's obviously going to grow into it, like a lot of the guys down on the rez.

"Hi, I'm Seth." He puts his hand out, which I take with a large grin of my own.

"Hey, it's good to meet you, Seth. Come into the kitchen; you can set the pies down in there."

Seth follows me into the kitchen, where I introduce him to Jasper. They shake hands as I place the pies in the refrigerator after I inspect them. Sue made a pumpkin pie and what looks like a chocolate kahlua pie.

Sue, Leah, and my dad join us in the kitchen, so I inform them that everything's ready to eat. I grab plates and utensils to set out on the counter for everyone to grab.

"Jas, can you tell Alice and Masen that we're ready to eat?" I ask. He nods and heads through the kitchen, disappearing around the corner.

"Who's Masen?" Seth asks as he stands beside me, waiting to get food. I have a paper plate in my hands for Masen's plate, since I don't particularly trust him with the heavy glass plates. I give him moderate servings of the things he likes and make sure to grab a napkin.

"Masen is my son," I answer. Now that Edward, Esme and Carlisle know about him, I feel no need to hide his existence from the rest of the town. Plus, I'm sure Sue knows all about him from Charlie. Masen is his favorite topic; he doesn't shut up about his grandson sometimes.

"Oh, that's cool. I didn't realize you had a kid. Did you know, Mom?" Seth says.

Sue nods. "I did. Charlie told me about him a while ago."

"So, how old is he? Like two or three? I love little kids," Seth gushes. "I babysit Jake and Vanessa's boys."

"Jake as in Jacob Black?" I ask in astonishment. Seth nods. "Oh God, I hadn't realized he got married or had kids. Last time I saw him, he was barely fifteen."

Jake is Billy's only son, and Billy and my dad go fishing nearly every weekend when the weather permits. Jake is two years younger than me, but we used to spend a lot of time together when I first moved to Forks. We were pretty good friends, and we would hang out when Edward was busy or away on trips in the summers. Once I got pregnant, though, contact with him pretty much stopped, except for scattered phone calls and texts. Once I graduated and went to college, we stopped talking altogether.

"Yeah, him and Ness got married just after she turned eighteen. They've got two little boys, Junior and Raymond. Four and one. They're really cute."

"Does Jake still work in that garage?" I ask.

"Nah, he went to community college and got his EMR certificate. Works in Port Angeles, now. Ness goes to school for her teaching degree. I watch the boys when their schedules conflict."

"Jeez, I'll have to call him this weekend or something," I say, more to myself than contributing to the conversation with Seth.

"Maybe your kids can play together when you come down here," Seth suggests.

I'm just about to tell him why that probably wouldn't work when Alice, Jasper, and Masen come in from the backyard. Masen looks a little dirty from running around outside, which I just shake my head at.

"Baby, go wash your hands and face. You look like an animal," I tell him. He just had a shower this morning, so I'm a little frustrated, but I try to brush it off. He'll just have another one tomorrow morning before we head to the Cullen's.

"People are animals, Mama," he informs me with a cheeky grin.

I roll my eyes. "Yes, I'm aware. But we're civilized. Go wash up. Your plate's on the table already."

Masen laughs and goes to the restroom on the ground floor. I go about making up my own plate of food when I notice Seth and Leah's eyes trained on me, wide in surprise.

"What?" I ask. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Jesus, Bella. I didn't realize you had your son so young," Seth says, shaking his head. "He's, what, seven?"

"He'll be seven in March. Why?"

Seth is about to say something else, but Leah interrupts.

"Christ, he looks just like that Cullen kid."

I quickly look behind me, and am relieved when I can still hear the faucet running in the bathroom. "Well, that's because that Cullen kid is his father. Masen doesn't know that, though, so if we could not mention that anymore today, that'd be great."

Sue furrows her eyebrows at me. "Your dad said Edward has been spending time with you and Masen, though."

I nod. "He is, but we haven't told Mase yet."

She nods. "Got it. No more about Edward. Right, kids?"

Her tone is no nonsense, much like the one I hear from Charlie from time to time, and Seth and Leah both give serious nods.

With the topic if Masen's parentage over with, we go about finding places to sit around the table, and we're able to squeeze everyone in. I'm surrounded by Masen and Alice, and I help Mase cut his turkey into smaller pieces, since his knife-wielding abilities are still a little lacking. Eggos are soft enough for him to work through, but the turkey is another endeavor altogether.

After we eat, Alice and I go about putting away all the leftover food. Jasper, Seth, and Charlie promised to clean the dishes later today, but for now they're outside playing a game of flag football with Masen. Leah is playing as well, and Sue is acting as referee, so Alice and I are alone in the house.

"So, are you ready for tomorrow?" Alice asks as we're packing the turkey into freezer sized bags.

I let out a huge sigh and lean against the counter. "Not even in the slightest. I'm so terrified that they're going to hate me. I lied to them and their son, and I kept their grandchild from them for six years. I've seen Esme angry, and I don't really want it directed at me."

Alice gives me a sad smile. "I'm sure they're upset, B, but the Cullens always loved you. You were practically their surrogate daughter. Yeah, they're gonna be pissed, but no grandparent can stay upset when their grandchildren are involved. Look how easily Charlie crumbles when Mase asks for something. The Cullens have years of spoiling to make up for."

"I know they'll love Masen, Ali. It's how they're going to react to me that I'm worried about. I know it's selfish, but I considered them family. Esme was my mother when mine left."

And that's the real root of the problem for me. As soon as I was in Edward's life, Esme welcomed me with the love and support that my own mother should have given me. She helped me through my first couple high school years, which was huge since I had just lost Renee. She welcomed me into her home and her family's lives so effortlessly, like I had been a part of them my whole life. Esme meant a lot to me, and I had just let my sixteen year old self tear all that apart by keeping Masen from her. I was crushed when Renee left, and I can only imagine the feeling was similar when I left Esme. As if my guilt about this whole situation wasn't enough, I'm now having to deal with the guilt of possibly breaking a part of Esme Cullen's heart.

"Esme loved you like a daughter, B. That love doesn't just go away," Alice assures. She rest a hand on mine, rubbing her thumb across the back in comfort. "I can almost guarantee you that she's going to be pissed for you leaving and keeping Masen from her, but her love for you is strong enough to move past that. Esme loves you too much to let this tear you apart again."

I swallow, and hope to God Alice is right.

~WTIAA~

This is the first time I've set foot on this property in eight years. The sight of the beautiful, white home with the floor to ceiling windows causes memories to flood into my mind. Spending time after school eating and doing homework with Edward, helping Esme cook dinner before we sat down for a family meal, feeling the love of a larger family with Carlisle, Esme, Charlie, Edward and I gathered in the house on Thanksgiving. It all comes rushing forth, and I have to take several calming breaths to steady myself. I wasn't expecting this onslaught of emotions and memories. It's overwhelming.

"Mama, are you okay?" Masen asks from the back seat. I've borrowed Charlie's truck for the trip over to the Cullen's, and my dad, Alice and Jasper have gone into Port Angeles to do some light shopping and get lunch.

"Yeah, baby. Just give me a moment before we go in, okay?" I'm nearly pleading with him, because I'm terrified of walking into that home. The last time I saw it, I was screaming at Edward and selling him out to his mother, which I still don't regret all these years later. If I hadn't told Esme, Edward probably wouldn't have gotten the help he needed his first year of college. Who knows what would have happened if his parents hadn't caught onto his drug habit?

Masen remains silent in the backseat for the few minutes I've requested. I've anticipated that the Cullens don't have any children's toys strewn about their house, so I've let Mase bring a small backpack full of toys from my dad's house. There's several Hot Wheels and monster trucks in there, as well as his Avengers action figures, which includes Spider-Man. He's currently flying Iron Man around in the backseat, patiently waiting for me to tell him we can get out.

With one last steadying breath, I turn the car off and unbuckle my seatbelt. Noticing my actions, Masen starts to put his toys back in his bag. By the time I open his door, he's got his backpack zipped up and his seatbelt undone, so I just help him hop down from Charlie's slightly lifted truck. It's mostly a necessity here in Forks, due to the weather, and comes in handy when he drives out to his work sites, which are usually covered in feet of mulch from the downed and processed trees.

Mase holds my hand as we make the short trek up to the front door. My heart is pounding double time in my chest, and I can very nearly feel it beating against my ribcage. I swallow down the unease that's bubbling up in my throat and ring the doorbell. Masen is perfectly at ease by my side, looking at the plants that dot the porch, but he has no reason to be anything but impassive about this right now. He knows we're meeting Edward's parents today, but that has no meaning for him.

When the door finally opens, it's Edward that answers, and I barely hold back the sigh of relief at having a few moments of reprieve before having to face his parents. I probably would have frozen if Esme or Carlisle answered the door.

Edward smiles at both of us and opens the door wider.

"Edward!" Masen shouts, jumping to Edward and wrapping his arms around his waist.

Edward chuckles and rubs his hand over Masen's back. "Hey, Mase. How was your Thanksgiving?"

"Good! I played with Jasper and Alice and Grandpa and Seth, and we ate a lot of food and had Sue's pies and Mama's pumpkin rolls for dessert. Oh! And we watched football!" Masen would keep going, but it seems he's run out of breath.

"That's great, bud. I'm glad you had fun," Edward smiles. Masen detaches himself from his father's waist, and steps into the house, looking at it in wonder.

Edward turns his smile on me and waves me into the house. I take a deep breath as I step forward, into the foyer. It looks the same as it did eight years ago, except the pictures on the credenza directly in front of me have changed slightly. The last time I was here, there were pictures of Edward's graduation, Emmett's graduation, Edward and I together at prom, Emmett in his football uniform at Florida State. Now they're replaced with pictures of Edward's graduation from Columbia and his White Coat Ceremony, Emmett holding up his Seahawks jersey when he first got drafted, Rose and Emmett together at what looks to be an engagement party, and Emmett fully donned in his Seahawks gear. It's crazy how much eight years can change things.

"You okay?" Edward asks me softly when he catches me studying the photos. Masen is more interested in the large photo on the wall, which happens to be of all the Cullens back when Edward was in elementary school. His head is tilted in wonder, but I can't tell exactly what he's studying so intently.

"Yeah, just a little overwhelmed at being here again," I tell him honestly. "And scared shitless at seeing your parents."

"Hey," he says, wrapping his arm around my shoulder. I've become used to our displays of comfort over the last few months, but I still can't get over the feeling of his skin touching mine. It's like the first time everytime we touch. It's exhausting abating my outward reaction to our contact. "It's going to be okay. I explained everything to them, so there shouldn't be too much heavy stuff." He really surprises me by leaning down and pressing a soft kiss to the top of my head. He hasn't done that since before the last time I was in this house. "I'm just glad you brought him here."

"I promised I would, Edward," I tell him. "We're trying, remember?"

He nods, and I hear a voice that I haven't heard in eight years. It makes me heart constrict in my chest and a lump form in my throat.

"Edward, that was them at the door, wasn't it?" Esme calls, evidently from the kitchen.

"Yeah, Ma, it was," he calls back. He gives me a squeeze with the arm that's still around my shoulder before dropping it back down to his side.

"Well, goodness, Edward, lunch is nearly ready. Invite them into the ki—" Esme says, her voice getting progressively clearer as she walks to the archway between the kitchen and the foyer. She stops abruptly when she rounds the corner, her eyes first landing on me and then on my son, who's looking at the pictures on the walls, still lost in thought.

"Oh, Bella," she breathes out. "Goodness, look at you sweetheart. You're all grown up." Her smile is watery as she approaches me, obviously tentative about whether I'm going to accept her greeting. I wouldn't be here if I wasn't willing to build a relationship with her family again, though.

I smile back, trying to hold in my own tears. "Hi, Esme."

My acceptance of her greeting causes her to rush the few steps forward and wrap me in her arms. She smells just like she always has: like vanilla and sunshine. She squeezes me tight and runs one of her hands down my hair. She releases me, holding me at arm's length with her hands on my shoulders.

"Oh, goodness. Looking at you makes me feel old," she chuckles. She looks over me from head to toe, taking in my skinny jeans, knee high boots, and blush pink sweater. I realize she's probably more referring to the fact that I now have hips and significantly larger assets than when I was sixteen. "You're definitely not sixteen anymore."

I can't help but laugh. "I turned twenty-four recently, so no, I'm not sixteen anymore."

My words cause her to chuckle. She releases me and finally turns her eyes on Masen. She draws in a long breath and her hand flutters to her chest, right over her heart. Mase is absorbed in the photos, so he doesn't even notice Esme's presence. He's turned enough toward us, though, that you can clearly make out his face.

"Christ, he looks just like you, Edward," she mutters to her son. I can't help it when my eyes flicker to the portrait of the Cullens on the wall from Edward's elementary days. I can't help to see the tiniest of features that look just like Masen's. Edward is even wearing the same half smile that Masen sports so often these days. They even have the same dimples in the lower corner of their mouth. Talk about superior genes.

Edward nods. "I know. I thought I'd somehow gone back twenty years when I first saw him."

Masen finally acknowledges our presence when there's a rumble of footsteps on the stairs beside us. I look up to see Carlisle descending them, probably having been in his study, looking just as good as he did the last time I saw him in the hospital.

Carlisle is Edward and Emmett's adoptive father, so he doesn't look much like the boys, but he holds the same air that Edward does. Like he's a strong fortress and a protector of those he loves. I remember feeling that safety from Carlisle when Edward and I were together, and his presence in the room causes feelings of longing to stir within me. He squares his shoulders the same way that Edward does, and their gait as they walk is the same. Just goes to show that not all traits are genetic.

Carlisle meets my gaze, and that small smile that I became so used to in high school graces his features, his blue eyes sparkling.

"Isabella Swan in the flesh," he jokes. "My, look at you. I'm sure you've broken some hearts in your day."

I blush and Edward clears his throat. I want to tell him the only heart that I've ever had a large enough chunk of to break is his son's, but I don't say that.

"I'm not in the business of breaking people's hearts, Carlisle," I inform him.

His smile widens into a grin and he pulls me into his arms in a gentle hug. "No one usually is, Bella," he murmurs into my ear. The words are soft with little inflection, but I know the intention. He knows full well how thoroughly Edward and I broke each other.

When he pulls away, his smile is sad, but he quickly turns to where Masen is now standing beside his father, gazing on at Carlisle and Esme in a sort of wonder.

"And you must be Masen," Carlisle says, his voice gentle and the grin on his face is welcoming.

Masen nods but doesn't move or say a word. I move to his side and crouch down so I'm more on his level.

"Masen, sweetie. This is Carlisle and Esme," I introduce, pointing to them as I say their names. "They're Edward's parents."

Masen looks between the three of them and scrunches up his nose, which a trait that's all me. "Why are your names all so funny?"

I widen my eyes at his blunt question, but Carlisle and Esme let out surprised laughs. Edward stares down at him with a raised eyebrow.

"You think my name is weird, kid?" Edward asks, feigning hurt.

Masen just looks up at him with a similarly raised eyebrow and nods.

I can't help but chuckle now. "When I first told him your name, he said it was kinda weird."

Masen shrugs. "Well, they are."

I reach to ruffle his hair. "They're just kind of old-fashioned names, bud. They used to be really popular, but people don't really name their kids them anymore."

Masen seems to let this sit for a moment. "Oh, okay," he says with a shrug.

This causes all of us to break out in another round of chuckles.

~WTIAA~

Edward and I sit together at the kitchen island as Carlisle and Esme play a game of Sorry with Masen in the living room. I can just make them out sitting around the coffee table from where we are, and I can see the large grin on my son's face when he sends one of Carlisle's little pegs back home.

Esme made coffee after we had a lunch of turkey sandwiches on hoagie rolls, potato salad, and salad. I suggested that Masen play a game with Carlisle and Esme so I could give them a chance to interact without being there to mediate. It took about all of lunch for Masen to warm up to his grandparents, but once he saw that they were kind and just wanted to get to know him, he settled in. Now, they're as thick as thieves in their competitive game, which Masen is uncannily good at.

As I watch Esme throw her head back in laughter at something Masen has said, I feel my throat tightening and my heart aching. I want this so badly for my son. I want for him to know his other grandparents and all the joy they can bring to his life. Somehow, I know that Rose is right when she says that her, Em, Carlisle, and Esme will all still be there for Masen if Edward decides he doesn't actually want to be a father, which is slightly comforting. At least Masen wouldn't miss out on all of his family. But thinking that Edward won't stick around still plagues me, and imagining a life where Masen gets to know Edward, but Edward walks away is a sad image, and I try to brush it away as quickly as it materializes.

But, the fact of the matter is, I don't know how long Edward's going to be around. The novelty of having a child could wear off for him, or he could realize he just doesn't want to be a real parent to Masen. Sure, being a dad to our amazing little boy seems like it's great now, but what happens when he realizes it's not always rainbows and butterflies? When he realizes that parenting is hard work and often heart-breaking, with no immediate reward? Does he really understand that he won't just get to be the fun parent for the entirety of their relationship? Edward is a smart, responsible guy, but he hasn't had to come to grips with this reality yet, so it makes it difficult for me to cast off my concerns.

"Bella," Edward mutters, startling me out of my query. I jump slightly as his hand rests over mine, that familiar, electrifying current flows up my arm. I'll never get used to that.

"Yeah?" I respond.

"Where'd you go just now? You zoned out for a while."

I give him a timid smile. "Sorry, I was just thinking about stuff. Did you need something?"

He shakes his head with furrowed brows. "No, I was just making sure you're alright. Do you want to talk about it? Whatever you were thinking about seemed pretty intense. I don't think I've ever seen you scrunch your nose so hard." He chuckles at the end to try to lighten the mood.

I deliberate whether to actually voice my concerns to him. One the one hand, it's a little bit rude to tell him that I have my doubts about his honesty, but he has to expect that, right? After everything we've been through together, it has to be expected. But, on the other hand, I promised myself in the beginning of this whole thing that there would be no more secrets on my part. We're adults, and we deserve the opportunity to talk about all this like adults.

I blow out a breath I haven't realized I'm holding. "I'm just worried," I admit.

The furrow deepens. "About what? My parents still?"

I shake my head. "No, I feel better about your parents now. I'm sure they'll want to talk about things soon, but I can deal with that."

"Oh. Then, what are you worried about?"

I press my lips together, trying to come up with a way to say my thoughts without coming off as harsh. "I just…I'm worried about your relationship with Masen."

"What? Why?" He seems upset more than anything at my worry.

"Edward, you're great with him, I just worry about the future. It's my job as his mom to be apprehensive, and even though I know I shouldn't be apprehensive about his own father, I am. It's only been a couple months that you've known about him, and you're doing great, but I'm kind of just waiting for the other shoe to drop, ya know?"

His eyes narrow as he regards me. "No, Bella, I don't. Why don't you explain it to me?"

I sigh. "Edward, I'm not trying to start a fight. I'm trying to be an adult and discuss this with you before it becomes a problem."

His tenseness from a moment before seems to slacken. "You're right, I'm sorry. Go on."

"Look, I know there's a certain novelty to finding out about him. There's so many emotions associated with you finding out that you're a father, that there's no wonder why you pushed so hard so fast to see him and get to know him. I know you care about him, that much is obvious. But the novelty will wear off, Edward. I know you're smart; soon you'll have to stop just being his buddy and actually be a parent. You'll have to deal with all the hard stuff, too, if we do tell him who you are. Parenting is difficult and unforgiving, and sometimes it feels like you won't ever get it right, and I'm not sure you fully understand that."

He opens his mouth to argue, but I stop him with a raised hand.

"Please, let me finish. I don't mean that to offend you, I'm just talking from experience. You don't realize how hard it is until you have to deal with your first temper tantrum or you have to keep going for him after being exhausted, and all you really want to do is go to bed and not emerge for a day. You won't really know what that's like until it happens; there's no way for you to understand, otherwise. And because of all that, I'm scared shitless that I'm going to let you into Masen's life as his father, and then have you walk away because it's not what you bargained for.

"I know that these feelings are not all your fault. We both fucked up all those years ago, and we're both sorry for what happened. But being a parent is full-time, it's not just whenever it's convenient for you. I get that you're busy with school and the hospital, but Masen will always have to come first, no matter what. You're not just a parent when you're with him; you're a parent twenty-four hours of the day, seven days of the week, for the rest of your life. And I'm just not sure if that's something you have a full grasp of, if only because you haven't experienced it."

Edward is silent for the few moments following my speech, looking at my face. His hand is still on mine, so I'm hoping that's a good sign that he's not completely pissed about what I just told him. Finally, after what feels like an eternity, Edward takes a deep breath, his thumb stroking against my knuckles.

"Bella, I don't just care for Masen; I love him. He's my son, Bella, and I wouldn't change that for the world, even the shitty way that he was brought into it. I understand your apprehension at letting me in, really, I do. But, I promise you, I would never do anything to hurt him, including walking out on either of you. I know parenting isn't easy. I had to watch Carlisle acclimate to being a dad to Emmett and me for years when him and Mom got married. I could see how hard he worked at it, but he was there, always. I _am_ going to be there for Masen. He's my son, and I want so desperately to be his father, not just by blood. I want to look back in fifteen years and realize that I had a hand in the amazing man he's bound to be."

* * *

 **So, a bit of a discussion between Edward and Bella, as well as some quality time between the grandparents and Masen. Next chapter will pick right up from here, and there's a little bit of naughtiness in that one. But it might not be what you think.**

 **As always, please review. I read and reply to all the ones that I can. And I love hearing your guys' input, even when you're bashing on my characters haha. I actually find it very insightful, so bash away.**

 **Until next time lovelies!**


	12. Lucky

**Hello! Another Monday, another chapter. I hope you guys are actually getting notifications now, because I know notifications were down for about two weeks, which is super annoying. But I got a story update notification, so hopefully it's all back up.**

 **Anyway, I hope you guys like this chapter. This is basically just the rest of Friday and a little bit of loving that I thought was fun to write, and a little pertinent to the story ;) I don't know how y'all are gonna feel about it, but I felt the story needed a little spice, since we're twelve chapters in and all.**

 **Disclaimer: I am not SM. I do not own Twilight. I just own the plot, which I am actually pretty proud of :)**

* * *

 **CHAPTER TWELVE**

 **LUCKY**

 _Lucky I'm in love with my best friend_

 _Lucky to have been where we have been_

 _Lucky to be coming home again_

 _-Jason Mraz_

After Edward's little speech, I can't help the tears that spring up in my eyes. I try to wipe them away as discreetly as I can with my sleeves, but he catches me. His hand is on my cheek before I can even process the movement, and the pad of his thumb is there, gently wiping away my tears. It's a move that is so inherently _my Edward_ that my heart stutters in my chest. It's something that he did so often as a gesture of love and comfort back when we were together, and I can't help the image of us, many years younger, in this exact position.

"Are you okay, Bella?" he asks, eyes soft. His question brings me back to the present, effectively banishing the inappropriate memories in my head.

I swallow and nod. "Yeah, I'm just kinda overwhelmed. And I'm really glad you're all in. Masen needs his daddy."

He smiles so brightly, that the fluttering of my heart returns. I haven't seen that smile in particular in a long time, and it warms my entire being.

Edward brushes a loose strand of hair behind my ear. "I wanted to talk to you about that, actually."

"About what?" I thought we did just talk about that?

"About telling Masen that I'm his father. I'm getting antsy, Bella. I want him to call me Dad instead of Edward. It's weird hearing my first name out of my son's mouth."

"I call my dad Charlie," I point out, though I obviously know it's not the same thing at all.

"Yeah, not to his face," he says, playfulness evident in his tone. I'm just glad he's not upset at me for the stupid point I just made.

"Yeah, I know. I was just saying. Anyway, I'm okay with telling him. I think he's starting to figure things out on his own anyway," I say.

"What makes you think that? Has he said anything?" Edward's voice sounds so anxious all of a sudden. I can see the deep want for this in his eyes, and I so badly want to give it to him. After what we did to each other, Edward deserves to have the joy of being called Dad by his own son. It's not something that I plan on keeping from him.

"I mean, no, but did you see how intensely he was studying those pictures in the foyer? You can't be that much older than Masen is now in that portrait of all of you. It's like looking in a mirror, Edward," I tell him. "He may only be six, but he's observant and wicked smart. He's bound to start asking questions."

Edward nods. "Yeah, I noticed that. So, do you think we should tell him soon?"

I nod. "Yeah, maybe after the holidays. We have some stuff to figure out between us that I want to get settled before then."

"Like what?"

"Like how this whole co-parenting thing is going to work. And I want you two to spend more time together by yourselves so we know he's absolutely comfortable with it."

"Did you want to go through the courts to get a custody agreement?" he asks, seeming nervous. The last thing I want is to involve the government in all this; it just makes everything more complicated and drawn out than necessary.

I shake my head. "No, I really don't. It's expensive and time consuming to go through the courts. I think we can figure out something between us. Beside, if we went to the court, I'd have to get Masen's birth certificate changed before we started, and that's even more money and headache."

"You are planning on getting it changed, though, right?"

"Of course," I nod. "They might still need a paternity test for that, though. Otherwise, we'd have to go about it like you're adopting him."

"Just tell me when, Bella. But about the custody thing, I was hoping we could just trade weeks and share holidays. And you know you're always more than welcome to spend holidays with us. My parents love you like a daughter."

I smile at him. "I know. We'll figure this all out, Edward. But I'm not moving Mase from his current school. He loves it there, and you live on the other side of the city."

Edward shakes his head. "I wouldn't expect him to change schools. I was actually thinking of finding a place closer to you guys," he says, surprising me.

"Really?" I wonder. "It's farther from the university, Edward."

He rolls his eyes. "It's only an extra twenty minutes instead of five. It's not a big deal. But, my lease is up in May, so I have to figure something out anyway. Might as well make it easier on both of us by being closer to Masen."

"If you're sure, Edward." I don't want to make him feel like he has to move now because he's going to be in Masen's life. I would have been fine driving him back and forth or meeting Edward somewhere when it was his time to have Masen. Not that the idea of going a week without my little boy is appealing whatsoever, but I'd do it in order for him to have time with Edward and have both parents from now on.

"I'm sure. I've been thinking about all this for a while, now. I've been figuring all this out in my head in between busting my ass in the hospital," he jokes.

I chuckle. "Are you ever _not_ busting your ass in the hospital?"

"No, not really," he admits, running his hand through his hair.

Esme and Carlisle walk into the kitchen, then, soft smiles on their faces. I see both of they eyes glance down to the counter between Edward and I, and realize that his hand is still wrapped around mine, his thumb rubbing soft circles over my knuckles. I can only imagine what this must look like to them, and they obviously know that Edward is in a relationship, so I feel a little scummy about our position now. But Edward doesn't move or do anything really, except for smile at his parents, so I assume this is okay for him. I mean, he wouldn't continue to offer this comfort if he thought it was inappropriate in any way, right? If there's anything about Edward that I absolutely know for sure, it's that he's not a cheater. His heart is too good for that.

"Masen is asleep on the couch," Esme says. She walks over to the stove and puts on a kettle of water. "Does he take naps regularly?"

I nod. "Yeah, he's always liked napping. He's pretty full throttle all day long, except for an afternoon nap and sleeping at night." I check my cell phone, finally extracting my hand from Edward's. It's just after three, a pretty typical time for him to crash.

"Edward used to be like that," Esme recalls, smiling. "He stopped taking naps around seven or eight, but when he slept, he slept hard."

"How's that working out for you now, son?" Carlisle chuckles. "Being a heavy sleeper doesn't pair well with being a doctor."

Edward huffs, but there's a grin on his face. "I've learned to be a light sleeper. But being able to fall asleep anywhere is still pretty useful."

"What else is Masen like, Bella?" Esme asks, wanting to talk about her grandson while she has me here, which I understand. She knows virtually nothing about her only grandchild, and it's pretty much all my fault.

"He's pretty much Edward," I admit. The man grins. "As you've seen, he's pretty energetic, super friendly. Little bit of a charmer, too. First time he met Tanya, he full-named her, shook her hand, and shot her the most shit-eating little grin I've ever seen." Everyone laughs, but Edward's smile seems a little strained. Weird. "Um, he loves everything Marvel, but his favorite is Spider-Man. He's really smart, loves reading; I'm going to start in on the Harry Potter series with him soon; he's been asking to read them for a while now and I've finally given in. Oh, he talks nonstop. I swear, if I didn't give birth to him, I'd wonder if he's even mine. He's so much like Edward, it's ridiculous."

"Were you two getting along alright while we were with Masen?" Carlisle asks. He smirks, so I know he's joking, but I have a feeling he actually thinks Edward and I don't get along. I wonder how much Edward actually tells his parents about what's going on with this whole situation.

I furrow my eyebrows in confusion. "Why wouldn't we be getting along?" I think, all things considered, Edward and I are getting along very well and making the most that we can out of this whole fucked up thing.

"The last time we saw you and Edward in the same room together, it didn't go so well," Esme supplies, making me cringe. We all know all too well what exactly happened the last time they saw Edward and me together. It was no screaming match like the time just previous to it, but it was cold and heartbreaking, and we all lost something that day. I knew all along that this is exactly what Carlisle and Esme think of when the think about me, but it still hurts to know that my suspicions are correct. These two were like my second set of parents, and there's no way that relationship is ever going to get back to where it once was. It makes me want to cry.

"Ma…" Edward starts, shaking his head.

I place my hand on his forearm to stop him. "No, it's okay, Edward. I expected this." I take a breath and look back at Esme and Carlisle, who have their eyes mostly on me as they go about pouring cups of tea for the four of us. "I know the last time we all saw each other was pretty traumatic, and a lot of mistakes were made in that short time, but Edward and I are working on it, for Masen's sake. And you'll never understand how sorry I am for how everything happened, and for not telling the complete truth in that hospital room. But I was only sixteen. And I was pretty much hysterical from thinking there was a possibility that I was going to lose my baby. I wasn't thinking about the repercussions of the things that were said, and, honestly, I didn't want to be anywhere near Edward."

I feel Edward's hand wrap around mine again, offering a comforting, warm support that I greatly appreciate. I'm glad that we've developed an understanding prior to this conversation, or else it would be a lot harder than it already is.

"Bella, honey, you know we love you," Esme begins, passing mugs to Edward and me. "You made Edward so happy, and you just fit in around here. But I am still so astonished that you could do something like this. When Edward told us that you were pregnant, we were obviously upset, but human life is precious. We would have supported you two, no matter what."

I shake my head. "It wasn't about that, Esme. I knew we'd have support. I had every intention of having the baby and sticking around. But that was before Edward said what he did. He didn't want the baby. What was the point of me sticking around?"

"We agree that what Edward said was awful, and I think he punished himself enough for it," Carlisle says, giving his son a meaningful glance. Edward bows his head, obviously thinking of his time spent high for an entire semester and his stint in rehab. "And we don't blame your decision to not be with him anymore. But you have to know that Esme and I would have still supported you. Despite Edward's decisions, Masen is still our grandson. We would have been there."

"Carlisle, I appreciate all that, but the last thing I wanted was the be reminded everyday that my ex-boyfriend's parents wanted the baby more than he did. Someone would have guilted Edward into helping me eventually, and I didn't want there to be even more resentment because of it. I couldn't take it."

Both Esme and Carlisle's gazes turn to their son. "You really did a number on her, Edward," Carlisle says, his voice steely and very dad-like. I was right about a wrathful Carlisle; he's pretty intimidating, nearly more so than Esme.

"I know, Dad," he agrees somberly. I place my free hand on his shoulder and give him a sad smile when he finally looks at me.

"You're making up for it, Edward," I assure. "I've already forgiven you for everything that happened. And I hope you can forgive me, too, at some point."

"Bella, I forgave you the moment you let me get to know Masen. I'm done with all that shit from the past. I just really want to move forward." There's a hint of desperation in his voice, like he's begging me to let bygones be bygones and move on. I want it so badly, too, and I'm more than ready to give it to him.

"Then let's just do that. No more stuff from nearly a decade ago. We'll only concern ourselves with the present and the future," I promise, my smile becoming wider and more hopeful. His mirrors mine as he nods.

"Thank you," he murmurs, patting my hand where it's still surrounding mine.

"So does this mean you two are better? No more screaming matches in Edward's bedroom?" Esme asks, joking behind her cup of tea.

I chuckle. "I can't guarantee about the screaming matches; he's still Edward. But we'll try."

"Hey!" he protests. "I've been better." He pouts like his son, and it's kind of the most adorable thing ever.

I smile. "I know, I was just joking, Edward. But I still can't make any promises. You just happen to bring out the most extremes in me."

"You two were always very…passionate," Carlisle comments, smirking. I'm a little confused, until he meets my eyes, and there's a mirthful little glint in them.

I blush as I realize what exactly he's referring to. Dear God, I didn't know I could be mortified by something now just as I was when it actually happened nearly a decade ago when I was just a stupid teenager.

Edward groans beside me as he puts together what Carlisle is talking about. "Dad…"

"Carlisle, what are you hinting at?" Esme asks, obviously lost. I don't know if she's forgotten about the incident, in which case, thank God, or if Carlisle never told her about it. If he didn't bless his heart, but he'd also be telling her right now.

"The kitchen table incident, dear," Carlisle informs her, and the way her eyes widen and she begins to giggle, I know that he told her at some point.

I groan and bury my face in my hands. I can feel the heat coming off of my face into my palms, and I know I must be as red as a tomato. Just like I was back then.

~WTIAA~

 _ **June 2009**_

 _I feel Edward's arms wrap around my waist as I'm standing at Esme's giant island, stirring the cake batter in a mixing bowl. Today is Edward's eighteenth birthday, and I told him that I'd make him a cake for the occasion, since his parents are taking us to dinner to celebrate. It's the middle of the week, and Carlisle and Esme are at work, so Edward and I are the only ones in his house, since we're out of school for the summer. I came over about an hour before, ready to set to work on the cake, but Edward distracted me with a make out session the second I walked in the door, so my creation has been delayed a little._

 _Edward left me alone just long enough for me to don an apron over the sundress I'm wearing, since I plan on wearing it to dinner tonight, and pull out ingredients. I've just started mixing the dry and wet ingredients together when Edward comes to distract me again._

 _He's good at first, his arms securely around my waist as he hums a song in my ear, with his chin on my shoulder. It takes me a second to place what the song is, but I soon recognize it as 'Lucky' by Jason Mraz, and I can't help but smile at his selection. When it first came out, I remember Edward getting excited that it so perfectly described our relationship, he said. I just listen to him hum softly as I get everything mixed up so it's nice and smooth. As I reach for the baking pan and the stick of butter, Edward's grip slides up my sides and starts humming something that's a little more abstract to me._

 _I just continue on running the butter over the pan, but Edward starts whispering the words of the song in my ear, and I realize that it's a George Michael song, aptly named 'I Want Your Sex'. I begin to roll my eyes, but then his hands on are on my breasts, and he's slowly grinding his very prominent erection against my ass. I'm trying my hardest to keep on doing what I'm doing, but his lips are suddenly on the exposed skin of my shoulder, humming again as he nips and licks his way toward my neck, his hands and hips never stopping._

 _"Edward," I whine. It comes out more breathy and wanton than I wanted it to, but I can't help it. "I need to finish your cake. I really just need to finish the pan and pour in the batter, then I'm all yours."_

 _"Go ahead, baby," he tells me, his voice rough with arousal. "I'll wait for you to finish."_

 _Except his version of waiting is continuing his ministrations while I struggle to complete my task. I finally get the pan lathered in a layer of butter, and then I pull the bag of flour toward me to douse the dish in it to prevent the cake from sticking. But, at the same moment that I move to gently overturn the bag of flour into the pan, Edward's right hand dives under the hem of my dress and moves past the edge of my panties, straight to my clit. I gasp and jerk as he makes contact, spilling flour all over the counter, completely missing the pan._

 _"Edward!" I yelp, trying to squirm away from his grasp, but his hold is firm, and he's now rubbing slow circles against me. I can hear the sound of his fingers moving in the wetness my body's produced, and I close my eyes against it. "You said you'd wait._

 _"I changed my mind," he declares, his mouth at my ear, tugging at my earlobe. "It's my birthday after all, Isabella. I should get what I want." The snicker in his voice lets me know that he's teasing, but I'm absolutely positive that this is really what he wants. Not that I don't want him, too, I just thought we could have a few more moments of self control in order for me to get the cake in the oven, at least._

 _"I thought you wanted a cake," I argue, pressing my ass back into him, making him groan and speed up his hand against my sex._

 _I hiss as he answers in a growl. "I want you more."_

 _"Fuck," I whisper, pressing myself more firmly into him. He gasps and loses his balance, placing his free hand on the counter in front of us to steady himself, effectively dousing his appendage in flour._

 _"Please, baby. I want you. The cake batter will still be here in half an hour." His hand in my panties continues to work me over, and I'm on the verge of cumming. My legs are shaking, and sensing how close I am, Edward speeds up, giving me the last little push that I need. I moan out his name, my knees giving out underneath me. He catches me, though, keeping me upright._

 _Edward pulls his hand out from my panties and turns me to face him. His left hand is on my ass, pulling me close to him, as he sticks his fingers that were just pleasuring me into his mouth, groaning as his eyes fall closed. I gulp at the sight that he knows I love. Something about watching Edward licking me off his fingers is just too fucking hot, and usually results in me jumping him with no warning._

 _Today, though, Edward is a step ahead of me, and he's dragging me over to the table in the corner of the kitchen. He pushes the chairs to the side, turns me back around, and presses his hand between my shoulder blades, pushing my chest to the cool wood surface. It feels good against my heated skin._

 _"I need more of you, baby," he whispers. I look over my shoulder at him to see him crouching down. He grips the hem of my dress and bunches it up at my lower back, groaning at the sight of my navy blue, lace, cheeky panties. He loves the deep blue color against my skin, and I make sure to wear the color as often as possible. "I'm torn between tearing them off of you or taking them off gently so that you can wear them again for me."_

 _I chuckle, but it halts in my throat as I feel him pulling the material down and his teeth biting gently into the skin of my ass. He repeats it to the other cheek as he pulls my panties all the way down, and I step out of them. I don't know whether he just drops them on the floor or pockets them, but my mind is a little more focused on his tongue suddenly on my clit. He's flicking at it as his hands grip tightly onto my hips over my dress, keeping me still. He takes a long lick over the entire length of my pussy and hums, causing vibrations to go straight to the pit of my stomach, building me quickly to another orgasm._

 _I'm just on the edge, willing him to do something in order to push me over. "Edward," I whine out, grabbing uselessly at nothing on the surface of the table._

 _"Hmm?" he hums, jolting me with another rush of sensations, but it's not enough._

 _"Please, baby, I'm so close," I beg. I'm right there, I can almost taste it._

 _Edward's right hand suddenly smacks down onto my ass, startling me and serving it's purpose. My body jerks as I burst, and I'm unable to stop or soften the scream that flies from my mouth. I feel him stand up behind me, and there's a more gentle smack as I hear him unzipping his jeans. I expect to feel him push into me immediately, but as his chest presses into my back, I don't feel him enter me, so I look at him over my shoulder. His face is a lot closer than I thought, and his puffs of breath brush over my face. He leans forward and seals his lips to mine, and I can taste myself on his tongue._

 _"I love you, Bella," he whispers, brushing his lips against my cheek._

 _My heart stutters in my chest, just as it does every time I hear him utter those words. "I love you, too, Edward."_

 _He presses his lips to mine one more time before reaching down between us. I feel the tip of him press against my entrance, and I push my hips back, slipping him all the way inside. We both moan at the connection. I can't help the sound that escapes me every time his hips snap forward, making a noise each time his skin connects with mine. He has one hand gripping my hip, and the other is under me, across my chest, and gripping my opposite shoulder, anchoring me to my spot._

 _"Oh, God. Fuck me, Edward," I whimper. "Harder, baby."_

 _Edward tilts his hips up just a fraction of an inch, and he's suddenly hitting that spot inside of me that he aims for every time we're together. He adds more force behind his thrusts, his chest heaving against my back with the exertion. My breath catches in my throat, and I know my mouth is open in a silent scream._

 _"Fuck, Bella, breathe, baby," Edward grinds out. When another ten seconds pass and I still haven't taken a breath (not from lack of trying), he blows in my face like an infant. I don't know why it works, but it does, and I suck in a ragged gulp of air. The next sound out of my mouth is a long moan that turns into a whimper._

 _Edward hasn't stopped pressing into me, and I can tell by the jerkiness of his movements that he's getting close. I can feel my third orgasm building, but at this rate, he's going to cum before I do. I'm not upset by it, but Edward usually has a fit when he cums during sex and I don't. It's some sort of thing that he has._

 _"Cum for me again, Isabella," he demands._

 _I shake my head. "Don't worry about it," I assure. "Just cum, Edward."_

 _He growls into my ear. "You're going to cum again, Isabella." He sounds serious, and it excites me just a little bit more, pushing me toward his ultimate goal._

 _I start to shake my head again, but his hand that's on my hip travels around my front, zeroing in on my swollen clit. The second he starts brushing against it, I feel my thighs tense and my knees start to give out again. The only thing keeping me upright is Edward's body pressed so tightly against mine._

 _A string of curses flutter from my mouth, getting louder with each utterance. I can hear it echoing around the high ceilings of the kitchen, and I'm infinitely glad that we're the only people in the house. Edward is getting louder, too, his grunts turning into drawn out moans and his dirty whispers in my ear turning into full volume declarations._

 _"Oh, Jesus Christ," he groans. "I'm gonna cum, baby. Cum with me, Isabella." He speeds up the motions of his hands against my sex, and that's it. My climax hits me suddenly, and the sound coming out of my mouth is something I haven't heard before. Edward's hips jerk messily against mine, and the growl he lets out is nearly feral. It's the sexiest thing I've ever heard._

 _We lie there for a few moments, panting against each other, coming down from our highs. Edward shifts his hips away from me, pulling out and leaving me feeling a little empty. He presses soft kisses against my shoulders, and I sigh at the sense of love that I'm enveloped in after our pretty intense round of fucking. I'm convinced that no one does aftercare as well as Edward._

 _We're just starting to situate our clothes to their original state when the sound of a throat clearing rather loudly startles both of us to near heart attacks. My heart is beating faster than it was just a few minutes ago as I turn to face Carlisle standing in the archway separating the kitchen from the living room. He looks kind of funny. His mouth is pinched and his eyes are narrowed, but it's like he's trying to prevent himself from laughing while simultaneously trying to look pissed. It just makes him look sort of like he's having a brain freeze, but I still blush harder than I ever have before._

 _"Fuck, Dad," Edward gasps, pulling at the hem of my dress to make sure it's covering me. Luckily he's already pulled his boxers up before Carlisle came in, or at least I think it was before Carlisle walked in. Who knows how long he was actually standing there?_

 _Edward quickly pulls his jeans up from their drooped position across his thighs and buttons them. He doesn't take his eyes off his father the entire time, when all I want to do is flee the scene of the crime and never show my face around here again. I'm absolutely mortified at all the things his father probably heard or saw. Carlisle and Esme are understanding and pretty liberal, but this is definitely pushing, if not breaking, the envelope. No one ever wants to see their kid and their significant other fucking on their kitchen table, or anywhere else for that matter._

 _"How long have you been standing there?" Edward asks, tugging on his dress shirt. His hand is in his hair a moment later, tugging pretty hard at the strands._

 _"Not long, I didn't see anything, if that's what you're asking," he assures. His tone is nonchalant, but that weird look is still on his face. I'm really scared. I'm terrified._

 _Edward looks like he's about to sigh in somewhat relief, but it's cut off before it can really build up in his lungs._

 _"But I heard you all the way in the garage. For several minutes. I figured I'd give you two time to finish and get yourselves together before I made my presence known." I think he's done completely embarrassing me, but he goes on. A smirk finally breaks across his face and he starts to chuckle like he can't hold it back anymore. "You guys are quite boisterous, aren't you?"_

 _I let out a squeak and Edward groans in frustration. "Dear God, why?" he asks dramatically, head tilted up to the ceiling. "Please, Dad."_

 _Carlisle is full out laughing now, shoulders shaking. "It's not a bad thing, Edward. I just suggest you disinfect the table before your mother gets home."_

 _~WTIAA~_

 **November 2016**

"Oh, dear God," I grumble. "Thanks for that, Carlisle. I think I had just managed to not be as mortified by that incident until you brought it up just now."

Edward's parents are laughing, and I can see the strained look on Edward's face through some gaps in my fingers. He looks just as embarrassed by it as I do. No one wants to be caught doing the do by their parents. It's almost as humiliating as accidentally seeing your parents in action. So not something you want to be reminded of by a family member.

"Bella, dear, it's our jobs as parents to remind you of the embarrassing stuff," Esme reassures, like that's supposed to make me feel better.

"Like we ever forgot," Edward huffs.

His cheeks and ears are tinged a light pink, and I'm glad I'm not alone in the blushing thing right now. I also wonder if he thinks back on that as more than just a reminder of the awful time his dad nearly walked in on us having sex. I can remember it vividly, like it happened yesterday, and not just the part where his dad walked in afterward. I remember how Edward loved me, how he told me he loved me, how his dad commented on the flour handprint on my ass as I went about finishing his cake, how I smacked Edward in the chest for getting my dress dirty, my moment of worry as we walked into the restaurant for dinner and I realized that I still didn't have my panties on. I remember all of it.

I gasp with a sudden realization. "Oh, my God," I breathe.

"What?" Edward asks, giving me a concerned look.

I open my mouth to tell him, but I close it again and clear my throat when I realize how weird this is talking about with him when we're no longer in a relationship and his parents are about three feet away.

"Uh, not to make this weird or anything," which definitely makes this weird, "but I just remembered something about that day."

"What's that?" Edward asks, curious now more than concerned.

I can feel the blush raging up again, just moments after I got it to start to subside. "Um, well, that day…in the kitchen…" I start, but I'm cut off by Esme's scoff.

"You mean on my antique mahogany table?" she interjects, grinning mischievously.

I clear my throat again. "Uh, yeah, that." Why can't a talk about this without mumbling? I'm an adult, for God's sake! I turn back to Edward. "Well, uh, somehow, during everything, we, uh, forgot about a condom," I rush out the end.

Edward looks at me confused for a moment, before his eyes widen in realization, probably playing back the events of that fateful day. "Holy shit. Oh, dear, God. We're idiots. No, I take that back. I'm a fucking idiot."

"Son, it happens. Plus, you got Masen out of it," Carlisle tries to comfort, seeing the distress on the man's face. Edward is suddenly really distraught over this.

"No, that isn't the problem," he disagrees. His hands are in fists on the countertop, the knuckles white. He's angry. "When Bella told me she was pregnant, I accused her of messing with the condoms, because we always used one. But, now, obviously that isn't true, and it's my damn fault. Fuck!"

"Honey, keep it down. You're going to wake up Masen," Esme hurries to quiet him.

Edward's hands go for his hair, but I grab them before they can make contact. The hair tugging he does when he's upset looks painful, and I've always hated when he's done it. I grip both of his hands in mine, and even though he can easily break free, he doesn't.

"Hey," I soothe, ducking my head to meet his eyes, where he's glaring down at the granite. "Don't do that, Edward. It's in the past. And we just agreed that we're moving on from all that shit. This is included."

His eyes meet mine, and there's so much anguish in them, I immediately pull him into a hug.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. I fucked up so much," he whispers. His hands are gripping into the back of my sweater, and I have mine wrapped around his shoulders. The urge to run them through his hair is nearly overwhelming, but I hold myself back.

"Hey, no more of that. You're forgiven for everything back then. Let's just look forward, now."

~WTIAA~

Monday is back to the daily grind. Masen is reluctant to wake up for school after nearly a week of sleeping in until whenever he felt like it. He's also a little irritable because he hasn't seen Edward since Friday, and they won't be together again until the middle of the week. Edward's schedule is jam-packed after his days off, so the soonest he can have free time for Masen is Wednesday, which neither of them like very much.

Walking into work, I'm a little stunned to see that Tanya isn't already there. Due to not having a six year old to take care of and get to school in the morning, she's here at least ten minutes earlier than me. Her desk is empty though, without even a hint of her purse or coat that are usually hanging on her chair. The knickknacks are still on her desk, so she still works here, but she is just missing.

I brush it off and set about getting to work. Shelley has dropped off a fresh stack of manuscripts with sticky notes attached saying when she wants them back to her by. I put the reminder for their due dates into my calendar before setting about going through my emails. I have a shit ton from the time I took out of the office to be in Forks for Thanksgiving. I'm just setting about to writing my first response to one of my authors when Tanya finally walks in. She looks a little disheveled, her blouse a little rumpled, her hair a little less sleek than usual. Despite the tired look in her eyes, there's a bright smile on her face.

"Good morning, Bella," she chirps as she plops down into her chair. I raise an eyebrow at her cheery mood on a Monday morning.

"Good morning, Tan. Good weekend?" I ask. I forgot to ask Edward if she ended up spending the holiday in Forks with his family. I hadn't seen her on Friday, but that could have been because he wanted the house for just his parents and us on that day.

She sighs a little dreamily. "The best. I spent the holiday with some friends from college, but Edward came home Friday night from visiting his parents. We got to spend our first real weekend together, since he went back to work this morning."

"That's great. I'm glad you got some time together finally," I tell her, trying to sound as sincere as possible. I want Edward and Tanya's relationship to go well, but I can't help that nagging feeling in the back of my head that's reminding me of the conversation I had with Rose and Alice.

"How was your holiday, Bella?" she asks.

"Oh, it was good. Spent the time with my friends, dad, and his girlfriend and her children. I visited the Cullens on Friday."

The cheery look on her face dims. "You were with the Cullens?"

"Yeah, Edward's parents wanted to meet Masen. Did Edward not tell you this?" I assumed he would have mentioned it to her beforehand or at some point this weekend if they had spent a majority of it together.

"Oh, it must have slipped his mind. There weren't many words this weekend, if you know what I mean?" she says, wiggling her eyebrows in a way that lets me know _exactly_ what she means.

I try really hard not to cringe, and I'm successful as far as I can tell, but it doesn't stop the internal cringe that my stomach and heart do at hearing her words. After spending a good chunk of Friday remembering and talking about the intimate times Edward and I had together, I almost forgot that he has a girlfriend that I'm sure he's very sexually active with now. It also doesn't help that I spent some of my nights picturing those times in my head as my hands traveled down my body. What makes it even more weird is that I whispered Edward's name as I climaxed every time. Thinking about it now makes me blush, because I'm sitting next to the woman who actually has the privilege of sleeping with Edward, and I have reassured her again and again, and even convinced myself, that I have no interest in him.

It's that moment that I realize how much I've been lying to myself.

I totally still have the hots for Edward Cullen.

I'm not looking forward to that 'I told you so' from Rose and Alice.

* * *

 **So, not a whole whole lot happening, but I think it was a good little opener to Masen's new relationship with his grandparents. Before any of you ask, this was not the last of the discussion the Cullens will have with Bella. I've already wrote another Esme/Carlisle/Bella discussion scene a few chapters ahead, so this all will be revisited. That conversation also opens up a whole other can of worms, so I hope you'll be appeased when it comes around.**

 **As always, leave me some love please! I appreciate and read all of them that are sent in. I didn't even bother replying to last week's because the whole notification system thing was screwy, so I was getting weird reviews in my email that I couldn't even access on FFN. So, that was crappy, but I'm hoping they've got it up by now.**

 **Until next time, lovelies!**


	13. Tainted Love

**Hello all! I'm sorry for not responding to any reviews last chapter, but you guys kinda inundated me with them, so I couldn't keep up haha. So thank you for all your kind words, I promise to try a little better this time around :)**

 **Without further ado, here is chapter** **thirteen.**

 **Disclaimer: I am not SM. I do not own Twilight. I do, however, own a copy of Harry Styles's new album, which has completely wrecked me. I'm in love, I swear.**

* * *

 **CHAPTER THIRTEEN**

 **TAINTED LOVE**

 _Sometimes I feel I've got to_

 _Run away, I've got to_

 _Get away from the pain you drive into the heart of me_

 _The love we share_

 _Seems to go nowhere_

 _And I've lost my light_

 _For I toss and turn, I can't sleep at night_

 _-Soft Cell_

Wednesday cannot come around soon enough this week. Masen's nearly bouncing off the walls with all the energy he has pent up for his time with Edward. And I'm hesitant to admit that I'm excited about his visit, too.

Since coming to terms with the fact that I do still want to get down and dirty with my baby daddy, I've been trying my hardest to banish all impure thoughts of him from my mind. Which, I know is just about the worst thing I can do, because not wanting to think about something automatically makes it so you can't _stop_ thinking about that thing. So, naturally, my attempts of keeping Edward's face out of my fantasies when I get a little alone time at night after Masen goes to bed means that all I can do is recall all the crazy shit we used to do back in the day. The Friday nights we spent in the backseat of his car instead of at the football games we told our parents we were going to. The movie dates that turned into Edward fingering me in the back row of the theater while I tried not to make a sound. The way his body felt pressed against mine when he collapsed on top of me after we were both spent. The way he smells straight after sex.

It's driving me fucking crazy.

There's a knock on the door while I'm looking over the recipe for the dinner I'm making, ensuring that I have all the ingredients for a third time. Masen announces that he'll get it, and since I let him convince me to let him use his stool to see through the peephole, I allow him to answer it. I know it's Edward, anyway, since he texted me when he parked his car, saying he'd be up in a few. My heart started pounding back then, and as soon as I hear his voice greet Masen, it starts a race in my chest, wanting to jump straight through my ribcage. It's almost scary, and I'm pretty sure anyone can hear it.

This is fucking ridiculous. It's just Edward. We've had meals at my house countless times. This is run of the mill shit. I need to get it together.

I'm just pulling out the last of my ingredients when I hear Edward's voice a little louder in the entranceway.

"Hey, Mase, why don't you wait for me in the living room. I need to talk to your mom real quick."

I hear Masen assent, and call out to him, "How about you work on some homework? You can get a math sheet done in five minutes."

He calls back an okay, though he sounds a little disgruntled about it. We both know I'm right, though, so I don't get any outright complaining.

Edward sidles up next to me, watching as I arrange my ingredients into their relevant piles. There's a few different components to the dinner, so I group them accordingly.

"What are we having?" Edward asks.

"Chicken pot pie," I answer.

I feel him looking at me, so I look up too, and there's a bright smile on his face. "The one you made for my eighteenth birthday?"

I smile back and nod. "The very same."

His arms are suddenly around my waist, hugging me to him. "Oh, Bella. You don't know how much better this is making me feel right now. Your grandma's chicken pot pie is the fucking best."

I give him a concerned look. "Hey, what's wrong? What's making you feel bad?" I know it's probably not necessarily my place, but I've always been there for Edward when I can be. We were each other's shoulders to cry on when we were together, and I still feel this inherent need to comfort and support him, just like I would with any of my friends and family.

He heaves a sigh and unwinds his arms from around me. I immediately miss the warmth of his body against mine, but I try not to let it show as I go about shredding chicken from the ready-baked carcass I got from the grocery store on the way home. I'd usually boil my own, but there was no time for that today.

When I look at him, his eyes are sad and his mouth is drawn into a frown, an expression that should never be on his face. He takes a second, kind of staring off into space, before he comes back to the land of the conscious, and looks at me. There's a hurt in his eyes that I rarely see, and my automatic first thought is that I've done something to put it there, even though I was sure we were on pretty sturdy ground less than a week ago.

His next words relieve me a lot more than they should, though.

"Tanya's been pretty upset lately. I went to visit her today before I came over here, and she basically just cried the whole time. It was awful."

"What? But Tanya said you guys had a whole weekend together," I comment. "She sounded pretty content." I recall the irrational hurt that coursed through me at Tanya's hint that her and Edward had spent the whole weekend wrapped around each other. Not one of my finer moments, that's for sure, even if it only took place in my own head.

"We did. I went straight to her place after I got back into Seattle," he affirms, and my stomach does that uncomfortable drop that I really despise, since it has no right to do that. "She seemed fine all weekend and pretty peppy Monday morning before I left for work. I went to visit her today, though, and she just cried."

"Well, what did she say? If you don't mind my asking." I was being a nosey little shit, but Edward didn't necessarily need to know that.

He grimaces. "She was just babbling on about how she's been trying to figure things out and she's not sure what she's doing." He pauses and lets out a pretty resolute sigh. "She also said something about breaking up."

My eyes widen at his confession. I'd wrap him in a hug if my hands weren't covered in chicken.

"Oh, shit. I'm sorry, Edward," I tell him, trying to send my comfort through my eyes instead of physical contact. "Are you okay? I mean, I like Tanya, but that's a pretty shitty thing to tell someone."

He bites his bottom lip as he looks at me. He tilts his head back and forth, like he's not sure whether he wants to nod or shake his head. "I mean, it doesn't hurt as much as hearing your girlfriend of six months say she's thinking about breaking up with you should, you know?"

"Actually, no," I admit with a laugh. "I don't know, Edward. I've had one break up and it did not end with one of us explicitly saying that we're breaking up, if you don't recall."

He regards me with a tilted head for a moment. "Are you saying you haven't had a boyfriend in the eight years since we split up?" He seems astonished by this fact, but I just roll my eyes.

"Yeah, that's exactly what I'm saying, Edward. I've had…friends, if you wanna call them that, but no actual boyfriends. What guy our age wants to date a woman with a kid? None of the guys I ever saw met Masen." I feel like I've had this conversation a lot more than necessary in the last couple of months.

"I didn't think of it like that," he admits. "I was thinking you were going to spew some bullshit about not being attractive, or something."

I shrug. "Well, I mean, there's that, too." He starts to give me a look, so I rush to continue. "Edward, I don't think I'm ugly or anything. Sure, I have a few redeemable physical qualities that guys like. But I don't really want a guy who only looks at that, anyway. Not anymore, at least. Been there, done that, don't wanna go back. My college years were fun, but I've definitely moved on from casual hook ups."

"Few redeemable qualities," he mutters disgustedly. "Bella, you're even more beautiful than you were in high school, which is astonishing, because you were gorgeous. I'm pretty sure you're drawing attention from both men and women when you walk into any room."

My cheeks flush with his compliments. I move to wash my hands and clear my throat.

"This is not about my nonexistent dating life," I insist. "We were talking about you and Tanya."

He grumbles. "I know. I was so fucking blindsided by her comment. I thought we were alright." Thank God I've successfully steered this conversation away from my past indiscretions. College was fun, I have to admit that, but it's been quite a while since I've had any physical contact with a man, if you know what I mean? Working and keeping up with a six year old kind of take it out of me.

I shrug. "Like I said, she seemed cheery on Monday at work. I didn't notice anything off about her today. Did you two talk about what she said?"

He shakes his head, looking like a sad puppy. I want to hug him, but I still have dead chicken flesh on my hands. "No, she didn't give me a chance to. She told me she was debating whether or not our relationship was worth it anymore, and when I tried to talk to her, she shot out of the apartment saying she had to get to her yoga class."

I grimace. "Well, shit." I contemplate his situation, trying to come up with some sound advice that a non-biased party would give. I'm very obviously on Edward's side with all this, seeing as I've known him for nearly ten years, he's the father of my child, and I totally have feelings for him. I can't let all that be known in my advice, though.

"I would just talk to her when you can, Edward. She's probably just feeling neglected from all the time you dedicate to other stuff."

"But she knew going into this relationship that I'd be putting in long hours for school and the hospital," he argues, his hands tugging at his hair.

"Yeah, but when you got together, you weren't factoring in spending what time you could with Masen. There's at least another ten hours a week that you devote to him that she's no longer receiving, ya know?"

There, that sounds like perfectly reasonable, totally not one sided, commentary. Damn, I'm good at this shit.

He groans. "I know. But Mase comes first. Maybe Tan is right about breaking up. I care about her enough to admit that this whole thing isn't fair to her."

I smile at his mature realization. I like hearing from the grown up Edward. It's a nice juxtaposition to the teenage Edward that still resides in my memories. They're not entirely different in personality, but it's kind of strange to relate this adult version of him to the kid that I knew once upon a time.

"Talk to her, Edward. That's all you can do."

~WTIAA~

The rest of the week, Tanya is in an infinitely more subdued mood than compared to the beginning of the week. I ask her if she's feeling alright and if she wants to talk about it, like any good work friend would, but I've made a promise to myself to not force conversation about her problems with Edward. It's not my place to get involved with Tanya and Edward's relationship, especially since I've always been so adamant about not wanting to be involved with her boyfriend.

I still haven't admitted that little bit of realization to anyone else. Even at dinner on Friday night with Rose and Alice, I try to keep my opinions about Edward to a minimum. We talk about Tanya and Edward's relationship, of course, but I try to stay neutral during the discussion.

"I told you, Bella. There was no way Tan and Edward were going to last," Rose says, pointing her fork at me. We're at an Italian restaurant that Rose discovered a few weeks ago, and we're slowly making our way through our drinks and our delicious pasta.

"Yes, Rose, I know," I appease her, nodding.

"Edward actually talked to Em about it the other day, which means he seriously thinks this thing with Tanya is close to being over," she says.

"I just feel bad for Tanya in all this," I admit. Alice gives me a pointed look with a raised eyebrow. "I mean, she didn't sign up to be in a relationship with a guy with a kid. Edward spends his free time with Mase. That's gotta be emotionally taxing on her, never seeing her boyfriend."

"Yeah, it sucks, but she's an adult," Al argues. "Not that I'm sticking up for Edward or anything, because I'm still not happy with him, but this isn't all his fault. If Tanya can't deal with sharing his affections with his own son, then she just needs to move on."

"Alice is right," Rose says. "By the way, why is it that you hate Eddie so much?"

I snicker at Rose's use of his least favorite nickname as Alice answers.

"Rose, he told Bella to get rid of the baby and then called her a bitch. Charlie and I were left to pick up the pieces. And eight years later, I'm not sure they're even all back together. So, I resent the guy for breaking my best friend with no regard. I appreciate how he's stepping up for Masen now and trying to mend the wounds with Bella, but I have had no such apology. Edward and I used to be friends, too, long ago."

"If you just talk to him about it, I'm sure he'll have a conversation with you," Rose suggests.

"Yeah, I can't have you pissed off with Edward for the rest of our lives. He's always going to be here," I say.

I told Alice and Rose about my and Edward's heart to heart after Thanksgiving, and then I told them about the embarrassing rehashing of Edward's nineteenth birthday, when Carlisle walked in on us. They laughed until tears came out of their eyes at that story, which I hadn't confessed to Alice until then. The humiliation was too fresh eight years ago when it happened.

She sighs. "I know, B. It's just going to take me some time. Watching him hurt you and the aftermath of all that hurt me more than I've ever personally been hurt before."

~WTIAA~

It's officially December, which means Christmas preparations have begun in the Swan household. The weekend after Thanksgiving, Masen and I go about taking down all the fall decorations and putting up the Christmas ones. We wait to get a tree until closer to the holiday, since I'm not a fan of dead trees on Christmas (way to bring the mood down), but all the others go up. We string lights up over the window, garland on the mantle above the fireplace, cute little knickknacks on all available flat surfaces, advent calendar on the wall by the kitchen table, stockings on the fireplace, and all that fun stuff. We spend a Saturday getting the apartment cute and smelling like the holidays with our cinnamon pinecones and warm candles. We also make an outing to a nursery to pick up firewood, since a barrel of the stuff is cheaper than the winter months' worth of heating bills.

Once back from our errands, I set about making us hot chocolate, since it's Masen's favorite, especially now that it's getting especially cold outside. He's in the living room, sitting at the coffee table while he does some of his homework, when there's a knock at my door.

I'm not expecting anyone, so the visitor is unexpected. When I look at Mase he just looks back at me and shrugs. I wonder briefly if it's Ali, but I know she and Jasper were actually heading out to Bellevue this weekend to visit Jasper's parents. Edward is currently at the hospital, and he shouldn't be getting off until sometime in the middle of the night, so it can't be him. My only other real option is my dad, but I doubt Charlie would drive the three hours here and show up unannounced.

I set the drink to simmer on the stove and go to answer the door. When it swings open, I'm surprised and slightly pleased to see Edward standing there, still in his scrubs, looking a little haggard, but just as handsome as always, if not more due to the few days worth of stubble on his chin and the dark rimmed glasses perched on his nose.

"Hey, what are you doing here? I thought you had a late shift at the hospital?" I wonder as I move aside to let him in. He smiles at me and shuffles in, discarding his jacket on the coatrack just inside the entryway.

"I worked all night on a case, and I was already pushing thirty-six hours, so they sent me home," he explains. "I have until Monday off."

"Well, good. You can get some sleep," I nod. He follows me into the kitchen after saying a quick hello to Masen, who's concentrating on a paper that he's supposed to be writing. He hasn't let me know the topic of said paper, so I don't know what it's about, but it sure must be important to him, because he's been at it since yesterday afternoon.

"Yeah, that's the plan for tomorrow," Edward agrees. He plops down at the table, heaving a sigh as he leans back. I go back to the stove and stir the hot chocolate to make sure it doesn't congeal at the bottom or burn.

"Are you making hot chocolate?" he asks, suddenly perking up.

I grin over my shoulder at him and nod. "Yeah, you want some? I made plenty. Mase is a hot cocoa fiend."

"I'd love some," he smiles.

"So, why did you come by here if you just got off a thirty-six hour shift?" I ask. If I just got finished working that long, with little to no sleep, I would have gone straight home and crashed. I'd have been dead to the world for at least twelve hours. It's making me tired even thinking about how long Edward's been awake.

"I figured you and Masen were home, and I hate being alone during the holidays," he says, sounding somber. I raise my eyebrow at him. "It reminds me of being at the rehab facility alone. I didn't see my parents again until spring break."

I automatically walk over to crouch down and give him a hug. My arm is around his chest and my head is resting on top of his, offering as much comfort as I can. His hands come up, wrapping around my forearm, warm and slightly callused.

"I'm sorry, Edward. It was good for you, though, right?" He nods. "Well, just think of that. And you're welcome here whenever we're here. Don't hesitate to drop by."

That offer may have been for purely selfish reasons of wanting to see more of Edward. Of course, I'm thinking of all the time he can spend with Masen, because that's my ultimate goal, but I can admit to loving seeing him around, looking at all the fine glory that is Edward Cullen.

 _It's okay for moms to drool a little over attractive men, right?_

He sighs and surprises me by picking up my hand and kissing the palm, a gesture I remember from when we were together. "Thanks, Bella."

My heart is fluttering in my chest, so I give him a comforting pat on the shoulder and walk to the stove to pour the mugs of hot chocolate. I call out to Masen, who comes trotting in at the prospect of his favorite beverage. Now that his attention isn't being taken up by his writing assignment, he hugs Edward, who kisses him on the head, and plops down in the chair next to him. I give him his Spider-Man mug, place my Forks General Hospital one in front of Edward, and keep my Harry Potter one for myself. It's black when it's empty, but as soon as hot liquid goes in, the Marauder Map appears, and it's the best birthday present I've ever gotten. Shelley got it for me, and I wanted to kiss her, I was so excited.

When Edward looks at my mug he snorts behind the edge of his own. I glare at him.

"Got something to say, Cullen?"

He shakes his head and smirks. "Nope, not at all, Swan. I just almost forgot about your Harry Potter obsession."

"Do you like Harry Potter, Edward?" Masen asks, blowing on his own drink.

"Well, your mom made me go see the movies with her when they came out. I was even nice enough to get her midnight premiere tickets," Edward answers smugly, raising an eyebrow at me.

It's true. When Edward and I were together, he was a very good boyfriend. Always indulging me in my favorite things, and Harry Potter premieres were a must for my little bibliophile heart. I was young when the novels first came out, so I didn't read them until a few of them were already published, but I was that girl that pre-ordered them when the last few were being released. I begged my parents to take me to see the movies when they were released, and Edward became my movie buddy when the theatre in Port Angeles released The Half-Blood Prince, with a showing of The Order of the Phoenix right before it. He'd surprised me with the tickets after I asked him to watch it with me. It was right before our world fell apart.

"I don't think I've ever heard her squeal so loud as when I showed them to her two nights before the showing," he continues. He cringes, like he's remembering my shrill excitement, but he winks to let me know he's messing with me.

"Hey, I remember a really long thank you happening right after the squealing," I protest. I'm pretty sure I'd said 'thank you' a record amount of times in the thirty seconds he let me ramble on.

Edward's eyes suddenly darken and his wicked smirk is in place, the one that only ever meant trouble for me. My eyes widen involuntarily, a reaction I still retain from our time together.

"Oh, I do think you thanked me quite profusely for those," he says, his voice gravelly. His tongue darts out to lick his lips, and my mouth falls open in a gasp as I remember that day.

After my thanking, he'd kissed me senseless, and then I'd proceeded to push him down on his bed and kneel between his legs. That was quite the enthusiastic blow job, if I remember correctly, and I'd been really glad that no one was home beside the two of us, because Edward grunted and groaned loudly, and the string of naughty words that came out of his mouth only got louder as he got closer to finishing.

I feel my cheeks heating as the memory flashes in my brain, but my lady bits are also getting a little worked up. There was little more that I enjoyed than making Edward fall apart so thoroughly, and seeing him at my mercy was a big turn on. Apparently, even thinking about those times is enough to get me going, and I clench my thighs together, thankful for the table that's blocking his view.

His smirk widens and I know he's noting my blush, but I'm hoping my other reactions are discreet enough. Was it his goal to get me worked up with the memory, because it's working, but why would he do that? Edward and I have only been barely platonic the entire time since we ran into each other. There's been no indication on his part that he even feels remotely similar feelings for me now as he did before. Sure, I may still be into him, but I was never expecting that to be reciprocated.

He probably was just remembering the good times we had as teenagers. We were young and a little bit crazy with freedom that our parents' busy schedules allowed, and that was a lot more than other people our age were afforded. I looked back at our time together fondly, even when I was still pissed at him. He was probably just experiencing the same thing.

I just shake my head and sip at my cocoa, effectively ending that line of conversation. Especially since Masen watches curiously on, wondering what's transpiring between the two adults in the room. I definitely don't want to have that conversation with my son before I need to.

~WTIAA~

The Thursday following Edward's unexpected visit, Alice calls to ask what Edward's schedule is like for the rest of the week. I'm a little surprised at her interest, but I figure she and Jasper want a Masen night when Edward won't be with him, so I tell her he's off the following day and works the rest of the weekend in the evenings. She hums and then invites Edward, Masen and I over to her house for dinner for the following evening. I'm no incredibly shocked at her offer, but she explains that she wants to try to move past her Edward apprehension and figures spending time with him is the only way to do it. I congratulate her on her maturity, and she snarks at me, but tells me to be at her house around six.

At my lunch break, I call Edward and I'm glad to catch him at a slow time. I tell him about Alice's invite, and while he's just as surprised as I am, he agrees to meet at my apartment half an hour beforehand so we can both head over there together with Masen.

After I've picked Mase up from the Weber's Friday afternoon, we head back home and he promptly falls asleep, giving me time to shower before throwing together the dessert I promised Alice I'd make for her dinner tonight. I quickly do my business in the shower and get dressed in comfy clothes to bop around the house in. When I get back out, Masen is still asleep on the couch, so I leave and move into the kitchen, but not before I take a moment to admire my handsome little man.

He looks so precious in his sleep, all angel-faced and innocent. His purity still radiates from him, making me yearn to hold onto that for him as long as possible. But I know that doesn't last forever, and I refuse to be that parent that shelters their child from everything and puts off their experiences of the real world. I'm determined to let Masen come to realizations about life in his own time, just like I did. I know that eventually my little man will be a full grown man that looks just like his dad one day, and his childhood will be gone.

I cringe to think of the day when girls realize Masen is the most handsome guy around. Because everybody knew Edward was the most handsome guy in Forks, and it pissed me off to no end when girls would flirt with him, knowing we were together. Edward and I experienced way too adult things way too young, and I don't want that to happen for our son. But, I know that day will come. I just dread it.

With a sigh, I go to the kitchen and prepare the apple pie I promised for tonight. Once I get it in the oven, I head to my room to dress in what I plan to wear over to Alice's. I don my favorite pair of skinny jeans, a comfy, cable knit sweater, and a pair of chocolate brown booties, pleased with how casual but well put together I look. Definitely a step up from my t-shirts and yoga pants I wore in high school that Alice could not stand. She begrudged me them when I was pregnant and right after I had the baby, but by college, she had basically completely taken over my wardrobe. In hindsight, that was probably the best thing she could have done for me, but I was grumpy about it back then. I craved comfort, but I learned to be comfortable in slightly better looking clothes.

When I make my way back into the main area, Masen is sitting up on the couch, his hair a bit of a mess, rubbing his fists into his eyes.

"Hey, baby," I greet, planting a kiss on the top of his head. "Good nap?"

He nods and yawns. I glance at the clock, seeing that the pie has about another fifteen minutes. Just enough time to get my shit together before we have to head out.

"Why don't you go change into a clean shirt? Your's is a little wrinkled from your nap," I suggest.

He mumbles an affirmation and heads off to his room, dragging his feet. I know he'll probably knock back out for a few minutes on his bed, but I'll allow it. He'll have enough excitement being with his aunt, uncle, and Edward this evening in order to tire him out.

With the remaining time on the pie, I do my makeup and try to make some sense of my hair. It's down to my waist right now, and I'm too lazy to go get it cut, so it has a mind of it's own. I have no way to tame it, so I just let it air dry and hope for the best. It usually turns out okay as long as I don't sleep on it wet.

The timer goes off on the pie just as there's a knock at the door. Knowing it's Edward, I shout for him to let himself in as I pull on some oven mitts to get the pie out. I hear the door open and close as I open the oven.

"Bella?" Edward calls.

"In the kitchen," I inform him. The hot air from the appliance blasts me in the face, and I have the irrational thought that it's burnt my eyebrow hairs off, but I know better.

Edward greets me as I remove the pie. I inform him that Masen is in his room getting changed. Once our son emerges, he greets Edward, promptly telling him about his day at school. Edward listens raptly, as he always does, but I notice his eyes flicking over to me every so often as I'm bustling about the kitchen, trying to get the pie to cool and finding something to wrap it in for transport. I raise my eyebrows in question when our eyes meet one of the times, but he just shakes his head, focusing back on Mase.

We drive to Alice and Jasper's in Edward's car, and I'm surprised when he informs me that he already has a booster seat for Masen. When he sees my surprise, he shrugs and tells me a little sheepishly that he's hoping I'll let him take Masen by himself more, now. I just smile and nod, promising we'll talk about it later.

When we get to the house, Alice greets us with a smile and Jasper hugs me and Masen, slapping Edward on the back in a manly greeting. Jasper, unlike his girlfriend, has been good about welcoming Edward into our lives and making him feel comfortable when we all hang out together. Jasper has always been good at that type of thing. Within a few months of him dating Alice, he wiggled his way into my heart in a brotherly way, and definitely stepped in as a good male figure for Mase. He has a kind heart and is fiercely loyal, but he's also laid back and likes to just go with the flow, which is great when dealing with someone as high-energy as Alice.

Whatever Alice is making for dinner is still in the oven, so we all sit in the living room, drinking wine and watching Masen play with some of the toys Alice and Jasper keep around the house. Jasper and Edward are talking about some of the things Edward is doing in the hospital as an intern (which is a lot of the dirty work no one else wants to do), and Alice and I are talking about work and plans for the holidays.

The timer in the kitchen goes off, and Alice hops up to get it.

"Do you need any help, Alice?" Edward asks, already standing to help her.

I hold my breath as I wait for what Alice is going to say. The last conversation we had about her feeling toward Edward is playing on the forefront of my mind, and I have a feeling the same is happening for her.

Finally, she gives him the smallest smile I've ever seen her give anyone and nods. "Yeah, thank you, Edward."

If Edward is surprised by her acceptance, he doesn't show it, but I notice the stiffness in his posture as he walks into the other room with her. I think Jasper notices it too, because he looks at me and shrugs as if to say, 'We'll see how it goes.'

I finish my glass of wine and make conversation with Jasper about how business is going with the approach of the holidays and the winter months before Alice announces that dinner is ready. Jasper and I share another look before gathering Masen and heading into the dining room. I enter cautiously, anxious to see what the atmosphere is like. I'm expecting some tension, like there typically is when the two of them are in the same room. So, imagine my surprise when I find them laughing together, totally at ease, working quite well together to set the table and get the food out.

Alice sees me first, and winks at me when I raise my eyebrows at her. The little smirk on her face tells me that we'll talk about it later, so I just smile and accept it for now. They were only gone by themselves for ten minutes, so I have no idea how they went from barely civil to perfectly friendly in that time, but I'm not going to jinx it by saying anything right now.

"So, are we going to Forks for Christmas this year?" Jasper asks after we've sat down and started eating.

I nod. "Yeah. Charlie works Christmas Eve, so we've agreed to go there."

"You're not doing anything Christmas Eve, then?" Edward asks.

"No, Mase and I will probably just watch some movies or something. We're doing brunch with the family the next morning."

"My parents are doing their Christmas Eve party they always do, if you guys want to come to that. Alice, Jasper, you are welcome to come, too."

"Thanks, man, but we visit my mom on Christmas Eve," Jasper tells him.

"Bella?" Edward questions. The look on his face is almost pleading, like he doesn't want to be there without me, which I don't really understand. Wouldn't he want Tanya to be with him? Or are they not there in their relationship yet? I attended the party with him that first year we were together, and we had only been going out for a little over a month. But I guess her telling him that she's thinking about breaking things off with him puts a damper in those plans.

"Yeah, we'll be there, Edward," I agree. "I'm sure your parents will like seeing Masen again."

He laughs. "All they've been doing is asking about him. My mom, especially."

"Esme and Carlisle?" Masen asks, his eyes lighting up. The Cullen's house was like a wonderland for him. They had all the toys and games from when Emmett and Edward were little, so he had fun playing with some old school Transformers and classic games. They even still have a Nintendo 64 with a bunch of games that Masen loves.

"Yeah, you mind spending Christmas Eve with us, bud?" Edward asks. I can see the hopefulness in his eyes, wanting his son's approval.

Masen breaks out in a smile. "Sounds like fun!"

Edward beams, looking between Masen and me. When I smile back, he bites his lip and there's a look in his eye that I haven't seen in a long time. But it's gone in a split second, and I'm almost one hundred percent positive that I just imagined it.

~WTIAA~

The following week flies by. It's the last week before Masen starts his Christmas vacation, so I'm trying to get as much stuff as I can done in order to take as many days off as I can in the coming three weeks. Between Alice, Angela and I, there shouldn't be a problem with making sure he's cared for each day, but I still want to spend as much time with him during his time off as I can.

Tanya is a little more withdrawn than usual, but she's friendly and bubbly even when we have lunch together with Rose each day. We work as seamlessly as ever together on our projects, and we even get two major manuscripts done before Friday, which Shelley is very happy about. Since Christmas is on a Sunday this year, we get the Friday before and the Monday after off, so the whole company is stressing about getting things done before those four days in a row off.

Because the whole week has been as great as I can remember it being since Edward popped back into my life and made just about everything more complicated, I'm entirely unprepared for what happens on Friday.

When I walk into the office, I'm met with the sight of Tanya at her desk, packing all her personal effects into a cardboard box. I'm alarmed at first, because I think she must have been fired, since she never mentioned anything about quitting, but I catch the soft smile on her face when Shelley walks up to her, so obviously it's not that. I feel like Tanya and I are close enough that she would have told me she was thinking about quitting or finding another job.

"Whoa, hey, what's going on?" I ask, setting my purse and jacket down on my chair. "What happened, Tan?"

"Hey, Bella," she greets, smiling, continuing to put her things in the box.

"Did you quit, or something?" I ask.

She bobbles her head back and forth, like the answer is both yes and no. "I mean, not really, but also, yeah. I'm leaving this office, but there was an opening at the Tacoma branch, so I'm going to transfer there."

"You're commuting from Seattle to Tacoma everyday?" That doesn't make sense to me; she has a perfectly good job here, where she lives close by.

She shakes her head definitively now. "No, I've got an apartment in Tacoma a few blocks from the office."

"What brought all this on?" I ask. "You never mentioned anything."

She gives me a sad smile. "I've been thinking about it for awhile now. I put in the application two weeks ago and got it. My lease was up anyway, so it was perfect. It all happened so fast, and I know you and Rose would have tried to talk me out of it."

"It just seems kind of sudden, is all."

"I just realized Seattle wasn't for me. Too many things weren't working. It's time for a change, I think."

I hear what she's not saying. _Edward and I weren't working._ I feel bad that this sudden change in Edward's life has caused her to call it quits. I can't help but feel like it's somehow my fault.

I must take too long to respond because she goes on, her expression sad. "Bella, I know what you're thinking. I'm not upset with you for bringing Masen into Edward's life. I'm actually really happy for him that he's getting to know and love his son. But I'm just not ready for that type of relationship with a man; I'm too selfish at this point in my life, I think. Despite all this, I don't think Edward and I would have working out for long, anyway."

"Tanya, breaking things off with Edward doesn't mean you have to move an hour away and change jobs."

"I know that. I really am ready for this change. This whole thing with Edward was just kind of a catalyst for it."

I give her a sad smile. "Are you staying for the rest of the day?"

"No, I'm taking the rest of the day off to get my stuff out of the apartment. I start in Tacoma on Monday."

"So, this is goodbye, then."

She gathers me in a hug. "Goodbye, Bella. I really loved working with you. I'm going to miss you."

"I'm going to miss you, too, Tan. Best partner I could have asked for."

She smiles at me. "I'll see you around, Bella. Maybe we can get lunch or drink every once in a while."

"I'd really like that. I'll see you, Tanya. Take care."

After Tanya leaves and I get myself settled in for the day, Shelley comes by my desk and sits in the chair Tanya has just vacated.

"What's up, Shelley?" I ask, smiling up at her from the manuscript open on my desk. The writing is spectacular, and I want to get this sent through before the holidays hit, so I've been reading it whenever I've had time, which isn't much these days.

"I know this isn't usually your job, but I have an author coming in that wants to meet with an editor, and all our Project Editors are booked up today. I know you're pretty comfortable talking with authors, so I figured I'd pass him on to you. You'll be acting as his Project Editor from now on."

My eyebrows raise at her suggestion. Sure, I've met with authors before to go over changes I've made, but I've never had a role as a Project Editor. Interning here, I know what goes on with all positions within the publishing house, so I'm competent, but this will be the first time I've had such a large role.

Shelley smiles. "Consider this a trial run for moving you up when a position becomes available."

I smile, but I'm trying to tamper down the excitement that wants to bubble out of me. I'm being considered for a promotion! Holy shit!

"When is the author coming in?" I ask instead.

"One. His name's Garrett Rhodes."

I immediately perk up at the name. "He's this author," I say, pointing at the manuscript on my desk. "I love his work."

"Good, at least you can be honest with him," she laughs. "He's pretty easy to work with, I've heard. Come find me after your meeting and let me know how it goes."

* * *

 **So, a couple things this chapter: A little bit of snarky banter between Edward and Bella, a mention to some of the shenanigans Bella got into in college (so there's a definite answer to those of you absolutely appalled that Bella has remained pure this whole time: she hasn't.), and a new man that really wants to start something with Bella.**

 **Thank you so much for all your reviews last week. Please leave me some love this time around as well! I love hearing from you guys :)**

 **Until next time lovelies!**


	14. Here Without You

**Hey guys! So sorry about not updating yesterday. I'm out of school now and yesterday was Memorial Day, for those of us in the states. We do barbecues and stuff in my family, so I wasn't at home nearly all day, so I apologize for that. But here is the new chapter. And, a much anticipated EPOV is up, for those of you who were so anxious for it :)**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. I am not SM. All I own is this lovely computer that I am able to write on :) (and do my school work, but what does that matter? ;))**

* * *

 **CHAPTER FOURTEEN**

 _ **HERE WITHOUT YOU**_

 _I'm here without you, baby_

 _And you're still on my lonely mind_

 _I think about you, baby_

 _And I dream about you all the time_

 _I'm here without you, baby_

 _But you're still with me in my dreams_

— _3 Doors Down_

After Tanya's departure and the implications that come with it, I decide to call Edward. I don't know how he's taking their break up and her leaving, but I want to lend an ear if he needs it. I call him around eleven and ask if he'd like to pick up Masen from school, since he has a half day. I figure the alone time with Masen will make him happy and allow us to dip our toes into Edward being a full-time parent. He readily agrees and I can hear the excitement and happiness in his voice, which brings a smile to my face.

At lunch, Rose and I discuss Tanya's sudden departure. Apparently she hadn't talked to Rose about it either, so both of us were surprised to just show up at work today to find out that she was leaving. We both acknowledge that we're sad to see her go, but agree that this is probably the best for her. Rose makes a suggestive comment about Edward needing a shoulder to cry on while wiggling her eyebrows at me, but I just roll my eyes and brush her off. If she only knew how much I want that to be true. I would never hear the end of it.

I make sure to get back to my desk by a quarter 'til one so I'm ready for my meeting with Mr. Rhodes. Since I've never been a representative for an author, I make sure to check my makeup and hair in the bathroom mirror, making sure everything is still in place, and I make sure my blouse is neatly tucked into my slacks. I'm just getting back to my seat when my phone beeps to indicate I'm being paged from in the office.

"Hello?" I ask, cleaning up my desk space.

"Bella, it's Heidi," she greets. Heidi is our receptionist. "Mr. Rhodes is here for your one o'clock. Conference Room 3 is open for you to meet in."

"Thank you, Heidi. I'll be there in a moment."

I walk through the floor toward the entrance where the front desk is. The click of my heels on the tile floor soothes me and makes me walk with a bit more confidence. I've been nervous all morning about this meeting, but the little power walk that I'm doing seems to ease it quite a bit.

I've never met Garrett Rhodes before, but I'm a bit taken back by how young he is. His words are so prolific and sophisticated, I figured he was an older gentleman with lots of experience and wisdom under his belt. Instead, I'm greeted by a face that's close to my age, with a smattering of stubble and a kind grin. His eyes are a dark brown that match his scruffy hair. He's tall, not as tall as Edward, but certainly taller than me. He's dressed pretty casually in dark jeans and a blue t-shirt under a black bomber jacket.

I approach with my best smile and try not to let the shock through in my greeting. "Hi, Mr. Rhodes. I'm Bella Swan, your Project Editor for this novel."

"Ms. Swan, it's a pleasure to meet you," he greets, shaking my hand. "But, please, call me Garrett."

"Then call me Bella. If you'll come with me, I'll show you to the conference room, and we can get started."

I feel Garrett's eyes on me as I show him to the room that we're to be set up in. I'm not sure if he's checking out my ass or what, but I forge ahead like nothing's amiss. Garrett's attractive and he looks like someone I would have hooked up with in college, but I'm past that. Plus, he's a client. That is a no-go in my books.

We settle into the conference room and get right into what is happening with his manuscript. I let him know that I was previously the copyeditor and have already read over and made corrections to the draft. We work through all the necessary topics and technicalities quickly, and I realize that I enjoy his company as a person and not just as an easy-going author. He is funny and always keeps things light and has no problem joking with me, and he is definitely flirting with me a little bit, but it isn't excessive, so I have no problem with it.

After an hour, we are ready to call it a day, so I gather my things and make to escort Garrett out. As I'm busy putting everything in his file, his hand wraps gently around my forearm to stop my movements. When I look up, his face is a lot closer than I anticipated, and I can smell that he's wearing a light cologne that smells delicious.

"Bella, would you be opposed to a date with me?" he asks kindly. I think this is the nicest I've been asked out, ever. Except for maybe when a stuttering Edward blushed as he asked me out the first time.

I can't help the breathy chuckle that escapes me. "Under normal circumstances, no, I wouldn't, but these aren't normal circumstances."

He cocks his head to the side that makes him look like a puppy. Actually, the shaggy hair and the sparkling brown eyes make him look a lot like a puppy. It's kind of adorable.

"How are these not normal circumstances? I'm a man that met a beautiful woman that he finds funny and smart and wants to take her on a date. That seems normal to me."

"Garrett, we work together. I'm the project editor for your next novel. I don't make a habit of dating my clients."

His smile widens, even though I just rejected him. His teeth are really nice, I notice, and they accentuate his nice smile. He's actually making it really hard to say no. I haven't had a proper date in a long time, and the thought of having one with Garrett is appealing, but there's so many reasons why I have to say no.

"Bella, is there a policy in place here that says you can't date clients?"

I hesitate before answering, knowing he's got me there. "Well, no, there isn't."

"Then why can't we go on a date? Because if you tell me you already have a man in your life, I won't be surprised, just very disappointed."

I have to laugh at that one as he smiles at me. "Prepare to be disappointed, then, Garrett. There's a man in my life." His smile dims, and since I can't stand to see the wounded look on his face, I continue on. "He's six years old and calls me 'Mama.'"

His eyebrows raise into his hair in surprise. "You have a son."

I smile and nod. "Yeah, I do. He's why I don't really date. Men don't really like to seriously date single mothers."

"Well, if it means anything, I don't mind that you have a son, Bella. I'm sure you're a lovely mother. And I do still want to take you out." His smile hasn't faded through this entire thing, and it's wearing me down in the best way.

I purse my lips and think. I mean, what could a date with him actually hurt? He's attractive and we get along well so far. He seems like a nice guy, and if a date doesn't work out, we can just go back to a friendly work relationship. And I really haven't been out in a long time. It might be nice to spend some time with an adult that isn't my best friends or my son's father. The more I think, the better a date with Garrett sounds.

I sigh and I can see that he recognizes the acceptance in my stance. "Okay, sure. When and where?"

~WTIAA~

 **EPOV**

My first day off for the week, and I get dumped.

Not like I wasn't expecting it. She gave me a couple weeks warning. Like she was putting in her final notice to her employer or something.

But still. I wasn't just expecting her to stop by this morning and drop this on me. I was planning on enjoying a nice Friday off. Maybe convince Tanya to take off work early so we could spend some time together before I met up with Bella to take Masen out somewhere fun before I was busy at the hospital all weekend. I put in for some much needed time off during the holidays, so they're cramming me into as many shifts as possible to make up for it.

At eight this morning, though, Tanya was at my door. I was still a bit bleary-eyed from having just woken up, so I squinted at her against the bright sunlight of the morning sky. She had a warm but sad smile on her face, and I already knew what was coming. I just didn't understand why it had to be done at eight on a Friday morning.

"Tan, what are you doing here?" I asked, rubbing my eyes with the heels of my hands.

"I'm moving, Edward," she said, zero preamble. "To Tacoma. I've taken a job offer at the publishing house there. I'm leaving today."

My sleepy brain was even more confused by all the information she just spewed at me. "Wait, what? Why didn't you tell me about this?"

"You've been busy, Edward. And I've been figuring all this out."

"So…what?" Is she telling me we're breaking up, or is this the beginning of some speech with her telling me she'd like to try a relationship with us living an hour apart?

"I think you know what, Edward. We both know this was going to happen. We don't work together, and it's not fair to either of us to keep up this relationship." Her smile looked a little less sad then, and I knew that she felt as I did about our relationship: we were better off as friends as opposed to partners. I think I'd known that from the beginning. Honestly, I'm pretty sure I only dated Tanya and I only dated each other because we offered something steady in a new environment. Tanya just moved to Washington and didn't know anyone here, and I had just freshly moved back to Washington with a past that was rooted here.

I sighed, but smiled at her. "Yeah, I know. You're not moving just because of this, though, right?"

She laughed a little bit. "Nah, I figured out Seattle isn't really my scene. I like smaller towns. Tacoma seems like it'll be a good fit."

"I'm glad you're making the change, then. Do you need any help moving your stuff?"

She shook her head. "Nope, I've got it all set. My landlady offered her husband's help when I let her know I was moving."

"Well, alright." We stood there silently for a moment before I pulled her into a hug. "I hope you find what you're looking for in Tacoma."

Her hands rubbed against my back. "Thanks, Edward. I hope you let yourself find what you're looking for here, too."

I pulled back and gave her a questioning look. "What are you talking about? I've found what I'm looking for in my son."

She rolled her eyes at me. "You and I both know there's more to it than that."

I shook my head. "I really don't think I do."

She huffed out an exasperated breath. "Let yourself find Bella again. That's what you've been looking for the last eight or so years, right?"

I balked at her assumption. "Tan, there's nothing—"

"Going on between you and Bella," she finished for me, a wicked smirk on her lips. "I know, I've heard it before. And just because there isn't now, doesn't mean there's never going to be. I know you still love her, Edward. Let yourself find her again."

Those were her parting words, along with a kiss to my cheek. She smiled over her shoulder at me as she walked through my door.

So, here I've sat, in my living room, trying to force myself to watch some TV to get my mind off of what Tanya said, but to no avail. I can't seem to help but hear her words in my head on a loop.

 _I know you still love her._

Am I that obvious? I was pretty sure that I had pushed all my outward displays of devotion to Bella away a long time ago. Being apart from a person for the whole of your adult life will do that pretty sufficiently.

There wasn't a day during our separation that passed without thoughts of her, though. I remembered how bitterly we tore each other apart, first and foremost. It's something that's haunted me the entire time we were apart, something I still go to therapy for, something that was the source of my drug abuse in college. I never forgave myself for the words I said to her, for the look on her face when I spat at her to get rid of our child. As soon as I had come down from my high that day, the look on her face ripped a hole in my heart that has yet to see any repair. Years of therapy has done nothing to heal those wounds. Not even seeing Bella again and agreeing to leave the past where it's at has offered me any relief. I will have to live with the knowledge that I completely broke the one person that means the most to me in the entire world.

Well, I take that back. Masen is the person who means the most to me. Looking at my son, I know I would do anything to protect him, even if it meant giving up his mother. Because there is nothing more important to me now than making sure Masen lives a happy, fulfilling life, even if that means Bella or I are not in it.

I'm drawn out of my thoughts by the ringing of my cell phone. Bella and Masen's faces flash across it, a picture I took of them when we went to our first movie in the park. Both of their noses are pink in the brisk air, and their smiles are the same wide, joyous ones I love seeing. Bella can say all she wants that Masen is my carbon copy, but that smile is all hers.

"Hello?" I answer, happy but a little curious as to why she's calling me. It's only eleven; she's supposed to be at work.

"Hey, Edward, how are you?" Her sweet voice in my ear lifts my spirits, just as it always has. Since I talked to her on that day of my junior year of high school, her voice has always done something to me, calmed me and exhilarated me all at once.

"Um, alright, I guess," I answer honestly. I mean, my girlfriend of over six months just broke up with me a few hours ago. I should be heartbroken, given the circumstances, but I'm not. I think, deep down, both Tanya and I knew that this wasn't going anywhere. She was a distraction for me, in the least objectifying way possible, and I think I was just a comfort for her, seeing as she was new to this city.

"I, uh, talked to Tanya a while ago," she says hesitantly, letting me know without any words that she knows what happened. "I just wanted to make sure you're okay."

"Yeah, I'm fine, I guess. Just kind of shitty to start my day off with, ya know?" I chuckle.

She huffs out a laugh, which causes my chest to tighten the way it always has when she laughs. "No kidding. Hey, I wanted to suggest something, since you have the day off. It might make you feel better, too."

"Oh, yeah?" I question, sitting up from my slouched position on the couch. "What's that?"

"Well, Masen has his half days on Fridays," she says, but we both know I already know this. "I usually send him home with Angela Cheney and pick him up after I get off work, but I was wondering if you just wanted to pick him up and keep him until I'm done. I'm going to be a little later than usual, since I have to get some stuff done before the holidays. I've already put you on the list of people that are allowed to pick him up at the school, so you shouldn't have any problems or anything."

She's rambling a little at this point, and I know that means she's getting nervous. I can't tell if it's at the prospect of me picking him up and spending hours alone with him, or if it's at the chance that I won't think this is a good idea, or something. If I had to choose, I'd definitely prefer it to be the latter, but neither are very good options.

"Bella, I'd love to pick him up," I tell her before she can start speaking again.

I can hear the smile on her voice as she speaks. "Good. You know what school right?"

"I do."

"Okay. After school lets out, Ms. Young stands outside near the pick up with them. If you just tell her your name when you pull up, she'll release Masen to you. They keep a file of all the approved people with them. I'm sure Masen will be excited to see you."

"What time does he get out?"

"12:15. I would try to get there about ten minutes beforehand, though. It can get a little packed right around dismissal."

"Okay, I'll be there. What time do you think you'll be done at work?"

She sighs heavily, obviously not looking forward to the day ahead of her. "I'm hoping to be out of here before five. With Tanya gone now, I have to go over my manuscripts twice before I submit them. It takes a little longer. And I have a meeting with an author today."

"Well, I'll bring Mase back here or we'll go to the park or something. Call me when you leave and we can meet for dinner somewhere."

Her sigh this time is more in relief. "That sounds great. Mase will probably want lunch when he gets out of school. They only get snack break on short days."

"Not a problem. I'm sure I have something to throw together here," I tell her. I'm pretty sure I've been to the store at some point in the last week, but I'll have to check to make sure after we hang up. Otherwise, I'll have to stop by the store after I get Mase from school.

"Okay. I'll see you later, Edward. Don't hesitate to call me if you need anything."

We say our goodbyes, and I can't keep the smile off my face as I just sit there for a few minutes. The fact that Bella's letting me keep Masen by myself for a few hours is a great step forward for us. Prior to this, the only time it's just been my son and me was when I took him to get his hair cut. Apparently, our talk at Thanksgiving is actually being put into action. Since we're taking this step forward, I can't wait for the time when we agree to tell Masen that I'm his father.

I'll admit that I wanted nothing to do with being a parent as some freshly nineteen year old kid. The thought of children terrified me. All I knew at that point in my life was that I wanted to go to college and become a doctor. Having a baby was not a part of that plan, so when Bella sprung the news of her pregnancy on me, especially when my high from the blow I had just taken was hitting me, completely threw me off. I reacted terribly, screaming and accusing her of shit I would have never even let cross my mind under sober circumstances. I trusted Bella with my life; there's no way I actually believed that she had gotten pregnant on purpose to trap me. I also would have never sprung the idea of her getting an abortion on her like that if I had been sober.

Personally, I have always been pro-choice, for the sole reason that I am not a woman, I do not have a uterus, and therefore, I do not get an opinion into whether or not a woman should be allowed to get an abortion. It's a woman's body, so it's her choice; I have no business in that. Never, in a million years, did I think that abortion would be an option for me and my partner whenever she got pregnant. Then again, I never thought that I'd get my sixteen year old girlfriend pregnant just before I was leaving for college. Did I think abortion was a perfectly reasonable option in our case? Yes. Did I go about suggesting it the right way? Absolutely not. And really, it should never be a suggestion. I should have just let her know I was okay with that option, or any other option.

As soon as I came down from the awfulness of that high, I realized my mistakes. As my parents laid into me about the drugs and calling Bella terrible things as she ran out of my house earlier in the day, all I could think about was how I could have behaved better. If I hadn't been high, I would have held her and tried to comfort her. I would have told her I loved her and that we would figure it out together. I would have told her that I was okay with whatever decision she made, and I would be there for her no matter what. I would have told her that we could keep the baby, or give them up to some family that desperately wanted a child, or she could have an abortion if that's what she wanted. I would have told her that I'd stay in Washington for her if she decided to keep the baby. I would have sat with her and discussed the options and helped her make a decision.

That was what I planned to do when I visited her in the hospital a few days later. That obviously never happened.

After my parents chewed my pathetic ass out for the drugs and my behavior, I told them that Bella was pregnant, and that's what caused the blow up between us. Once they got over the shock at my admission, they asked what exactly made us start screaming at each other. That's when I had to tell them the ugly truth: that I had demanded that she get an abortion, even though that's not at all what sober me wanted. I loved Bella, therefore, I loved anything that Bella and I created, and that included our unplanned baby. My parents berated me for what happened, then let me sleep on it and stew in my own misery for days.

I was planning on seeing Bella later that day when I got the text from Alice telling me that Bella was in the hospital. My parents and I rushed over there. I wanted so badly to rush to her when I saw her, frail and scared in that bed. I wanted to kiss her and tell her how sorry I was, how I didn't mean any of the words that I said in my cocaine-induced rage, how I loved her and wanted to make this right. I didn't get that chance, though.

Instead, I got to deal with the crushing news that she had lost the baby— _our_ baby. Even though my cocaine-addled brain had rejected the idea right off the bat, sober me started taking a liking to the idea. I liked kids just fine, and I knew I wanted to be a father at some point in my life. Even though nineteen years old and about to start college wasn't what I had pictured, I grew to like the idea of having something that was both Bella and me. I believed—and still believe—that Bella is the love of my life. Showing up at the hospital and having her tell me that she'd miscarried was like a punch to the gut and a stab through the heart all in one motion. A great deal of my initial therapy sessions in my stints in rehab were focused around the aftermath of losing a child, even one I had never met. To this day, up until a few months ago, some therapy sessions were centered around that hurt. I'd lived with that reality for eight years; that pain didn't ever go away.

When I first found out about Masen a few months ago, I blamed not getting to know him all on Bella. She hadn't given me that second chance that I so desperately wanted. The love I had felt for her for years vanished and was replaced with anger I had never felt before. She had stripped me of the chance to get to be a father to my son, to see him learn to crawl, walk, talk. To hear him say 'daddy.' I didn't get any of that because she let me walk out of that hospital room, thinking she had a miscarriage.

Pretty soon, though, I realized that I was the only one to blame for not being there. Had I stuck to my promise to Bella to stop using coke, none of that would have happened. We'd have had the discussion we had to the first time, I would have been able to watch Bella grow with my child, and I would have been there for all those things I yearned to be a part of and experience.

Realizing this was all because of me called for several more sessions with my therapist. Seeing a therapist had been part of the programs I was in throughout college every time I checked into a rehabilitation facility. Even when I finally quit for good, I continued to go at least twice a month, because that helped me more than anything. As I neared medical school, I stopped going, unless I felt I absolutely had to. I found a new one in Seattle when I moved, just in case. Seeing Bella and Masen that fateful day outside the ice cream shop had been my 'just in case.'

Shaking myself out of my thoughts, I get up and head to take a shower. I only have about forty-five minutes to get ready and head over to Masen's school. The weather is down into the forties during the day now, so I make sure to wear a long sleeves and a jacket. I check the kitchen for food before I leave, happy to see that I did actually make a grocery trip at some point, since all my deli meats, yogurts, and milk are well before the expiration dates.

The drive to Masen's school only takes me about fifteen minutes midday, since no one else is on the road at this point. I get there with about ten minutes before the bell, just like Bella suggested, so I hang out with my car idling for a while. I check my emails and look into the various notifications on my phone. A couple on Facebook from things I was tagged in, as well as some friend requests. There's also some things on Instagram, which I never really use but still have on my phone anyway. I'm pretty sure Rose convinced me to have it since my brother is famous, or whatever. I'm pretty sure my only followers are because of shit that Em's tagged me in, and his fans can see it and follow me, as well. What the fuck ever.

The bell finally rings, and we start to creep along. When I eventually make it to the front of the line, I roll down my passenger side window. A young woman, probably hardly my age, with long, dark hair, and a kind smile approaches.

"Who are you here for, sir?"

"Masen Swan," I say, internally cringing at his last name. _Another thing that would be different if you just hadn't been a punk ass kid._

Her eyebrows furrow in the middle. "Name?"

"Edward Cullen."

Her eyes widen in what I hope is recognition. "Oh! Right, Bella came in and added you to his list. You're Masen's father."

She says this last sentence just barely above a whisper, assuring that no one else hears her. At least she didn't just blurt it out with Masen standing next to her. That would have been a disaster.

I nod and her smile returns. She shouts Masen's name over her shoulder and he come trotting toward my car, a bright smile on his face that makes my chest warm. He's just recently lost the teeth next to his top ones that are just growing in, so there's adorable little gaps in his smile. His Spider-Man backpack is flopping against his back with every step that he takes and his hair is just as unruly as mine, falling into his eyes and sticking up in every direction.

 _Sorry about that, bud._

"Edward!" he yells. Hearing my name from his mouth isn't my favorite thing in the world, but the excitement it contains makes me feel marginally better. I can't wait for the day that he'll say Dad instead.

I smile at him. "Hey, bud. Hop in. You're hanging out with me today."

"Cool!" Ms. Young helps him open the back door and he settles himself into the booster seat back there. She closes it again as soon as she knows he's buckled and then waves to him as I pull out of the line.

"How come I'm not going home with Benji's mom?" Masen asks as we get out onto the main road.

"Your mom has to work late, so she didn't want to make Mrs. Cheney watch you for that long. And I have the day off, so we figured you and I could hang out until she has to come get you."

"Oh, okay. What are we gonna do?"

"Well, I was gonna ask you that. Do you wanna go to the park or something?" Just as I ask this, the perpetual clouds over Seattle open up and it starts raining none too lightly. "Okay, no park," I chuckle, and Masen laughs too. "How about we go to my place?"

I see him shrug and nod in my rearview mirror. He chatters about his day on our drive back, telling me about how it was too rainy today, so they had inclement weather. They played silent ball during their recess, and they at in their classroom during their snack time. He tells me how this is their last day before Christmas break, so he made some stuff for the holidays. He pulls out pictures he colored of trees and presents and Santa. There's a picture that he pulls out and looks at before moving to put it back in his bag without telling me about.

"What's that, Mase?"

"It's just a picture I drew," he mumbles, his mood suddenly plummeting.

 _Oh, shit. Fix this._

"Can I see it?"

"When we get to your house?"

I can't help biting down on my bottom lip. I lock eyes with him in the mirror and nod. "Yeah, okay, bud."

When we get to my place, Masen roams around for a bit, checking out the kitchen, living room, my bedroom and the guest room. He's only gone briefly before sitting at the counter, setting his backpack next to him.

"You want something to eat? Your mom said you might be hungry." He nods, still a little somber. "Are sandwiches okay?" Another nod. "Is there anything you don't like?"

"No mustard, please," he says.

 _Ah, kid after my own heart._

"You got it." I get out the things for a sandwich. I see him pull out his drawing, and I look it over as I'm spreading mayonnaise on the slices of bread. There's a fireplace and Christmas tree in one corner, and a window in the other. In the center of the page are three figures. One is obviously Masen, with his square, black glasses and orangey-brown hair. The other appears to be Bella, drawn taller than Masen with long, wavy brown hair. The other figure, though, is the tallest, but it's face is just scribbled over with no features underneath.

"What's that, Mase?" I ask, hoping he'll actually answer me this time. Seeing something so dark drawn by a six year old is a little concerning, especially during what is supposed to be a happy time.

"That's me and Mama at our house," he says, pointing out the figures.

"Who's that other person? Why's their face just a bunch of squiggles?"

"That's my daddy. I don't know him or what he looks like, so I did that to his face."

The knife I was holding to fish some pickles out of the jar clatters to the countertop, startling Masen.

"Are you okay, Edward?"

 _No, son, I'm not._

"Yeah, buddy, I'm fine."

It's quiet between us as I finish our sandwiches. I set Masen's in front of him on a plate with some potato chips and a glass of juice. He doesn't speak again until after he takes a bite.

"Do you know my daddy, Edward?"

 _Fuck. How do I answer that honestly without completely revealing everything?_

I clear my throat. "Yeah, bud, I do." There, honesty is the best policy, right?

"Why aren't him and my mom together anymore? Why is he never around?"

 _Jeez. Go in for the kill, kid._

I swallow. "Well, him and your mom got into a fight a long time ago. They were angry at each other and some things happened that made him not come and see you." Who knew it would be so weird talking about myself in the third person? "It's something you'll learn more about as you get older, alright?"

He frowns down at his sandwich. "Yeah, okay."

I feel like fucking sobbing my eyes out at how sullen he is as he finishes his lunch. Minutes pass in absolute silence before he speaks up again, looking directly into my eyes.

"Edward?"

"Yeah, kid?"

"I wish you were my daddy."

I nearly break down right there.

~WTIAA~

Masen knocks out on my couch not long after we finish lunch. We sat down to watch some Spongebob after we cleaned up, and we were laughing along to Patrick's shenanigans after our heavy conversation. Next thing I knew, Masen was asleep, tucked into my side, snoring lightly, just like his mother does.

I situate us so we're laying down across the couch, him tucked between me and the cushions. I feel more comfortable than I have in years, having my son next to me. After his admission that he wishes I was his father, it took everything in me to smile at him and tell him that I'd love to be that for him. Now more than ever, I know Bella and I need to tell him the truth. I can't stand seeing the heartbreak on his face at not knowing who his father is. The amount of times those words wanted to slip out were too many to count. This needs to be done sooner rather than later, before our son resents us for not telling him.

At some point I fall asleep, too, and wake up to the sound of my phone buzzing on the coffee table. Masen is still asleep next to me, and when I see Bella's name pop up, I'm afraid that we've slept until the evening. But, a quick glance at my watch tells me it's only just after three, so we're good.

"Hey, Bells," I answer on a yawn.

I hear a soft gasp on the other end. I'm confused at her reaction for a moment, until I remember the last time I called her that. I was pleading with her, and she had demanded that I not call her that anymore. I referred to her as Bells a lot in my head, but I hadn't spoken it out loud in seven years. I want to smack myself in the face for saying it to her now.

"Hey, Edward," she recovers. "I was just calling to check in."

"We're good," I tell her, glad she's not making a big deal of my slip. "I fed him when we got back, we watched cartoons for a while, and then we fell asleep. He's still knocked out."

She chuckles, making a smile creep onto my face. "Good, he didn't get a whole lot of sleep last night." She pauses, and there sounds like shuffling papers on her end. "Okay, well, I'm pretty close to being done here. Maybe another hour or two. Do you know where you wanna meet for dinner?"

"How does Masen like Mexican?"

"Are you kidding? That kid loves all Mexican food."

"Good. There's this place that just opened up down the street that's pretty good."

"Text me the name and I'll be there."

When we hang up, I send her the name of the place and the street that it's on, assuming she'll just use her phone to look up directions. Mase wakes up a moment later, stretching out next to me with little groans, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands. His hair is even crazier than usual, and the way he runs his hands through it doesn't help matters. I wonder if he's picked up that habit from me since we've been spending time together, or if it's one of those things he inherently got from me, like Bella's mentioned about a few other things.

He keeps his eyes closed for a few moments longer, though I can tell he's definitely awake. Laying there, with my son cuddled into my side, is one of the best things I've experienced up until this point in my life. He's warm and small and cuddly, and I can't help the way my arm tightens around him, pulling him closer into my side. With his eyes closed, I get a minute to just look at him. He's still got some of that chubby baby fat in his face, making him look just a little bit like Bella with the roundness. I know that's going to fall away as he gets older, though because I was kind of chubby as a little kid, too, but puberty saw to get rid of that. His lashes are long and rest against the tops of his cheeks with his eyes closed.

I have to say, Bella and I made one damn cute kid. I've seen a few photos of him as a baby around Bella's apartment, and he was pretty fucking adorable even as a fresh baby. Of course, he got even cuter as his skin got some color and his hair started growing out and his eye color changed.

It hurts that I wasn't there when he was that age, that I haven't gotten the chance to see him grow up to this point. I feel that ache in my chest when I think about all that I've missed in his life. There's so many firsts that I didn't get to experience with him that I'm bitter about not being able to partake in. I made a promise to myself and Bella a while ago, though, that I will be here for the rest of his firsts.

When Masen finally wakes up all the way, he gives me a sleepy smile and sits up. "Where are my glasses?" he asks.

I lean over and grab them off the coffee table where they're sitting next to mine. Since I didn't have to go into work today, I didn't bother popping contacts in. It's nice to give my eyes a bit of a break every once in a while. I hand Mase his and slide my own on after cleaning them on my shirt.

"How long have you had glasses, Edward?" he asks.

"Hmm," I hum, thinking back to the first time I realized I couldn't see like everybody else. "I think I was in first grade when I first got them. So, I've had to wear them for about twenty years."

"Why don't you wear them all the time?" His brow furrows and he tilts his head, obviously confused. "This is the first time I've seen you with glasses on. I always have to wear mine."

"I wear contacts most of the time. They're these little pieces of plastic that go right onto your eye. They work like glasses, though. I started wearing them in high school because I played baseball and glasses always slipped off."

"When can I wear contacts? Because glasses get in the way when I'm at recess. And sometimes I forget them." He pushes up on the bridge of his frames, crossing his eyes as he scowls at them.

I laugh. "Maybe when you're older, kid. You have to touch your eyes to put them on."

He makes a disgusted face at me. "Ew."

~WTIAA~

When we meet Bella at the restaurant a couple hours later, Masen rushes to her and wraps his arms around her waist. The smile that lights up her face makes something in my chest squeeze, kind of like it did when we were teenagers, and that smile was aimed at me. However, the way her pants accentuate the curve of her hips banishes all the innocent memories of Bella and I in high school. I try very hard not to think about compromising situations we use to find ourselves in, I really do, but ever since my dad thought it was good to bring up the birthday incident, I haven't been able to help it. It's like I'm eighteen all over again.

We sit and order and then Masen starts telling Bella all about his day, including getting to spend time with me. Luckily, he leaves out the part about the drawing and his declaration that he wishes I was his dad; that's something I want to talk to Bella about myself.

Masen prattles on in the most adorable way possible until our food is placed in front of us, where the promise of chicken enchiladas shuts him up. Bella and I finally get to talk while Masen concentrates on cutting his own pieces without completely massacring his meal.

"How are you doing?" Bella asks softly, glancing up at me. She's cutting her wet burrito with a knife, but her gaze flickers between it and me. Seeing her big, brown, doe eyes from under her lashes like that catches the attention of certain parts of my body, making me shift in my seat.

 _Now is definitely not the time._

"I'm fine, Bella. I was just a little blind sided, is all," I tell her honestly. "Like, she told me, but I wasn't expecting the news of our break up, her new job, and her move all at once."

Her eyes widen in shock. "She just told you all that today?" I nod. "What the fu—" She cuts herself off with a glance at Masen. He's still pretty invested in his food, but you never know. "What the hell? Are you serious?"

"Yeah. She knocked on my door this morning, told me it was over and that she was headed to Tacoma. I had no idea she had even put in for a transfer."

"Who does that?" Bella huffs, cutting her burrito a little more viciously than she was a few bites ago. "Don't get me wrong, I like Tanya, but what the frick?" I can't help but chuckle at her replacement word. Bella's favorite curse word is 'fuck', so hearing her replace it with something so G-rated is kind of funny. She glares at me playfully.

"Bells, really, it's not a big deal." I nearly curse myself for the way her eyes tighten at my slip, but she seems to let it go rather quickly. "I'll tell you the same thing I told Tanya: We just weren't meant to be involved romantically. We probably should have just stayed friends."

"Ending a relationship still sucks, Edward."

I'm about to respond when Bella's phone starts ringing in her purse. She excuses herself, walking toward the bathrooms as she answers it. I help Masen cut up the rest of his enchilada at his urging while she's gone. She's only up for a little over a minute when she comes back, looking a little frazzled.

"Hey, what's wrong?" I ask.

She huffs, blowing the parts of her hair that have escaped her ponytail from her face. "That was Angela. She had agreed to watch Mase Monday and Tuesday, but Ben's mom's in the hospital. They're heading to Oregon to stay with his dad for the week, so I'm out of a babysitter. Jas and Alice are busy, and I've got too much work to do to not go in this week."

"Well, I'm on evening shifts this week. I don't go in until seven. I can watch him for you," I offer. It's really going to infringe on my sleeping time, not that I get much of it anyway, and I'll have to cancel my therapy appointment for Monday, but it's doable.

"Are you sure, Edward? Don't you need to sleep?"

"Well, what time do you normally go into work?"

"Nine when Mase has school, but I can go in earlier if it's more convenient. I would get done earlier, too."

"Well, if you're willing to go in at eight, I can just meet you somewhere after my shift and take Masen to my place. He naps and if you pick him up by two or three, I'll get plenty of sleep."

"Are you sure?" she asks again. She's biting her lip and looking up at me from her lashes again, making it really hard for me not get hard. That look from Bella in the past was an indication that shit was about to go down. That's obviously not the context now, but my brain is making connections long passed.

"Yes, Bella, I'm sure. He's…" I trail off. I was going to say 'He's my son, too,' but Masen is definitely listening to us now, since he's aimlessly mixing his rice and beans together on his plate.

Bella can evidently tell how I was going to finish my sentence because she gives me a soft smile and nods, mouthing, 'I know.'

"Okay. I can meet you somewhere at seven forty-five-ish Monday, or just drop him off at your place."

"Just bring him to the hospital," I wave her off. "It's closer to your work anyway."

"I don't want to make you wait around for us."

I give her a look. "You know as well as I do that there's no way in hell that I'm getting out exactly at seven. At least if you drop him off at the hospital, one of the nurses can keep an eye on him for a bit if I'm not done right away."

Her bottom lip is back in her mouth, contemplating. What seems like forever, but is probably only about five seconds, later, she finally releases it, along with a sigh. "Okay, fine. I'll try to be done by two next week so you can sleep."

I can't help the smile that I give her. "I'm on the obstetrics rotation right now. Third floor."

* * *

 **So, there's chapter 14 :) I hope you guys enjoy. We'll see Garrett and Bella's date next chapter, as well as some more EPOV. What do you guys think about what's going on in Edward's mind right now? How are you feeling now that we've got some insight from his point of view?**

 **Leave me some love, por favor! I love hearing from you guys, I read every review you send, even if you're bashing on my characters haha.**

 **Until next time, lovelies!**


	15. The Man Who Can't Be Moved

**Hello lovelies! Thanks for joining me on another Monday :)**

 **So, I know I didn't answer any reviews last time, but the overwhelming majority thought that Edward is being very passive about his feelings for Bella, even though he claims to lover her. While I understand where you're all coming from, because it is frustrating, you have to remember that Edward is still carrying a lot of guilt about how he handled his relationship with Tanya and everything that happened with Bella. It's not easy for him to move past it, but he's working on it. He does love Bella, it's just hard for him to reconcile the past and the present. He'll get there ;)**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. I am not SM. I am, however, rediscovering my obsession with Harry Styles. I thought I left that behind, like, 4 years ago, but evidently not. His new album has me fucked up. That is all.**

* * *

 **CHAPTER FIFTEEN**

 _ **THE MAN WHO CAN'T BE MOVED**_

' _Cause if one day you wakeup_

 _And find that you're missing me_

 _And your heart starts to wonder_

 _Where on this earth I can be_

 _Thinking maybe you'll come back here_

 _To the place that we'd meet_

— _The Script_

In the conference room on Friday, Garrett and I agreed to set up a lunch date for the following day. So, Alice very happily came over to the apartment to watch Masen for a few hours while also bustling around me trying to help me get ready for my date. Even after all my insistence that it was a casual date to a ramen place that is popular in town, she still got a bit of her way. So, dressed in my 'sexiest jeans' (quoted by Alice), a sweater that hugged my curves, showed a little bit of cleavage, a tan leather jacket, and tan booties, I make my way to the restaurant.

As I park, I see Garrett getting out of is car. He's dressed similarly to the day before, but he's in a nice peacoat to block against the cold weather. He looks good with his hair a little windblown.

I hop out of my car and quickly catch up to him with a smile and a hand on his shoulder. He greets me and pulls me into a quick hug that I don't oppose. I hook my arm into his as we walk up to the restaurant, which is blessedly not busy for a weekend at lunch time. We're seated quickly and we go through pleasantries as we browse the menus.

After a waiter comes and takes our order, he settles more into his chair, like he's preparing for something. When he asks about where my son is, I tell him he's with my best friend for the afternoon, which opens up a line of questioning about my life. So, I tell him about Alice and Jasper and Masen. I briefly and vaguely tell him about getting pregnant in high school and becoming a single mother, leaving out all the gory details about the cocaine and the lying. I also tell him about getting my degree at UDub and starting at the publishing house. I admit that I want to become a published author someday, but I enjoy my job as an editor in the meantime.

Garrett, in turn, tells me about growing up in California before moving to Chicago to attend college, and then moving out here to Seattle once he graduated and figured out what he was going to do with his life. He tells me that he was raised by a single mother and he has a younger sister who's married with a kid on the way. He talks about his mom a lot, and I can tell that they have a good relationship. She's apparently married now, but that didn't happen until he was already in college.

In between mouthfuls of ramen, we exchange stories from college, since we majored in the same subject and went to schools with good programs. My college days aren't filled with as much excitement as his, for obvious reasons, but we both swap stories about parties and fun times with friends as well as experiences we had in the classroom. When Garrett tells a story about trying cocaine once in his junior year, I grimace, but I hope that he doesn't notice. Any mention of drugs these days makes me uncomfortable, but I don't want him to think that I'm holding it against him.

By the time we're done eating, two hours has passed, and I have to admit that I've had a good time, drug stories aside. Garrett kindly pays that bill for both of us, even after I offer to split it with him. He waves me off with a flick of his hand and a comment about being a gentleman, which I chuckle at. We talk about making time for another date, possibly before the holidays, and I admit that I'm pretty swamped at work. He asks if I'm doing anything Friday afternoon, and when I can't think of anything, we schedule a tentative date for after I get out of work.

He walks me to my car when we leave, and we part with a warm hug and a kiss on the cheek. His smile is pretty and should incite some sort of reaction in me, but I can't help thinking that, even though Garrett is great, he doesn't hold a candle to my memories of Edward.

~WTIAA~

When I get home, Masen is asleep for his regular afternoon nap in his room, and Alice is on the couch watching Grey's Anatomy on Netflix. She greets me with a smile when I walk in and asks me how it went.

"It was good, Garrett's nice and easy to talk to," I say as I shrug out of my jacket.

"Just 'nice', Bella? You don't have any other words to describe the guy?" she asks, a little flabbergasted. "I've seen his pictures online. That man is hot."

I roll my eyes. "Yes, I'm aware that he's attractive."

"But…"

I sigh. "But, I don't really feel anything beyond friendship for him. At first, I thought it was just because I was keeping up the editor/author front in my mind, but, sitting down with him outside of those pretenses, I've realized I still feel the same."

She purses her lips to the side. "Well, what if it just hasn't grown on you, yet. You can't give up so quickly, B."

I plop down on the couch beside her and rest my head against the cushion. "I don't think it's going to grow on me. I just can't see Garrett that way. He kind of reminds me of Jasper in the brotherly way my mind is categorizing him. I don't feel anything exciting or bubbly when I think of Garrett."

"Not like how you did with Edward?"

She knows me too well. "Yeah. Is it shitty that I still compare all my possible relationships to the one failed relationship I had when I was sixteen?"

Alice gives me a sympathetic look and a shrug. "I don't know. I mean, you loved Edward a lot, and you guys were pretty smitten and passionate. I don't think it's a bad thing to want something like that again."

My problem is that I want _that_ thing again with the same person. My relationship with Edward was amazing, except for the very end of it. We were happy and in love, and he made me feel things I'd never felt before and haven't felt since. It's hard for any other men to live up to that.

When I don't reply to her, she goes on. "Is there something in the way of you wanting Garrett? Feelings for someone else, perhaps? A someone else named Edward?"

I try not to show any signs that she's hit the nail on the head. I'm still not ready for anyone to know about my blossoming/never really lost feelings for Edward. I've barely comes to grips with it, myself.

Outwardly, I scoff. "Don't be ridiculous, Al. Edward is nothing more than the father of my child, these days.

I see her raise an accusatory eyebrow at me. "Okay, whatever you say, B."

Apparently, I'm not a very good actress.

~WTIAA~

 **EPOV**

Bright and early Monday morning, and after a long, grueling shift, I'm met with the sweet sounds of my son giggling and the mother of my child chuckling alongside him. I've just finished rounds with one of the residents, and as I exit the last room, my line of sight is directed toward the nurse's station. Bella and Masen are there, talking to a nurse—Bree, I think her name is—and they all look friendly. Bree's making notes in files on the computer and listening to whatever Bella is saying. Masen is on his tiptoes, trying his hardest to see over the top of the counter.

Bella looks great, as always, in her charcoal grey slacks and this blue sweater that looks great against her pale skin. I've always loved her in blue, and time has not changed anything.

"Hey," I greet them, sidling up beside Bella at the nurse's station. Masen yelps my name and throws his arms around my waist in a hug.

"Good morning, Cullen. End of your shift?" Bree greets, shooting me a smile over the top of the monitor.

"Yeah, I had the overnight."

"Are you sure you're okay to take him? You look exhausted," Bella asks, her genuine concern sort of appealing.

"Bella, I'm always exhausted," I chuckle. I throw my arm around her shoulder and squeeze her into my side. "I'm fine, I promise. I'll nap when he naps and I'll crash as soon as you pick him up."

She gives me a disbelieving look, chewing on her bottom lip. "Okay. If anything happens, don't hesitate to call me. I can pick him up whenever."

"Bella. We'll be fine," I insist. I get her hesitancy at letting me have him all day, but I'd thought our trial run on Friday had gone pretty well. Or maybe she's just genuinely concerned about the lack of sleep I'm running on.

She sighs and then smiles at me. "Okay. He might nap earlier today. He was reluctant to get up this morning. I'll try my hardest to get out of there by two today."

"No rush," I assure her. I may regret that tonight when I have to work another twelve hour.

"You two are like an old married couple," Bree jokes, her eyes volleying between Bella and me.

 _If things had worked out, we could be._

There's no doubt in my mind that if things had gone differently all those years ago, Bella and I would be married now. Happily. It's a hard pill to swallow knowing that I had so spectacularly fucked all that up.

"Bree and I had a few classes together in college," Bella says to me, effectively steering the conversation away from _us._

"Bella nearly passed out during the dissection for our biology lab," Bree snickers. "There wasn't even any blood. They were preserved sheep brains."

"Formaldehyde makes me nauseas," Bella grumbles. Bree and I chuckle at her wrinkled nose.

"Hey, at least Laurent was there to save the day," Bree laughs, fluttering her eyelashes dramatically at Bella. "Swooped you up and hauled you out of that classroom before anyone else could react. I hope you thanked him." The wink she flashes does not escape my notice, and an uncomfortable tightening in my stomach makes itself known, much like the last time Bella hinted that she had been intimate with other guys during our years apart.

Logically and realistically, I can't have expected her to not sleep with or date anybody else. Bella's extremely attractive and she had definitely liked sex when we were together. I was not delusional enough to think that she'd change just because she had Masen. Neither Masen nor Bella has mentioned any boyfriends, so I'm not sure if she ever exclusively dated anyone, and her mention of 'casual hookups' makes it seem like there wasn't much there besides the physical aspect. Thinking of her with anyone else leaves a sour feeling in my stomach, though. I know that there's no one now, but I dread the day that she starts seeing someone, because it's bound to happen. And I'll just be left pining after the love of my life while she goes off to marry some other guy.

What happened with Bella back in the day really fucked me up for a long time. While a lot of guys might have fucked a break up out of their system, sex held no appeal for me for a good while after I left Forks. Drugs and alcohol helped me deal, and the thought of touching anyone else the way I had touched Bella sickened me. Going to parties and having girls come on to me was the most uncomfortable thing I'd experienced. Before Bella, I had had a few girlfriends who I'd slept with no problem, but Bella had been my last for a long time. Even when I did get back into dating girls, sex did not appeal to me. In my senior year of undergrad, I got close but I couldn't take that next step without picturing Bella and subsequently rehashing the way that relationship had panned out. It resulted in extra therapy sessions and a break up from the girl I was with. Not until I met Tanya did I actually have sex again.

I had actually really liked Tanya. She reminded me a lot of Bella personality-wise and she was sweet. I had a fear that my relationship with Tanya would turn out like the rest, especially since I knew the possibility of being in much closer proximity to Bella was much higher. I knew from my parents that Bella was in Seattle, according to Charlie. I think the panic of running into her caused me to use Tanya as a distraction, even if it was subconscious at the time. But we all know how that relationship turned out.

"Alright, well, I have to get to work," Bella announces. I'm pretty sure her and Bree were having light conversation between the Bree's comment about this Laurent guy and now, but I was too distracted by my own musings to notice.

Bella leans down and plants a kiss on Masen's forehead. "Have fun with Edward today, baby. And be good."

She stands back up and hands me a backpack with a smile. "There's some toys and a change of clothes in there, just in case. Like I said, I'll try to get off as soon as possible. I'll call you when I'm about to leave."

"We've got it, right bud?" I ask Mase, who nods and beams up at me. I ruffle his hair with my free hand. "See, we'll be fine."

She rolls her eyes playfully, a little grin on her face. "You two are thick as thieves. Behave, Masen. Bye, Bree, it was nice seeing you again." Bella walks away with a wave over her shoulder.

"Bree, could you keep an eye on Mase for a few moments? I just have to grab my stuff out of the lounge."

She agrees and Mase takes up residence in the chair next to her as she tells him about all the little knickknacks she has on the countertop. I gather my things as quickly as possible from the lounge and find Masen giggling at something Bree has said when I return.

"You ready to head out, kid?" I ask.

"Are we going to your house, Edward?" he asks, hopping down from the chair.

"We sure are. Have you had breakfast yet?"

He nods. "Mama made me oatmeal this morning."

We head straight to my apartment, and I set Masen up in the living room with the TV on an episode of some new cartoon on Nickelodeon and his backpack full of toys. I take a shower to rid myself of the hospital smell and the grime for working the past twelve hours. I change into a pair of track pants and a plain t-shirt. I'm just scrubbing my towel through my hair to dry it when I hear distinct chords being played on the piano.

I tread to where my piano is in what is supposed to be the dining room and see Masen sitting at the bench, his left hand in his lap and his right one pressing into each key slowly, listening to the sound. He presses the black keys as well, but I think he realizes that those don't sound good together, since he shakes his head and starts back over at the center and carries on with just the white keys. He's pretty much playing a C major scale without even realizing it, stopping at the eighth key before working his way back down. I wonder if Bella has gotten him music lessons or if they teach him in school.

"Whatcha doing, bud?" I ask. He looks at me over his shoulder and shrugs.

"I watched a video on YouTube of a guy playing the piano and thought it was cool. I didn't know you had one. Do you play?" he asks. I nudge him gently and he slides over on the bench, making room for me to sit down.

"I do. My mom started teaching me when I was about your age. I took music classes in college, too."

"Can you play a song?" he asks, his eyes wide in wonder.

"Sure, do you have anything in mind?"

He purses his lips to the side as he contemplates. I'm pretty sure he's going to say the Spider-Man theme song or the opening song to Spongebob or something, but he surprises me with his answer.

"My mom listens to this song a lot. I don't know the name of it, though," he says.

"Well, do you know some of the words?"

He nods and starts singing a chorus I am much too familiar with. My heart clenches, realizing I know the song on piano because it's a song that's played a lot in my head over the years.

The chords to a once-popular song by The Script start echoing from the piano as my fingers move of their own volition. It's a song that I hammered out so many times in college that my body knows how to play the song without my mind thinking about it. It's kind of pathetic that this is the song that stuck in my head over the years when I think of Bella, but I can't help it. Lots of songs that I've come across remind me of the situation I got myself in, and I've learned basically all of them.

"Can you teach me, Edward?" Masen asks as soon as I'm done with the song. "I've always wanted to learn how to play an instrument."

"Of course, Mase," I agree. The smile on his face rivals my own.

For a few hours, I teach him the C major scale, and the look on his face when he realizes his ditzing around on the piano was actually part of making music is priceless. His fingers are long like mine, so we're able to get down some kids' songs that I remember off the top of my head in the scale. I teach him how to play the scale up and down using all his fingers, which he catches onto very quickly. He cringes hard when he presses an incorrect key, making me chuckle.

After our time on the piano, he challenges me to MarioKart on the Wii, which I promptly lose spectacularly at. The kid's reflexes are good, especially for someone his age. I haven't played in awhile between interning at the hospital and spending time with him, but I think I would have lost to him anyway. When I ask him how he got so good, he explains that the Wii is the only game console Charlie has at his house, so he's gotten really good at the games that are there.

Around noon we both get hungry, so I steam some hotdogs at his request and serve it with some potato salad I've had in my fridge since I went shopping the previous week. It's mostly quiet when we're eating, both of us more hungry than we realized. When he's finished his hotdog and starting in on the potato salad, he looks at me with his lips pursed to the side.

"Edward?" he asks, spearing some salad on his fork.

"Yeah, bud?"

"Can you help me get my mom a present for Christmas?" He asks this with his head bowed down into his plate, like he's embarrassed or something. I don't know why he feels that way about asking for my help, but I go to rectify it.

"Of course, I'd love to. We can head out after we eat, if you'd like," I suggest. I've got nothing else for the day planned beside getting him back to Bella after she finishes work, so we're free to do whatever we feel.

Masen and I finish our food and I quickly change into a pair of jeans and a jacket. I drive us to the nearest mall while questioning what it is that he wants to get his mom. He tells me he thinks something pretty like jewelry would be nice, or maybe a new book since she likes to read so much. I make a plan to stop by some of the jewelry stores and maybe run into Barnes and Noble to get her a gift card or something.

The first few counters we looked through, nothing really caught Masen's eye. I think he was going more for a bracelet or necklace. He didn't really know what his mom liked, but I knew from past experience that Bella likes white gold as opposed to yellow, and she's not much into flashy pieces.

When we got to one of the last jewelry stores in the mall, he finally found something that he liked. It was a thin bracelet with round links. The posts in the links were empty so that you could fill them with the stone of your choosing. Masen pointed it out to me and I agreed that it would be something that Bella would like and wear pretty regularly. When the sales lady saw us looking at it, she pulled it from the counter with a smile, placing it on the glass for us to see.

"It's ten karat white gold, and each link can be modified to house stones. This one only has the three free prongs, but it can be brought in at any point to add more or change them out," she explains. Masen scrutinizes it from its place on the counter. "Who's the lucky lady?"

Masen glances up at her and smiles. "My mom."

Her smile widens and I can nearly hear the coo she's holding back. "How sweet of you. Do you know what type of stone you want to add to the center?" She glances at me when she asks this, since the six year old probably doesn't know a whole lot about precious gems.

I shrug and look at Mase, who looks back up at me and shrugs too. I have no idea what Bella's favorite color is, so I'm at a loss on this one. She used to say it was jade green, but I'm sure it's changed in the years that we've been apart.

The woman chuckles at our cluelessness. "How about this?" She pulls out a box that was sat beside the bracelet under the counter and opens it to display a wide array of gems. "What month is your birthday, sweetie?"

"March," Mase answers.

She uses a what looks like a pair of tweezers and selects a light blue gem out of the box, placing it onto a white cloth on the counter. "This is aquamarine; it's the birthstone for March. And when is your mom's birthday?"

"September," we both answer at the same time.

She pulls out a dark blue gem and places it beside the aquamarine. "This is a blue sapphire. Sapphires come in a lot of different colors, but blue is the most popular and most pretty, in my opinion. And what about you?"

She looks straight at me when she asks this, and I realize what she's trying to do. She's trying to incorporate all of us on the present for Bella. She's obviously assuming—correctly—that I'm Masen's father and that his mother and I are involved. It hurts my heart a little to have to tell her otherwise. It's just another subtle reminder of my epic screw ups.

"Oh, I'm just a family friend," I brush off, hoping she doesn't notice the wince as I do. She looks skeptically between Masen and me, probably noting how alike we look. I don't even want to know what's going on in her head.

"Well, okay then," she says, casting us a smile that's just a touch more strained than before. "We can do two of the aquamarine with the sapphire in the middle." She pulls out another aquamarine and arranges them on the cloth as she described. Masen looks it over for a moment and then nods. The tension is no longer present in her smile. She tells me the price, which ends up being a lot less expensive than I was anticipating. As I agree and pull my credit card out, she tells me that they can do the setting in house today and it should only be about an hour. She suggests that we do a bit more shopping before coming back to pick it up. I agree and thank her for her help. Masen thanks her as well as he links his hand with mine.

While we wait for Bella's present to be ready, we head to the bookstore. Masen peruses through the children's section while I look through the fiction area to find a book I think Bella might like. I know she was big into the classics when we were in high school, but she always had the worn, paperback versions they sold in the used section of the bookstore in Forks. I find a few classics in sturdy, hardcover copies with artistic covers. I also find a book by Tom Clancy that I've been wanting to read, so I pick that up.

Masen finds me as I'm getting ready to head up to checkout with the first Diary of a Wimpy Kid book, asking if he can get it. I agree and move us to the line by the registers. When we check out, I pick up a Harry Potter themed gift card that I'll also give to Bella.

Since the trip to Barnes and Noble only took us about half an hour, we stop by the food court to kill the rest of our time. Masen and I share a cinnamon sugar pretzel and each get frozen lemonades from the pretzel place. He talks about school as we munch on our snack, telling me how he likes first grade a lot better than kindergarten. He tells me that he already misses his friends, Benji, Alyssa and Lucas, even though it's only Monday of his first week off. He's still got nearly three weeks to go, so I make a note to myself to talk to Bella about making playdates with his friends over the break.

We manage to kill enough time while eating and make our way back to the jewelry store. The woman that sold us the bracelet is there and smiles at us. She tells us that the bracelet was finished just a few minutes earlier. She pulls out the box containing the bracelet to show us the finished product, and Masen smiles widely when he sees it. She offers to grift wrap it for no extra charge, since it's a Christmas gift, and Masen and I both readily accept, since I'm pretty sure neither of us know how to wrap a present. I always just end up throwing things in bags.

Mase falls asleep on the way home from the mall and stays asleep as we park in front of my complex. He's pretty knocked out, so I scoop him up in my arms and carry him and our bags into the building, thanking God that my complex has an elevator. Since I plan on taking a nap myself, I drop the bags on the coffee table and carry Mase to my bedroom. I lay him on the side that I don't usually occupy and take his shoes and sweater off. I do the same for myself and crawl in beside him, pressing him into my side and promptly falling asleep.

Like the last time I had him, my phone ringing wakes me up, and I realize I've been asleep for nearly two hours. Masen is awake beside me, propped up against the headboard, watching cartoons on my TV. He glances at me.

"Aren't you going to answer that?" he asks, a smirk pulling up on his lips.

 _Oh, yeah. This kid is all me._

I roll my eyes at him and he giggles. I smile as I answer my phone, noting that it's Bella.

"Hey," I answer, clearing my throat at the rough sound.

She chuckles. "Did I wake you up again?"

"Yeah, that's okay, though, I've been out for a while," I note, realizing it's just after three.

"Okay, well, I'm just clearing up now. I figured I'd just pick him up from your place to let you get some more sleep before your shift." I hear shuffling in the background as she cleans up her space at the office.

"Alright, that sounds good. Just buzz up when you get here."

She agrees and hangs up with a short goodbye.

"Alright, bud. Your mom will be here in a little bit to pick you up," I tell him, patting him on the leg.

I yawn as he nods, realizing I'm much more tired than I thought. The extra few hours I'll get when Bella comes to get him will have to get me through my twelve hour tonight.

"I'm coming back here tomorrow, right?" he asks, his eyes and tone hopeful.

I can't help the giddy feeling I get at hearing that tone in his voice. The feeling of being wanted by my son is one of the best things I've ever felt.

"Yep, you and me again, kid. We can work some more on the piano if you want," I offer.

He beams at me. "I'd really like that."

"Me, too."

~WTIAA~

Bella comes and picks him up just after Masen hides our presents to her in my bedroom closet. He keeps the book I got him in his backpack, though, since I told him be could take it home. Bella thanks me when she sees what I got for him and for watching him and agrees to meeting at the same time at the hospital the following day.

I fall back asleep quickly, getting another nearly three hours before I have to head into the hospital. Thankfully, besides my rounds when I first get there, it's slow, so I get some down time in one of the on call rooms to take another cat nap. My pager goes off about an hour later, and I feel a little better than before. Between admitting a new patient and checking up on a mother presenting preeclampsia, I'm able to drown myself in coffee to give me an extra boost.

Only one baby is delivered through the night, and I get to assist on it, since the other intern working this rotation was on her mandated lunch/middle of the night meal break. It's an exciting experience, even after doing if about a dozen times now, but I'm absolutely certain that I won't end up in obstetrics. It's too slow for me; trauma or internal medicine are more my speed.

I'm able to get another hour nap in before five in the morning, so I'm actually not doing too shabby on sleep by the time that Bella brings Masen into the hospital. She's chatting with Bree again when I meet her. I sling my arm around her shoulder and drop a kiss on her head without much thought. It's not until I feel her jump slightly in my side that I realize how that might not be entirely appropriate anymore. Spending so much time with her in the last few months has thrown me back to simpler times when I could kiss her and hold her as freely as I wanted. Even with the years of separation, it's hard to remind myself that we're not those people anymore.

She leaves without too much preamble, promising to call to check up and let me know when she'll be out. She hugs Masen goodbye and Bree watches him briefly while I gather my things.

Today, Masen requests that we start with his piano lessons right when we get to my place, and I oblige him. We only spend an hour there this time before he gets a little antsy and wants to go do something. A glance out the window lets me know that the weather is nice enough, so I tell him to pull his jacket and beanie on so that we can go to the park. I quickly shower and get dressed as he watches some cartoons in the living room. We're out the door within fifteen minutes.

It's a surprisingly nice day in the middle of December in Seattle. The sun is shining, there's hardly any clouds in the sky, and there's barely a breeze. It's still just above forty degrees, though, so the jackets are still necessary. Mase and I stop by a coffee shop he says his mom usually goes to every morning. He orders a hot chocolate while I order my sixth or seventh coffee in the last twenty-four hours. This much caffeine can't be good for me, but I've been living like this for years.

I watch Mase run around on the playground for a few hours while I sit at the bench and read one of my textbooks. My rotation is changing to orthopedics at the beginning of next week, so I need to brush up before I spend two weeks in that department. I'm not particularly interested in orthopedics, so the information doesn't stick as well as other subjects.

Masen joins me after a little while to take a few sips of his drink, looking over my shoulder at the photos in the book. Luckily, we're not on anything too gruesome right now, just anatomical stuff. It's not unusual to see real broken bones that have penetrated the skin in these books, and those probably aren't suitable for a six year old to be looking at.

"What are you doing, Edward?" he asks, sliding onto the bench next to me.

"I'm studying," I tell him, pointing out the lines that I've highlighted and underlined in the passages.

His brow furrows. "But I thought you worked at the hospital."

I nod. "I do, but I'm still a student. I still have to pass tests in order to finish and become a real doctor," I simplify. "Right now I'm helping doctors who deliver babies. Next week, though, I'll be helping doctors who fix people's broken bones."

"There's different types of doctors?" he asks in awe.

"Yep. Nobody can do everything, kid," I chuckle. "They're called specialties. You get really good in one area and that's pretty much all you do. Or you can do a little bit of everything. That's called general medicine."

"Oh. Okay. So, like, surgeons are different from the doctor I go to when I'm sick?"

"Yeah, exactly. Your doctor is called a pediatrician. That means that he treats kids and he specializes in that."

He nods slowly, absorbing what I've said, while gazing at the book. Eventually, he hops back up from the bench and runs off to go play, like nothing ever happened.

Sometime later, he decides he's had enough of the park, so I pack my stuff up and we get back in my car. It's lunch time, so we stop at a Subway to grab some sandwiches that we take back to my place. We sit and watch cartoons as we eat, both of us making comments about the plot and joking around. When he finishes, Masen throws his stuff away and plops down on the couch. I join him when I'm done, throwing my arm across the back of the couch. Within in the duration of the episode, he makes his way so he's laying down, his head in my lap. It's a little early for his typical nap time, but he has spent a few hours running around the park like a madman. He's completely out before the next episode starts.

I'm waking up to the sound of my name before I even realize that I've fallen asleep. I thought I had pretty much caught up on sleep, but I seem to have been mistaken. Masen is urging me awake, telling me Bella called to say that she was on her way over. I gather Masen's stuff, putting it in the backpack that he brought. When Bella arrives, we say our goodbyes, since Alice and Jasper will be taking him for the remainder of the week. I surprisingly remember that I have a few things I want to talk with Bella about, so I tell her I'd like to get together at some point and talk, to which she agrees. I actually have the day off Thursday, so she requests that I meet her for lunch at a pho place a few blocks from her office at noon.

I fit in a long nap before heading into the hospital. My days flash by in a blur of laboring mothers, panicking fathers, overbearing extended family members and squished, alien-looking newborns. My own mother calls me before work on Wednesday to ask when I'm arriving for Christmas. I tell her I only have the 24th, 25th, and 26th off for sure, so I'll be there after I get enough sleep on Christmas Eve day. I told her the week before that Masen and Bella would most likely be joining us for the Christmas Eve party, and she reminds me to get a confirmation the next time I see Bella. I also give her Bella's number, since she has something she wants to speak about with Bella 'sooner rather than later' according to her. That wasn't ominous at all.

I'm able to fit a few hours of sleep in Thursday morning before I go to meet Bella for lunch. I actually run into her as she's approaching the restaurant from the opposite direction, so we greet each other with a brief hug and I hold the door open for her, my hand on her back as we walk in. It feels vaguely like the dates we used to go on as teenagers to the diner in Forks and the occasional trip out to Port Angeles. But we're in a vastly different space now with our relationship. I've been relegated to 'baby daddy'—possibly friend. Any hope of a romantic relationship passed as soon as she told me she was pregnant.

We're seated quickly, and Bella doesn't even look at the menu before ordering. I know from Rose and Tanya that they come here pretty frequently for lunch if they can get a few extra minutes away from the office on their slower days.

"What did you wanna talk about, Edward?" she asks once the waitress leaves after taking our order. She busies herself with opening her chopsticks and pulling them apart as I answer.

"Well, I did want to ask you if you'd made a decision about Christmas Eve," I tell her, following her lead on the chopsticks. "My mom's been calling and bugging. If you're coming, she'd like if you and Mase could get there early so they could spend a little extra time with him before everyone else gets there."

"Oh, yeah, definitely. We'll be there. We're heading over to Forks the day before, anyway. Charlie has the day off, so he wanted to take Mase over to the Black's."

The mention of the Black family down on the reservation sparks memories from high school. "How is Jake, anyhow?" Because of Charlie's close friendship with Billy, Bella and Jake spent some time together every once in a while in high school. Jake's a bit younger, and he always had a crush on Bella, which she vehemently denied.

"According to Seth Clearwater, Jake's working on becoming an EMT and he's married to Vanessa Call, Embry's younger sister. They have two kids." She shakes her head and chuckles. "He would have given me so much shit if he knew I was pregnant back then. Then he goes and gets a girl pregnant at pretty much the same age."

"Yeah, but Jake stuck around," I mutter. I can't help the self-deprecation when I hear about a married and happy Jacob Black. I should be in the same position, but no. Nineteen year old me definitely made sure that would never be in my stars.

"Hey," Bella scolds softly. Her hand comes over and rests atop of mine, comforting. "We agreed to forget all that shit."

"Easier said than done," I sigh, slumping back in my chair. "I still don't know how to move past it. It's killed me for eight years; I can't just drop it like it was nothing. I want to make it up to you, but I don't know how." I feel like such a pussy talking about this shit—again—but I can't help it. I hurt Bella so bad, but I damaged myself, too.

"Make it up to me by being a good dad to Masen," she says, her voice soft and empathetic. "No matter what happened in the past, we're in this together. Masen is our little boy and he deserves good parents. You do that for him, and I'll never be happier."

I flip my hand over so we're palm to palm and grip my fingers around her wrist. "I will spend the rest of my life trying my hardest to be the best I can for him. He's everything to me, Bella."

She smiles sweetly, making my heart jump in my chest.

The waitress comes by then, our drinks in her hand. A waiter is right behind her with our bowls of pho. After we thank them and they leave to tend to other tables, Bella changes the topic.

"Was there anything else you wanted to talk about?" she asks, adding hot sauce and eel sauce to the broth.

"Uh, yeah…" I draw out, trying to distract myself by fixing up my own bowl. I add some pepper flakes as I contemplate how to tell her that Masen declared his wants to me and how we address that.

"Edward, just talk to me," she urges, dipping her head to catch my eyes.

I sigh and lean back in my chair, stirring my pho aimlessly with my chopsticks. Better just come out with it, then.

I relay to her the ride home from school when I picked Mase up last week. I tell her about the drawings they were doing and his hesitancy at showing me the last one. I go on about how he showed me it when we got back to my place and described to me why the man's face with scribbled out in black crayon. Bella's eyes get sad as I tell her about his feelings about not knowing his dad.

I take a deep breath before I tell her the last part. "He told me he wished that I was his dad. It was all I could do not to break down and cry."

Bella gasps and drops her chopsticks into her bowl. "Oh, Edward. Shit." She closes her eyes and rubs at her temples. "We need to tell him. And we're going to have to give him some of the truth to try to ease his insecurities."

"We can't tell him about the drugs yet, Bella. He's too young for that," I plead. Maybe in a few years when he's older and understands the consequences of doing drugs, but not right now. The world is still so pure in his eyes. I can't ruin that yet.

"No, we can't. When he's older, you can tell him, but not right now. One hurdle at a time, Edward," she assures me. She takes a deep breath and goes back to scooping up some noodles. "How do you feel about telling him after Christmas? That way there's not too much drama during the holiday if he doesn't react spectacularly, but he'll have time to get used to it before going back to school."

"I don't want this to affect his performance in class," I agree. "Before or after New Years?"

"Before. That way we can spend the holiday together as a family to try to get him used to it."

I nod. "Okay. After Christmas, then."

* * *

 **And there was chapter 15. I hope you guys enjoyed. Some things will start being revealed to Bella that she didn't know about next chapter, so make sure you guys look out for that. If you overwhelm me with your love and reviews, I might even post it early ;)**

 **I'm on summer break now, so I'm hoping to get a lot of writing done in the coming weeks, so we might see this story getting posted more frequently. However, as previously stated, my mind has been centered on a certain British lad that isn't Rob, so that's putting a little kink in my creative process for this story. Don't worry, there are still plenty of prewritten chapters, so updates will still be weekly or more often if I'm so inclined.**

 **Until next time, lovelies!**


	16. Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

**Hey all! I feel like it's not the middle of the summer with this chapter. I have Christmas Carols stuck in my head, honestly. It's ridiculous.**

 **Anyway, hope you like this next chapter. Things are about to get a little shaken up, so hope you guys are along for the ride.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. I am not SM. I do, however, own an unhealthy obsession with a certain British man. It's honestly bringing me back to like 2013 me. I hate it.**

* * *

 **CHAPTER SIXTEEN**

 **HAVE YOURSELF A MERRY LITTLE CHRISTMAS**

 _Through the years we all will be together_

 _If the fates allow_

 _So hang a shining star upon the highest bough_

 _And have yourself a merry little Christmas now_

 _-Frank Sinatra_

 **BPOV**

The rest of my week passes pretty quickly. The few loose ends I have to tie up before we break for the holidays are easily patchable, so by early afternoon Friday, I'm completely done. I close down my computer and gather my things before bidding Shelley farewell and wishing her a Merry Christmas.

Earlier in the week, I realized we were planning to leave to Forks on Friday, so I called Garrett to ask if we could reschedule to after the holidays, which he agreed to. So, now, sometime between Christmas and New Year, we're planning to get together again. I'm still not completely sure how I feel about dating Garrett, because I still have been unable to reconcile him as anything other than a friend in my mind, but I'm willing to give it another go. If I can't summon up any romantic feelings for the guy soon, I'll call it off, since I don't want to string him along, but I'm okay with how things are for now.

Alice watched Masen at my apartment today, so they're both up and hugging me when I get home. Alice was kind enough to pack for both Masen and me, so that we could leave to Forks as soon as I got home. She kisses me on the cheek, hugs Masen and tells us she'll see us on Christmas morning. We're gathering at Charlie's for brunch and presents, like we usually do. Her and Jasper are leaving today to spend Christmas Eve with his parents.

As soon as I change out of my business clothes and into something a little more appropriate for a nearly four hour trip, we're out of the house. Masen, predictably falls asleep almost as soon as we make it onto the freeway. It's his normal time for his regular afternoon nap, and he should be awake before we even make it to Port Angeles.

The drive passes quickly both before and after Masen wakes up. When he's asleep, I listen to quiet music and think about the coming days, and when he's awake, he regales me with stories about his time with Aunt Alice and Uncle Jasper, and how much fun he had spending a few days with Edward. Edward took to giving Masen piano lessons that he's obsessed with, so I'm hoping it's something he'll want to continue after the holidays. It could be a bonding opportunity for the two of them.

After my lunch with Edward the previous day, I got a call from an unknown number that had the Forks area code. Curious if my dad got a new number, I answered quickly. Imagine my surprise when Esme Cullen answered the phone. She greeted me kindly and we exchanged pleasantries. She asked me if I was attending their Christmas Eve party, to which I confirmed, saying Edward had told me that she wanted me over early in order to visit. She agreed but also added that there were things she wanted to discuss with me, as well. That sounded a bit ominous, especially with the solemn tone she sported, but I agreed. We arranged to be over around noon so that they could get some fun time in with Mase before he crashed for his nap and got swept up into the excitement of the day.

I'm not really sure what exactly it is that she wants to discuss with me, although I'm going out on a limb and guessing that it pertains to Masen and that whole situation. Aside from agreeing that Edward and I had royally fucked each other up as teenagers and accepting that I was just dealing with a lot back then, there hasn't been much of an understanding between Edward's parents and me about what all happened eight years ago. There's questions I have for them and I'm nearly one hundred percent certain that they have questions for me, so I'm hoping this is the topic that Esme wants to bring up tomorrow.

When we pull up to Charlie's house, he's already standing in his doorway, mug of either hot chocolate or coffee in his hand, wrapped up in his heavy winter coat. The sky is completely grey here, with no hints of the sun, and the temperature is hovering around thirty-five, making the chance for snow pretty good. I make Masen pull on his coat before he exits the cab of the truck, to which he grumbles but agrees. Charlie meets us, opening the door for Masen and grabbing our bags. I have bags with presents in the bed, covered with a tarp in case it rained on the trip over. Thankfully, they weren't needed, but it's better safe than sorry in Washington.

Once we're inside, Charlie pulls Mase into a hug before sending him off to take our bags up to my old room. When he scampers off, my dad rounds on me and pulls me to his chest.

"Good to see you, Bells," he mutters, pressing a kiss to the top of my head.

I wind my arms around his waist and inhale the woodsy scent that Charlie's always sported. "You too, Dad."

We make some small talk about the drive over as we haul my already-wrapped presents into the house and arrange them under the tree he's set up in the living room. Masen comes back down to join us once all the presents are situated. Him and his grandpa catch up, with Mase telling him all about the time he's spent with Edward and Jasper and Alice so far. Charlie raises his eyebrows at me in question when Masen mentions that he spent several whole days with just Edward. I mouth that I'll tell him later.

In the mean time, I set about making dinner. Since Sue insisted that she'd be making most of the staples for this holiday,—a holiday the Native American community actually celebrates every year—I just have to make a few sides that I'll prepare tomorrow morning. Thus, today, we're having hamburgers and a few sides. Once I make the ground beef into patties and season them, Charlie takes them outside to barbecue. I throw together some corn on the cob and rice pilaf for the sides, which are done as soon as my dad brings in the burgers.

After we've eaten and Masen has gone into the living room to play on the Wii, Charlie offers to help me with the clean up. I know this is his crafty way of making time for us to talk about what's going on with Edward and Masen, so I accept without any fuss.

"How did Monday and Tuesday really go?" he asks without preamble. Charlie is not one to beat around the bush. I've always admired that.

"It went well, Dad. Mase likes spending time with Edward, and Edward takes good care of him. He's teaching him how to play the piano," I tell him. "Mase told me Edward took him Christmas shopping, as well. He's good to him, Dad."

"I never said he wasn't, Bells," he argues, taking the washed dishes I offer him. "I'm just making sure everything's going okay. I know Edward's a good man, despite the stupid shit he pulled as a kid. I know he loves Mase. Once you give him more responsibility, I'm sure he'll be a great dad."

I turn and look at him skeptically. "Who are you and what have you done with Charlie Swan?" I joke. "If I recall correctly, you hated his guts nearly as much as I did."

He sighs and throws me a look. "I'm your dad, kid; I'm supposed to hate the guy that broke your heart and left you with a baby. But that doesn't mean I don't realize your faults in all this too, Bells. If _you_ don't recall, you were the one that begged me, in tears, to screen all their correspondence. I get that you were hurting, Bells, I really do, but you brought a lot of this on yourself. I tried for years to get you to tell them the truth."

He's right of course, but I was too stubborn to listen to my dad. I was even more of a hormonal teenager than normal. What did my dad know? A hell of a lot more than I did, obviously. We wouldn't be in this mess now if I had just listened to my dad at any point in the last eight years.

I sigh. "You know why I couldn't do that, Dad."

"No, I know why you _thought_ you couldn't do that. Esme and Carlisle would have been there for you if you just told them you hadn't miscarried; hell, they'd have been there even if you had miscarried. They're good folks, Bells. They love you like their own. They wanted to help you in your time of need.

"And I can see now, despite how much I hated Edward then, that he more than deserved the chance to get to know his son from his birth. You were both kids who made mistakes. And I'm man enough to admit that I let the hurt I was feeling for you dictate how I handled the situation. I bent to your every whim because I had never seen you so crushed. You weren't that devastated even when your mother left. So, I let you get away with keeping all this a secret. I should have been more of a parent, Bells. I should have made you answer their calls. And I'm sure Carlisle and Esme did the same thing with Edward.

"I know you like to think that Edward went on for years unaffected by this, but he didn't. Every time I ran into Carlisle or Esme while out in town, I had to hear about how horribly he was doing. The hours of therapy he spent talking about what happened; the lifeless way he went about the years, going through the motions; the ghost of their son they had to accept because he didn't know how to cope. You may have been left alone with Masen, but, Bells…that was a decision you made. And at least you had him to cope with your pain. Edward was left with nothing but his memories and hopes of a child he thought never got the chance to enter this world."

That is the most I have ever heard Charlie say in one go. He doesn't say much very often, but when he does, you better be sure to listen. I hadn't realized how much grief I had caused my father in all of this. I was essentially emotionally manipulating him with my grief and requests. I had never understood how much I was hurting him in all of this. Sure, I knew he was hurting because I was hurting, but I never knew that I was hurting him by asking of him what I did. Yes, I was a teenager back then, but I haven't realized in their years since that this all has been weighing on him. What type of shit daughter am I?

I cry as I realize—not for the first time, but definitely more tangibly than before—that I had done something so horrible to Edward. Sure, he had said awful things when he was high, but I knew and loved him. I knew what type of guy he was when his adolescent brain wasn't addled with cocaine. I knew he loved me and that love extended to anything we created together. He's one of the best people I've ever known, especially now, but even then. My grief and pettiness and teenage angst had stolen something very real from Edward, even if it took him a few days to realize it. That split second decision on my part to exclude Edward from anything pertaining to Masen caused years of anguish for Edward. He'd lived for years thinking his child had died. I can think of nothing worse than the pain of a parent who's child was taken from them.

"Oh, Bells," Charlie mutters. I'm pulled into his arms, engulfed by his warmth. "I'm sorry for laying into you like that, but I felt it was time it was said."

"No, I don't care about that, Dad. Just the realization of how much hurt this has caused everyone. What the fuck have I done?" I'm not quite sure if he understood me through my sniveling, but he apparently got some of it.

"You were a kid, Bells. The Cullens and I should have been better parents and tried harder to get you kids to make up or come to an understanding or something."

"It's not your guys's faults, Dad. I'm sure Edward and I pushed a lot. I know I thought I knew what was right for Mase and me. Edward's just as stubborn as I am. Like you said, our emotional states probably weren't the most conducive to reasoning from our parents."

"We were still the adults, Bells. You deserved better from us."

"I wouldn't have accepted it. I would have just kept pushing until you relented. It took years for me to realize I should have included Edward, despite the shit he said. It's taken me this much longer to realize how fucked up this is for everyone beside Edward, Masen, and me. This isn't on you."

I have a splitting headache now from the crying, and I let my dad know so. He helps me up the stairs and pulls pajamas out of my bag for me. Mase is suddenly in the doorway of the room, looking between Charlie and I curiously.

"Grandpa, why is Mommy crying?" he asks in a small voice. I know he's always hated it when I've been sad, and these last few months haven't been easy on us. I'm surprised the poor kid doesn't need therapy.

 _I should actually look into that._

"She's just dealing with some stuff, kiddo."

"I'm fine, baby," I promise. "I'm gonna shower and change and then we'll watch a movie or something, okay?"

He looks at me skeptically for a few moments before nodding, his lips pursed. "Okay."

~WTIAA~

The next morning, I wake up to an empty bed. It takes my brain a few moments, but I realize Mase stayed in the guest room last night, since Alice and Jasper won't be joining us until tomorrow. I can hear the TV on downstairs and cabinets being opened and closed in the kitchen. A glance at the clock says it's just after eight in the morning, so I have plenty of time to get Mase, showered and dressed and myself ready to head to the Cullen's for lunch. When I spoke to Edward yesterday after my shower, he said he would probably be leaving around noon, so he won't be here until the early evening. So, I'm on my own to face Esme and Carlisle this afternoon.

I head downstairs in my pajamas to see Mase and Charlie in the kitchen, whipping up a batch of pancakes and some sausage. Mase is whisking eggs in a bowl while Charlie is diligently flipping pancakes in a pan. I've never seen my father cook so extensively before, so I quickly glance at everything, checking to see if anything's burnt or needs any saving. Surprisingly, the pancakes are fluffy and perfectly golden-brown, and the sausage are only slightly crisped on the outside, just like we all like it. To say I'm pleased is an understatement.

"Good morning, Mommy," Masen says, stopping his whisking to grin over at me. He's still in his pajamas, so I know he hasn't been up for long. Or Charlie just hasn't made him get dressed.

"Good morning, sweet boy," I answer, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. "What's all this?"

"Grandpa said we should make breakfast for you since you're cooking for tomorrow," Masen supplies. "He said I could whisk the eggs." He proudly displays his bowl of eggs, which already have salt and pepper in them. They're thoroughly whisked and ready to head into a pan to cook.

I thank Masen and my dad and set about helping Mase with cooking his creation. By the time we're done, Charlie is done making the pancakes, so we all sit down and dig in. Charlie asks about our day, and I remind him that we're going over to the Cullens so Mase can visit and attend the party later in the evening. I also tell him that he's invited, like I told him a week ago, but he brushes me off, saying he has plans to hang out on the reservation tonight with the Blacks and Sue and her kids. I nod, but I know he's probably just avoiding having to see the Cullens and Edward just yet. There's a lot of things we all need to talk about and hash out, and Christmas Eve is not the time to do that.

After breakfast, Masen and Charlie clean up while I head upstairs to get dressed. The Cullen's party is semiformal, meaning I've let Alice pack me a cocktail dress and things to go with it. But, I have no intention of sitting around in it for hours, so I pull on a pair of warm leggings, a fuzzy blue sweater and a pair of boots to wear during the day. It started snowing outside sometime during the night, so there's a light layer of snow on the streets. I'm glad I packed some boots for Mase, because the last thing I want to deal with is soggy sneakers.

I pack the things I'll need for the evening in a bag I find in the closet to take with me to the Cullens. I have no intention of driving back and forth today, and Esme basically offered me free range of her home for the day, since I'll be helping her prepare for the party. She's got everything mostly decorated, but there's a few items that are left to be cooked, so I've offered her my services. Hopefully she'll start up the conversation while we're in the kitchen so I have something to occupy me while she grills into me about the past eight years.

A few hours later, and with my conversation with my dad from the previous night on my mind, I drive Masen and I over to the Cullen's across town. When we arrive, Carlisle is outside shoveling snow from the driveway. The snow picked up again while we were driving, so he's got some flakes in his hair and across his shoulders. He smiles up at us as I pull the car in by the garage. Before I can even turn the car off, he's over and opening up Masen's door, helping him out of my truck.

"Carlisle!" Mase shouts excitedly, flinging his arms around his grandfather's waste. Carlisle smiles serenely as he closes his eyes, hugging my son close.

"Hey, Masen. How are you, bud?"

"I'm great! It's snowing! That's so cool!"

Carlisle chuckles. "It is. It's pretty cold out here, though. How about we head inside? Esme has some hot chocolate and soup waiting for us."

As I come around the truck, Masen bounds inside the house, not even bothering to knock or ring the doorbell. I shake my head in exasperation. Carlisle notices and laughs, flinging his arm around my shoulders.

"He's always welcome here, Bella. You know that."

I look over at him, having to look up a little to meet his eye. Carlisle isn't as tall as Edward, but he's still a pretty tall man. And I'm a pretty small woman comparatively.

"I know. But he acts like this everywhere. Like he just owns the place," I tell him, unable to contain a chuckle of my own.

Carlisle just smiles and pulls me into the house with him. There's a fire going in the living room and the smell of warm chocolate and some sort of soup wafts through. We ate a pretty big breakfast a few hours before, but I can definitely go for some of whatever Esme's made.

"Bella, so good to see you, dear," Esme says, bustling out of the kitchen. She pulls me from Carlisle's side and hugs me lovingly.

"You too, Esme."

"Come, I've already got Mase set up with some hot cocoa at the island."

Esme serves us all soup and hot cocoa, and we sit at the island, talking about how we've been since Thanksgiving. Masen tells them all about getting spend time with Edward, which makes both of them smile widely, their eyes meeting mine over my son's head.

When we're done eating, I help Esme clean up while Masen and Carlisle head into the living room. Masen picks out Operation and they begin playing it. I can hear the occasional buzzing of the game, and by the giggles being emitted by the six year old, it's his grandfather making the mistakes. I'm sure Carlisle is just letting Mase win, but his unsteady hands might be a little worrying. He is a doctor after all.

After we're done cleaning, Esme and I head in to join the guys, and we break out a game for Trouble, in which I win by some miracle. Then we move on to Life, and Esme sweeps us all after picking up the $100,000 salary tile at the beginning of the game and having like, three kids. By the time we're counting out all our money, Masen is yawning and blinking slowly. I suggest he lie down for a nap, and he agrees easily, much to my surprise. Esme shows him to a guest room and comes back out a few minutes later.

"He's out like a light," she assures, grinning at me. She asks if anyone wants some tea before bustling off to go boil some water.

Meanwhile, Carlisle makes himself comfortable on a comfy-looking chair, kicking his feet up on the coffee table we were just playing games on. "How's work going, Bella?" he asks, smiling warmly at me.

"Pretty good. It's actually been pretty busy, especially with the days off we get for the holidays. I've been putting in a lot of hours, trying to get as much done as possible before the new year, but it's been good."

"Is there a busy season for publishing houses?"

"Oh, yeah. Spring and winter are pretty slammed, because the best time to release a new book is the summer. Everyone is scrambling to get everything together before the peak passes. So, we're starting to pick up a lot right now. Come February or March, I'll probably be putting in over eighty hours a week to get everything done, especially being down one person."

"Ah, yes. Edward told us about Tanya leaving to the Tacoma branch."

I'm not really surprised by this. Edward is very close to his parents, and they typically share everything with each other. I'm not sure if Tanya ever met the Cullens, but I'm sure she was mentioned in their house on a few occasions.

"Yeah. It wasn't at the best time, but I'm sure we'll survive."

Esme comes back in then, holding a tray with mugs on it. She sets it on the coffee stable and distributes the cups to each of us before taking a seat on the arm of the chair Carlisle is sitting in. We thank her for the tea, and Carlisle lays a sweet kiss on his wife's cheek.

"So, Bella," Esme starts after taking a sip of her tea. "We haven't really gotten a chance to talk since reconnecting."

I nod as I blow on my own drink. "I realize you guys probably have questions or want to yell at me or something," I say, trying to make it light. But, really, I'm terrified of getting chewed out by the Cullens. They were like my second set of parents, and the thought of disappointing them is almost as scary as disappointing Charlie.

"We'd never yell at you, Bella. We're all adults," Carlisle pacifies, giving me a small smile.

"Yes, and we've all had a hand in this situation. We'd deserve to get yelled at just as much as you," Esme says, sounding frustrated at herself, which I don't quite understand.

"What do you mean?"

"Bella, honey, we may all be adults now, but back when this all started, us parents were the only adults," she says. I begin to argue that Edward was definitely in the adult range, but she quiets me before I can speak. "Edward was technically an adult, but he was still just a teenager. Carlisle and I had a responsibility to the both of you and we failed."

I shake my head. "Esme, I actively avoided you guys and went out of my way to keep my pregnancy a secret from the whole town. You couldn't have known."

"Regardless, we thought you'd had a miscarriage, and that's hard enough for anyone to go through, much less a sixteen year old girl. We should have tried harder to reach out to you," Carlisle says.

"Charlie told me you'd ask to see me. I always told him to make sure that never actually happened. There was too much hurt. I couldn't have you knowing I was pregnant. I had stupidly made the decision that I wasn't going to let anyone know I was having Edward's baby. I obviously realize now how dumb that was and how much hurt that's caused everyone involved, but you can't be blamed for what happened eight years ago."

"There's definitely hurt, but just know that we're both so sorry that we never helped you back then. While Edward's actions are detestable and ultimately drove you away, we were no better."

I shake my head. "Esme, Carlisle, you don't need to apologize, but I'll accept it anyway, if it'll make you stop saying it's your fault. Edward and I should have been more grown up about everything. My heartbreak and the stress of having a baby definitely didn't help anything, but I should have known better than to let you all believe I'd lost the baby. It was extremely selfish of me, and I've realized recently that the pain of believing Edward had lost a child and you'd lost a grandchild was not worth keeping Edward out of our lives. And for that I am so sorry. I don't know how to apologize enough for that.

"I talked to Charlie last night, and he told me you'd let him know that Edward had a really hard time with realizing he'd lost a child. I didn't know that until last night. If I had heard how much pain I was causing, I probably would have made all this right sooner. I was so disconnected from reality and so absorbed in my own pain that I didn't realize everyone else's. I ignored all phone calls from you guys and Edward. It was easier to just push it out of my mind than try to deal with it then. If I had known, I would have changed things."

Carlisle gives me a quizzical look. "Bella, did you not read Edward's letters at all? We didn't find out about them until after the fact, but he told us he'd written everything he was feeling into those letters to you."

Now it's my turn to look confused. "What letters? I never received any mail from Edward."

"Edward told us a few years ago that he'd sent you letters for a several months right after he'd left for college," Esme tells me.

"I—" I begin, but I'm cut off by Edward's deep timbre.

"I sent you letters telling you about everything and trying to explain for months before I went to rehab the first time," he says. I turn and see him standing in the archway, leaning with his shoulder against the wall. He looks a little tired and his eyes are a little sad, but he looks no worse for wear. "Then, when I started my therapy sessions, my therapist suggested I write letters to you as an exercise. It was up to me whether I actually sent them or not, but I figured I already had been, so I just kept on doing it. Basically, my entire freshman year I wrote you a letter a week, sometimes more."

"I had no idea. I never saw any of them," I tell him.

Edward's lips lift at the edges, but it's a sad little grin. "I'm sure Charlie or Alice intercepted them."

"They still could have told me about them," I demand. I realize I'm getting frustrated with the wrong people around. I need to figure out who took those letters and whether or not they still exist. "I would have like to known that they were getting sent. I would have liked the chance to decide for myself whether or not I read them."

Edward shrugs. "I have more of them if you really want to read them that bad. I stopped sending them after freshman year, but I still wrote them as a therapy thing. I didn't stop writing them until about six months after I completely quit using. There's probably at least a few hundred of them."

I'm convinced that Charlie or Alice—or maybe both of them—intercepted those letters and did something with them. They're going to be hearing an earful the next time I see them. I may have been in a pretty bad place back then, but it gave them no right to take those letters and not even so much as mention them to me in the nearly seven years since Masen was born. I deserved to read those letters. Maybe things wouldn't be as fucked up as they are now if I had read them when they were sent to me.

"I am so sorry, Edward," I tell him.

He shrugs again. "It's not your fault. You didn't know about them."

I shake my head. "No, not about that. About letting you believe you'd lost a child. Even thinking about dealing with his death breaks my heart. I can't imagine what you went through. That's my fault." There are tears falling freely from my eyes, as they were last night when I had this conversation with Charlie. "I am so sorry, Edward. I was a stupid kid. I didn't realize how much that would hurt you."

Edward looks close to tears, too, but he holds them back. He comes and joins me on the couch, pulling me into his arms. Being in his embrace is much more comforting than it should be, and something inside me seems less empty than it has been for years. He's warm and cuddly and smells like man and laundry detergent. I let myself relax against him as I cry, and he rubs his hands up and down my back, humming a tune I don't recognize, but I don't ask him about it.

"I'm so fucking sorry," I mumble again after a few moments of silence. I sniffle and there's suddenly a tissue box thrusted my way, courtesy of Edward. I take one and wipe at my nose and face.

I notice that Carlisle and Esme are no longer with us in the living room. I'm not sure when they left, but I'm sure they figured Edward and I needed to deal with the heavy stuff just between the two of us.

"Bella, you keep saying that we need to move forward. I think it's time you take your own advice," he chuckles, but it sounds a little downtrodden. "It hurt, obviously. Hell, it still hurts. A lot of my addiction in college stemmed from losing you and thinking you'd lost the baby, but I'm okay now. Having Masen in my life kinda makes up for all that shit that happened to get us here. So, I will accept your apology, but you know this wasn't all your doing. So, can we actually move forward from now on? I just want to enjoy my life. All this shit makes me feel a lot older than my twenty-six years."

I chuckle now, wiping the last of the tears from my face. "Tell me about it. I'm convinced I'm going to go completely grey by the time I'm thirty."

He makes a show of looking at the top of my head, shifting strands around with his fingers. It's soothing, but I know the teasing is coming. "I think you may be on to something. Should I run to the drug store for some dye before the party tonight?"

I snort out a laugh and shove at his chest while he chuckles with me. "Shut up."

~WTIAA~

"Mama, are you going downstairs or what?" Masen prods, giving me a pointed look in the mirror. I've been dressed and ready for about five minutes now, scrutinizing my reflection. Masen has been dressed for a while. I put him a dark pair of jeans, a jade green button up shirt, and some black Vans. Edward put on his tie for him, something Masen broadcasted very loudly after it had happened.

"Yeah, baby. Just give me a second," I plead. I've asked him to 'give me a second' about ten times now, and I can tell he's getting a little fed up, even if he doesn't outwardly show it. I'm really glad he's not at the stage where he rolls his eyes at everything I say, yet.

Honestly, I'm nervous about going down there. It's been a long time since I've attended a Christmas Eve party at the Cullens', and I was much younger then. I remember I wore this flowing black dress that brushed my knees, with a pair of flats and a red cardigan. I was young, and the outfit had to be Charlie-approved before I was let out of the house, so I was sufficiently covered up. Now, though, I'm a grown woman. I have curves I didn't have then. I'm also no longer at the mercy of my protective father.

The red dress that Alice picked out for me to wear is a little more—a lot more—sexy than the dress I wore as a teenager. It's a deep red color, and the sleeves go all the way down to my wrists, but it cuts across my chest, bearing both of my shoulders, that suddenly seem extremely pale. They material wraps over itself in the front, plunging just slightly into a sort of sweetheart neckline that shows a little bit of cleavage. The rest of the dress is plain, but it hugs my body and ends at mid thigh. I'd be a little concerned, but I have sheer black pantyhose on underneath that gives me the illusion of a little more coverage. And the only nice shoes in my bag had been a pair of Mary Jane style heels that add about five inches to my height. I was instructed to put my hair up into a loose bun by Esme when I asked about it, so I've done that. I've added some drop earrings and a short chained diamond necklace that Alice let me borrow.

I look nothing like the girl I was the last time I spent the holiday with the Cullens.

So, yeah, I'm a little nervous.

 _You're an adult now. Go out there with confidence, Bella._

 _Fake it 'til you make it!_

"Okay, baby, let's go down."

Masen whoops and grab onto my hand. He excitedly pulls me out of the guest room and toward the stairs. It's still relatively early, so the only people here are Emmett, Rosalie, Edward's grandparents from both sides, and some people I don't instantly recognize.

I run into Rose and Emmett first. Masen hugs Rose around the waist and Em fist bumps him before ruffling his hair. Both Edward and I had tried to tame it after he got dressed, but, just like his father, the beast cannot be tamed. They're both sporting the bed head look they somehow make appropriate for all occasions. I'm jealous.

"Oh, Bella, you look amazing," Rose gushes, pulling me into a hug.

"You do, too, Rose." She does. The white dress she's wearing hugs her body like a second skin, but the lace sleeves and overlay at the neckline make it look very classy. She's paired it with nude heels that only add to her model-like height. Not even the added inches puts her close to her linebacker fiancé, though.

Emmett looks good in black slacks and a navy blue button down shirt, with a black pinstriped tie. He smiles at me and greets me with a kiss to the cheek, but the look he gives me when Rose turns to answer a question Masen's asked is hardly friendly. He eyes narrow slightly, and I predict there's a strongly worded conversation in our future. I haven't seen Emmett since before Edward came back into our lives, and I'm sure he has a few things to bitch at me about. Not that I blame him. The longer I'm around the Cullens, the more I realize how much I deserve their anger and hurt.

Masen runs off to the kitchen when Esme calls him to offer him some hot chocolate. Emmett excuses himself to get a drink from the bar after asking Rose and me if we want anything. We both decline for now, considering we haven't eaten anything. I really don't feel like being drunk at a party I'll probably have to be on my toes for. With Edward's family here and people we know from town, it's going to be an adventure in trying to keep everyone from slipping about the dad thing in front of Masen. Edward's said his family knows to keep quiet about it tonight, but we're just hoping others are too polite or clueless to comment until after Mase goes to bed.

Rose and I talk about things at work for a few moments, before she stops mid sentence and gets a sly grin on her face. I see her eyes focus in on something over my shoulder, so I begin to turn to see what she's staring at, but she grabs my shoulder to prevent me from looking back.

"Don't. But someone's finally seen you, and he looks very much like a thirsty man in a desert, and you're the first clean, sparkling body of water he's seen in days."

I furrow my brows at her really weird analogy. I begin to ask her what the fuck she's talking about, but I suddenly feel him behind me, my body buzzing with the energy that bounces between us, like live wires. I can't help the goosebumps that erupt across my bare shoulders.

"Cold, Bella?" Edward asks, running his warm hand across my right shoulder, doing nothing to calm the pebbled skin. If anything, his buzzing touch just makes it worse.

 _Get it together, Bella. It's just Edward. The father of your child. They man you're trying to build a friendship with. The man who is no longer the boy you fell in love with._

 _Isn't he, though?_

It's true. The Edward I know now is all the good parts of the Edward I knew and loved when we were teenagers. He's the loyalty and caring and the kindness that I first fell in love with all those years ago. He's the sweetness and the hard-working and the steadfast that made me keep loving him. None of the bitterness and anger that was present in the Edward that I encountered the very last time we were together seems to exist anymore. Either Edward has learned how to really conceal his demons, or he's truly grown up and learned and healed from his troubles. And I know, because I've spent so much time with him and gotten to know him so well over these last few months, that it's the latter.

This realization is not conducive to calming my racing heart, though. It's just makes it flutter faster with the attraction I feel toward him, which is not good. The last thing I want, in my rational mind, is to be attracted to Edward. Falling for him again would make everything too complicated, and I can't risk the chance that we'll fall apart again. Masen deserves more than that. But my fragile, romantic heart is beginning to barricade itself and cut off all communication from my brain. It wants Edward close; it wants to feel his arms around me and his lips on mine. It wants to hear his whispered words of love and devotion. And knowing my mind and my heart are at war with each other is not making my life any easier.

So I ignore them both and settle for the middle ground: I keep Edward at arm's length from me, but allow him to love and be loved by Masen. I settle for being his friend. A very platonic friend. I think we both can handle that much.

"A little," I shrug. "Alice packed for me, and I don't know what she was thinking. It may be warm in doors, but it's still the winter." I'm relieved at how steady my voice comes out. It doesn't give away the feeling off all my nerve endings igniting where his skin has touched mine or the way my heart beats and irregular rhythm in my chest at his proximity.

He comes to stand beside me and gives me his crooked grin. He leans over and greets Rose with a kiss on the cheek. I don't miss the way his eyes quickly roam over my body when he thinks I'm not looking.

 _You're not helping the situation any, Edward._

"Where's my brother?" he asks. "I feel like I haven't seen him in months."

"He went to go get himself a drink," Rose answers.

As if he heard Edward talking about him, Emmett reappears, two tumblers in his hands, handing one to Edward. They're both filled with an amber liquid. Most likely brandy, I'm guessing. It's been a long time since I've seen Edward drink, but I know he doesn't like bourbon or whiskey straight. He used to sneak into Carlisle's liquor cabinet when it was just the two of us and have a few glasses of the good stuff. The seemingly expensive brandy was his weapon of choice.

Edward and Emmett catch up for awhile, with Rosalie commenting and keeping up with the conversation. I've lost myself at some point, in my own head as I think about all the times I spent in this house as a kid. Memories flash in my mind, pulling my lips into a smile. The only thing that breaks it into a scowl is the shrill voice that calls out my name from across the room.

"Bella Swan?"

I don't even need to turn in order to know who it is. That voice is attached to the one person who's sole mission in life, it seemed, was to make mine a living hell. Even after we graduated, she seemed to pop up and make things miserable.

I see Edward glaring at her. He's not too fond of her either.

 _He used to be. At least fond enough to stick his dick in her._

I take a deep breath. I have to deal with this like an adult. We're not petty little high schoolers anymore. At least I'm not. I can't say too much for her.

I turn after putting on my best smile.

"Victoria," I greet, giving her a slight nod of my head in greeting.

She looks pretty much the same as she did in high school. Same flaming, curly red hair, freckles across her nose and cheekbones, though, their dulled by makeup now. Same vivid blue eyes and thin eyebrows that seem to be permanently arched. She's a little curvier than she used to be, but she's still tall and willowy. Her height was about the only thing I envied about her. Otherwise, I just didn't like her.

"Oh, goodness, I haven't seen you in years," she says in faux enthusiasm. I can see the hard set of her eyes; it's the same look she had as she taunted me at school. I can imagine it's the same look she had when she's write nasty things to me in my inbox on Facebook.

 _Horrid bitch._

"There's probably a reason for that," I hear Edward murmur behind me. I nearly laugh at his comment, but manage to keep it together. He may have slept with her, but make no mistake that Edward hated her just as much as I did by the time he graduated. He doesn't know about all that happened after he left, but it's definitely not helping Victoria's status in his eyes, of that I'm sure.

"How have you been, Victoria?" I ask, trying to act like the adult that I am. I'm really wondering what she's doing here, but I figure she'll answer that for herself.

"I've been amazing. I got married last year. My husband works at the hospital where Carlisle is on call."

 _See._

"That's great, congratulations." I hope that sounded sincere. Apparently, it didn't because Edward steps up to my side and wraps his arm protectively around my waist, offering me some support. I make a mental note to thank him later.

"Oh, Edward!" Even through her excited tone, I see her eyes flash to his hand on my waist. She's obviously surprised. Everyone in high school knew that Edward and I broke up after his graduation. Everyone knew it was something you didn't talk about either. I'm sure no one ever expected to see us in the same room together ever again, much less so close. I almost wish he was still my boyfriend so I could make some politely snide comments.

 _Who are you kidding, Bella? You know it's more than that._

 _Oh, shut up._

"Hello, Vicky," he greets politely. "I didn't realize you were still in Forks."

"I didn't realize you were back. I thought you'd still be in New York."

"I transferred to UDub for my final year. I wanted to be back in Washington with my family."

I suddenly remember that Masen is somewhere in this house. I hope that Victoria simpers off to her husband before he shows back up to find either Edward or me. I hope that whoever is with him is keeping him busy while we deal with a ghost from our past. A rather persistent ghost, at that.

"I'm sure your parents love that," she says with a smile. Her tone belies her sentiment, though. I know she's purposely left me out of that statement.

Emmett apparently notices too, because he snorts and tries to cover it with a laugh when Rose smacks him in the shoulder.

"Yes, I'm sure they do," Edward replies, his tone just as icy as her's.

Victoria opens her mouth to say something else—rude, I'm sure—when the last voice I want to hear rings out over the din of the other conversations in the room.

"Mommy! Mommy!" Masen calls, jogging over to me. His face it bright with a smile that makes me smile back, even though I know some disaster is about to strike. "Carlisle gave me cookies!" He rushes into my side, casting a quick curious glance to his father's arm around me, hugging me.

Carlisle is right behind him, grinning sheepishly. "We had a deal, Mase. You weren't supposed to run off and tell her!" he jokes, pretending to be exasperated.

Masen giggles. "Sorry." He's definitely not.

I laugh and Carlisle rolls his eyes.

"Since when are you a mother?" Victoria's voice breaks through the endearing moment.

I hear Edward curse under his breath. I repeat the sentiment in my head.

"I'm gonna be seven in March," Masen helpfully supplies, too hyper from the sugar to notice the tension between us and the strange woman.

Victoria's eyes focus in on Masen's face and she gasps. She then looks up at Edward, then back to Masen.

 _Shit. Fuck. Fuck, shit, goddammit. Fuck._

"Oh my god. You two had a kid together. Holy shit." She starts laughing, even though nothing about this situation is remotely humorous. The horrified looks on all our faces just make her laugh harder. "That's why you two broke up? Because you knocked up little Bella Swan? Good job on that one, Edward. I can't believe you're a father. I never thought I'd see the day."

She continues to laugh like this is the funniest joke she's ever heard. I guess, to her, it is. My life was always the butt of her jokes.

* * *

 **Bit of a cliffy. Oops. Sorry guys! Update next week, as always, though. And I may or may not have recently rewritten the next chapter a little bit to make it kinda juicy. But that's just** **hearsay...**

 **Anyway! Please leave me some love! I read everything you guys send in and I appreciate it all :) You guys are the best, seriously!  
**

 **Until next time, lovelies!**


	17. Baby It's Cold Outside

**Woo, okay. So sorry about being absent last week, guys. I went to Tahoe for a week, and I definitely expected my hotel to have at least halfway decent wifi. Alas, I was disappointed, so I wasn't able to update. But I'm back today with the next chapter, so hopefully you can forgive me. And it's pretty juicy, so hopefully that makes up for it a bit.**

 **Also, I totally changed the plot of this chapter at the last minute, so I'm hoping it's okay. I was doing some thinking and soul searching during my trip to Tahoe, and it got rewritten, so let me know if it's okay. But I won't keep you guys anymore On to the chapter!**

 **Disclaimer: I am not SM. I do not own Twilight. I do, however, own tickets to a Harry Styles concert, so, ya know, I'm pretty excited about that. Go me!**

* * *

 **CHAPTER SEVENTEEN**

 **BABY IT'S COLD OUTSIDE**

 _I ought to say no, no, no - Mind if I move in closer?_

 _At least I'm gonna say that I tried - What's the sense in hurting my pride?_

 _I really can't stay - Baby don't hold out_

 _Ah, but it's cold outside_

 _-Frank Loesser_

 _ **March 2008**_

 _Edward walks me to my classes everyday, hand in hand. Forks High doesn't have a very large campus, so he's able to meet me after every period and walk me to my class with plenty of time to make it to his own. Today is no different._

 _We stop in front of the statistics classroom, the only class that I share with Edward, since it's technically a higher level course. I was able to test out of the algebra II class last semester, though, and I took geometry in middle school, so I'm one of the only freshmen in the class. Edward places a chaste but sweet kiss on my lips outside the door before walking with me into the room. We were able to swing it so we have seats next to each other in the back of the room. The teacher is a sweet older lady who gives us notes and then lets us do what we want for the remainder of the period, so it's not like we have much of a seating arrangement anyway._

 _Just before the bell rings, Edward excuses himself to go to the restroom, asking me to let our teacher know if she asks or takes attendance before he gets back. I agree and smile at him as he walks by in the aisle._

 _I go about taking my notebook and calculator out of my bag, as well as the pencil pouch that I keep with me. Edward and I typically get our homework done in this class, allowing us to spend more free time together when we get to his house after his baseball practice._

 _I'm minding my own business, waiting for the bell to ring, when a leggy redhead plops herself down on my desk. I look up at Victoria and raise my eyebrow in question. I don't know her, aside from the fact that she likes to hang around the baseball team, even though I'm pretty sure she has no idea how the game works. I've never spoken to her in my life, so I'm unsure as to why she's looking at me and smiling at me now._

 _"Hello, Isabella," she greets, her grin a little wicked now. I feel like my name is a hiss on her tongue, and I'm not that fond of her presence already._

 _"Hello, Victoria. Can I help you with something?" I try to be as polite as possible. I don't actually know her, so I don't want to make a bad impression. I already get shit a lot of the time from the baseball team about being a freshman with an upperclassmen, so I try not to act like most of the other freshmen do. My mom leaving forced me to grow up, anyway, so it's not hard to act more mature._

 _"I just had a few questions for you," she says. The tone of her voice and the gleam in her eyes warns me that these questions won't be about our homework, but I decide to answer her anyway._

 _"What's up?"_

 _"Have you sucked Edward's dick yet?"_

 _I blanch at the bluntness of her question. I hear her friends snickering and giggling a few rows over. I hadn't realized they were listening to intently, but I guess I realize why, now. She's trying to be a bitch._

 _I had heard snippets of rumors over my time at Forks High about Edward and Victoria being together for a period of time. I never really cared, so I didn't bother to ask Edward. I always figured if it was true, he'd tell me before we got very far into our relationship. We've been dating exclusively for a few months, but we've had limited physical interactions. Sure, we've gotten off, and I've definitely had his dick in my mouth, but nothing beyond hands and mouths have been used._

 _"I don't see how that's any of your business," I answer, my words no longer polite. There's a bite to them even I can hear, and I'm momentarily vindicated by the look of shock on her face. She wipes it off quickly and replaces it with a cruel smile._

 _"I was just wondering if you liked knowing my pussy has been where your mouth is," she states._

 _I obviously know what she's insinuating, and the howling laughter of her lackeys would confirm it if I hadn't figured it out for myself. I can't say I'm all that surprised that the rumors are true, since she does spend a lot of time around the team, and Edward has told me he's not a virgin. I just would have liked to learn the truth in private from my boyfriend, not in a classroom full of my peers from this redheaded witch._

 _I shrug. "I mean, it doesn't mean much to me. Obviously, my mouth is a lot better than your pussy, since he's no longer sleeping with you, and I'm still around. I'm not sure this is something to brag about, Victoria."_

 _The guys who sit in front of me take their turn to laugh as Victoria huffs indignantly. Edward walks back into the classroom then, looking a bit confused at the raucous he's walked in on. Victoria hops off my desk and brushes past him as they pass in the aisle. The guys in front of us are still laughing as Edward takes his seat, and Victoria's friends are glaring at me._

 _"What did I miss? I was gone for all of two minutes." He slings his arm across my shoulders._

 _I glance at him out of the corner of my eye as I open my textbook to the page written on the board._

 _"Victoria decided now was a good time to let me know you two have slept together. She tried to be smug about asking me if I liked knowing this while I go down on you, but she just ended up embarrassing herself more than anything."_

 _I say this all as nonchalantly as possible. I am a little bit pissed that Edward hadn't told me first, since we agreed to be honest with each other about any sexual history. Edward's the first guy to ever even show interest in me, so I don't have anything to tell, but I knew from the start that he had some skeletons. I just wish he would have told me before I got surprised by it like this._

 _Edward's jaw clenches, ticking the muscles on the side of his face. "Goddammit," he mutters out under his breath. "Bella, baby, you have to know I was going to tell you. I just hadn't found the right time."_

 _I nod and being jotting down notes that I already know our teacher is going to include from the book. "I know. I just wish it had been before this happened," I whisper. This isn't really a conversation I want anyone else hearing._

 _He sighs, and I sense him run his hand through his hair, tugging at the strands. "I understand. I am sorry, Bells. I should have told you sooner. I wasn't intentionally keeping this from you." He's whispering back to me, close to my ear. His hot breath across my neck makes me shiver, but I push away those feelings for now. Maybe after school._

 _"I know, Edward. I'm not mad. I promise." I turn to quickly flash him a smile. I'm really not mad. I'm more embarrassed that the whole class heard the interaction between Victoria and me. No doubt the whole school's going to know about it by lunch time. "While we're on the subject, is there anyone else that I should know about before they confront me in class?" I say it jokingly, but he knows I'm really asking._

 _"Just one, but she doesn't go here anymore. You don't have to worry about her. Plus, she's a lot nicer than Vicky."_

 _"Did she move or something?"_

 _He shrugs. "I guess. She graduated last year, so she's away at college, now."_

 _I raise my eyebrows and smirk at him. "Older girl, huh?"_

 _He smiles at the teasing. "I was a freshman and she was a junior. It was kind of a lot like this," he says, gesturing between the two of us. "We were friends. She offered and I agreed. We had a bit of a relationship, but it just kinda fizzled out. No harm, no foul."_

 _"And Victoria?"_

 _He grimaces now. "It was only once. We were at a party after a win against Port Angeles last year. I was a little too drunk and she was a little too handsy. That was before I knew she'd been with most of the guys on the team." He shudders as he remembers._

 _"I hope you wore a condom," I mutter. Who knows what kind of diseases lived up in there?_

 _"Always," he nods, seriously._

 _"Is that it? Only the two?"_

 _"That's it, Bells. I promise."_

 _"Promise me something else?"_

 _"Anything."_

 _"We never talk about this again. I hate thinking about it."_

 _He laughs now, the heavy atmosphere gone. "Deal."_

 _~WTIAA~_

 **December 2016**

That was only the first encounter I had with the woman standing before me now. Her taunting got worse as the school year progressed, her little gang of mean girls always surrounding her and egging her on. I ignored it for the most part. She only said anything when I didn't have Edward by my side, since she was actually a coward, so I didn't hear from her very often, but it was enough to grate on my nerves. By the time she graduated alongside Edward, I had become very good at ignoring her. I was Victoria-free for two years, but she still took it upon herself to send me snide little messages on social media. I haven't seen her since her graduation until this very moment.

"Victoria," Edward hisses out between clenched teeth. I can feel his fingers tightening around my waist. I'm not doing much better, with my hands balled into fists, my nails biting into the skin of my palms.

"What?" she asks, playing dumb. By the little quirk of her lips, she knows exactly how much that hit us, even if she doesn't know that our son doesn't know the truth.

I turn to Carlisle to ask him to take Masen somewhere away from this spectacle, but I can see my son at my side, his eyebrows furrowed in thought, looking between Edward and me. It's already too late. He's putting together what Victoria said and there's no way that I can save him now. I've never felt more helpless as his mother.

Carlisle moves to put a reassuring hand on Masen's shoulder, probably to escort him away, but Masen shakes his head, brushing his grandfather off of him. Carlisle looks up at me with a worried glance. I can't help but reciprocate the sentiment.

"If you know what's good for you, you'll shut your damn mouth," I hear Rose threaten. I don't even have to look at her to know that she's got her death glare going.

"I'm just making an observation," Victoria defends, biting the words out at my friend, whom she doesn't even know. "No one knew why the power couple of Forks High broke up after Edward graduated. Apparently it's because he got his sixteen year old girlfriend pregnant. Really, Edward, didn't you know how to use a condom?"

"Victoria, I swear to—" Edward begins, his grip on my waist almost painful now. He's cut off by the small, hesitant voice of our little boy.

"Mommy? What is she talking about?" Both Edward and I look down at Masen. He's got tears running down his face, and I've never seen him look so broken.

I curse under my breath and detach myself from Edward. I scoop my baby into my arms and hold him to me. I haven't cradled him like this in awhile, and he's gotten a lot bigger since the last time, but I can't care about my discomfort right now. Masen buries his head in my shoulder, hiding away from everyone. Edward's hand run soothingly down his back as we share a frantic look.

"Go, console him," Carlisle urges. "I'll take care of this."

I look over my shoulder as Edward ushers me toward the stairs. Victoria has a confused but still malicious look on her face as Carlisle, Emmett, and Rose speak to her in hushed tones. A blond man with shaggy hair has joined them, and I assume he's her husband. He glances at us and meets my eyes, his facial expression apologetic. At least someone cares that Victoria just outed us to our son.

My feet move up the stairs and toward the guest room I got ready in this morning, but Edward keeps going, guiding me with a hand on my back. He opens the door to his old bedroom, and I barely notice that not a lot has changed in here since the last time I was here. I'm too preoccupied with the silently crying child in my arms. Edward helps me lay him on his queen size bed, on top of the comforter. Edward discards his suit jacket and toes off his shoes while I unbuckle my own and toss them to the floor. Edward's already laying on one side of Masen as I maneuver myself onto the bed, on his other side.

Masen is still silently crying, gazing up at the ceiling where the fan is spinning lazily. Edward has always liked his room to be cool, even in the winter, so he can curl up under blankets. Some things never change, apparently.

We sit there in silence for what feels like hours as the party continues downstairs, but I'm sure only a few minutes have really passed. Edward and I share concerned looks as Masen's quiet continues, but we never make any move to break it.

What must be twenty minutes after we initially came up here, Mase finally speaks.

"Is that lady telling the truth?" He sounds so small and unsure, very much unlike the Masen I know and love.

"About what, baby?" I ask hesitantly. I don't know what part he's referring to, so I'm not going to answer questions until he clarifies.

"About Edward being my dad," he says bluntly.

Both Edward and I grimace at the despondency we hear in his voice. This is not the way we wanted to tell him, or the reaction we wanted to get. We had a plan, and Victoria, as per usual, had to swoop in and mess that up.

"Yeah, buddy," Edward confirms softly. "She's telling the truth. Your mom and I were going to tell you in a few days. We just wanted to wait until after Christmas."

"Why didn't you tell me before?" He's still not looking at either of us, but the blank look in his eyes is gone, thankfully. He's glancing around the room now, becoming aware of his surroundings.

"Edward and I were trying to work things out, hon," I say. I reach my hand up to brush through his hair, and I'm relieved when he nuzzles into my touch. He's not too terribly angry, at least. "We hadn't seen each other in a long time, so we had things to talk about. And we wanted time for you two to get comfortable with each other before we told you."

He finally turns and looks at me, his green eyes shimmering with unshed tears. "I think I always knew." He turns and looks at Edward, who smiles at him. "We look a lot alike."

Edward chuckles quietly. "Yeah, buddy, we do."

"Are you okay, kiddo?" I ask him. "I know this is a lot all at once."

He turns to look at me again and nods. "Yeah, I'm okay, Mama. I like knowing."

"Do you have any questions?" Edward asks. There's a lot that Masen still doesn't know, and he's a naturally curious kid. Questions about what happened between Edward and me are going to come up at some point. I've spent the last few weeks trying to prepare myself for them, but I don't know what good that did me.

"How come I never knew you before this?"

Edward's eyes meet mine and he nods, indicating that he'll answer this one. I really hope he has some kid-friendly version ready, because I don't.

"I didn't really know about you, bud. Your mom told me she was pregnant a long time ago, but then some things happened that made us think she wasn't pregnant anymore. I went to college without knowing that you were born. I didn't know about you until I saw you that day at the ice cream place."

"With Tanya? She's your girlfriend, right?"

Edward shakes his head. "She was, but she isn't anymore. We broke up a little while ago."

"So is Mommy your girlfriend, then?"

I feel myself tense up at his question. I knew it was going to go there eventually, but I was hoping it wouldn't be so soon.

"No, your mom isn't my girlfriend. We're friends, though. We're both always going to be there for you, no matter what. We'll always be your parents."

Masen nods and looks back up to the ceiling, quiet again. He stays like that for nearly a minute before he speaks again.

"Does this mean I have to call Edward 'Daddy' now?" He asks it as a general question, for either one of us to answer. Edward looks at me for an answer. I know he really wants the title coming from his son, but we both know we have to do this at Masen's pace.

I go back to running my fingers through his hair as I answer. "It's up to you, bud. You can keep calling him Edward now and try out 'Dad' to see how you like it. You can just start calling him 'Dad'. You can keep calling him Edward until you feel comfortable calling him something else. It's all up to you, Mase."

He contemplates for a few moments before responding. "I think I'll just start calling you 'Dad.' I already call you that in my head. Now I get to say it out loud."

I look to Edward and see the tears welling up in his eyes and the goofy grin on his face that I absolutely love. He reaches over and wraps his arm around Masen, pulling him into his chest. Mase snuggles up to his dad as Edward drops a kiss on the top of his head. I can hear Edward whispering something, and Masen nods, but I can't hear exactly what is being said. I let the two of them have their moment, though, because it's the least they deserve after this long road that we've been on. Not that it's anywhere near over, because I have a feeling telling Masen is just the tip of the iceberg, but we're at a pretty good point, now.

We stay in that bed for a while longer, with Mase asking questions about what others know and if he's allowed to tell his friends that Edward's his dad. Both Edward and I tell him that's perfectly fine, and that everybody knows who his dad is, even if they've never said anything about it. He also asks if this means he gets another set of grandparents, which we both confirm. That puts a pretty big smile on his face, and he asks what he's supposed to call them, since he calls Charlie 'Grandpa.'

"Well, I call my grandparents Gran and Papa, so you can call them that. Or you can just ask them," Edward tells him. Masen nods and says he'll ask to be sure.

He asks about anymore family that he has, and Edward explains to him that Emmett is his brother, so he's Masen's uncle, and Rose is his aunt, since they're going to be getting married soon. Mase is excited to have another guy around, and that his uncle is a professional football player. He reckons that Grandpa will get a real kick out of that, of which I have to agree.

Masen eventually dozes off, snoring lightly between the two of us. Edward rubs his back as I run my hands through his hair. I think we both take a few moments to just appreciate feeling whole as a family for the first time ever, with no secrets being kept and not a lot of tension, if any. I know there's still a lot to explain to Masen and he probably has a million more questions, but I take the time to just enjoy the truth being out there. I know it won't be this peaceful forever, so I have to take it where I can get it. Christmas Eve seems like the perfect time to take ahold of this feeling.

I can't help it when my eyes drift to our surroundings. There's still the band posters on the wall, as well as his bookshelf full of mystery and crime novels, with the occasional classic thrown in there. He still has all the same furniture from when we were in high school. The same trophies from baseball still line come shelves, and some model cars he built with his dad as a kid are on display. His letterman jacket is hung on the back of the chair at his desk, where a now-ancient computer monitor resides. Beside it are some picture frames, and even in the dark, I know exactly what photos they are—or used to be.

For the time that we dated, Edward always had three photos framed on his desk: one of him and I at our homecoming dance his senior year; one of the two of us after a baseball game, with some of his teammates crowding in around us and trying to ruin the photo; and the last is of him and Emmett with their biological father when they were about Masen's age, just before he died. There's no way the photo of him and his brother with Edward Sr. has been replaced, but who knows if those photos of us are still in those frames. When Edward and I broke up, I removed all things that reminded me of him and put them in a box, that now resides somewhere in the basement. I haven't opened that box since I put it there over eight years ago.

"I haven't changed anything since I left for college," Edward whispers. I don't know if he was thinking the same things I was, or if saw me looking around the room, but he evidently knows what I've been thinking about. "I hardly came back during undergrad. My parents visited me for Christmas for a few years, and I usually just spent spring break holed up in my dorm and then apartment. I didn't wanna come back here."

I nod and look over at hime above Masen's head. "I get that. I purged my house of anything that reminded me of you. At least you got to move away."

"Bella, I wasn't running from the memory of us. I just couldn't stand to be in the place that I so amazingly fucked everything up. I was punishing myself enough; I didn't think I'd actually survive coming back here. I was in a bad place for a really long time. All my therapists agreed that being out of Washington was better for my mental health and my recovery."

We're both quiet for a few moments, lost in our own thoughts. I finally speak up after a few minutes of silence. "How come you never tried to see me?"

I can see the muscles in his jaw clenching and then hi Adam's apple bob as he swallows. "I did try, Bella. Your dad essentially threatened my life, though. I showed up during a Christmas break my junior year. I figured you'd be home from college, and I had finally summoned up the courage to go see you, and it was during one of the times that I was sober. I showed up to your house, and your dad opened the door. Before I could even greet him, he had a shotgun at his side and started going on about how I was unwelcome anywhere on your property or near you. He told me that if I didn't leave in thirty seconds, he wouldn't think twice about shooting me. He looked so fucking angry, I just backed up and hopped back into my car. I wrote about it to you in one of those missing letters."

I wanted to throw a tantrum like a three year old at the things I'm just now discovering that my father has done to keep Edward out of our lives. What happened to his little speech about Edward deserving to be a father to Masen from the beginning and how my actions really hurt a lot of people? Is he just feeling guilty now? I understand being angry about the situation, but he could at least have told me about these things. What the fuck, Charlie?

I let out a frustrated sigh. "Goddammit," I curse. "I'm so sorry about that, Edward. He didn't tell me about that, either."

He shrugs. "Don't worry about it, Bella. I get it. I would've been pissed too."

"If it makes you feel any better, Charlie seems to have become a lot more accepting. He grilled into me about keeping you away from Masen. I think he feels guilty for what he did, now. That's the only thing I can come up with."

"It's really not a big deal, Bella, I promise. I never held that against him; I knew I deserved it."

"Come to Christmas with us tomorrow," I suddenly blurt out. I'm not sure really where that came from, and I'm waiting for my brain to tell me to take it back immediately, but that lashing never comes. It feels right, inviting him to spend some part of the day with us. We're going to have to tell our families that Masen knows, now, so Edward should probably be there when we do that. "We're going to the Blacks, but you're welcome to join us. We do brunch. I know your family does dinner."

I can see his eyes light up in the dark, but there's still a hesitancy to his face. "Are you sure, Bella? I don't want to intrude."

"You're not intruding. We're family. And I'm sure Mase will insist you're there, anyway. We have to tell everyone that Masen knows. You should be there when we do that."

Edward reaches across Masen and grabs my hand in his own, rubbing his thumb across my knuckles. It's comforting and warm, and I can't help the sigh that escapes at the feeling of his skin touching mine. My body is a damn traitor, but I'm really trying to keep my mind on the right track here. I'm trying really hard to not let images of the last time Edward and I were in this bed together flood into my head. Because that time was a lot more fun and sweaty than what we're doing right now.

"We'll be here tomorrow around ten. We can just take my truck over to the rez together," I offer. I don't think Edward's ever been in the residential area of the Quileute reservation, and there's not exactly well-marked roads or addresses. It would just be easier if I drove us out there for the day.

"Thank you."

I smile and give his hand a gentle squeeze. "Of course."

~WTIAA~

We eventually put ourselves back together and go back down to the party. Only about an hour has passed, so it's still early and everyone's still lingering around, chatting and eating the finger foods Esme arranged for tonight. Edward and I stick by each other as we make the rounds. I meet some of the doctors that work in Carlisle's practice, as well as some of the people he works closely with when he does his stints at Forks General two days a month. We even run into the man that saw me through my pregnancy and delivered Masen. Edward seems a little tense around the man, but Dr. Gerandy is friendly and makes no mention of not seeing Edward throughout my pregnancy. Edward relaxes as we move on, though.

I greet both sets of Edward's grandparents, and I think I'll have to introduce myself again, since it's been so long since I last saw them. I'm surprised when all of them remember me by name and ask if I ever went about getting my literature degree. I inform them that I did and that I'm now working in a publishing house in Seattle. They congratulate me as Edward goes to get us drinks. I've agreed to some wine, since I need it after the night this has already been. When Edward leaves, the women gush about how amazing Edward and I are together, and I feel my heart crack a little bit when I have to tell them that their grandson and I aren't a couple. They're all a little disappointed, but they all express their interest in meeting and getting to know Masen.

They've moved on by the time Edward comes back with two glasses of wine. Esme, Carlisle, Rose, and Emmett quickly take their place and grill us about what happened earlier. We explain Victoria's presence and what was said and how Masen came to his own conclusions. They're glad to hear Masen seems okay and Carlisle informs us that Victoria and her husband have since left. We also tell them that Edward will be coming with us to the reservation in the morning to do Christmas, and Masen and I will be back here in the evening to celebrate with the Cullens.

The rest of the night passes in relative ease. I drink two glasses of wine between snacks and some desserts. Rose and I stay relatively close, and Emmett seems a little more relaxed and friendly than he was when I first saw him. I know he still has words for me, but it seems that he's willing to wait for the holiday celebrations to pass, which I'm grateful for.

At some point, the music gets louder and couples start gathering in the Cullen's cleared out living room to dance. The beginning chords of Frank Sinatra's version of 'I'll Be Home for Christmas' start playing, and I'm happy to sway by myself on the sidelines as the couples pair off and dance closely. The lyrics are barely beginning when a warm hand circles around my waist and Edward's scent fills my nose. I can also smell a hint of the alcohol he was drinking earlier, which just makes him smell better to me, somehow.

 _Alcohol is not supposed to be an aphrodisiac, Bella._

"Dance with me," Edward says.

"You know I can't dance," I joke, tilting my head over my shoulder to smile at him. His face is much closer than I expect, though, and his nose brushes against my cheek, raising goosebumps on my neck and exposed shoulders. I hear Edward take in a sharp breath and stiffen momentarily before relaxing again and staying right where he is. My heart beat picks up in my chest at his decision to not move back.

"And you know I'm a great leader," he retorts, and I can nearly feel his lips pulling up into a smirk, he's so close to me.

Without responding, because I don't think I'm quite capable of forming coherent sentences, I grab onto his wrist and pull him toward the center of the room before turning in his arms and resting one hand on his shoulder and one on his chest. His hand comes up to cover mine that's on his chest and he rests the other one of my hip, searing into my skin through the material of my dress. There's barely an inch of space between us as he starts so move us slowly in time with the music.

When I look up at him, he smiles at me and tightens his grip on my hip minutely, just enough to remind me that he's there, as if I would actually forget. Edward and I haven't been this close together since before Masen was born, and feeling his warmth all up and down my body is making my head fuzzy. His scent is more intoxicating than the wine I have consumed and his eyes are dazzling, sparkling in the like of the flames in the fireplace. He hums along to the song, and I can feel the vibration in our joined hands on his chest.

"You look really beautiful tonight, Bella." He says this with the most soft, breath-taking smile I've seen on his face in a long while.

I can't help the blush that rises on my face at his words. "Thank you, Edward."

"When I met you, I didn't think you could ever get more beautiful. You were prettiest girl I'd ever seen. But nearly ten years and a whole lifetime later, you're even more beautiful than when I first saw you. And still the most gorgeous woman I've ever seen."

His words have set off a flutter in my heart and in my stomach. Hearing Edward talk to me like we're the same old Bella and Edward. Like nothing of the last eight years has had an effect on us. It's something I've yearned for subconsciously for years, even when I was pissed at him.

"Edward…" I warn.

"What?"

"What are you doing?"

"I'm complimenting the mother of my child."

"Oh, is that all? Because it sounds like you're flirting with me, Cullen."

"And if I am, Swan?" The grin on his face is mischievous now, slightly cocky. It's the smile I fell in love with the first time I saw it my freshman year. It causes a similar grin to spread across my own face. I can't believe I'm flirting with the father of my child, but here we are.

"Then I'd say you're still as much of a flirt as you were back in high school. Could never resist flashing that smirk at unsuspecting girls."

"You were the only girl getting the smirk and the flirting. Don't pretend you didn't love it."

I chuckle and press my forehead to his chest. "You're right. Even after being together a while, you still flirted with me like we had just met."

"It's a struggle even now to keep the flirting at bay. You make me feel like a giddy teenager all the time."

The sigh that escapes my mouth is melancholy. "You make me feel the same way. It frustrate me to no end that you still make me feel like that."

"Why?"

The wine I've had throughout the night must loosen up my tongue—or that's what I'm telling myself—because the words come tumbling out unbidden by my brain. Everything I've been trying to keep to myself flows out to Edward's ears.

"Because I shouldn't still love you. You broke my heart, Edward. You've been gone for years. But I still can't help loving you. Under all the anger and the hurt, I always loved you, and seeing you with Masen these last few months has only made it stronger. You're like a bad habit I can't quit, Edward."

Edward pauses us in the middle of the song, luckily on the outskirts of the living room. We're still pressed together close, our body heat mingling.

"I never stopped loving you, Bella. Losing you has been my biggest regret." His hand that was on my waist comes up to cup my cheek, his thumb softly stroking my cheekbone. The look in his eyes is sparkling and filled with an emotion I haven't seen there in years. Where once I would associate it with all the memories of us from before our break up, the images that flash in my head now are of all the times I've seen him with Masen, all the times when he's treated our son with the utmost love and care, all the times he's taken to integrate himself into our lives. I realize I've fallen in love with him all over again for who he is now, not because of who he was before everything happened.

I don't know what he sees in my eyes reflected back at him, but whatever it is causes him to lean forward and brushes his lips very softly against mine. I feel mine part at the contact which encourages him to press against me harder. It's the first I've felt Edward's lips in eight years and my memories of the feeling does zero justice for the way that it actually feels. His lips are plush and warm pressing so tentatively yet firmly against mine. His hand on my cheek slips further back, entangling his fingers in my hair. I allow my own hand trail up to the back of his neck and curl around his soft strands.

I'm unsure of how long we stay like that, softly kissing and wrapped around each other, but I eventually remember where we are. Edward does, as well, and slowly pulls back, a shy little grin on his face. His thumb caresses the side of my neck where it rests.

"I probably should have asked first if that was okay."

"It's okay, Edward," I assure.

His grin widens and he leans back down to press three more quick kisses to my mouth. On the third he lingers and whispers, "Good."

~WTIAA~

When it gets closer to midnight, I decide to head on back to Charlie's house, so that I can be there to do presents in the morning. I find Edward and let him know that we're leaving, and he kindly scoops Masen up and helps me get him into his booster seat in my truck. Luckily, I haven't been blocked in, so leaving is easy, after I've said my goodbyes and promises of seeing everyone tomorrow. Edward says he'll text me in the morning when he's ready to be picked up. I agree and wish him a goodnight with a light kiss before heading to my dad's. I'm strangely giddy the entire way back.

The next morning, Masen is up by seven-thirty, which isn't surprising considering how early he fell asleep, but it doesn't mean I'm happy about it. He comes into my room jumping on the bed and shouting at me that I absolutely _have_ to get up because it's Christmas and Grandpa is already awake and ready to do presents. I groan and nearly tell him to go back to bed for another half hour or so, but I can smell my dad's peace offering of coffee, so I relent. I shoo Masen out of my room so I can use the restroom and whatnot, to which he easily agrees. I go about my business and slip on a fuzzy pair of socks before descending the stairs.

I'm greeted at the bottom by my dad, who's carrying a steaming mug of coffee, which he offers to me with a ass-kissing smile. He knows I hate being woken up so early, especially since we have such a long day ahead of us, but there's no controlling Masen on Christmas. He kisses my temple and wishes me a Merry Christmas, which I reciprocate as joyously as possible so early in the morning.

I'm allowed to drink half my cup of coffee before I'm thrown into gift opening. Charlie and I give Masen his gifts first, since we honestly get the most joy out of watching him get excited for his presents. Masen whoops as he opens a Wii along with some games from Charlie, which is meant to go home with us. Masen thanks his grandfather profusely before moving onto his other gifts. I've gotten him clothes and some new action figures, which he's excited about, but his big present from me is in the garage, which Charlie wheels in for me when it's time. Masen excitedly hops up and gushes over his new bike and the Spider-Man helmet I chose to go with it. He's outgrown his old bike, which he learned to ride on last year, so I figured a new one was in order. He thanks me with kisses and hugs and chatters about when he's going to ride it, which will hopefully be tomorrow. I promise that if it doesn't snow or get too icy, we'll try to go out and ride it tomorrow.

My father and I exchange gifts. He's gotten me a new photo album, like he does every year, filled with all of us together over the past year. He does it as a remembrance to how far I've come since getting pregnant with Masen, and I appreciate every one he puts together. I think more recently he's gotten help from Sue, since this one and the one from the year before are significantly better decorated than the previous ones, but it's the thought that counts. He also gets me a personalized journal and a set of really nice pens, since I told him I wanted to start working on my own novel. He says he wants me to write down ideas and plot lines and whatnot in it, and I thank him for his thoughtfulness.

Every year, just as my dad does the scrapbook for me, I always renew his fishing license, so he can keep spending his days off with Billy down in the rez. This year I also got him a new pole that he'd been talking about, as well as some fancy reel that's supposed to be top of the line. He thanks me with excitement in his eyes. Charlie is a man of simple tastes, and I know the fishing stuff will go to great use.

After gifts, I excuse myself to take a shower and get ready. When I'm done showering, I force Masen in, since his hair is kind of gross with whatever product Edward put in it last night for the party. I dress in a jade green V-neck sweater, my favorite pair of skinny jeans, a heavy, long, grey cable knit cardigan, and a pair of knee-high brown boots. I can see it's already snowing from the window in the room, so I'm thankful Alice packed the boots that won't get ruined by the water I'm sure to be slushing through at some point today.

Once I send Masen to get dressed, I head into the bathroom to do something with my hair and face. I keep things light and natural on both fronts, since I'm sure to be running around helping Sue out today, and I had enough with fussing over my appearance last night. I can only go all-out so many times in one week.

While I'm blow-drying my hair, I see Charlie emerge from his bedroom, and I call him over, realizing I have yet to inform him about what happened last night and that Edward is joining us in our celebration today.

"What's up, Bells?"

I take a deep breath and set the hair tool down. "Masen knows," I say, deciding straightforward and to the point is the best route here.

"Masen knows about Edward?" he asks, his raised eyebrows belying his calm, but curious, tone.

"Yeah, he found out last night."

"What do you mean 'found out?' I thought you and Edward were waiting to sit him down and tell him." He eyebrows are pulled together now, very obviously confused by my declaration.

I sigh and the grumble under my breath. "You remember Victoria Greene?"

His eyes narrow. "That no good redhead?"

I nod. "Yeah, her. She was at the party last night. Her husband works at Forks General. Anyway. She saw Edward, Masen, and I together and starting flapping her big mouth. She said somethings about Edward and I and about our past relationship and Masen's presence right in front of him." The 'dumb bitch' I want to add to the end of that sentence stays in my head, thankfully. Charlie doesn't mind me cussing, but he has his limits. "Smart kid he is, he put two and two together and asked Edward and I about it. We had a conversation in private about what everything means, and he's been pretty good about it."

"So what's the verdict?"

"What do you mean?"

"How's he like the thought of Edward being his dad?"

I can't help the smile that tugs at my lips of the memories of last night. "He said he'd been wishing that Edward was his dad, and that's how he thinks of him in his head, anyway. And he was excited to get some more family out of the Cullens."

Charlie finally has a smile on his face. "Well, I"m glad this has worked out so far, Bells. You'r lucky he's such an easy kid."

I sigh. "I know. I'd of course thought of the worst reaction just to prepare myself, but you have no idea how relieved I was when he took to it so easily. I know this isn't the end of this, but I think it's a good sign that it's starting out so well."

Charlie pulls me into a hug and drops a kiss to the top of my head. "I'm glad, kid."

"Oh, and I've invited Edward to spend Christmas with us, and he's done the same for us for later in the evening." The thought of the kisses Edward and I shared last night threaten to make me blush in front of my dad, but I banish them before I can react externally. I don't actually know what's happening between Edward and me, but I don't want to say anything to anyone before we get it all sorted all out. I don't even know if there's anything _to_ get sorted out.

Charlie's mustache twitches at the news, and I don't know if it's in irritation or mirth, but there's a glint in his eyes that I don't know quite how to decipher. "Haven't seen the kid in eight years. This ought to be fun." Oh, I think there's a bit of mirth and irritation mixed in there. Knowing Charlie, he's thinking of ways to subtly torture Edward today.

I give him a stern look and poke my finger into his chest, causing him to scowl at me in protest. "Oh, don't even think about it, Dad. You're going to be nice to Edward today. It's Christmas; the first one that he's getting to spend with Masen. Leave it well alone for now. And don't think you're off the hook, either." The mention of the letters from yesterday are at the forefront of my mind, and my anger at the situation is coming back to me.

"What? What have I done?" he asks indignantly.

"I learned about the letters that Edward sent that I never received," I say. His face pales and he blanches at my words, confirming what I already knew. He tries to rectify this, but I cut him off before he can speak. "Don't. We'll talk about it later. I just want to enjoy today."

He nods at me and turns away with a look like a puppy with a tail between his legs. Serves him right. He may be my father, but he knows when he deserves to be put in his place. He's man enough to admit when he's in the wrong. Smart guy.

* * *

 **That was a doozy. Let me know what you guys think! I know a lot of you were frustrated that nothing was moving along in the romance department, so there it is haha. But, now it begs to be asked: What is Bella gonna do about it? I mean, she's got Garrett hanging around and now Edward's in the mix. What's a girl to do?**

 **As always, your guys's comments are always appreciated. I read every single one of them and I love hearing from you guys.**

 **Until next time, lovelies!**


	18. (Just Like) Starting Over

**Hello! It's another Monday and it's finally Christmas day! We'll see some characters introduced here and a set up for some drama, but that will all really kick off next chapter, so make sure to tune in next Monday for the juicy stuff!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. I am not SM. All I own is a very ugly pair of shoes I have to wear for work that I would never otherwise be caught dead in. That's all.**

 **On with the show!**

* * *

 **CHAPTER EIGHTEEN**

 **(JUST LIKE) STARTING OVER**

 _It's been so long since we took the time,_

 _No-one's to blame,_

 _I know time flies so quickly,_

 _But when I see you darling,_

 _It's like we both are falling in love again,_

 _It'll be just like starting over - starting over_

 _-John Lennon_

Charlie heads straight over to the reservation while Masen and I drive over to the Cullens to pick up Edward. Masen asks a million questions on the short ten minute drive to their house. I can't find it in me to be annoyed or exasperated at his constant chatter because he's so excited and genuinely happy.

"I get to call him Dad, right?"

"Yes, baby, you can call him Dad now."

"And what do I call my grandparents?"

"Well, you can ask them when we see them later today. We're coming here for dinner tonight."

"Do other people know that he's my dad?"

"Some people do, but not everybody."

"Will I see him more, now?"

"We'll work something out, hon. Your dad is still busy at the hospital and stuff. We'll get it sorted."

When we pull up to the house, I'm surprised to see Edward sitting on the swing on the porch. He hops up when I get to the top of the drive and trudges over to us in the snow. I can't help but ogle him a little as he walks over, his head ducked down to keep the falling flakes from his eyes. The dark jeans he has on hang on him amazingly and the black leather jacket he's wearing paired with his disheveled hair make him look like something straight out of my dreams. He's too handsome for his own good.

He hops into the cab and shakes the snow from his hair before smiling at me and then at Masen in the back seat.

"Merry Christmas, Mase," he greets.

I can see our son beaming in the back seat from the rearview mirror. "Merry Christmas, Dad!"

If it's possible, Edward's smile widens further at the acknowledgment. When he turns back to me I can see the tears in his eyes, and I can't help but feel them start to form in my own, too. I reach across the seat and grab onto his hand, offering him some comfort and support. Today is a big day for all of us. I can already foresee a lot of tears.

"Merry Christmas, Bella."

I smile at him. "Merry Christmas, Edward."

~WTIAA~

The drive to the reservation takes us about fifteen minutes from Edward's parents' house. The snowfall has stopped for the moment, but it's already left a considerable layer on the ground. When we pull onto the land, it's like a blast of nostalgia hits me. I haven't been here in nearly ten years. Some things have changed, like the colors of homes and some additions have been made where necessary, but most of it is still the same. I know the roads to the Black's home just as well as I know the roads to my own. The small three bedroom home Billy and his family lived in for as a long as I can remember is just the same as it always was, with the large garage toward the back of the property. I remember spending summer nights there with Jacob as he worked on his cars and motorcycles.

The overwhelming smell of the sea hits me as I exit the cab. The chill in the air mixes with the salty scent and makes me homesick in a way I have never been. I have so many good memories from times spent on the reservation or on the beach. It's kind of weird being back here again after so many years. I'm so different and so many things have changed since then.

Masen, of course, comes here more often than I do when he's spending time with Charlie, so he hops right out and trots up to the front door of the house, leaving Edward and I to trail behind him.

"Charlie brings him here a lot when he watches him. Billy and Charlie fish nearly every weekend," I explain to Edward as he helps me carry in gifts.

Edward nods but stays silent, his mouth set harshly at the corners. I stop him on the front porch, and I can hear everyone inside greeting Masen.

"Hey, what's wrong?" I ask.

I see Edward's Adam's apple bob as he swallows before looking at me. "This is the first time I'll be seeing Charlie since that day in the hospital. I'm just a little nervous."

"Well, he can't murder you in a house full of people, if that helps any," I joke. The pull of his eyebrows tells me he doesn't find it funny, and I'm actually just causing more concern. "Okay, hey, look." I sigh. "Charlie promised to play nice today. He appreciates you stepping up and he understands the circumstances that have led us to this point. I can't guarantee there won't be words later, but you're in the clear for today. And Sue will be sure to keep everyone in check, as well."

Edward's free hand shoots up and roughly pulls through his hair in what appears to be frustration. "You remember back at Thanksgiving when you were worried about seeing my parents, but scolded yourself because it's about Masen, not us? Well, I'm having the same dilemma."

I can't help but chuckle at the desperation in his voice, only because I was in his shoes only a month ago. "Hon, it's gonna be fine." The term of endearment is out of my mouth before I can really even process it. My brain starts going into a bit of a panic about it.

 _That's not weird, right? I mean, 'hon' is a pretty universal term of endearment. I don't know what we're doing, but it's okay to call him that, right?_

I snap myself out of my hectic thoughts before it can get even weirder. Luckily, Edward is speaking, so I'm able to concentrate on something other than my own internal ramblings.

"I know, you're right. Today's about Masen." His words seem more like self-affirmations than anything else, so I just nod and smile. I bite into my bottom lip as I contemplate what I want to do, but I stop myself before I overthink, and place my hand around the back of his neck. His eyes widen when I start to pull him down, but they quickly close as our lips touch in a soft kiss. He hums, which makes me lips tingle.

When we pull back, we both smile at each other.

"Today's gonna be okay, " I assure again before releasing him and opening the door.

We're greeted by a toddler with grabby hands and a wide smile that is unmistakably Jake's. He sees the presents in our arms and, like any other little kid, he's easily drawn by the festive wrapping and bows. He's talking a mile a minute, and with the chatter that's buzzing in the house, I can't hear a word he's saying, but I know his voice is adorable. Edward chuckles and takes the presents from my arms, taking them to set with the rest.

A woman I vaguely remember from around the reservation rushes up to me, scooping the little boy into her arms.

"Junior, leave the nice lady alone. Not all presents are for you, bud," she scolds playfully, blowing a raspberry onto his chubby cheek. I smile at their display. This must be Vanessa, Jake's wife.

She notices me looking at her and smiles. "Hi, I'm Vanessa," she greets, extending her hand.

"Bella," I say.

My name seems to set off some sort of bells in her head because her eyes widen and her smile becomes more mirthful than kind. "Jake!" she calls over her shoulder, and I realize what I'm in for.

Well, I don't actually realize what I'm in for. When I knew Jacob Black, he was five-foot-seven and weight maybe one-thirty. His hair was long, like his dad's, and pretty much always pulled into a ponytail. He was a gangly thing, since he'd grown several inches in just a few months the last I saw him, and he wasn't used to the new height. He was always excitable, kind of like a puppy, though, and he was a hugger.

The man who steps through the doorway between the kitchen and the living room is not little fourteen year old Jacob Black, though. This man is tall—even taller than Edward—and seems to be built of muscles, kind of like Emmett. His dark hair is cut neatly, above his ears, which is probably regulation for his job as an EMT. His face is much the same, except for the sharper angles it has now, the babyface of his youth completely gone. The smirk on his face is familiar, though. He crosses his arms across his massive chest and leans against the door frame.

"Well, look what the cat dragged in," he says, his voice deep and manly, perfectly matching his stature. Definitely not little Jakey anymore.

"At least I don't look like I'm on steroids," I defend, crossing my own arms.

Jake and I stare each other down for several long moments, both Edward and Vanessa watching us warily, Junior having scrambled down from his mother's hip before his dad even entered the room.

The silence stretches on, the only sound coming from the kitchen and family room on the other side of the wall. Finally, after what seems like ages, Jake's smirk stretches into a toothy smile, and mine breaks out on my face. He closes the distance between us easily and I'm in his arms and smashed against his chest. He smells just like he always has—like pine trees and oil—and his embrace is soft despite his musculature. It feels nice.

"Jesus Christ, Bellsy," he sighs, rocking us gently back and forth. "I've missed you. What the fuck happened to you? My dad would never tell me anything. Said Charlie had sworn him to secrecy."

The elation at seeing Jake again wears off suddenly, and I feel deflated knowing I'm going to have to tell him the sordid tale. I'm not sure how anyone was able to keep Masen's existence from Jake, seeing as my son's here on the reservation often enough. Although, Seth did say that Jake and Vanessa live in Port Angeles now. Maybe he doesn't visit his dad very often.

"I've missed you too, Jake." I sigh and extract myself from his embrace. I then take a few steps back so I don't have to look so far up to look him in the eyes. "Billy actually kept something from you?"

"When I asked what happened to you, he'd say he didn't know. Charlie told him you were just dealing with stuff and trying to get through high school and get to college. Then when you moved to Seattle, he told me he couldn't say because it wasn't his story to tell. Once I moved to the port, I left it alone. Figured you'd tell me when you were ready."

The accusation in his voice and his stance is obvious, and I feel bad for not keeping Jake in the loop. He really was a close friend back in the day, and I regret never talking to him in the last eight years. Although, it's not completely my fault, because Billy has definitely known about Masen since his birth, because Charlie is a proud grandparent and couldn't not share his arrival with his best friend.

I sigh when I realize I might as well get this out of the way now. "I got pregnant, Jake. Right before the start of my junior year, I found out I was pregnant and some shit happened. I had my kid and got the fuck out of Forks as soon as I could."

Jake's eyes shoot to Edward, who's standing beside me with a few feet between us. It's like he's just now noticing that Edward is here. Jake's eyes roam over me to assess for something I'm not quite sure of, but he apparently doesn't find what he was looking for. There's a fire in his eyes when he looks back up at Edward.

"You got her pregnant at sixteen and didn't even bother to marry her?" His gaze turns on me. "And you. Why the fuck didn't you tell me? I thought we were close."

"Okay, first, not every couple that gets pregnant needs to get married. The tribe is just archaic and still demands it," I argue. "No offense, I'm sure Vanessa is lovely." Vanessa nods at me in acknowledgment with a small smile. "And second, I didn't tell you because I knew you'd freak out. You were a kid, Jake, and you already didn't like that I was dating Edward since he was older than me. I couldn't deal with that on top of everything else."

"You were just a kid, too, Bells! You were only sixteen! We're family; I would've been there for you, even if I was pissed."

"I was adult enough to raise a child, Jake. I've done a damn good job, too. I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but it was just for the best. I didn't have the easiest pregnancy."

Edward's hand is on my shoulder then, offering his comfort and apology, even though it's not necessary anymore. We've moved past the hurt and all that, but we can't avoid talk about it now that we're telling everyone.

I reach up and grab his hand with one of mine, offering my comfort back. This bothers him probably more than it does me. I have a feeling Edward still lives with a lot more guilt than he lets on to anyone, even after all that we've worked through.

Jake's gearing up to continue his argument, but he's interrupted by the opening of the front door. Alice and Jasper walk through, bearing gifts and wearing matching grins. If they notice the tension in the room, they don't mention it and continue on as if this is a normal Christmas morning, which it decidedly is not.

"Bella! Merry Christmas," Alice greets, throwing her arms around me. She kisses me on the cheek before wishing a Merry Christmas to Edward, offering him the same greeting. I still don't know what all was said between them a few weeks ago to get them in good graces with each other, but I'm grateful for it. It makes them more enjoyable to be around and they act more like the Alice and Edward from high school, where they loved each other because they both loved me.

Jasper greets us in the same fashion before taking the presents to go put under the tree. Alice notices who's in the room with us, staring at Jake in mild confusion before realization dawns across her face.

"Oh my goodness! Jacob Black in the flesh." Jake chuckles as Alice moves to hug him, looking comical next to his towering height and build.

"Hey Shorty, long time no see. This is my wife, Vanessa. My kids are running around somewhere."

"This is my fiancé, Jasper. Jasper, this is an old friend of ours, Jacob Black," Alice introduces. It takes my under caffeinated brain just a split second longer than normal to process what she just said.

By the time I gasp out, "Fiancé?" she's grinning at me and holding up her left hand, proudly displaying the sparkling rock that now resides on her fourth finger. I squeal and pull her and Jasper into a hug, both of them laughing into my ears. "Oh, my God! You guys are engaged. Finally!"

"Jasper asked last night in front of the fireplace," she tells me, a dreamy look on her face. Alice and I gush a little bit more about her engagement and her ring and Edward, Jake, and Vanessa offer their congratulations. With a promise to talk wedding stuff later, we all move into the kitchen where the rest of the family is, forgetting the tension from just a few minutes earlier.

Food is ready to be served by the time we all file in, and Sue greets me with a hug and a kiss to my head while we're waiting to make our plates. She pulls Edward into a hug when I introduce them and then proceeds to go on about how sweet and lovely our son is, keeping her voice down. When I tell her that Masen knows about Edward being his father, she sighs in relief and says she's happy for us.

Edward helps me make a plate for Masen and then allows him to sit on his lap at the table, which is fine since there aren't really enough seats anyway. Seth greets me with a kiss to the top of the head as he walks by where I'm seated and Leah rests a hand on my shoulder with a Merry Christmas. I sit with Masen and Edward on my right and Billy on my left. Billy makes conversation about what I've been doing the last few years. Sometime during our grown up conversation, Masen leaves with Jake's kids to go play in the backyard, leaving the adults to catch up. I tell Billy about my work as an editor and the possible promotion that will be coming my way.

Both Edward and my dad look at me with surprised expressions. "You didn't tell me about that," they both say. Charlie shoots Edward a sort of disdainful look, but smiles sheepishly when I raise an eyebrow in his direction.

"It just happened before the holidays. There's this author that we're working with that my boss is having me fill in as the project editor for since we're so bogged down during the holidays. She said it was practice for when the position opened up permanently," I explain.

"Oh, speaking of Garrett, weren't you supposed to go out with him again?" Alice asks absentmindedly before shoving a piece of biscuit and gravy in her mouth.

I shrug. "Yeah, but we had to reschedule for sometime this coming week. Things got too crazy."

"Wait, you're seeing someone?" Charlie asks, surprised. "Why didn't you tell me about it, Bells?"

I roll my eyes. "We've only gone out once, Dad. And he's my client, so I'm pretty apprehensive about it anyway."

"You're dating a client? Isn't that against company policy or something?" Edward asks, sounding more peeved than necessary. But then I realize the kisses we've been sharing and our confessions about still loving each other are a big deal. But I can't exactly assure him about Garrett with everyone in the room listening. We'll have to have a talk later.

"Nothing explicitly states that we can't date our clients," I argue. "The man basically begged me to go out with him, so I figured I'd see how it went. He's nice enough." I don't mention the thoughts about breaking things off with him already because he doesn't hold a candle to Edward for obvious reasons. Definitely not a conversation I want to have on Christmas with nearly all of the Quileute tribe in attendance. Not my idea of a good time.

"Wait—you and Edward aren't together?" Jake butts in, his fork clattering against his plate. Vanessa moves to place a calming hand on his forearm, but I can see the tension clearly building in his stance.

"Edward and I broke up right before he left for college," I answer, attempting to keep it simple in front of the people gathered here. I should know that Jake won't let it stay that way, though.

"Isabella, can we speak somewhere private, please?" he grits out between clenched teeth.

I sigh, and place my crumpled up napkin on my cleared plate. "Sure, Jake," I acquiesce. I rise and he does the same across the table. Edward stands next to me, offering his assistance in this discussion that Jake and I are going to have. I nod slightly to him and Jake leads us outside to the garage on the back of the property, where I used to spend the majority of my time with Jake in high school. We pass by Seth playing with Masen, Junior, and Raymond in the yard. Masen waves to us as we pass by, and we all do our best to smile and hide the tension that has once again built around us.

There's no air system in the garage, so it's nearly as cold as it is outside. Edward rubs my arms with his hands as I begin to shiver, offering me what warmth he can, which I appreciate. Jake closes the barn door behind us and quickly turns, his arms folded over his chest as he regards us.

"Someone want to tell me what the fuck is going on now?"

I go to start our sordid tale in the most condensed version that I can, but Edward beats me to it, filling Jake in from the time I told him I was pregnant to the events of last night. I don't know how long we stand in the garage surrounded by Jakes workbench and tools and old car parts, but we do until Edward has recounted everything for Jake. He's silent for a few moments after Edward finishes, looking back and forth between us, his jaw ticking rhythmically as he clenched and unclenches it. Finally, he takes a deep breath before speaking.

"I'm glad Masen has two parents now. And I'm glad you guys are working your shit out."

I can't help the surprise that must show on my face at Jake's statement. I expected some type of blow up about Edward's drug use or my stupidity at hiding the pregnancy from practically everyone in Forks. I hadn't expected the quiet acceptance to move on just as we were. It was refreshing seeing a mature Jake after years of seeing him in my head as the hothead fourteen year old I knew him as.

And then he ruins it with the next words out of his mouth.

"But if you do anything to hurt either of them, Cullen, I will fuck your shit up."

I can see Edward is suppressing a chuckle with the pinched set of his mouth, but he politely says, "I wouldn't expect anything less, Black," and both men nod in understanding at each other.

~WTIAA~

Christmas at the Cullen's is a much more easy-going, comfortable affair than the morning at the Black's house. Edward's family excitedly fawns over Masen and showers him in gifts in the most subdued way possible, which I thank Edward for. I know without his urging and guidance, his parents would have gone crazy with the presents.

Rose and Emmett get along very well with Masen, and I can see the wanting in Rose's eyes when she sees Em playing with their nephew. Even I can admit that his loving and playful nature with Masen is adorable, so I can only imagine the situation through Rose's perspective, who's already expressed her wish to have children with the man. Hell, my ovaries start working overtime when I see Edward and Mase together, so I know pretty well where she's coming from.

Rose asks Alice about her and Jasper's engagement, and Alice gushes the story of his proposal again, and then they get to discussing wedding ideas, which I think is a little early in Alice's case, but I know Rose and Emmett are planning for a February wedding, so hers is just around the corner. When I ask her about it, she says they have a date secured and are working to get caterers and florists and the like completely settled. I offer my help if she ever needs it and she agrees to call me whenever she needs anything.

Of course, the talk of relationships and wedding leads back to me, the only single woman in the house at moment. When Rose asks me with way too many looks at Edward if I'm seeing anyone, Alice rushes to answer that I am indeed casually dating Garrett Rhodes. While 'casually dating' is a bit of a stretch, Rose starts praising Garrett's work and gushing about how attractive he is and how good of a person he is. I can agree on many points, since I really do admire Garrett's previous works and the novel we're working on is even better, and he is a big donator to children's charities and organizations, so that's a very big point for him.

As we're discussing Garrett's accolades, Edward rises from the couch beside me and mutters something about finding his brother and son. Esme immediately takes his place and enters our conversation about the seemingly new man in my life. I have to keep interjecting that we've only been on one date, but that doesn't seem to stop any of them from steamrolling right along, praising me for my choice in men.

The conversation doesn't sit too well with me, considering we're having it on Christmas, while in the company of my ex-boyfriend—who I may or may not be initiating a relationship with again—and in the house that I've shared so many memories with the aforementioned ex-boyfriend. The fact that I'm not sure where Edward and I stand or if our shared kisses change anything for us makes me even more uneasy.

By the time ten o'clock rolls around, Masen is passed out on the couch with an afghan tucked up underneath his chin. When Alice, Jasper and I decide to leave, Edward scoops him up and carries him out to my truck for me. Jasper, Emmett and Carlisle kindly carry out the presents and place them in the bed while Edward buckles Masen into his booster seat. Masen is still asleep and slumped against his seatbelt, but Edward still presses a kiss to the top of his head, lingering for a few moments before pulling back and shutting the door as quietly as possible.

"Thanks for letting me spend the day with you, Bella," he says. His dad and brother are back inside and Alice and Jasper are lingering by the front door, talking to Esme.

"Edward, we're family. Please don't think about it as me 'letting' you do anything. You have a right to be anywhere that he is. You're always welcome."

He's silent, and I think he's working up to say something else, but he surprises me by stepping forward and wrapping his arms around me, curling me into his chest. He's warm and smells lovely, like the normal Edward scent mixed with a little bit of cinnamon from the potpourri in his parents' home. I reciprocate and wrap my arms around his waist, welcoming the contact and the little bit of intimacy hugging him allows me. We stand there, embracing, for a few moments before I feel his hold loosen and take a step back.

"What was that for?" I ask, my voice embarrassingly barely above a whisper. Our breaths puff in the chill air around us.

"Just…thank you for allowing me this after everything that happened. And I want to talk to you at some point this week about an arrangement for having him. And…other things." It almost seems like this wasn't what he actually wanted to say, but I don't feel like pushing him on it at the moment. I'm hoping we're comfortable enough with each other that he'll come to me with it whenever he's ready.

"I'm off Monday; are you working?"

"Not until Tuesday morning."

"Then come over sometime on Monday. I'll send Masen to Alice's."

We agree to meet around noon and part for the night with one last, less intense, hug. We refrain from kissing since his family is standing so close by.

~WTIAA~

Sunday evening, after returning home from Forks, I get a call from Garrett. He greets me and asks about my Christmas, which I tell him about vaguely, leaving out the big reveal that accidentally happened on Christmas Eve and the tension on Christmas morning, and then ask about his. He explains briefly about celebrating with his parents and sister and her family, and it sounds much more calm and relaxing than mine, but I wouldn't change my crazy, extended family for anything.

He asks me when I'm free during the week, and we make arrangements for a Wednesday evening dinner to be a little more dressy and fancy than our first date. I agree and remind myself to ask Edward to watch Masen that night. Like always, he's sent me his schedule, so I know he's off Wednesday evening and not set to work again until Thursday evening. And if there's some reason he can't do it, I'm positive Alice or Rose will be more than happy to watch Masen while I go out with Garrett.

I try not to think about the implications of going on another date with Garrett while things are so up in the air with Edward.

Both Mase and I crash pretty early Sunday from the excitement of the holiday weekend. He's decided that he wants to call Edward to say goodnight on the days when he won't see him, so once he's tucked into bed, I give him my cell phone and I sit on his bed as he makes a call to Edward. Even though they saw each other earlier in the day, they talk for about ten minutes before finally saying goodnight at Edward's urging, since Masen can no longer stifle the yawns.

Monday around eleven, Alice comes by and picks Masen up. They have plans for the park and to meet Jasper for lunch, which should give Edward and I enough time to sit down and work some things out in regards to Masen.

When Edward arrives, I have sandwiches made, since my pantry and refrigerator are a little lacking from the long weekend away. He greets me with a kiss to the cheek and a quick hug before thanking me for lunch. I'm a little flustered by the kiss, but I compose myself to sit at the table with him. We eat and chat idly for a few minutes before getting down to business.

We discuss back and forth how custody is going to work. Since Edward's hours are so crazy at the hospital still and he still lives all the way across town, we agree that he'll just continue with the visits when he can and overnight stays at his place if the timing ever permits. His lease is up in February, and he plans on getting an apartment closer to where we live now, so he'll be able to have Masen more during the school year. Edward is done with his medical school in early June and his residency—which he's already accepted at Northwest Hospital—doesn't start until mid-July, so he'll have nearly a month and a half of uninterrupted time with Masen. It's going to be a few more months before we get a steady schedule, but I'm glad we're working everything out in advance.

Edward once again asks about getting his name on Masen's birth certificate, and I agree that it's time to move forward with that. Edward says he'll do some research on how to go about amending a document and we'll get back to it after the holidays. This also leads to the discussion about changing Masen's last name, which we agree we need to ask Masen about first, since we think he's old enough at least to tell us whether or not he wants that done. I have a feeling it's going to be a bit more of a process getting his name changed, but we'll do it if Masen wants it.

We sit at the table long after our food's gone, talking about how we're both going to provide financial support for Masen. Since I've been caring for Masen pretty much on my own financially for the last six years, Edward offers to pay me a monthly amount, like alimony or something, to try to make up for the cost of the last six years, as well as splitting the cost of his clothing and supplies for school and such. While I appreciate the sentiment, I don't want some sort of hand out from Edward, so I say I'll agree to cut his expenses in half from now on. Edward also offers to put Masen on his insurance plans, since he gets all the fancy stuff for being a medical professional. Since I'm not about to deny my son the best care possible, I agree and Edward says he'll call his insurance to have his plan changed after the holidays.

With all the heavy stuff worked out, I call Alice to let her know she can bring Masen back. She agrees and Edward and I sit down to watch TV while we wait. There's some reruns of Law & Order: SVU on USA, and we settle in just as the credits are rolling for the one before it.

As the opening sequence plays, I whisper the little blurb at the beginning underneath my breath, like I do every time I catch the beginning of an episode, and Edward starts chucking beside me.

"You still do that?" he asks through his laughter, smiling at me and shaking his head.

"It's like a compulsion; I can't help it," I argue.

He pokes fun at me for a few moments before I shush him so I can actually watch the episode. He surrenders with another chuckle before being quiet and watching the show with me. We're only halfway through the episode when Alice shows up with Masen in tow. Masen excitedly greets his dad while I thank Alice for the babysitting. She waves me off and tells me that I owe her some story time when we get the chance, since there's a lot we've yet to talk about that occurred over the holiday. I agree to maybe have lunch with her tomorrow, since Jasper wants a guy's day with Masen while I'm at work.

I make dinner for the three of us after Alice leaves. Masen and Edward sit in the living room talking and playing with some of the toys Mase got for Christmas while I make something from all the leftovers I got sent home with when we left. I hear Masen call Edward 'dad' several times while he giggles, and I can only imagine the beaming look on Edward's face every time he hears it. It's crazy to me to think that we've come this far in the few months that Edward and Masen have known each other, but it also feels right—like it was always meant to be like this.

When we sit down to eat, Masen recaps his day with Alice for me, describing their time making a fort in her living room and going to lunch with Jasper. When he's finally done with his story, Edward and I share a look to agree to get into the important stuff with him.

"Honey, you dad and I want to talk to you about a few things," I start, smiling to show him that no one's angry or upset.

"What about?" he asks, glancing between Edward and me tentatively.

"Just about how things are going to work now," Edward says, trying to ease his fears, but I can see his eyebrows pulling together a little.

"Why wouldn't they stay the same way? I get to spend time with you both. I like it this way."

"We know, bud. We're not trying to change things up too much," I assure. "You'll still see both of us plenty. But you might be spending some more time with Dad from now on. It's still going to be a little on and off because of his schedule at the hospital, but, come summer time, you'll see him more regularly, okay?"

I see the tension drop from his shoulders immediately. "Oh, that's all? Okay." He shrugs easily and goes back to eating.

"I'm going to be moving after I finish school, too, to be closer to your mom and you," Edward adds. "That way you'll be able to split your time between us during the summer and when school starts back up in the fall."

"I'll live both places?" Masen asks, his eyes brightening up at the prospect of having two places to call home. I can just see his mind conjuring up the toys and games he'll have in both places.

"If that's what you want. You're dad and I will work something out when the time comes," I affirm. "This all won't happen until the summer, though."

"So I just have to wait until the end of school?"

Both Edward and I nod.

He shrugs again. "Okay. But I'll still get to see Dad, right?"

Edward smiles at him. "Absolutely."

Masen smiles back. "Sounds good."

"There's one more thing your mom and I want to talk to you about," Edward states tentatively, and I know he wants to bring up the last name thing, now. Masen nods his consent, and Edward forges on. "So, normally when people have a baby, the baby gets the Dad's last name. But, because I wasn't around, you got your mom's last name. But I'd really like it, now, if you had my last name."

Masen looks back and forth between us in confusion. "You can do that?"

I nod and explain, "We just have to change it on your birth certificate."

Masen is quiet for a few moments, looking down at his plate, pushing his mashed potatoes around. I see him latch onto his bottom lip in contemplation, and I'm bracing myself for the rejection and Edward's reaction. Masen loves Edward so much, I never imagined this would be a problem. I don't know how Edward would recover if Masen told him he didn't want to be a Cullen.

When Masen looks back up at us, there's tears in his eyes that he's very clearly trying to hold back. "If I change my name to Cullen, I won't be a Swan anymore?"

He sounds so sad that I nearly break down in tears. "Bud, you'll always be a Swan. Changing your last name doesn't mean that goes away."

"Why can't I be both?"

Both Edward and I go to answer, but neither of us say anything. We look at each other and share a look that says 'why didn't we think of that?'

"Well, that can be arranged," Edward says, smiling to reassure our son.

"Really?" Masen asks, perking up.

"You can have both last names, honey," I tell him. "It's actually very popular now for people to have two last names."

The smile that blooms on his face is nearly blinding. "Cool!"

~WTIAA~

Before he leaves, Edward agrees to watch Masen Wednesday night. When I tell him I have a date, he makes a disgruntled little noise but smile and agrees. After work Wednesday, Alice is at my house immediately, setting up Masen to be occupied in the living room while she plays Barbie Bella for the night. Admittedly, Alice know how to make me look better than I could ever accomplish, so I don't complain. She leaves my hair natural and just pins back the sides to keep it out of my face, and she just dresses up the makeup I already have on with a bit of eyeshadow and some lip gloss. When she shows me the outfit she's picked out, I nearly blanch at the black leather pencil skirt she's chosen, but she urges me to trust her.

When I put on the flowing, V-neck, long sleeve bodysuit and the black skirt, along with the pair of black pumps with the silver accent on the heel, I have to admit, she would never do me wrong. The leather skirt is just edgy enough to make me look young and fun, but it doesn't look too wild that it's not appropriate for an evening date to dinner and some unknown event. The V of the top is pretty plunging, though, so I can't wear a bra with it, which might be problematic, but Alice gives me some nipple petals and fashion tape, and any dilemma that might have emerged is quickly amended. I slip on a dangling necklace and some simple earrings to finish it off.

I'm just slipping into my heels when the doorbell rings, and by the sounds of Masen's shouts, it's Edward. When I get to the living room, I allow Masen to open the door, and Edward's there, looking way too good in a pair of dark wash jeans and a plain grey t-shirt with a blue bomber jacket. I shake thoughts of his good looks out of my head and greet him with a smile. I swear his eyes linger over me, but I'm interrupted by Alice bidding her farewell and wishing me a good night.

I gather my purse and overcoat from my bedroom before heading back out and giving the boys the rundown on the night. Edward assures me that he'll have Masen in bed no later than nine-thirty and no sweets after eight-thirty. There's left overs in the fridge to heat up, or he's more than welcome to take Masen out for dinner. I'm sure everyone in this house is sick of Christmas left overs.

I get a text from Garrett telling me that he's here, so I give Masen a kiss and a hug and a reminder to be good, and then I give Edward a kiss on the cheek and thank him. He reminds me that Masen is his son, too, and that I don't need to thank him for watching him. I smile and take the elevator down, spotting Garrett's sleek red car as soon as the doors open. It looks out of place in my modest apartment complex's parking lot, but I try not to let that bother me.

Garrett is standing outside the passenger side door, wearing dark jeans, a pair of brown boots, a white button up, and a leather jacket. He looks good, I admit, leaning against the car like that, the slight breeze in the night air mussing up his hair a bit. His smile is bright against the few days' worth of stubble on his jaw, which looks good on him, and his cheeks are a little pink from the chill in the air. He hugs me when I get to him and places a sweet kiss on my cheek.

"You look amazing," he says, even though my coat is closed over the majority of my outfit. The coat is pretty, though, something Alice gave me for Christmas.

"Thank you, so do you," I smile, lightly tracing the lapel of his shirt with my fingertips. He's warm where we're pressed together, and I can appreciate it in this cold weather. Having an attractive man pressed against me is not something I'm going to complain about.

He presses one more kiss against my now cold cheek before moving to open the door for me. Once we're both situated, he drives out of the parking lot, toward downtown. He told me we're going to dinner, but he never said where, and he purposely kept the second part of our evening a mystery.

Sitting in the warm interior of the car with Garrett, I can admit that I'm attracted to the man. He's funny and sweet and a good man. He's kind to me and down to earth for being such an accomplished author. He's everything I should be looking for in a man. But I can't help the unease of the fact that he's him. The knowledge that he doesn't make my stomach flip with just a glance at him, and he doesn't make my heart skip a beat at the sound of his laugh, and he doesn't have my head spinning with his scent makes continuing this…whatever it is, really difficult, and I don't want to lead him on any more than I already have. And with everything that had happened between Edward and I at Christmas, I'm more confused than ever.

So, with that thought, I sit back in the plush leather seats, smile kindly over at Garrett—because he's still an amazing person—and content myself with the knowledge that this is the last time I'll be seeing this man in this capacity.

* * *

 **Alright, we have some big things coming up next week, so make sure you tune in! I'm really excited for the next chapter, honestly. A lot of stuff will be addressed, so I hope you guys will really like it.**

 **Also, tomorrow is Independence Day here in the states, so to all who live here, Happy July 4th! I hope you guys have great days with whatever your traditions are or whatever your plans are. And to all those who don't celebrate, have a great Tuesday!**

 **Until Next time, lovelies!**


	19. Author's Note (Please Read Me)

Hey lovelies!

Long time, no see, huh?

I'm really sorry about that, honestly. It's been just a little over two months since I last updated, and it honestly feels even longer than that to me, which I'm not too proud of. I know updates were really regular in the past, and I was extremely chuffed with myself over that. I had such inspiration for this story, and I still know where I want it to go up until the conclusion.

However, I've been dealing with some personal stuff, lately. My grandmother, who I love dearly and I honestly don't know who I would be without her, had a really big health scare shortly before the Fourth of July, and it's been an ongoing thing, even until now. It's taken such an emotional toll on my whole family and me that I really haven't had much time to emotionally invest in this story. Plus, I worked full-time over the summer and I started a new term at school recently, and everything really has just piled up. I have every intention of finishing this story. Matter of fact, I've only got really one more scene to write for the next chapter before it gets posted up.

Which makes it really shitty when I get some not so nice comments that aren't even about the story, just about me as a person. And they're all anonymous, of course, so I can't reply back to them. So, I'm taking this opportunity to do it here.

 **Where are you?** (Not bad, obviously, but it was a guest review, so I figured I'd answer it here.)

I am currently dealing with the aforementioned things above. Not dead, not on hiatus, just taking some much needed and necessary time for myself because I'm human.

 **You seem to have forgotten about your loyal readers? Not very nice!**

I have not forgotten about any of you! I've actually really missed being active in this community. I haven't even been reading Twilight fanfic recently, so I've just honestly not been around. I've missed you all dearly, and I can't wait to get back into things. And as for the last part, I haven't done it on purpose, and I do this stuff for free in my very sparse spare time. I'm a full-time student that works more hours a week than she should in order to support herself since I also live on my own. I'm sorry if that comes across as me being not nice, but, honestly, I do this for fun, and comments about me not being nice don't make this fun.

 **It's really sad when a reader gets interested in a story and the author just quits like you seem to have done on this story. I just don't understand why you even bother to start a story than just quit writing. It's a real shame!**

I agree that it is really sad, since I've experienced it my fair share of times over the years, but I'm kind of offended that you've assumed that's what I'm doing. If you would log in and comment, I would have been able to tell you that privately, but since you haven't, I now have to put it in this long ass author's note. And basically asking why I bothered to start a story that I didn't intend on finishing is kind of rude. I think I've said from the beginning that I know exactly where this is heading, and it's true. I know exactly what steps need to be taken and how I'm going to get to the conclusion I see for my characters. Just because it's taken me a bit to actually get those ideas on not-so-paper doesn't mean I have no intention of finishing. I actually just sat down to finish the next chapter when I got the notification for this message, and it honestly just kind of brought me down.

 _ **Tl;dr: I haven't abandoned this story, and I have every intention of updating within the next (hopefully) week or so.**_

Thanks if you actually stuck around and read that whole thing. You really didn't need to, but I just needed a place to vent and get all my thoughts out. Bottom line, I'm still around, I'm working on writing, but ffn is not my job. I don't get paid for this. I'm not even a freaking English major, so it's not like this is practice. I literally just do it because I enjoy it and it's a little escape when I need it. But some things, like family emergencies, are hard to escape from. I didn't want the drags in my life dragging this story. Hope you all can understand that.

Long story, short: I'll be back soon, promise.

Until next time, lovelies!


	20. Brand New Day

**Holy shit, it's been a long fucking time, guys. I can go on and on apologizing for how long it's been, but honestly, my life kinda took a turn, and kept taking turns. And then school started kicking my ass. But I am back for another update, and hopefully I can get this story finished in a more timely manner. I'm super sorry for my long absence, but hopefully the content of the chapter will make up for it a little bit.**

 **Hope you all enjoy! xx**

* * *

 **CHAPTER NINETEEN**

 **BRAND NEW DAY**

 _And the sun shines down all on the ground_

 _Yeah and the grass is oh so green_

 _And my heart is still and I've got the will_

 _And I don't really feel so mean_

 _Here it comes, here it comes_

 _Here it comes right now_

 **-** _Van Morrison_

 **EPOV**

Wednesday night is a bit of a kick in the teeth. Even though the time with Masen is great, since I'm about to be extremely busy at the hospital, the thought of Bella out on a date with some successful author is bringing my mood down. Logically, I know she deserves to be treated great and truly appreciated by someone, but the fact that that someone isn't me is hard to stomach. Especially after whatever the fuck it was that happened between us during Christmas. I don't know why none of that came up during our discussion of what we're doing with Masen, but it's been eating at me for a while, now.

I push that feeling aside, though, and enjoy my night with my son. I take him out to eat at a local burger place and listen to him gush about the presents he got for Christmas. He thanks me a lot for the music books I got him with a promise of having him over more often to learn how to read and play them. While we're eating I get a call from my brother asking the next time I'm free. I let him know I'm working the next few days, but I'll be free Friday night. He's free and in town, so we arrange to meet at a bar and talk. I don't really know what he wants to talk about or if he just wants to catch up, but I put it in my phone so that I don't forget.

When we get back to Bella's apartment, Mase challenges me to a few rounds of Super Smash Bros. which he wins every time. The kid knows all sorts of moves with each of the characters, and I can never manage to figure out how to really control mine, even though I stick with Yoshi the entire time. Mase brags just enough about kicking my ass before he assures me that it's okay and I'll get better with more practice.

When we're done acting like maniacs over the video games, we sit and watch some TV. Mase watches this show on Nickelodeon that isn't absolute shit, and I actually laugh a few times as this kid maneuvers his way around a house full of sisters and seemingly no parental guidance. Mase curls himself into my side and watches the show aptly, occasionally giving me commentary about information that I wouldn't otherwise know, since I haven't watched this before.

The show cuts to commercial between episodes, and Mase is silent for a few moments before looking up at me. I tilt my head to look down at him and see the contemplative look on his face, like he's trying to figure out what to say. I wait patiently for him to collect it all and brace myself for whatever conversation is to come. Masen has a way of springing the most heavy conversations on me when I least expect it.

"Dad?" he eventually starts. My chest tightens a little at the name, proud to finally have earned the title. To finally hear it out of his mouth with such ease.

"Yeah, Mase?"

"Why aren't you and Mom together?"

See? Heavy conversations. Now, how to properly explain this to a six year old?

"Well, Mom and I were really young when we found out about you. And young people do some stupid things sometimes—a lot of the time, actually. I did a lot of stupid things and that's why I wasn't around the last six years and why your mom and I aren't together."

"But that was a long time ago. Why aren't you guys together now?"

"Your mom and I were really angry at each other for a long time. We're just getting things fixed and put back together now. Just because people have a baby together, doesn't mean they'll always be together, unfortunately."

"You don't love each other anymore?"

"I'll always love your mom, bud. And I'm pretty sure she'll always love me. We made you and we make really good friends. Sometimes people aren't meant to be together like Alice and Jasper or your grandparents or Grandpa Charlie and Sue."

"But you treat Mom like Jasper treats Alice and like Papa treats Gran and like Grandpa treats Sue."

 _Shit. He's noticed that. Bella and I really need to talk._

I sigh and chew on the inside of my cheeks before answering him. "It's complicated, Mase. But, no matter what happens with your mom and me, it will never affect you. I promise."

That seems to somewhat appease him for now, even though I can see the wheels still turning in his head. He nods and gives me a small smile before turning back to the TV.

}WTIAA{

Mase falls asleep sometime around nine that night. I was able to get him to brush his teeth and change into his pajamas about half an hour before, even though he claimed that he wasn't tired at all. But we sit down for an episode of How It's Made, and he's out before the end of the episode. I carry him to his bed and tuck him in with a kiss to his forehead and a long glance at him before I close his door.

I sit back on the couch to watch as the next episode starts up. I'm more or less just staring at the TV as I think about what needs to be said between Bella and me. I'm sick of tiptoeing around the kisses we've shared and the admission that we're still in love with each other with no action to do anything about it. I don't know if she's hesitant to talk about it because she's still wary because of what happened in the past, which I wouldn't blame her for. But, on the other hand, I've done a lot of growing in the last eight years, and especially the last several months with her and Masen. I've taken a lot of time to realize the mistakes I've made, even in the last few weeks.

I should have broken up with Tanya long before she decided to move out to Tacoma. I should have been straight with her from the beginning about not wanting to be in a serious relationship because of the baggage I've carried because of my past actions. I should have told Bella sooner about my continuing feelings for her. And even though I've always loved Bella, I've come to love her in a different way, seeing her as an adult with our son. She's the same as the teenager I knew in so many ways, but she's also what I've been looking for in a woman the last few years as I've realized I want to settle down within the next couple years. I can only hope that she can look past all the ways I've fucked up and allow us to start over. I need her and Masen in my life.

Just before the end of the episode, I hear her key in the door. I make the split second decision to have this conversation with her right now as opposed to putting it off any longer. I need answers, even if it's a no to trying to have a relationship. I just need some sort of definitive answer.

She smiles at me as she closes the door behind her. She looks just as good as she did when she was leaving earlier in the evening. Nothing on her is mussed, except for the slight ruddiness of her cheeks, indicating that she's had a glass or two of wine with dinner.

"Hey, Edward," she greets. "Is he asleep?"

"Yeah, he knocked out about half an hour ago," I confirm.

"Oh, good. He was okay?"

"Yes, he was great. As he always is," I affirm, pushing myself up off the couch to help her out of her coat. She smiles at me over her shoulder as she drops her purse and lets me push the material down her arms. I hang it on the coatrack by the door as she turns back around to face me.

"Good," she nods. "Thanks for watching him, Edward."

"Bella…" I warn lightly. I'm not sure how many times I'll have to reiterate that he's my son and he's my responsibility too before she can actually understand.

She sighs and nods once. "Right. I'm sorry. You're his dad. I'll get better at sharing the responsibility, I promise."

I smile softly down at her and place my hands on her shoulders. Bella pulls her bottom lip in between her teeth, her eyes impossibly round and inviting. My hands skim further up to cup her neck and caress my thumbs over the curve of her jaw.

"I think we need to talk, Bella," I whisper.

She nods her head minutely, releasing her lip and licking her tongue over it, making it shiny and slick. I want to press my own to them and feel how warm they are and taste the wine on them, but I refrain, because we really need to talk about what's happening between us before I rip my fucking hair out in frustration.

"Let me go change real quick. Then we can talk. I have some things I need to say to you."

}WTIAA{

Bella emerges from her room ten minutes later, finding me lounged back on the couch, waiting patiently for her. I thought I would be more nervous about having this conversation, because there's a very real possibility that this will end anything that we could have been in the future. But I'm calm now, ready for her to be next to me so I can tell her everything that I need to tell her, because I actually have a really good feeling about this. I just hope it doesn't turn around and bite me in the ass.

She's in a pair of black yoga pants and an old Forks High t-shirt with a familiar logo on the front.

"Is that my old practice shirt?" I ask, slightly amazed. I was convinced she had burned all my shit when I left to college.

She glances down at the logo on her chest and smiles wryly. "Yeah, I guess it is. Your clothes were about the only thing that fit me by the time I was twenty-five weeks."

Now that she's put it there, I can't get the image of a pregnant Bella walking around her house in my t-shirts out of my head. Her round belly, carrying our child, waddling around and looking perfectly sleepy. I'm hoping there's photos of that time in her life around somewhere that I can get ahold of at some point. Or that I can just get to experience it for myself in the future.

"Looks good on you."

She raises her eyebrows at me. "Don't try to butter me up before we have this oh-so-ominous talk." She smirks to show me she's joking. She comes over and curls herself up onto the couch, next to me, but far enough away that we're not touching aside from a skim of our knees.

"Was it working?"

She laughs and tilts her head to rest it against the back of the couch. "Maybe a little." She rubs her lips together and sobers. "But, seriously, what is it, Edward?"

I take a deep breath and reach out to grab one of her hands that rest in her lap. She lets me twine our fingers together and gently play with hers as I think up exactly what I'm going to say to her.

"What are we doing, Bella? We told each other we're still in love with each other, and it's like we've been ignoring that since we said it."

Her eyes meet mine and her grip tightens slightly around my fingers. "I don't know, Edward. I've been wondering the same thing."

"I want to be with you, Bella," I tell her point blank. I'm done skirting around the issue with her. It's caused too much strife between us in the past to continue this trend. "I want to take you out and do nice shit for you. I want to go out with you and Masen and not have to explain to people that we're not together. I just want you. And I know there's a bunch of shit from before that I know has been hard for us to work past, but we've already agreed to let it go. And I want to really let it go so we can have a chance to be together again. Really be together as two adults who know not to make the mistakes we made as stupid, irrational teenagers. Please, Bella."

There's a few moments hesitation before her lips quirk up slightly at the corners and she dips her head in a subtle nod. "I want that too, Edward. I hate what we've done to each other, but I want a do over. I want us to be good for our son and for each other."

I can't help the grin I feel starting to stretch across my face. There's a growing feeling of hope and excitement in my chest that I don't want to let get out of control, for fear of having it burn out, but at the same time, I like it too much to quell it so soon.

"So we're doing this?" I ask, trying to keep the excitement out of my voice.

Bella chuckles and lets herself smile fully. "We're doing this. We're doing it right, though. The dates, the wooing, the ass-kissing. All of it."

A chuckle bursts out of my chest. "We can do all that. I promise."

Bella giggles before pushing herself into my lap, wrapping her arms and legs around me and pressing her face into my neck. The smell of her invades my nose, bringing comfort and nostalgia with the flowery clean scent she's always had from the shampoo she's used since before I met her. It brings back memories of us pressed together like this when we were younger, appreciating each other's company and warmth. I wrap my arms around her and squeeze her to my chest.

"I've missed you," she whispers into my skin, raising goosebumps.

I smile against her shoulder and kiss into the t-shirt there. "I've missed you, too, Bells."

}WTIAA{

 **BPOV**

The following days are somewhat surreal for me. After Edward and I agree to actually try to make things work between us, he leaves, promising to see us again during his next day off and parting with a soft kiss. I get to bed that night and fall asleep more content than I have felt in a long time.

Thursday, Alice comes over in the morning to pick Masen up to watch him while I go to work. She asks me how my date went, but I brush her off, promising to tell her about it when I pick Mase up after I get off, and I think she can tell by the look on my face that things did not go the way she thought they would. I'm not sure if she's disappointed by that, but I haven't told her about what's been going on with Edward for fear that it would backfire before the two of us got a chance to talk. I'm not really sure how she's going to react to me telling her Edward and I are getting back together and I very kindly kicked Garrett to the curb midway through our date the night before.

At work, I cram as much stuff into my day as possible, having to catch up in order to get everything done from the days we were off for Christmas and the days we'll be getting off for New Years. The office is also holding a party this Saturday, which is New Year's Eve, that we're all attending. This means the office is closed on the following Monday to ensure that everything's clean and put back in order before we have clients in for meetings again in the new year.

Shelley comes by and asks how my work with Garrett is going, and I assure her that we're on track and we have a meeting to finalize everything the following week. She lets me know that they've invited clients to the New Year's Eve party this year, and to make sure the invite is extended to him especially, since he's one of our biggest clients. I smile and nod and make a note of it on my desk so I can send him an email when I get a chance.

I get out of the office by four and text Alice to let her know that I'm on my way over. She insists that I stay for dinner since Jasper wants some time with Masen, and I figure it's the perfect time to tell her about the development in my relationships.

When I get there, Masen is in the backyard with Jas, running around with toy guns and pretending to have a shootout with each other. I smile and shake my head at their shenanigans as I take my coat off and place it over the back of one of the chairs in the living room.

"Okay, time to spill," Alice insists, handing me a glass of white wine. I can smell something cooking in the kitchen, and it smells lovely, and my stomach growls at the hunger I've been disregarding all day.

I go to answer her when my cell phone dings in my purse. When I pull it out I see a message from Edward, asking me if I'm free Saturday night so that we can go out and enjoy the New Years festivities. I smile down at my screen, feeling giddy over the fact that he's asking me on a date. The first date jitters are happening all over again nearly ten years later.

"Ooh, is that sexy Garrett?" Alice asks as she takes a seat, wiggling her eyebrows at me.

I shake my head. "No, it's Edward."

"Oh," she says, somewhat disappointed. "Well, tell me about last night!"

I put my phone down on the arm of the couch, reminding myself to reply to Edward later, as I take a seat. I kick my heels off and tuck one of my legs under me as I get comfortable.

"I had a good time," I answer with a shrug. "You know Garrett's nice, but I'm done with him."

She raises her eyebrows. "Just like that?"

I nod and take a sip from my glass. "Just like that. I told you I wasn't really into him, Alice. He's a great guy and very handsome, but I just didn't feel anything with him."

"So you just let him take you on a date, and when it was over said, 'Hey, you know what? I'm not really seeing this going anywhere. Thanks but no thanks.'" Alice looks at me like I've grown several extra heads.

I scoff, offended. "No, of course not. I think he could tell I was feeling off midway through our date, so he asked me about it. I told him honestly what I thought of him but that I wasn't feeling any sort of romantic feelings toward him. He told me he understood and that he enjoyed my company, but he didn't want to push me into something I didn't want. Then we finished our dinner like friends and even went to grab hot chocolate afterward and talked. It was nice to just hang out with him, ya know? It's good to have another adult to talk to that's not you or Rose. We'll probably end up staying friends."

"Really?" she asks. "He let go of it that quickly? What did you say to him that made him so okay with it?"

I squint at her. "Alice, any decent guy will accept it when a woman tells him she doesn't want to continue dating. He's not an asshole or sixteen." That's not all there is to it, and I'm not really sure that right now is the best time to admit to her that we had a pretty extensive conversation about my relationship with Edward that Garrett helped me through, but that was another big part of it.

She lifts one hand in defense, showing that she hadn't meant harm by the question. "I know that, B. There just seems to be more to it that you're not saying."

 _Dammit. Sneaky Alice and her all-knowing intuition._

I shrug. "We had a chat about what's happening in our lives and decided we weren't in a place to be seeing each other."

It's Alice's turn to squint at me in suspicion. She's quiet as she looks at me, curious, and I can see her lick her top teeth as she contemplates. The wine glass in her hand swirls gently as she stays quiet, and I take a sip of my wine as casually as possible to try to ease some of the tension I'm feeling from being under such intense scrutiny.

Her lips pop open suddenly when she's apparently found what she's looking for. "You told him about Edward."

I roll my eyes. "Of course I told him about Edward, Alice. He's the father of my child. Why would I leave something like that out?" I'm reaching now, trying to play it off, but I know she's about to call me on it, so I don't know why I even bother.

"No, I mean, you _told him about Edward._ B, do you really think I'm so blind that I haven't seen the shift in your and E's relationship? I could cut the tension in the Black's home with a knife when I walked in there on Christmas. Something changed between you two. What happened?"

I chew on my bottom lip as I contemplate where to begin. Figuring I might as well start at the beginning, I sigh and just lay it out there. "We kinda confessed we still love each other on Christmas Eve after Victoria's big ass mouth let it out that Edward's Masen's dad. We were dancing and it just kinda came out."

Her eyebrows nearly jump all the way up her forehead when I tell her. "Holy shit, B. You guys just laid it out there like that? And I thought you didn't feel that way about him anymore? You've been denying it for months to Rose and me!"

I give her a deadpan look. "Of course I was going to deny it. I had no business being in love with him. And, honestly, I don't think I loved him when we first reunited. I had too much anger to love him. But it's kinda developed over the last few months. Seeing him with Masen has kinda crumbled my defenses."

Alice's expression softens as she nods. "He is a good daddy. And Masen's always so happy now. Not that he wasn't before, but having a father around seems to bring out more of him."

I nod. "I know. And we've been spending so much time together and getting to know each other all over again as the adults we are now as opposed to the memories of who we were as teenagers."

"So what's happening now?"

"It took us awhile, but we finally talked about it last night after I got back," I admit. I take another sip of my wine before continuing. "We agreed to give it a go, but we're starting over fresh. Dating and all that before we really commit. But we're gonna keep it quiet for awhile. No need involving Masen in case it turns out badly."

"I'm still not Edward's biggest fan," Alice starts and glares at me when I snort at her, "but I really think this is going to work with you two. I wholeheartedly believe that you would still be together if that whole blow up over your pregnancy never happened."

I shake my head. "I don't think so. We both had a lot of growing up to do. We were young and stupid and didn't know what real life was like. I think we needed a kick in the ass to really get us to where we're supposed to be. I think something else would have just come around and tore us down eventually; maybe something that would have been a lot worse than what happened."

Alice whistles lowly. "That's deep, B."

I chuckle and nudge her leg with my foot. "Shush. I'm trying to have a conversation with you." She mocks collecting herself with a hand in front of her face and then looks at me with a sobered expression. "But I really want this to work, and I'd love if I had your support throughout it all. I know you guys are civil with each other, and I don't know what was said between you two to get to this place, but I'd like if we kept it that way. I miss him, Alice. I miss him so fucking much."

She lightly kicks my foot with hers and offers me a warm smile. "I'll support you through anything, Bella, you know that. You're my sister. If you wanted to shave off all your hair and change your name to Terry, I'd support you. There's no conditions on my love, not even your ex-boyfriend and current baby daddy."

I snort out a laugh and move to wrap an arm around her shoulders. "Thanks, Al."

}WTIAA{

Before we sit down to dinner, I text Edward back telling him I've actually got a company party for New Year's Eve, but I'd love if he accompanied me to that. He agrees and suggests we get dinner beforehand to have some time just to ourselves. I agree and can't keep the smile off my face throughout dinner, happily listening to my son recount his day with Aunt Alice and his adventures in the backyard with Uncle Jasper.

When we get home, I send Mase off to his room to call Edward, who assured me as we were leaving Alice and Jasper's that he'd be able to take the call when we got home. So, I let Mase talk to his dad while I change into my pajamas and get ready for bed. I've got another long schedule ahead of me at work the following day and I'd like to get as much sleep as I can. Masen comes trotting into my room a few minutes later, phone held out to me, and I can see the call is still going.

"Daddy wants to talk to you," he tells me.

I nod and take the phone. "Alright. Go get into bed. I'll be in to say goodnight in a few minutes."

I press the phone to my ear as he walks out, rubbing at his eyes through his obvious exhaustion. It's only eight-thirty, but he played hard today and he was up pretty early.

"Hello?" I answer.

"Bella, hey," Edward says, his voice sort of gravelly over the phone. He clears his throat before continuing. "I was just wondering about Saturday. Do you have someone to watch Mase?"

"Yeah, my dad's coming to Seattle to spend the day with him and watch him for the night. He's taking him fishing the next morning, too."

"Alright, just making sure."

"So how did you manage to get New Year's Eve off?" I wonder. "Don't they usually leave the interns all the shitty days? You seem to be getting lucky with the holidays."

He laughs and I can hear some shuffling in the background. "I'm on orthopedics rotation right now, and they're not too bogged down during the holidays. They usually only have a few senior residents and an attending on call for this sort of stuff. Seeing as I'm neither of those, I get the night off."

"That's not gonna be the case next year."

He groans. "Don't remind me. I'm already not looking forward to it."

I hear Masen call for me and sigh. "Alright, I gotta go. Duty calls. Party starts at eight on Saturday."

"I made reservations at a restaurant for six-thirty. I'll pick you up."

"Sounds good, Cullen."

"Goodnight, Bella."

I smile into the phone. "Goodnight, Edward."

}WTIAA{

When I get in the office the next morning, I've got a response back from Garrett in my email, saying he'll definitely be at the party and he can't wait to meet Edward, signed off with a winking face and a promise to talk to me soon.

For all the trouble that agreeing to go on a few dates with Garrett seemed like at the time, considering he's a client, I'm really glad we've come out on the other side as friends and our work relationship hasn't been muddled or hindered. I can see Garrett as someone I stay close with, even if he isn't my client one day, and I think that's a good thing considering my wish to write and publish my own book one day. It's good to build connections in our line of work, and Garrett is one of the most well-known ones that I have at this point.

The day passes in a blur, which I'm thankful for, since my Fridays usually drag on forever and make me glance at the clock every five minutes, disappointment heavy when I realize it's _only_ been five minutes. No such thing happens today, though, and I drive to pick up Masen from Alice and Jasper's with a smile on my face.

Charlie calls when we get back to our apartment, making sure everything's good for him coming over the next day. I confirm that everything's in order and the pull out couch has his name written all over it. He grumbles a bit at that, always a little put out when he has to sleep on it, but I remind him it's that or Masen's teeny tiny twin size bed with the Spider-Man sheets. That usually shuts him up, considering Charlie's feet would hang of the end, and it's probably just as uncomfortable as the pull out couch. If I ever get a substantial raise, a new apartment with another bedroom is definitely in order.

"What do you want for dinner, Mase?" I ask from the kitchen, looking through the cabinets and hoping something will jump out at me. We finally ate the last of the Christmas left overs this morning when I made eggs and ham for breakfast, and I haven't gone shopping since before the holiday, so we're a little low on food.

"What do we have?" he asks back, his shaggy head poking up at me from over the back of the couch. He's in need of a haircut again. Maybe I'll mention that to Edward the next time I talk to him.

I sigh as I scan the shelves for a fifth time. "Not much, honestly. Mama needs to go shopping this weekend."

"Can we just order pizza?" he essentially begs, green eyes shining at me.

I squint at him. "No. You know full well Grandpa is gonna get you pizza tomorrow night. You can't have pizza two days in a row, kid."

He pouts his lips at me and his mouth opens on what I'm sure is going to be a complaint, but my phone ringing cuts him off. I shoot him a look that warns him to not even think about it as I go to answer it, seeing it's Edward.

"Hey," I greet, shaking the Mom tone from my voice.

"Hey, babe," he greets, the familiar but long-since-used term of endearment making butterflies kick up in my stomach. "You guys home?"

"Yeah, just trying to figure out what to do for dinner," I admit.

"Don't bother. I'll pick something up and go over. I wanna see Mase."

I'm a little surprised by his offer. "Do you not work tonight?"

"Had an earlier shift, and then I maxed out on my hours for the week," he explains. "Attending sent me home. What do you guys want?"

"Daddy's picking up dinner, what do you want?" I ask our son, who's eyes brighten—either at the mention of his father or the thought that he might actually get pizza two nights in a row. I'm not quite sure, but I nip the latter in the bud real quick. "You can't say pizza."

His expression doesn't drop, so he's really just excited to get to see Edward again. "Chinese?"

I shrug, okay with his suggestion. "Mase wants Chinese."

"Then Chinese he will get," Edward responds, a smile evident on his face. "I'll be there in about half an hour. Anything he doesn't like?"

"Nah, he's not picky."

"And you still like the shrimp fried rice?"

I smile at his memory. "Yep, my order's still the same."

"Alright, I'll see you in a bit, Bells."

"See ya, Edward."

I hunker down with Masen on the couch after I change into more comfortable clothes, paying only half attention to the episode of Spongebob that's airing. It's a new episode, so I don't really get the humor anymore, but Mase seems to enjoy it, so I let it play. He'd probably have a mini-fit if I changed it to one of my shows—not that I really want him watching Law & Order or Grey's Anatomy at his age—so I leave it and go through my phone.

There's a quick check to my Facebook page, and seeing that there's no new notifications, I quickly get sucked into cute animal videos and a compilation of dogs being so adorable around babies. My ovaries ache a bit at all the cute little humans, seeing them giggle and flap their limbs about in joy at their animals. I've always wanted more kids, but I've never had the opportunity. Never have I wanted Masen to be an only child, since, as an only child, I know it sort of sucks growing up by yourself. Mase is still at an age where the absence of a sibling doesn't mean much to him, but I know he'd be a great big brother and he's obviously thought about it, considering questions he's asked me recently. I'd love to provide him with a little brother or sister, but I'm in no position to do that right now. Even with Edward and I back together, it's tentative and in no place to be bringing another child into it all.

Mase jumps up as soon as he hears Edward start to open the door, nearly knocking his dad over as he tries to get through the threshold. Edward laughs at his exuberance as I roll my eyes and get up to take the food from him so he doesn't accidentally drop anything. After I get everything onto the kitchen table safely and Edward's gotten Masen to go wash his hands, Edward joins me, arm wrapping around my waist.

He drops a quick, chaste kiss to my lips in greeting. "Missed you," he hums, moving his mouth to my forehead for a kiss there. We're apart by the time Masen comes back in the room, moving about the kitchen to get what we need for dinner.

Sitting down with my two boys and enjoying dinner together, Mase telling Edward all about his days since they've last seen each other and laughter filling my kitchen, makes it feel like we're actually a cohesive family. It's a feeling I bask in while I can, simply enjoying how good it is to be in this position after several long years of tension and heartache. I know we're no where close to the end of our journey, but it definitely feels like we're heading in the right direction.

}WTIAA{

Charlie arrives the next day just as I'm finishing up lunch. I went grocery shopping first thing in the morning, dragging Masen along with me, so that I'd have stuff to sustain me through the last of the holiday season and I wouldn't have to go out again until the following week, hopefully.

After he let Masen down from his arms, Charlie comes over to where I'm stirring together our lunch on the stove, hooking an arm around my shoulders to pull me into him.

"How're you doing, Bells?" he asks, peering into the pot. "Ham and gravy?"

I nod. "Yeah, it's become Mase's favorite now that it's gotten colder. And I'm good, Dad. Getting through the holidays."

"Speaking of holidays, I got a call from Esme Cullen the other day…"

By the trail of his sentence, I can already tell where this is going. I'm sure Esme saw what Edward and I were getting up to on Christmas Eve. We weren't exactly secretive about it while we were in the middle of the Cullen's living room surrounded by their close friends and family. We'd only been cautious at the end of the night when we were sure people were watching us closely. I wouldn't be surprised if everyone in the room saw what Edward and I were doing, but leave it to Esme to call up my father to gossip. I love the woman, but she's always so excited about everything that she opens her mouth to whoever will listen.

"Oh, yeah?" I ask, sparing him only a glance in order to stay casual. "What'd she say?"

"Told me she saw you and Edward…canoodling while you were dancing." His eyebrows raise on his forehead in a classic Dad look, like he's waiting for me to try to tell him he's wrong when he know full well that he's right. But I'm an adult, and I don't feel the same intimidation by this look that I used to feel when I was younger.

"Canoodling?" I question with a snicker, a bit tickled by his choice of word.

"Bells…" he warns, not actually upset but not wanting me to avoid his question, either.

"Edward and I kissed," I admit, keeping my voice low, since I can hear Masen rustling around in his room, but I don't know when he'll decide to come darting back out into the living area. "We've decided to start dating again."

"Isabella."

Ooh, haven't been full-named in a while.

"Charles."

"Is that such a good idea?" he questions, the fight I heard before no longer in his tone. There's just genuine concern, now, and I react better to that. "I admit, he's definitely stepped up as Masen's father, but is getting involved again a smart decision?"

"Just as Edward's stepped up in being a father, he's also become a _man,_ " I tell him, turning off the burner on the stove. "I don't really look at him and see nineteen year old Edward, anymore. I see the soon-to-be physician who loves his son more than I've ever seen him love anyone, and who has finally taken responsibility for his part of what happened. I see a man who was able to forgive me for keeping his son from him and his family and who has done everything I've asked of him to get back in my good graces."

"You love him, still," Charlie realizes. There's a look of acceptance on his face, mixed with just a hint of his previous apprehension.

"I love him again," I correct with a small nod. "I'm not sure I loved him anymore when we first reconnected because of how darkened our past was, but I've definitely found the person I fell in love with again. And I love him more for his growth and change."

"Are you telling Masen, yet?" And I know by not throwing a fit, it means that Charlie's accepted this and he's ready to move on without more talk about how in love I am with Edward. Which is more than okay with me. No matter how old I get, I never want to go into too much detail with my dad about my love life.

"No, not yet. There's already so much change happening for him," I sigh. Charlie helps me pull down plates from the cabinet and starts ripping up slices of bread onto each of them. "Maybe once everything settles and we really figure out how this is all gonna work, then we'll tell him"

"Should I not expect you home tonight, then?"

I immediately understand what he's implying, and my nose scrunches and my brow furrows as I furiously shake my head. "Nope. Not going there. Not with you, Dad."

He gives me a deadpan look. "You had Masen as a teenager. I had to deal with the knowledge that my teenage daughter was having sex. Don't act like it's weird, now."

I cringe. "It's still weird. There should just be some unspoken rule that parents and children never discuss sex outside of the important sex talk. After that, it's off limits. I don't wanna know about your sex life, you don't wanna know about my sex life. Let's just leave it at that. Ignorance is bliss, as far as I'm concerned."

Charlie just chuckles as Masen comes back into the kitchen, eager for food and to spend the rest of the day with his grandfather.

}WTIAA{

"Wow, Mama," Masen gasps as I step out into the living room after I've finished getting ready. "You look so pretty."

I grin at him as I finish fastening my earrings onto my ears. "Thank you, baby."

"The kid's right, Bells," Charlie nods, looking at me over the back of the couch as I grab a black coat out of the hall closet. "You look good."

"Thanks, Dad." I lay my coat down over the back of the couch so I can smooth down the hem of my dress, making sure everything's in order. The pink garment is made of a suede-like material, and it's draped along my hips in a way that emphasizes but flatters the flare of my body. The neckline is a bit low-cut, but it's covered enough that it's appropriate for a work event where we're all going to be getting drunk together by the end of the night. The sheer black stockings held up by the garter belt underneath make it a touch sexier, but that's for me to know. And hopefully Edward to find out.

I'm just finishing fastening the buckle on my black sandal heels when there's a knock on the door. I know right away that it's Edward, and that makes these little butterflies go off in my stomach, just like I'm sixteen again. I have a flashback to the first time Edward came to pick me up for our first date, when I was only fourteen and having a good time having ice cream with the cutest boy in school in the middle of November. It was frigid, because it was nearing winter in Forks, but I wouldn't have had it any other way. The same giddy nervousness plagued me then, and it's a feeling that I revel in.

"Daddy!" Mase yells as he opens the door after I give him the okay. He launches himself at Edward's legs and wraps his skinny little arms around his waist. Edward reciprocates and rubs at Masen's back lovingly, that happiest grin on his face.

"Hey, bud," Edward greets. Masen gives him a spitfire recap about his day since they've last seen each other, which Edward nods along to attentively.

Meanwhile, I take a good long look at Edward in his nicely tailored, flattering suit. It's a charcoal grey color with a very thin, hardly noticeable black pinstripe to match the skinny black tie he wears along with it. The suit fits amazingly across his wide shoulders, and the way the pants stretch around his thighs has got to be illegal. I shift from foot to foot, trying to alleviate some of the throbbing I'm experiencing that I'm hoping no one else is noticing. I'm not usually one to jump at having sex on the first date, but I just might combust if I don't get anything from Edward tonight.

"Ready, Bells?" Edward asks, snapping me out of my Edward-induced lust haze. I blink and focus my eyes on him, and by the smirk that's adorned on his slightly-scruffy face, I can tell he knows exactly what just looking at him is doing to me. Bastard.

"Of course. Goodnight, Masen. Be good for Grandpa, and I'll see you in the morning."

"Goodnight, Mama. Goodnight, Daddy."

"Goodnight, kid," Edward says, ruffling his messy hair. "Time for a haircut. Maybe we'll go out tomorrow and get it done together again."

And I can't help but smile at how in sync Edward and I are again.

* * *

 **Let me know what you guys thought! Again, so sorry for letting it go this long between updates. Hopefully life's a little kinder on me in the future so I can actually get this story finished. I love you all, and thank you for all the support you've given me despite my absence.**

 **Until next time lovelies! xx**


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